Mah Dream Vacation ~ By, Me >_>

[sleepin_dude_99]

   My dream vacation would be a simple trip to Japan with my friends. Nothing much, really, we'd tour the sites, walk through the cities, among other things. But it's not the vacation that I'd want, it'd be the trip.

   It'd start out on a Thursday, simply because I could never get the hang of Thursdays. I had brought my towel with me, and The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy for any Earthen references that may be mentioned in the series. My friend Mark had brought his awesomely awesome Katana so that in the case that he found a blacksmith, he might be able to refurbish it. My other friend, Shane, is always whining about protection, so he decided to bring a shotgun loaded with bird shot. My third friend, Tyler, only brought his book by H.G. Lovecraft and a flamethrower that he'd made himself out of wood, which surprisingly never caught on fire.

   We'd board the Pushman Flying Train at Newark Airport, not too sure why Newark, but that's what the sign said, so deal with it. The Train would take off at 12:33 PM sharp, and we were waiting in the Airport.

"You know the Train is going to be skyjacked, you know it is! That's why I brought my shotgun. I loaded it with bird shot, but I wish I had something stronger, bird shot never works-" Shane said "WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINE! God, is that all you do? Seriously, who are you even talking to?" Tyler whined. "I WAS talking to you, but you INTERRUPTED ..." Shane yelled back. "Would you both SHUT UP? I am NOT dealing with this for, what, 20 hours? God, I can't remember how long the flight is to Osaka..." I said, annoyed.

Boom-boop

Passengers on Flight A96, your flight is now boarding.
Passengers on Flight A96, your flight is now boarding.
Thank you.

Boom-boop

"There's our flight, we better go." Mark said, almost emotionless. He'd been examining his katana since we'd gotten to the airport. He sheathed it, stood up, and walked over to the Take-Off lane... thingy. Tyler, Shane, and I followed.

Tyler was stopped going through the security (seeing as he was carrying his Flamethrower on his back) and he'd said it was a keepsake. Security, stupidly enough, let him pass.

Once boarded, we luckily got 2 seats each, two of us sitting together, the other two sitting across from us. I was sitting with Tyler, Mark was sitting with Shane. We were talking laughing, the usual. The intercom came on.

Welcome, passengers! Please fasten your seatbelts; we will be taking off shortly...

So, we did as told.

Passengers, we will be taking off in a few minutes, the doors will now be closed to any late passengers...
The doors closed, but it wasn't just a normal shutting, it was very eerie, the sliding was slow, it was creaky. I was scared slightly, strangely. Something like that doesn't scare me...

Maybe it's just because it's Thursday, you know that Thursday has always sucked for you... I told myself.

I shook the thought of anything eerie out of my head, and started skimming through the pages of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, looking for useful info about "primitive travel" or "Space-train food", assuming that Airplane Food was like Train Food, and assuming that both are like Space-train food.

Passengers, please turn off any electronic devices, for they may disrupt our mechanisms. We will be taking off momentarily...

I nudged Tyler in the arm "Isn't that the fourth or so time we've been told that we're going to take off?"

"Third, actually. Starting a plane shouldn't take this long." Tyler said. "Yeah..."

"They're plotting something, they have to be..." Tyler said quietly, skimming through his H.G. Lovecraft book. "What? Man, that book's getting to you, it really weird..." I said. "Nonsense, you just have to realize the beauty in Lovecraft's writing." "Than explain the 'beauty' in that naked corpse hanging from a rope." I said "Oh, shut up." He replied. "At least it's female..." "You never do shut up, do you?" I was laughing until the train took off.

   You've probably never felt the sensation of a flying train taking off. Well, neither have I, since this is all fake. Personally, I'd think it's sort of like a plane taking off, but with the smooth sensation of going up a roller coaster. You'd be anticipated, then comes the big drop, literally. On a flying train, you build up as much speed as possible on a short runway of tracks. The wings then spread out, and the engine faces down a little. The tracks lead up to a ramp, and from there, that's where the roller coaster sensation starts. Going up is slow, slow, oh, ever so slow. Then, the train darts downwards to build up speed, and then slides back upwards into a normal flight pattern, heading towards your destination. (See Exhibit A at end of story, page 6).

Passengers, please hold on a moment, the co-pilot wants to do a flip.

More than three-quarters of the girls screamed. The rest laughed. Most likely in thinking that the pilot was joking.

Well, the ones who were laughing are now complete idiots. The pilot was most certainly not joking. They did an entire 360 degree flip. This scattered things everywhere, including our stuff. We couldn't get up to get it; our seatbelts seemed stuck, along with everyone else's. The co-pilot walked out with a ski-mask on, and said...

"Well, well, well. What have we here? Seatbelts stuck, hmm? Well, we'll just be releasing the snakes on you."

He turned around, and pressed a secret button hidden in the roof of the train. A door opened, and snakes came pouring out.

   If you think about it scientifically, there is absolutely nothing scary about snakes. These snakes were Boa Constrictors, common, but deadly. They simply wrap around you until you suffocate and then swallow you whole. Not too bad, really. They're easy to fend off, that is, until they have a hold on you. A trick I learned in Albuquerque is that most any snake will freak out if the tip of its body is either in a lot of pain or simply chopped off. Being distracted, you can leave them to bleed to death, or you can kill them there.

   Shane managed to snap out of his seatbelt by applying so much pressure to it. He quickly got up and got our keepsakes, and distributed them accordingly. I knew immediately what to do. I ran to the tiny bathroom and wet my towel until completely soaked. I ran out to the main bay and started whipping snakes in the tail. Mark was a natural expert swordsman, easily chopping tails off with his sword. Shane was in his own little open season of a world, massacring everything in his path with a shotgun. Tyler, being clever for once, was simply stepping on the snake's ends, rather than setting the entire train on fire with his flamethrower.

   While whipping snakes with my towel, I noticed that they seemed to be weightlessly floating away after dieing.  I took a glimpse outside to my demise, and saw how far away we were from the Earth. If we had went any farther, we'd die of lack of oxygen. I wondered why we weren't floating away, where the other passengers were, and why the snakes only floated away after death. I quickly lost this thought when a snake started to wrap around my foot.

It's too far away! I'll never reach the tail from this distance! I said to myself.

"Mark! Kill this thing NOW."

Mark quietly dashed over and stabbed the snake in the tail. It slipped off my foot and floated away. "Too much Bleach for you, Mark." I said. He chuckled, and went back to desecrating these horrid slithering things of the dark. I then noticed something. The snakes weren't losing numbers. In fact, more of them seemed to be coming as we destroyed more.

   I looked out the window, we were sort of hovering over the Pacific Ocean, and I saw the outskirts of Japan near us.

"Tyler!" I called. "Yeah?" He responded. "Time to bring out your homemade flamethrower, we're going to Japan!" He seemed confused, but fire was always a good thing in his mind, so he listened and took out his piece-of-poo homemade flamethrower.

It was basically a box, spray deodorant, a small trigger to press the spray down, a lit match, and a handle. He pressed the trigger, and lit EVERYTHING on fire. "Quick! To the cockpit!" I yelled. My friends giggled like little schoolgirls. "Oh, shut up." I said. We ran to the cockpit and saw the pilot drunk on the floor.

"Hurrrr... Some'un git meee a glasssssssss of watah.... urgh..." He said, then passed out. "Anyone know how to pilot a train, specifically of the flying variant?" I asked. Everyone shook their heads. "Well, I just know it's inverted, and I hate inverted. Mark, get over here and try and pilot towards that strip of land, we'll be lucky to crash land near the Osaka Airport." I said. Mark simply nodded and sat down. He piloted to perfection towards Japan. We were in a flaming nosedive towards Osaka Airport.


CRASH!!!!





   The wreck of the train was horrible, parts everywhere, wings bent, the works of horrid flight destructions. We managed our way out, and we were being ogled at by Japanese and other tourists. "Uhhh... anyone know the number for a cab?"


   The rest of the week was great, we spent a day or two in Osaka, simply shopping and watching Japanese movies. We moved on to Tokyo, where I really wanted to be. All of the big businesses were there. We saw the Nintendo Limited building, and took a short tour. Me and Mark saw Shirigru Miyamoto, me being the only one who recognized him, everyone scoffed and never believed me. We toured around Tokyo for the rest of the week, had a truckload of souvenirs to bring home. DVD's of anime, plush dolls, clothing, even Mark got a new Katana, because according to a blacksmith from Japan, the sword was on its last leg before breaking. Surprisingly, the smith had a soft heart and made him another sword for free.


   On the last day, we were confused about how we were going to get home. Shane noticed an Ad on a big screen display in Tokyo for a Bullet Train that can travel across water without crashing, somehow. We had gone to the station, and paid for our tickets. "Hopefully, there'll be no Scorpions on an All Terrain Train" Tyler said. "SOAATT? How do you pronounce that?" I said. We laughed for a while, and no, there weren't any scorpions or snakes. But the ride home is a story for another time.