Mark Beth (based on the similarly-titled Macbeth)

[Zovistograt]

I figured that since ppl read long things on this board, I'll repost it here.


I will be posting this in four parts.  I invite you to read this even if you've never read Macbeth by Shakespeare, but you'd get more of the jokes in the first half if you did.

I wrote this for English class.



MARK BETH

"So fair and foul an order I have not seen," commented Mark Beth thoughtfully as he glanced up at the display, taking a short break from thoughtfully spacing out in front of the deep fryer.  Mark had been working at Banquo King for five weeks now, and it had been the longest he had kept a job since working at MacDonwalds.  He was determined not to ruin his chances of success in the fast food industry with another accidental French fry impalement, and it took him forever to find another job that would only glance at his résumé and see the long list of employment.  However, his absent-mindedness and occasional manic outbreaks cost him his job in a matter of weeks.  If he were fired from Banquo King, the only other place within a one hundred mile radius of his smelly basement apartment to follow his dream to be the greatest deep fryer operator in the history of the world would be Fife Castle.  He could not let this happen, because his rival, Marc Duff, worked at Fife Castle as a deep fryer operator as well, and he too was vying for becoming the greatest deep fryer operator in the history of the world.  Mark was determined, and yet he was jeopardizing his chances while in this very reverie.
   "What the heck are you doing, Beth?!"
   Startled, Mark turned to the angry, sweaty face breathing down his neck.  "Oh!  Manager Duncan, it's you!  I...I was just contemplating the order."
   "What is wrong with you, Beth?  It's just an order for a Banquo Burger and a small fries.  Fill the order now or you're fired!" Manager Duncan yelled as he pointed half-crazed to the deep fryer.
   "I'm on it, Manager Duncan!"  With this, Mark hurriedly took some fries out of the fryer and put them on a plate, and then proceeded to run to the sink and try to soothe his scalded hands with cool water.  As he was doing so, he tripped over a power chord and the oven short-circuited.  The resulting explosion knocked everybody to the ground and also set the stack of Not-As-Happy-Yet-Much-Happier Meal boxes ablaze.  This finally was enough to set off the fire alarm, and a fire truck soon crashed through the front windows.  A fireman came out and blasted the entire kitchen with water until everything was soaking wet and the basement flooded, which shorted out a power generator.  This power generator was attached to the main power grid of the city, so as the generator shorted out, so did everything else.  Then a solar eclipse suddenly occurred.  On the road outside, bathed in absolute darkness, a car crashed into the back of Manager Duncan's new Ferrari.
   A long silence followed, and then the shifty-eyed cashier ran off with the cash register.  Manager Duncan's jaw was slackened, and he was only able to utter a few words to the bewildered Mark Beth: "You're working overtime to clean this mess up."  Duncan then walked through the broken glass and into the dark abyss, leaving Mark alone in the bare light of a water-powered lamp to clean up the remains of Banquo King.

[Zovistograt]

        After a while of dusting the debris, Mark decided to see if any of the deep fryer could be salvaged.  To his amazement, the deep fryer was intact and as clean as it would be on a normal work day, which is to say, not very clean.  He slowly removed the baskets and put them aside.  The water-powered clock struck midnight at that moment, while he was half-leaning over the fryer, and suddenly he started to hear a voice coming from the fryer.  "Mark Beth...Mark Beth," said the voice.
   "Who's there?" inquired Mark, feeling a little nervous and questioning his own sanity.
   "We are the Seared Sisters, the specters of the deep fryer, the espers of all things hot and greasy."
   "Where are you?  What's going on?"
   The voice was silent for a moment, and then said in a singsong manner, "Mark Beth, you shall be manager hereafter!"
   Taken aback by this amazing idea, Mark asked the voice, "How do you know?  And why are you talking in one voice but speaking of yourself in plural?" 
Instead of obtaining an answer, the deep fryer instead started to fill up with cooking oil.  Mark, pondering this amazing prophecy, started to cook some fries.  He stopped suddenly, and the absent-minded look vanished from his face in an instant.  "Wow, I could be manager of this Banquo King!" he exclaimed.  "The Seared Sisters and all their fried mystery could never realize how much this could mean to me.  What an amazing chance!  Becoming manager would mean never having to worry about someone firing me!  I could practice and become the greatest deep fryer operator in all the land!  But how will I get rid of Manager Duncan?  He is an amazing manager, after all.  He has been an amazing manager since he was born, which is why his parents named him 'Manager!'  I cannot believe I am saying this, but to gain great ends, one must go through great lengths to gain them!  When Manager Duncan comes back tomorrow, I shall dispose of him and assume my rightful role as manager of this fast food establishment for the rest of eternity!"

[Zovistograt]

     As morning broke, the sky was still dark for the solar eclipse was still occurring (scientists were blaming global warming), and the power was still out.  Manager Duncan pulled up in a rental car and immediately yelled, "BETH!  YOU DIDN'T CLEAN UP!!!"
     Calmly, Mark said, "I don't need to, because I am now manager."  He drew his sword.
     Taken aback, Manager Duncan exclaimed, "Wait, what?"
     "That's right, Manager Duncan.  I am the new manager of Banquo King."  With that, Mark started to advance.  Manager Duncan hurriedly lunged for a mop lying on the ground and stood his ground.  Mark then darted off into the darkness.  With the only light being the water-powered    lamp, there were plentiful shadows where Mark could be hiding, ready to lunge.  Manager Duncan      stood ready, waiting for the right moment to react and counter a strike.
     Suddenly, Mark jumped out from behind Manager Duncan and Manager Duncan turned around and blocked Mark, who was flipped over Manager Duncan's shoulder and landed on the ground.  He sprang back up and then went for Manager Duncan's legs, which was instantly parried by Manager Duncan's amazing mop handling skills.  They fought until they were completely enveloped in the shadows, swinging and blocking and lunging in a fierce combat like no other. 
     After hours and hours of this equally-matched struggle, they finally arrived at the wharf at the far side of the city.  Jumping from ship to ship, the battle continued as death-defying leaps and parries in midair cast silhouettes against the moonlight waters.  They finally landed atop the crow's nest of the highest ship in the harbor.  As Mark and Manager Duncan had their weapons locked, one struggling against the other, Mark yelled, "Have you had enough yet?!  Relinquish your position of manager at Banquo King and I won't banish you to the murky depths!"
     "Never!" shouted Manager Duncan valiantly.  They suddenly broke off, both losing their balance as they attempted to steady themselves on the small crow's nest railings.  A few more parries later and they were once again locked in a dangerous fashion, even more intense than before.  After what seemed like an eternity, they broke forcefully and could not regain their footing.  They flew off the crow's nest in opposite directions and Manager Duncan fell into the dark abyss of polluted water while Mark did a quadruple backflip and landed smoothly on the deck of an ancient Viking ship. 
     The crew stared at Mark, and then one crew member said, "Please don't kill me, please, I'll take you to be crowned king, please don't kill me!"
     Mark, thinking that the crewman was talking about the managerial job, said, "All right then, off to Banquo King!"  The crew suddenly fell silent and an aura of confusion enveloped the ship.  Then some of the crewmates gathered together and decided that since they did not know what he meant by Banquo King, they would just bring him to the capital city, Enocs, where the news that a new king of Dnaltocs was to be crowned.  Mark did not know it yet, but Manager Duncan was more than just a manager of a fast food restaurant: he was also the king of an alternate realm.

[Zovistograt]

     Mark Beth slowly opened his eyes.  As the image of where he lay cleared, he realized that he was not in the Viking ship anymore.  He was in a plush bed on a pedestal one hundred feet high with a spiral staircase leading down to a large atrium and huge doors.  Above him is a ceiling painted dark blue with yellow stars scattered randomly, as to create a feeling of staring up into the night sky.  Groggily, Mark sat up and asked, "Where am I?"
     "You are in your bedchamber," responded a gnome, suddenly standing on his chest.  Mark    started and the gnome hopped off right before Mark jumped out of the bed and nearly fell to the  ground.
     "What is this place?  What am I doing here?  Is this Banquo King, because if it is, somebody did some quick remodeling."
The gnome gave Mark a confused look, and then said, "Your majesty, I forgot that you were not awake for the past few days."
     "Days?!" exclaimed Mark.  "What happened?"
     "Well, when you arrived in Dnaltocs you were unconscious, but the Viking warriors in the ship that was carrying you said that you killed his Excellency, and they were cowering in such fear that the coronation to make you king of Dnaltocs, where you are now, was scheduled to be as soon as possible so that you would not be angered.  However, the fact that you were not responding made the elders assume that you just wanted everything now, so you were coronated while still unconscious.  Oh, and you were also married because kings technically have to have a wife to be real kings.  We partnered you with Elizabeth Zzzzzzzzzra.  She quite enjoyed the fact that your last name is Beth, so that she could call herself Beth Beth."
     "Wait, I'm married?  I'm a king?  All I did was kill Manager Duncan to get his job as manager of Banquo King!  That deep fryer said I would be "manager hereafter," but this is far from that."
     At that moment, a deep fryer rose up from the ground and said, "Oh, well, manager, king of alternate realm, same thing."  It then descended and disappeared from sight.
     "Well, that explains it.  So can I go home?  I want to see if I can get a job as a deep fryer operator somewhere," Mark said.
     The gnome responded quickly, "No, now you have to meet with the counsel.  They're planning to—" At that moment, the entire palace violently shook.  "What's going on?!  I think we're being attacked!  Go quickly!"
     Confused, Mark exclaimed, "Wait, attacked?"  Before he could say any more, the gnome pushed him off the pedestal and Mark fell into a chute.  He came out and slid into a chair at the advisory counsel table.  "Where am I?" Mark said again.  This time, he was greeted with stony-faced robot Minotaurs.
     One of them stood up and pointed to a complicated graph on a large screen.  He said, "We are in a dire situation.  General Marc Duff of the Fife Castle Squadron has initiated the doomsday attack on Enocs."
     "Marc...Duff?!  I know that guy!  He's my rival.  And where's Enocs?"  Mark seemed excited that some things were still familiar to him, but he was still bewildered.
     "This is Enocs.  And as for knowing General Duff...I wouldn't be surprised if he unleashed this attack upon news that you were crowned the new king of Dnaltocs.  You have doomed us all, but we have no choice now but to try to fight back."
     "Where is Duff now?" replied Mark, trying to assume some of his role as supposed ruler of this foreign land.
     The Minotaur sighed, obviously annoyed that Mark was lacking so much information, and replied, General Duff initiated the doomsday plan, so all cover is no longer necessary in the realm you came from.  The entire fast food chain of Fife Castle has blasted off into space.  They stayed there for a few hours, gathering energy from the nearby star, and then they started to attack by sending auxiliary units to barrage our capital, here at Enocs.  They would then launch giant pieces of the castles, loaded with explosives and troops, at various locations.  This seems to have already started, and we are not safe here as we speak.  We need to hurry to find a plan."
     Mark, digesting only half of this, asked, "But if you knew all this, why didn't you take measures to stop it?"  Before he could get an answer, though, a giant piece of a particularly large tower smashed through the conference room, destroying everything from a meter in front of him outwards.  The entire half of the palace where the robot Minotaurs resided was gone, and Mark was then able to see the outside.  Fires and plasma grenades flying every which way made Mark rapt with horror.  Then, from the sky, a particularly large and important-looking Fife Castle descended and proceeded to transform into a giant robot.  In the head of the robot was a familiar face: Marc Duff, deep fryer operator and apparently also General of the Fife Castle Squadron.
     "I've got you now, Beth!" screamed Duff, while transport vessels were circling around the giant robot castle.  The transport vessels suddenly opened up and beamed literally millions of robot pirate ninja zombie soldiers down to the flaming ground.  They started to march towards the hill on which the pulverized palace was perched, and where Mark Beth still sat at the head of the destroyed table.  Mark suddenly came to his senses and ran to the armory, asking various panicking gnomes along the way where it exactly was.  He chose the largest bazooka he could find that shot a beam of intense plasma and ran back to the conference room, which he found to be a tactical vantage point after all.  He started to blast through the masses of robot pirate ninja zombie soldiers, causing giant ruptures in the ground.  Cracks appeared first in the ground, and then they exploded violently when an unimaginable amount of magma blasted out into the sky.
   The giant robot castle moved its way through the gigantic magma geysers and appeared suddenly face to face with Mark with his oversized plasma bazooka.  The castle fired its high-energy exotic matter blast cannon and Mark quickly fired his plasma bazooka.  The two beams of unbearable light hit each other halfway between the two, and resulted in creating a wormhole into the core of the Sun.  Mark Beth was blasted backwards as the plasma from the Sun started to literally fry the entire realm, only protected by a convenient force field that he was fitted with while he was unconscious.  Marc Duff's robot castle, on the other hand, was enveloped in the chaotic inferno.  Mark exclaimed with all his might, "I did not choose this fate, fate chose me!  I only wanted to be a freaking deep fryer operator!  I was going to be the greatest in the world!  Alas, the course of events has brought me far past my goal, far past imagination!  Curse you, Seared Sisters and all your kin!  I will never surrender!"  As if it would do anything, he started to blindly fire the plasma bazooka into the inferno.  Finally, the realm's planet's core exploded in fury, erasing all ties to the earthen world and beyond.  The explosion was so big that it could be seen from Earth in the shape of a burst of activity in the Aurora Borealis.
   Back on Earth, people accepted the fact that there are no more Fife Castle restaurants and that one particular Banquo King was inexplicably gone as well.  MacDonwalds quickly seized this opportunity to strengthen their chain and obtain new locations.  However, all was not well.  The Vikings were angered that their trade with Dnaltocs was completely gone.  Their comeback was sealed in a nonexistent history that would now have no chance of happening.  The Vikings, though, now knew that the simple but somewhat-crazed deep fryer operator from Banquo King was in fact the cause of the destruction of their enemy as well, Fife Castle, whose structured locations and small hamburgers were a threat to Vikings and their like.  This was why the Vikings also mourned the loss of Mark Beth once a year.  The leader of the Vikings gave a speech on the anniversary of what was thought to be the fateful day of the Battle of Enocs, as it came to be called, and concluded with this statement, "Mark Beth was a frycook, Mark Beth is no more, for what Mark Beth took as a manager job was really so much more."  Truly, people of great ambition tend to create more trouble than they bargained for, and this ambition is spurred on by the likes of a magic talking deep fryer, or maybe witches, or maybe even a person's closest companion.  Whatever the case, drastic means often come to drastic ends, and this was the case with Mark Beth.

THE END

[Triforce_Luigi]

That was epic. Now I want to read Macbeth.

[Zovistograt]

That was epic. Now I want to read Macbeth.

you totally should, but just keep in mind that Mark Beth is Macbeth blown completely out of proportion, and I abandoned Macbeth altogether in the final scene.