SPOGS Racing

[Macawmoses]

With WiiWare now taking stride, a plethora of  quality titles have been born. New installments in the MegaMan, Star Soldier,  Final Fantasy, Pokemon, and Dr. Mario franchises have been unveiled.  Furthermore, new series, such as Strong Bad's Cool Game For Attractive People,  LostWinds, Art Style, and World of Goo have been launched, showcasing the best  of all things Wii and Ware.


Standing out amidst these quality titles is none other than Spogs Racing. It's  been around since July 7th (of this year), and released for 1000 Wii Points.  Clearly, it's a racing game...on WiiWare. Essentially, it's the first racing  game on WiiWare, meaning it is laying the foundations for future racers...lord  have mercy. Perhaps the worst title I've ever played, I'm still trying to figure  out how D2C can afford the website they push the title with. This title offers  minimal thrills, and makes me cringe at the thought of any racing title other  than Mario Kart, giving the genre a bad name.

It all begins with the vehicles themselves....discs oriented around what  appears to be, none other than POGS. It's original, yes, but aesthetically,  garbage. In fact, the graphics in general are under par, I'd place Mega Man 9,  a game that tries to have retro graphics, ahead of this title any day.  This is not being cruel, by any means, either, as some 260 blocks of my Wii  Space goes unused, this is real. The title brandishes stale graphics, something  that is inexcusable, even on a low budget title.

  Graphics aside, the rest of the game is even worse. The gameplay is clunky, it  isn't remotely fluid at all. This annoys me on titles, but First Person  Shooters and Racing titles really need to be smooth, and that is something  SPOGS doesn't understand. There is redemption in a few areas, primarily the  Crash N' Grab system, which allows you to run into other racers, attain parts,  and essentially level up your ride, a great premise, but executed in only one  mode, and only at par. It's interesting, nonetheless, but it's a pity it wasn't  put to better use.

  Another sad fact is that only four racers can be put on the screen at a time.  Multiplayer, the best part of the game, only allows two. All modes, though, are  a little too "elastic." If you're in the lead, the last place person  (second, in multiplayer) gets a speed boost. In a short time, you're in second.  Then you are in first. Then second. Etc. While equalizers are fine and dandy  when used correctly (see: Blue Shell), they make a game fun, but not this  title.

  It adds up to total failure, but I can't forget the sound, now can I? The music  is atrocious, on so many levels. I put on Celine Dion to drown it out, and  ended up slamming me head into my wall until I couldn't hear it any more.  That's how bad it is. One tolerable factor was the Sound Effects, they were acceptable,  to say the least, and fit the game masterfully, making you believe you had a  giant spinning pog with a motor, but, it worked, amazingly enough.

  WiiWare titles aren't meant to be the best thing ever, well, except World of  Goo, but this is a down right despicable title. With clunky movements, elastic  races, sub-par SNES graphics, average sound, and many other nuances I dare not  name, this title is one you should not purchase. The premise is there, and some  solid ideas, but it just doesn't come together and essentially, you may as well  light ten bucks on fire.

  Downloadable content has also been announced, but I can't see it helping float  this terrible title, any. If you're after a racing experience on Wii, look  elsewhere, Mario Kart, for instance, or check the Bargain Bin for M&M's  Kart Racing, or some washed up old Need For Speed, I assure you, it'll be a far  better fix for your racing thirsts

  So, don't even think about gifting this, or downloading it, or playing it at a  friend's house. Don't. It is likely the worst title you'll ever play and way  overpriced to be worth your time. The hilarious name doesn't even make up for  this filth, and that says a lot.

Final Score: 1.5/10

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Authors Notes: This review is one of my worst, actually. I'm coming out of retirement from the reviewing world, and easing back in ever so slowly.

Furthermore, this review is exclusive property of the author, Mackormoses, and the site of original publication. This review may only appear on the shadowshr network, unless stated otherwise by the author. Clearly, this isn't shadowshr, however, I'm posting it, so, I give myself permission.

Accreditation for banner: Ombsz, of Nsider.