Super Smash bros. Rise of the Emissary

[DededeCloneChris]

It needs work.
More description, better spelling.
And just in general to be better than it is.
And don't try and pull a "Like you could do better" Out on me.
I have done better.
This isn't meant to be insulting your story completely.
All I am saying is work on it, make the reader feel like they're there watching it first-hand.

And eliminate the "It-a Toad, It's-a complicate" thing, is really annoying!

You mean the Mario speech?

Also, to the mod: Well can you give me tips on how to improve?
also since you have done "better" can I see a fiction of yours?

Not a fan-fiction, I don't write those.
But here's something  that I have on the Internet.
http://forums.projectfcd.com/index.php?topic=2049.0
There.

Wow....

my fic sucks compared to this....
can yopu give me any tips on how to improve?

ARE YOU NUTS? YOUR FAN FIC IS MORE AWESOME THAN THAT!

[Triforceman22]

It needs work.
More description, better spelling.
And just in general to be better than it is.
And don't try and pull a "Like you could do better" Out on me.
I have done better.
This isn't meant to be insulting your story completely.
All I am saying is work on it, make the reader feel like they're there watching it first-hand.

And eliminate the "It-a Toad, It's-a complicate" thing, is really annoying!

You mean the Mario speech?

Also, to the mod: Well can you give me tips on how to improve?
also since you have done "better" can I see a fiction of yours?

Not a fan-fiction, I don't write those.
But here's something  that I have on the Internet.
http://forums.projectfcd.com/index.php?topic=2049.0
There.

Wow....

my fic sucks compared to this....
can yopu give me any tips on how to improve?

ARE YOU NUTS? YOUR FAN FIC IS MORE AWESOME THAN THAT!

Thanks Chris. :)
Chapter 9 will be up tonight.

[Ridley]

It needs work.
More description, better spelling.
And just in general to be better than it is.
And don't try and pull a "Like you could do better" Out on me.
I have done better.
This isn't meant to be insulting your story completely.
All I am saying is work on it, make the reader feel like they're there watching it first-hand.

And eliminate the "It-a Toad, It's-a complicate" thing, is really annoying!

You mean the Mario speech?

Also, to the mod: Well can you give me tips on how to improve?
also since you have done "better" can I see a fiction of yours?

Not a fan-fiction, I don't write those.
But here's something  that I have on the Internet.
http://forums.projectfcd.com/index.php?topic=2049.0
There.

Wow....

my fic sucks compared to this....
can yopu give me any tips on how to improve?

ARE YOU NUTS? YOUR FAN FIC IS MORE AWESOME THAN THAT!

Thanks Chris. :)
Chapter 9 will be up tonight.

You know I think Sox was talking about yours

[Triforceman22]

It needs work.
More description, better spelling.
And just in general to be better than it is.
And don't try and pull a "Like you could do better" Out on me.
I have done better.
This isn't meant to be insulting your story completely.
All I am saying is work on it, make the reader feel like they're there watching it first-hand.

And eliminate the "It-a Toad, It's-a complicate" thing, is really annoying!

You mean the Mario speech?

Also, to the mod: Well can you give me tips on how to improve?
also since you have done "better" can I see a fiction of yours?

Not a fan-fiction, I don't write those.
But here's something  that I have on the Internet.
http://forums.projectfcd.com/index.php?topic=2049.0
There.

Wow....

my fic sucks compared to this....
can yopu give me any tips on how to improve?

ARE YOU NUTS? YOUR FAN FIC IS MORE AWESOME THAN THAT!

Thanks Chris. :)
Chapter 9 will be up tonight.

You know I think Sox was talking about yours

oops. :D

[Java]

Hey. You're fan fic was floated.

Congrats!  ;D

Now one of these days I need to read it.

[Triforceman22]

Hey. You're fan fic was floated.

Congrats!  ;D

Now one of these days I need to read it.

might want to do it now, because You won't want to be really behind... ;)

[Red]

It needs work.
More description, better spelling.
And just in general to be better than it is.
And don't try and pull a "Like you could do better" Out on me.
I have done better.
This isn't meant to be insulting your story completely.
All I am saying is work on it, make the reader feel like they're there watching it first-hand.

And eliminate the "It-a Toad, It's-a complicate" thing, is really annoying!

You mean the Mario speech?

Also, to the mod: Well can you give me tips on how to improve?
also since you have done "better" can I see a fiction of yours?

Not a fan-fiction, I don't write those.
But here's something  that I have on the Internet.
http://forums.projectfcd.com/index.php?topic=2049.0
There.

Wow....

my fic sucks compared to this....
can yopu give me any tips on how to improve?

ARE YOU NUTS? YOUR FAN FIC IS MORE AWESOME THAN THAT!

Thanks Chris. :)
Chapter 9 will be up tonight.

You know I think Sox was talking about yours

oops. :D

Triforceman22 I was talking about yours! It's the best fic ever! :)

[Flying Chickens]

It needs work.
More description, better spelling.
And just in general to be better than it is.
And don't try and pull a "Like you could do better" Out on me.
I have done better.
This isn't meant to be insulting your story completely.
All I am saying is work on it, make the reader feel like they're there watching it first-hand.

And eliminate the "It-a Toad, It's-a complicate" thing, is really annoying!

You mean the Mario speech?

Also, to the mod: Well can you give me tips on how to improve?
also since you have done "better" can I see a fiction of yours?

Not a fan-fiction, I don't write those.
But here's something  that I have on the Internet.
http://forums.projectfcd.com/index.php?topic=2049.0
There.

Wow....

my fic sucks compared to this....
can yopu give me any tips on how to improve?

ARE YOU NUTS? YOUR FAN FIC IS MORE AWESOME THAN THAT!

To each their own opinion.
I do agree that this fan-fiction does shine in some areas where mine does not. In actual truth, it is rather hard to compare the two. They are completely different tales.
And as for tips, try to put yourself right in the scene. Describe it through the eyes of one who is watching it happen. The sounds around you, the smoky scent of Mario's fireballs being unleashed.
That sort of thing.

[Triforceman22]

It needs work.
More description, better spelling.
And just in general to be better than it is.
And don't try and pull a "Like you could do better" Out on me.
I have done better.
This isn't meant to be insulting your story completely.
All I am saying is work on it, make the reader feel like they're there watching it first-hand.

And eliminate the "It-a Toad, It's-a complicate" thing, is really annoying!

You mean the Mario speech?

Also, to the mod: Well can you give me tips on how to improve?
also since you have done "better" can I see a fiction of yours?

Not a fan-fiction, I don't write those.
But here's something  that I have on the Internet.
http://forums.projectfcd.com/index.php?topic=2049.0
There.

Wow....

my fic sucks compared to this....
can yopu give me any tips on how to improve?

ARE YOU NUTS? YOUR FAN FIC IS MORE AWESOME THAN THAT!

To each their own opinion.
I do agree that this fan-fiction does shine in some areas where mine does not. In actual truth, it is rather hard to compare the two. They are completely different tales.
And as for tips, try to put yourself right in the scene. Describe it through the eyes of one who is watching it happen. The sounds around you, the smoky scent of Mario's fireballs being unleashed.
That sort of thing.

oh...

okay, sounds pretty good.... :)
Thanks for the tips!

[Flying Chickens]

It needs work.
More description, better spelling.
And just in general to be better than it is.
And don't try and pull a "Like you could do better" Out on me.
I have done better.
This isn't meant to be insulting your story completely.
All I am saying is work on it, make the reader feel like they're there watching it first-hand.

And eliminate the "It-a Toad, It's-a complicate" thing, is really annoying!

You mean the Mario speech?

Also, to the mod: Well can you give me tips on how to improve?
also since you have done "better" can I see a fiction of yours?

Not a fan-fiction, I don't write those.
But here's something  that I have on the Internet.
http://forums.projectfcd.com/index.php?topic=2049.0
There.

Wow....

my fic sucks compared to this....
can yopu give me any tips on how to improve?

ARE YOU NUTS? YOUR FAN FIC IS MORE AWESOME THAN THAT!

To each their own opinion.
I do agree that this fan-fiction does shine in some areas where mine does not. In actual truth, it is rather hard to compare the two. They are completely different tales.
And as for tips, try to put yourself right in the scene. Describe it through the eyes of one who is watching it happen. The sounds around you, the smoky scent of Mario's fireballs being unleashed.
That sort of thing.

oh...

okay, sounds pretty good.... :)
Thanks for the tips!

Always happy to help a fellow writer.

[Triforceman22]

Okay, so here is chapter 9.

Enjoy! :)

Chapter 9, Plot

*****************************************************************************

In the main room of the Halbred, The Green robed creature sat on his throne. He was in deep thought, as if he was trying to solve a hard calculus question.

The main room was quite large. There was a blood red carpet located in the middle of the floor.
You could hear the noise of the jets, bellowing, as it kept the ship in the air. It was quite irritating.

The creature finally lifted his masked face.
"Will all on-board Primid meet in the throne room immediatley." He said.
In mere seconds, thousands of Primids came rushing into the throne room.

As they stood in single file lines, they waited for thier master to speak.

"As you all know, the time for the subspace army to rule the universe, has come!" He yelled.
The primids started to cheer with joy.

"I have found a way to make our dreams, come true!" The creatured bellowed, "after my last defeat, I started to think about bigger, and better things.... That was when I heard about the orb of light." The primids were all very intrested in thier master's tale.

"The orb of lightis a magic item created by Palutena herself, it can make anyone's wishes come true. It is located in the core of this planet. And the only way to get into the planet's core is through a worm hole located in the Lylat district. Once we get there, we can't just grab it and leave. We need what is called, "the gems of Chaos." He continued.

"The only problem is... That these gems of chaos, are located in another dimension." He said.
"But not to worry! If we can perform a transporting spell, we might be able to get them in this world."

The primids started to cheer again.

"But we need to be near a strong power source to pull this off. In other words, we need to be close to the orb of light to do this." He told.
"Now Lylat is known for it's powerful defences, but they are no match for our subspace bombs!" He said triumphantly.

"Now, TO LYLAT!!!!!!!!" He yelled.

*****************************************************************************

Poke' district borders

"Were almost out of the district... Red told his companions.
The grassy plains of the Poke' district seemed endless.
"We should reach the Lylat district in about a month..." Mario said.
"A MONTH?!" Red yelled.

"Yes, we still need to get past three more districts until we reach Lylat..." Mario said.
"Pika!" yelled Pikachu.
"Yeah, I guess your right," Red replied.

"We should be entering Altea's district in about a week." Mario informed.
"good, we should be on our way then..." Red said.

After about a minute of walking, Mario heard a high pitched noise.
Mario's eyes widened.
"STAY BACK!!!" He yelled.

In a flash, a figure appeared before them.
"You dare tresspass into my land?!" the figure said, as he grabbed the hilt of his blade, and pulled it out of his sheathe.

Mario took his fighting stance, as did the figure. Red had a sick look on his face.
"Pika!" Yelled Pikachu, as he tried to help Red up to his feet.

"Prepare yourself Fools!" yelled the figure as he lunged at Mario.

*****************************************************************************
Unknown mountain region

Link set up camp for the night. It was a clear night with the stars shining brightly, but the main source of light was coming from the full-moon.

with Epona fast asleep, Link dimmed the light on his lantern, and was ready to fall asleep.
Until he heard rustling in the nearby bushes. Lnik eyed the bush, and grabbed the master sword's hilt.

In one quick action, Link jumped up, and slashed at the bush. Link saw a squirell run away in the distance. Link sighed, as he sheathed his sword, and walked back to his sleeping spot.
Then, out of nowhere, a person jumped out of a nearby tree, drew his blade, and leaped towards an unexpecting Link.

TO BE CONTINUED....

***********************************************************************************

I hope you all like cliffhangers. :D
Now there are two of them! :P
well I hope you enjoyed it! :)

[Ridley]

Solve the cliff hangers soon please

[Triforceman22]

Solve the cliff hangers soon please

They will be solved next chapter,
but how do you like it? :)

[Ridley]

Solve the cliff hangers soon please

They will be solved next chapter,
but how do you like it? :)

It is the best fanfic I ever read

[Red]

Solve the cliff hangers soon please

They will be solved next chapter,
but how do you like it? :)

Reader's tip: cliffhangers = great fic= suspence and action. ;)