Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Team Rainbow!

[Kat95]

Yeah yeah I started this a long time ago and I decided to continue it well heres the first Chapter.
(I tried to improve it a little)


Chapter 1:

The sun rose above Pokemon Square and the Eevee shaped rescue
team base,belonging to Team Rainbow.

Inside a young Eevee stirred in her bed of hay,clutching
a purple velvet bad tightly with her paws.

"HEY ROSE,ARE YOU UP YET?!" a voice shouted from outside.

"IM UP IM UP DONT SHOUT!!!" the Eevee,Rose,stumbled to get up.

Rose opened up the little purple velvet bag and pulled out a graveler rock.
She had an evil smirk on her face payback... she thought and lobbed the rock
outside.

"OWWW!!!" Rose heard someone shout from outside.

"I wonder...did I hit Kiki?" Rose pondered that for a second then ran outside.

Outside she saw a Meowth unconsious on the ground surounded by a Skitty,Kiki,
and a Houndoor.

"Hey kid are you alright?" the Houndoor asked as the Meowth started to regain
consciousness.

"Well Spike,it has a lump on his head and was unconcious,do you THINK hes alright?"
Kiki replied.

"Hey hey dont get that way with ME!" Spike shouted back with a tone of anger in his voice.

"Owww what the heck,why do I have this lump on my head?" the Meowth rubbed his head.

"Hey you two stop argueing he regained consciousness!" Rose said and started running in circles.

Kiki rolled her eyes and hit Rose with her tail.

"I am so sorry," Kiki said,"my friend here has an obsession with throwing rocks."

"Yeah it is really annoying. Anyways who are you?" Spike questioned.

The Meowth sprung to his feet and saluted "Talky reporting for duty sirs!"

"Uhh im a girl..." Kiki sayed a littled ticked off.

Talky scratched his head. "Is that so? You don't look like one."
Now that really made Kiki angry.

"Hey Rose..." Kiki started.

"Yep Kiki?"

Kiki whispered something into Rose`s ear.

"Ohhhh got ya!" Rose then lobbed another graveler rock at Talky,
knocking him unconsious.

[Kat95]

*sigh* I give up

[Light]

Let's see... where do I start?

First, the format is a little weird. It's awkward how one sentence goes to another line and ends halfway through it. Also, there are quite a few grammar and mechanic mistakes in the first chapter, such as no capitilizations in a few places, as well as no apostrophes.

Next, there is basically no description. What does the base look like? What do the Pokemon look like? Where did Talky come from? I know you gave us bios, but in a fanfic, there should be no bios. You should take what a bio would be an include it into the chapter as descriptions.

Finally, the chapter overall was a bit short. Not even 250 words? You have a long way to go if you want to make this a good fic.

[Kat95]

Let's see... where do I start?

First, the format is a little weird. It's awkward how one sentence goes to another line and ends halfway through it. Also, there are quite a few grammar and mechanic mistakes in the first chapter, such as no capitilizations in a few places, as well as no apostrophes.

Next, there is basically no description. What does the base look like? What do the Pokemon look like? Where did Talky come from? I know you gave us bios, but in a fanfic, there should be no bios. You should take what a bio would be an include it into the chapter as descriptions.

Finally, the chapter overall was a bit short. Not even 250 words? You have a long way to go if you want to make this a good fic.

I made this like two years ago

[Light]

Let's see... where do I start?

First, the format is a little weird. It's awkward how one sentence goes to another line and ends halfway through it. Also, there are quite a few grammar and mechanic mistakes in the first chapter, such as no capitilizations in a few places, as well as no apostrophes.

Next, there is basically no description. What does the base look like? What do the Pokemon look like? Where did Talky come from? I know you gave us bios, but in a fanfic, there should be no bios. You should take what a bio would be an include it into the chapter as descriptions.

Finally, the chapter overall was a bit short. Not even 250 words? You have a long way to go if you want to make this a good fic.

I made this like two years ago

Then, instead of just posting it, why don't you try editting it? Just constructive criticism, here.

[Kat95]

Yeah, I tried to fix it (edited on first post).