You wake up after... something. To be honest, you don't seem to remember anything about your past, all you remember is something about tacos. You appear to be in a padded room, with an outline of a door, although there seems too be no way to open it from this side. There is a man with a notepad writing what you assume has absolutely nothing to do with your past.
What do ye do?
Strangle myself.
You attempt to move your arms, but you realized you have your arms closed up in bandages. Oh well.
What do you do now?
Ask the man what's going on?
You ask the man what is happening. "It's the government" he exclaims, "The government is going to take over! THEY WILL LET THE ALIENS LIIIIIIIIIIVE!"
You take a look at what the man is writing. He tells you that he is writing how 9/11 is done by the government, and how aliens will rule the world.
You want to strangle him, but you remembered that you can't, so you might need a different approach.
What nao?
Suffocate to death.
You suffocate yourself with your own bandages, but the man gives you CPR shortly afterwards. Shit.
You look for an exit.
You turn around to notice a large wall heading outside. You figure they didn't expect you to turn around. You walk outside to a busy highway, with a single tree at the side.
Kick yourself in the face.
You can't reach, and decide not to listen to JNFS's stupid ideas for once
Run into the tree face-first.
You decide to kick JNFS in the balls instead.
I have balls of steel!
Ok, fine. Investigate the tree.
The tree isn't a tree as much as it is a bunch of branches taped together with Scottish tape. One of the branches turns out to be a giant, brown key.
Pick up the key. Using your mouth instead of your bandaged hands
You try to yank it from the somewhat-tree, but it's stuck. Whoever taped it is a good tape... person. You notice another opening in the building you were just in.
Go through that new opening in the building.
You appear to be in an office of sorts, with a couch that looks stained, At the counter in front of you, a woman is on her computer. Another woman behind the counter (Let's call her Woman B) is just standing there, staring at the wall.
What nao?
Ask Woman A what the hell is going on up in this ninny.
Rap woman B.
The Woman tells you that you are in a dream, and will wake up shortly.
Well, that means you have a few hours of nothingness to do before you wake up. She gives you a knife so you can have your intercourse ed up fantasies while you're dreaming.
Quote from: JNFS2014 on August 02, 2009, 09:58:02 AM
Rap woman B.
You engage in a rap battle with Woman B, and win. It helped that she didn't talk... or blink, for that matter.
Cut your self out of the bandages with you mouth, kill woman A and take whatever she has as loot for killing her.
After cutting off the bandages, you engage battle with Woman A and win.
YOU GAIN 1 EXPERIENCE POINT
Lvl 1 Tech: Cannibalism!
You use your new tech on Woman A, and you gain some health you lost when you tried to suffocate. You find 50 bucks in her pocket. Woman B runs off into a door with a giant lock, still staring forward.
Use the key to open the door.
What key?
Use the knife to cut down the key that was taped to the tree. Use key on door.
The Key gets stuck in the lock. Shit.
What the intercourse are we supposed to do NOW?
Kill Woman B and defecate on her corpse.
After gaining one more exp. point, you notice a rawkit Launchur. You pick it up.
Use it to blow up the door.
This is a Pay-As-You-Go Rawkit Launchur, which requires 10 bucks per use. you slip a 10 in the slot on the side, and blow up the door, as well as the rest of the wall.
Inside, Woman B seems to have disappeared, likely while you were poopting on the corpse of Woman A. There is 3 doors, each with a lock, except for the middle one. You would blow the doors up, but the room is so small, it would kill you in the process.
You COULD walk to the other room and blow them up, but you can't.
...YOU JUST FUCKING CAN'T, OKAY!?
Lick to locked doors then go through the unlocked one.
Sorry, I'm being a lazy intercourse . Wait until tomorrow where MAYBE my procrastination will stop intercourse ing around with me
You go through the unlocked door to see a fatass on a computer. The shirt he is wearing seems to be a four leaf clover of sorts. He is fapping vigorously to Loli Hentai. You REALLY want to stab him, but he mmight have some useful info.
Jerks