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The League of Possibly Extraordinary Not-so-Gentlemanly Figures

Started by Merlin, September 27, 2007, 06:52:57 PM

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Merlin

Welcome to my comedy fan fic.  I wrote this several years ago, if I can, I'll add on to it.  For the most part, it's a complete job.  Although I never finished it.

The League of Possibly Extraordinary Not-so-Gentlemanly Figures who Wish this Title was Shorter.
-A comedy work of fiction by Merlin, alias Merlinmagic2, alias The Assassin, alias Shadow, alias Luke, alias Pwn, alias President of the Anti-Phantom club.-


-Chapter One: Sticks and Stones

Merlin (narrator): Welcome one, Welcome all to the League of Possibly Ext- The League, as I shall call it. We now enter the Castle of Bowser, who is having an ordinary day, when something Possibly Extraordinary happens.

Bowser: *walks around castle* What an ordinary day! *belches*

Merlin: That wasn't very Gentlemanly.

Bowser: What? Who said that????!? *looks at ceiling*

Merlin: I'm the narrator. Just go on with the story. You know.

Bowser: Ah, yes. *continues to walk around castle, yelling at Koopas*

Koopa: *muttering behind Bowser's back* Fatso.

Bowser: I HEARD THAT YOU LITTLE-

*View cuts to outside of castle, where a Koopa is kicked off the top balcony and lands with a crash* *a few seconds later, Bowser is patrolling the dungeon again*

Merlin: Haha. Loser.

Kammy Koopa: *runs up, panting* Your! Supreme! Ugliness!

Bowser: Yes? And thank you for the compliment.

Kammy: O_o. We have found *pant* Peach!

Bowser: Yes, I'm sure and Mario and Wimpluigi are right with her, watching her like a dog. Thing. Yes.

Kammy: No, Lord Ginormous, she's alone!

Bowser: Are Pulling my tail?

Kammy: No, He-Must-Not-Be-Made-Fun-Of!!! Completely alone!!!

Bowser: Well, that's unexpected. I'm quite used to her being with them. I frankly don't know what to do!

Kammy: Well, You should probably KIDNAP HER!

Bowser: Nah. I think I'll discuss Peace negotiations with her.

Kammy: WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Bowser: Violence is no solution.

Kammy: YOU IDIOT!!!!! STUPID!!!!! DIM-WITTED!!!!! THICK GIANT KOOPA!!!!!

Bowser: Sticks and stones may-

Kammy: RAWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRR!

Bowser: I'll be going now. Erm... Tidy up a bit, will you? *skips out front gate*


Chapter two is: The Narrator is a Wizard?


Official High Chancellor of the Anti-Phantom Club: Kicking Phantom's shins and taking names since a few days ago.

Merlin

Chapter Two: The Narrator is a Wizard?

Merlin: Yes, I am. If you haven't noticed, *points to name tag* my name is Merlin. Now to the story. *Official announcer voice* Last time, we left the newly peace-loving Bowser, and we shall now follow Kammy.

Kammy: *offstage* Is that my cue?

Merlin: *slams head on desk* *sigh* Yes, Kammy.

Kammy: *waddles on stage and stuffs script in pocket*

Merlin: I cast my evil curse of CAPS LOCK upon you! *a flash of light envelopes the stage, then fades*
Kammy: wh-AT?? OH DEAR!

Merlin: *ahem* Lines? Script?

Kammy: OH YEAH. (actual thing starts now) THAT STUPID KOOPA!!! HE CAN'T JUST RUN OUT ON US LIKE THIS!!!!! *a Koopa runs in*

Koopa: Ma’am! We have received reports that Bowser is forming an alliance between us and The Mushroom Kingdom!

Kammy: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!? CALL WARIO, WALUIGI, D.K., KING GOOMBA, AND ANYONE ELSE YOU CAN THINK OF!!!! EMERGENCY MEETING!!! WE MUST RISE UP AGAINST BOWSER!!

Koopa: Yes'm. Oh, and to cure that curse, just have a spoonful of Extra-strength hot sauce takes it right away! *runs away, sn_ggering*  [[AUTHORS NOTE: I haven't the slightest idea what state of mind I was in when I wrote that; regardless, it isn't funny.  Nor are the next two lines.  If you laugh at them, you are probably retarded.]]

Kammy: *pulls out bottle of hot sauce* GOOD THING I TAKE THIS WITH ME EVERYWHERE!!! BUT I DON’T HAVE A SPOON! I GUESS I'LL JUST DRINK IT ALL! *CHUGS HOT SAUCE* YEEOOOOOOOOUCH!!

Merlin: Nice one, Koops! Ok, Kammy youâ're done. * flash of light again*

Kammy: Oh. Ok. That's nice. Back to story. *climbs up to the tallest tower and looks around*

Bowser: *comes skipping back to gate* Oh Kammy! Let me in! I brought you flowers!!

Kammy: *to Koopa* Execute Order 66. [/Star Wars]

Koopa: Yes'm *drops Drawbridge on Bowsers head, squishing him* All Bowser's are eliminated. The republic is ours.

Kammy: O_o You mean the Koopa Kingdom.

Koopa: *ignites red lightsaber* I don't think so, Rebel Scum.

*view zooms out, and another Koopa, this one holding a red lightsaber flies off the top balcony*[Ok, this time I'm really done.]

Kammy: *looks at new Koopa* Okay you are my new apprentice I shall call you... Darth Koopster. [Okay, I lied]

Darth Koopster: Yes, My Lord.

Kammy: Now Follow me, our guests have arrived.

Merlin: *Meanwhile, a hand reaches out from under the drawbridge.*

Merlin: That's the end! Tune in next time for The League assembles.


Official High Chancellor of the Anti-Phantom Club: Kicking Phantom's shins and taking names since a few days ago.

Merlin

Chapter 3: The League Assembles a.k.a. The Troop Congregates a.k.a. You Get the Picture

Merlin: I Dunno If any of you are still reading this so bye *walks off*

Director: Now what are we supposed to do? Get back here! Of Course They're reading it!

Merlin: Oh, alright. *comes back*

Director: Now do the official opening.

Merlin: Okay! Now, welcome everyone to our third installment, in which some people come, some people go, and others just ummm.. stay. So here we go, take it away Darth Koopster.

Darth Koopster: Yes, My Lord.

Kammy: THAT'S ME!

Darth Koopster: Of course, my lord.

Kammy: That's getting annoying.

Darth Koopster: Sorry, My lord.

Kammy: ... Come, our guests are waiting.

*They enter a large room, where a group of evil Possibly-Extraordinary villains are fighting about who's the evilest*

Wario: I be the most evil!

Donkey Kong: Oog! Oog! *pounds chest*

Waluigi: I am more evil than the rest of thou simpletons combined!

King Boo: Bwa! I am more evil zan all of joo!

Darth Vader: No, it is I am who am evil.

The other ones: What are you doing here???

Darth Vader: There was a call for evil super villains, so I came. Brought the gang too *jerks thumb over shoulder* *Behind him Are Jango Fett, Boba Fett, Emporer Palpatine, and other various baddies*

Waluigi: Aren't all of you fellows deceased?

Darth Vader: Crap, we've been found out! *they all run away and everyone stares after them*

*Meanwhile, a large figure speaks from the darkness*

Figure: I have answered your call.

Wario: Who be you?

*the figure steps out from the darkness, and the gathered villains see that he is wearing a crown and cape* King Goomba: I am The Almighty Jeff! King of Goombas *hops around* FEAR ME!!! *continues to hop and yell*

Kammy: *shakes head* Why me?? Why??

*soon or later, after a few death threats by Darth Koopster, everyone had settled down, except for King Goomba*

King Goomba: *hops* Fear me!!!! etc...

Kammy: Wario, if you would...

Wario: It be done. *jumps on King Goomba and two coins pop out*

DK: OOG! UGH! *thumps chest*

Waluigi: I believe our Primate friend said "A Goomba bank!"

*everyone starts Jumping on the Goomba King except for Darth Koopster and Kammy*

Darth Koopster: EVERYONE SIT DOWN THIS INSTANT!!!

DK: OOG! *runs over and crushes him*

*Kammy turns them all into dolls with her magic wand and arranges them so they are sat down, at which point she turns them back into real video game characters (there’s an oxymoron)*

Merlin: Ok, times up.

Kammy: WHAT????? I WAS JUST ABOUT TO GET STARTED!!

Merlin: Alright, five minutes.

Kammy; *thinks about what to say for four minutes and fifty-eight seconds, exactly* Okay He-

Merlin: Times up! That's all, folks. Tune in next time to hear Kammy's Secret Plan to destroy Bowser and Peach.

*the hand under the drawbridge stops moving*

*Wario walks in* The,the,the,the,the, That's all Folks!


Official High Chancellor of the Anti-Phantom Club: Kicking Phantom's shins and taking names since a few days ago.

Merlin

Chapter Four: Betrayal To Our Cause!

Merlin: Welcome to the next installment in our wonderful group of wonderful stories that are wonderful. Yes, these stories fill us with wonder. Wonder of why people are so idiotic. Maybe we will never know. Here's the next installment, in which the narrator takes a bigger part. Hey! That's me!!!

Kammy: Good for you. *Is still mad at me for cutting her short*

Merlin: Thank you. Now'd I'd hurry up or something bad may happen to you *cough*CAPSLOCK*cough*

Kammy: *hurries to say lines* Now, as I was saying last episode-

Wario: We have episodes?

Waluigi: Yes, we are all part of a wild comedy Fan Fiction written by some loser on the Nintendo Insider Forums.

Merlin: Hey! I am not a loser *cries and sucks thumb* Meanie! *Pouts*

DK: OOG!!!!

Kammy: Yes now, if I may continue...

Waluigi: By all means, go ahead.

Kammy: Thank you.

Waluigi: Indubidubly.

Kammy: No really, I can't thank you enough.

Waluigi: Thank me not.  All I ask in return as that you continue with your plan.

Kammy: That's quite reasonable, thank you.

Waluigi: You're quite welcome.

Kammy: Thank you for saying your welcome for saying thank you!

Merlin: I will literally kill you both if you don't get on with it.  Your twisted bodies will haunt the dreams of all assembled to read and all fictional characters assembled to act.  The story of your deaths will become a legend, passed through the generations, used to scare children into obeying your parents.  "Listen, or Merlin will get you.  Like he did Kammy and Waluigi."

Kammy: ...kay.  Now, as I was saying, we have defeated Bowser by crushing him. Now, all that's left are Mario, Luigi, and Peach.

Wario: *falls asleep*

DK: *stuffs a banana in each of his ears* *smiles stupidly* Ogoo!

Kammy: *doesn't know about either and continues* Now, here the most vital part. You must now listen, for if you fail to hear this part our entire mission can fail. *Looks around* Ok, you are all paying attention. Here is the vital part...

*A semi drives in front of them, honking, and blocking all noise from reaching the ears-no, eyes- of you readers*

Waluigi: Ingenious! I say Kammy; you are quite the evil persona.

Kammy: Oh, THANK YOU WALUIGI. HEY!!!!! MERLIN!!!!!

Merlin: I'm sorry, you were boring me to death. And your plan stinks. I think I'm gonna go tell Mario the whole thing. *walks off*

Waluigi: This is a blatant betrayal to our cause, you fiend.

Merlin: *yells over shoulder* I'm neutral. Not on your side. Sorry.

Kammy: HEY GET BACK HERE!!!!!

Wario: *snores*

Waluigi: Don't worry, Kammy dear, he's bluffing.

Kammy: YOU THINK?

Waluigi: Absolutely.

DK: Y0 uber d00ds, can we like, continue 0n with our uber meeting? Yo.

Kammy and Waluigi: *at once* YOU CAN TALK?!?!?!?!

DK: Like, duh, I tricked joo N00bs old school style. Fo0lz.

King Boo: *appears* Bwa! 'Joo' is my vord from ze old country! 'Ow Dare joo uze it joo peasant. *slaps him*

DK: You n00b! I’ll use my uber HALO 2 G-m0d of uber pwnage on your wimpy n00b rears. n00bs. *pulls out plasma grenade and sticks it on Kammy, then dives behind a chair*

Kammy: *reaches down and presses off button on the grenade* PATHETIC!

DK: You uber n00b. you have defeated my pwnage. *runs away screaming* MASTER CHIEF MASTER CHIEF SAVE ME!!!!! I HAVE CAUGHT THE CAPS LOCK!!!!!

Merlin: *walks back in* SPOILERS MASTER CHIEF DIES, OLOL.   Hehehe Got him. Mario was very interested to hear that.

Waluigi: We know you bluffed. Nice try.

Wario: *snores*

*The view changes to Peach's castle*

Mario: So-a there plan-a is-

*a cow walks in front of the camera, and moos loudly*

Luigi: Wow! That's a pathetic Plan. LIKE ME!! *runs around yelling about how pathetic he is*

Peach: Uhhh...Luigi. Why don't you go take that old "vacuum cleaner" you have and go "suck" some "ghosts" up.

Luigi: Ghosts!! *runs outside screaming and runs off the top balcony* AIEEEEEEEE! THE CAPS LOCK CUR- *slam*

Merlin: Mwahaha. I strike again.

*Jaws music begins playing in the background.*

Mario: So-a we are-a pre-a-pared-a.

Peach: Yes!

Merlin: Okay. The end. Chop chop. Bye. Leave now. Don't forget to reply.

Wario: *wakes up* What'd I miss?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Official High Chancellor of the Anti-Phantom Club: Kicking Phantom's shins and taking names since a few days ago.