Winter Sun (PG-13 for Fantasy Violence and Some Innuendo)

[X_Hero]

Hey everybody. This is an idea for a manga that I've been working on, and so far, I can only show you in writing, and since I wasn't sure where to put this, I decided to put it here, unless it needs to be moved.

The story is about a boy named Kazuki Yukino, a 16 year old teen who has always felt as if something was wrong. One day, a girl named Kagizaki Urichi shows up outside his balcony window (five stories up... XD), claiming that she was a kitsune and saying that Kazuki was as well. it turns out that this was true, and his mother and father were kitsunes from the future, where the world is still recuperating from war. Also, demons from the legends of Feudal Japan had been reborn because of a teen girl many, many years earlier.

More will be told as this goes on, so relax and read up. Let me get in some edit posts first, so don't post yet.

[X_Hero]

Chapter Selection:

Chapter 1 (below)
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5

[X_Hero]

Character Profiles:

[X_Hero]

Artwork (for when I get a scanner...):

[X_Hero]

... You dared to escape from me...
... If out is what you want, then it is what you shall receive...
... But not here among your own kind...
... When one child learns the truth before you tell them...
... That is the only reason you will be able to return...
... Insolent fools...


Chapter 1: A Strange Visitor

     The snow had already fallen heavily over the area, still drifting flakes over the fields and towns. Through one of the few remaining forests, noise could just be heard. The sound of someone rushing through the white blanket draping the ground could be heard by some of the animals in the trees or walking silently.
     "I know I can smell it... It's faint... But it's there..."
     A blur of color was all that could be seen, if anything at all. The forest stopped, and a city stretched out suddenly from only several feet away from the edge of the trees. Many smells mingled around the city, but the one still noticeable.
     "Hmm? What's with this city? Not too bad..."
     Her eyes glinted as the scent then got a bit stronger.
     "Whoever this is... They're close..."
     Kazuki Yukino was leaning on the end of his bed, the controller of the video game in his hands. The analog stick and the buttons were being pushed so fast, no-one could probably be able to keep up with him.
     "And..." He said quietly to himself. The screen flashed the word "Winner!" over and over. "... Another one bites the dust." He got up and pushed the power button, shutting it off. Kazuki set the controller down next to the small console and flopped back down on his bed.
     Kazuki seemed like any other 16 year old that you'd meet. His hair was a light brown, wild bangs blue and going everywhere, even as he brushed them aside. His light green eyes, which he got a lot of attention for, gazed up at the spinning ceiling fan. He was getting that feeling again. The feeling of something not being quite right went through his mind, just like it always does when he's alone and has time to think.
     "Kazuki?" Came the voice of his mother through the now open door. "Eiichiro is here."
     "You can let him in." Kazuki answered as he sat up. A few seconds later, and Eiichiro peered around the door frame.
     "Hey, Kazuki. Hope now's not a bad time..." He said as he came more into view.
     "Ah, not at all. Come on in." Kazuki said as he motioned Eiichiro in.
     His full name was Eiichiro Takame. He had smoothed down black hair and deep blue eyes. You could tell that he was a bit shorter than Kazuki as he sat down on the opposite side of the bed.
     "So did you hear about the new movie coming out in a few weeks? I heard it's going to be amazing." Eiichiro began. He seemed quite exited about it.
     "Oh, yeah, I think I saw a commercial for it a bit earlier... It didn't look that impressive to me." Kazuki replied back to him as he shrugged. Eiichiro just looked at him in shock and disbelief.
     "What the heck are you talking about, Kazuki?! It's going to be amazing! Didn't you see those graphics?!" Eiichiro began to ramble on. Apparently, he was one of those people who liked good visual effects.
     "It's not the graphics; it's the st-..." Kazuki started off, but before he could finish, there was a loud sound at the window, like something ran into it. "... Uh... What the heck was that?"
     Before Eiichiro could answer anything, the balcony door slid open. What appeared to be a person under a very large cloak crept in, and then closing the door behind him. Or her. Or whoever it was. The person then proceeded to quietly tip-toe around the bed, and start to head towards the bedroom door.
     "Uh... Who the heck are you?!" Kazuki said rather loudly. As soon as he said that, the figure jumped in terror, flinging the cloak into the air to reveal a girl about Kazuki's age.
     She had purplish-red colored hair which flipped up in many places, and very light brown eyes that almost looked yellow. The clothes she had on were very strange. But the strangest thing was her ears. They were pointed.
     "Crap! Uh..." She said, still a bit worried. She threw out her arm. "Dasshutsu!" She just stood there as nothing happened. Kazuki and Eiichiro just sat there, staring at were with confused looks. "... What the heck?! Why isn't anything working?!"
     "Uh... We just asked you who you were..." Kazuki said, now somewhat creeped out. He was wondering whether there was something wrong with whatever she was trying to do or if there was something wrong with her head.
     "Eh... My name is Kagizaki Urichi, and-" She began, but then she started to smell the air. She then began to walk quickly over to Kazuki. Now she was smelling him. "... You smell like kitsune." Kazuki just looked at her really weird.
     "Uh... What??" Kazuki asked in complete confusion.
     "... Are you a kitsune? Because you smell really good for one, I'm telling you..." Kagizaki continued on, as she kept smelling him.
     "Will you please get off of me?!" Kazuki shouted, as Kagizaki was basically on top of him now.
     "... Whoops..." Kagizaki finally realized, slowly crawling off of him. Eiichiro was just confused as heck about what she was saying. A kitsune was a Japanese fox demon, and Kazuki smelled like one? "Yeah, I guess I smelt you all the way from that forest outside of town... me and my nose..." She looked a little embarrassed now and had her hand on the back of her head.
     "Wait... You smelt him from all the way out there??" Eiichiro asked her, still not believing what she was saying. "... Well, how'd you do that?! And how would you know what a kitsune would smell like, anyway?!"
     "Oh, that's easy... I'm a kitsune." She happily answered.
     "Wait... What??" Kazuki said in near disbelief. "But..." He looked at her ears again. "... That would explain why her ears are like that, I guess..." Eiichiro thought about it a moment.
     "Well, it just really seems too far fetched to be true... That could just be some really good make up job." While they went on, Kagizaki mumbled a bit to herself.
     "No wonder the city was in such good shape... It's from before the war... That would also explain why I can't use my abilities... Oh, man..." She rambled, talking only with her own self. They had stopped talking to listen to her. Then she stopped, and there was another long silence. "...What?" Eiichiro just thought of something.
     "Uh, Kazuki? How far up is your apartment, exactly?" He asked, suddenly seeming even more creeped out than before.
     "Hmm... I'd say we're about five stories up. Why?" Kazuki replied, unsure of what Eiichiro had going in his head. At that, Eiichiro just looked flabbergasted.
     "Then how'd she get up to your balcony?!" Eiichiro exclaimed, waving one of his arms over to the balcony window. Kazuki just sat there a moment, taking in the information.
     "Uh..." Kazuki began, with a really confused look.
     "Oh, I just jumped up from some of the other buildings and then climbed up really quick from the other floors. Not that hard..." Kagizaki said, while they just looked at her even weirder.
     "... Wow..." Eiichiro mumbled, still very creeped out. Kazuki had now gone into deep thought. He looked back on all the times that he had done something no-one else could, times that he was picked on. And then came to mind of those hours thinking that something wasn't right. Maybe this was it.
     "Maybe I am a kitsune... But I'm still not entirely sure..." Kazuki thought to himself. "I need time to think about this..."
     "Well, I'll leave that to you to believe or not... So I guess I'll be going." Kagizaki said. And with that, she walked back over to the window. She turned back to him. "And you really do have a nice kitsune smell on you..." With that, she opened the balcony door, and leapt out of sight. Kazuki still thought. Still thought...


You may now post. :)

[Nils_13]

I've waited forever to get to read this, but it was worth it. ^_^

[X_Hero]

I've waited forever to get to read this, but it was worth it. ^_^

Thanks. :) Now we just need more people to read it... XD

[Triforce_Luigi]

Hm... I like the idea of kitsunes, and the story itself is very well written. There weren't too many grammar or spelling mistakes... Sentences weren't choppy, and dialogue wasn't used in excess... Overall, this story seems pretty good, and I will continue reading it as more chapters get posted.

[X_Hero]

Hm... I like the idea of kitsunes, and the story itself is very well written. There weren't too many grammar or spelling mistakes... Sentences weren't choppy, and dialogue wasn't used in excess... Overall, this story seems pretty good, and I will continue reading it as more chapters get posted.

Thanks. :)

[X_Hero]

All right, now for a Christmas surprise! I shall put up chapter 2 now, so here it is. :)

Chapter 2: Is It Truth?

     It was the next day, and Kazuki was going home from school. The sun was a bit brighter, but it was also colder. Kazuki was still thinking about how Kagizaki had just shown up and told him all that. A kitsune... Was it even possible for there to be anymore in this time, let alone have them exist in the first place?
     "Hey! Kazuki!" Came a shout from far behind him. Kazuki turned to see who it was. Shiori Karuda and Hibiki Fuumikato were running up to him, along with Eiichiro.
     Shiori was a girl about the same age as Kazuki. She had long, dark blond hair tied into three ponytails. Her hazel eyes seemed to just tell him that Eiichiro had told him what happened the day before.
     Hibiki was probably the tallest out of all four of them, but still the same age. His hair was short, spiked, and a bluish-gray color. His dark brown eyes just seemed confused at the moment.
     "Oh... hey guys." Kazuki said with his eyes a bit more wide now.
     "Hibiki and I heard about what happened yesterday at your apartment." Shiori said as she stopped right in front of him. Yup. Eiichiro told them. "So that weird girl said that you were a... a what again?"
     "A kitsune..." Kazuki repied to her.
     "Right, a kitsune... And she said she was one too?" Shiori started again.
     "Yeah..." Kazuki said a bit more quietly now, not sure of what she was going to say next. There was a long pause.
     "Jeez, that girl must have been a nut job then!" Shiori said with a laughing smile on her face. The rest of them just looked at her for a moment. "... What?"
     "You know... The way that Eiichiro explained it, I don't think she would have been lying..." Hibiki started explaining. "For one, you two saw that she had pointed ears, and then you find out that she had jumped across buildings to get up to your floor..."
     "Then to top it off, she jumped out the window afterwards." Kazuki added in.
     "Well, when you put it that way..." Shiori began. "... It must have been one of those candid camera show things!" She laughed a bit from that, and there was another long silence.
     "Still..." Kazuki began to think again. "I want to know whether it's true or not..." Now he began to remember a moment back when he was in the fourth grade...

     "Looks like Yukino here did it again." Said the Phys Ed teacher as she was looking at the stop watch. "Yet another new record." The other students groaned at this, and Kazuki gave a weak smile.
     "Man, he always gets a new record... And nobody can keep up with him!" Complained one of the students behind Kazuki.
     It was now a bit later, and Kazuki was walking home with Eiichiro, Hibiki, and Shiori. The same kid from earlier, along with a few others, started to come up behind him.
    "Hey! Yukino!" The boy shouted up to Kazuki. The four of them tuned to see who it was.
     "Oh, it's him again... let's just go, guys..." Said Shiori, motioning the others to start walking away.
     "Hey, we just want to talk!" The boy shouted to them again as they sped up to keep with them. The boys made it up to them and surrounded them. "Hey, all I want to do is ask you some questions..." With that, the boy shoved Kazuki to the ground.
     "Stop it!" Shouted Shiori as she went to try and help Kazuki, but another one of the boys held her back.
     "All right then... How come you run that fast, huh?!" The boy started to taunt Kazuki. "What are ya, some kind of freak?!"

     The words seemed to just reverberate through Kazuki's head. Now he really didn't know what to think. Now Kazuki really had to know, and by now, there were only 2 people who could possibly answer him; his mother and father.
     "Look, uh... I need to head home now..." Kazuki said, turning to rush to his apartment. "I'll see ya..." He went and started to take off running.
     "Wh-? Kazuki, wait!" Shiori shouted, but she knew that she couldn't keep up with him the way he ran.
     The more Kazuki thought about it, the more he kept thinking that it just might be true. But the fact that kitsunes were basically only in Japanese legends still swayed him off from it. Still, Kazuki had to know the truth. He arrived at his building, and without even bothering to take the elevator, he began to run up the stairs. It took him a few minutes, but he made it to his floor. Dashing down the hall, he stopped at his door and quickly opened it.
     "Oh, hey, it's you again!" Came the familiar voice of Kagizaki. Kazuki just stopped in his tracks and looked at her, sitting at the table and waving to him.
     "Um... Hi." Kazuki replied back to her a bit shocked. "Uh... What are you doing here?"
     "Oh, I just thought I'd stop by again and see how you were." Kagizaki replied to him with a smile.
     "Well, all right..." Kazuki said, now gone from shocked to just a bit confused. "Look, do you know if my parents are here?"
     "Yes, dear, we're here." Came the voice of Kazuki's mother from the kitchen as she leaned her head into his view. His father had walked out from the hall where their bedrooms were.
     "Mom, dad?" He began to ask. Kazuki hesitated a moment, but now the need to know was too great. "... Am I a kitsune??" His father suddenly looked heavily surprised. The sound of a dish dropping on the ground and breaking came from the kitchen, and Kazuki's mother came out with the exact same expression. "Well??"
     "Wh... When did you-?" His mother began. Kazuki pointed right at Kagizaki.
     "She told me. Right after she came in my balcony window yesterday." Kazuki said. Kagizaki just sat there with a happy, yet guilty look.
     "Well... Um..." Began his dad. "You see... She's not wrong at all." Kazuki now looked a little shocked. "In fact... Your mother and I are also kitsunes." Kazuki slowly walked over to the table and sat down in a chair.
     "So... When were you planning on telling me this?" Kazuki asked wondering when he would have leaned the truth.
     "That's the thing... We really weren't going to tell you..." His mother said, stepping up closer to him. Kazuki just looked at her shocked.
     "Why? Because you didn't want me to go through some burden of knowledge or something??" Kazuki said, now a bit angry that they wouldn't let him know.
     "No, it's nothing anywhere close to that!" His father tried to reassure him. "The thing is... if we had told you ourselves, we would have no chance of being able to return to our own time."
     "Wha...?" Kazuki said, now more confused than shocked. "Our own time...?"
     "Yes... You see..." His mother said as she knelt down next to him. "We aren't from this time period, but a time in the future..." Kazuki just continued to look confused.
     "What would the year be once we returned?" His father began. "We got banished in 2182; it's been 17 years... I'd say it'd be somewhere in 2199 by now." Kazuki had the most stunned face by now. 2199? That would be almost 192 years.
     "21... 99?" Kazuki said, almost not being able to speak.
     "2199? That's the year I came from!" Kagizaki exclaimed, surprised and somewhat relieved. "I accidentally time traveled too far back, and now there isn't any spiritual energy in this time, so I'm stuck here..." She now had an embarrassed look on her face.
     "Is that so?" Kazuki's mother asked. "Say... What would your name happen to be? You seem familiar in some way, and you didn't mention your name yet..."
     "Oh, my name's Kagizaki Urichi." She answered happily. All of a sudden, Kazuki's parents seemed very happy and somewhat relived.
     "So you're old Goro's kid, eh?" Kazuki's father asked her with a smile on his face. "Surprised he actually started a family." He laughed a bit. Kagizaki just looked at him a moment, but then had a look of surprise on her face.
     "Wait... Jiro Yukino?!" Kagizaki exclaimed as she just looked at Kazuki's father. "And Aimi Yukino?! My dad kept saying that you two were dead!" She was just in complete surprise. "Oh... wait... Was it-?"
     "Yeah... But at least now we can get back, thanks to you." Aimi said to Kagizaki with a smile. Meanwhile, Kazuki was just about to the point of being confusion incarnate, with the near clueless look on his face. They looked back to him, and there was a bit of a silence.
     "Uh... Wait, what?" Kazuki said with the same look.
     "Oh, well basically, we knew her father when we were in our own time." Said Jiro.
     "Ah... Okay..." Replied Kazuki, still a bit confused. Jiro looked at the clock.
     "Well, I think the opening to the time fusion tunnel is going to open in about several hours." He began. "We'll have to pack up and get ready to head back to our time." Jiro turned to Kazuki. "That'll also be enough time to say good-bye to your friends." Kazuki just looked at him. He thought for quite a while.
    "... Good bye?" Kazuki thought to himself.

[Triforce_Luigi]

OOH, that's gonna get awkward if he tells his friends. But he can't 'cause they'll think he's out of his mind. But people would wonder if he randomly disappeared.

I liked this chapter. Left some room for guesswork.

[X_Hero]

OOH, that's gonna get awkward if he tells his friends. But he can't 'cause they'll think he's out of his mind. But people would wonder if he randomly disappeared.

I liked this chapter. Left some room for guesswork.

Thanks. That's what I was going for in this chapter. And the next chapter will be very surprising. ;)

[Light]

Hmm... Not half bad!

+ Good dialogue.
+ Good use of vocabulary.
+ Barely any grammar or spelling mistakes.
+ Interesting plot.

- Characters are only somewhat believable; The way Kazuki believes about his destiny is a little weird.
- Format makes the story somewhat hard to read; Try double spacing after the end of each paragraph.

Current Score (not an average): 8/10

You're doing pretty good! Keep it up. ;D Btw, what is this based off of?

[X_Hero]

Hmm... Not half bad!

+ Good dialogue.
+ Good use of vocabulary.
+ Barely any grammar or spelling mistakes.
+ Interesting plot.

- Characters are only somewhat believable; The way Kazuki believes about his destiny is a little weird.
- Format makes the story somewhat hard to read; Try double spacing after the end of each paragraph.

Current Score (not an average): 8/10

You're doing pretty good! Keep it up. ;D Btw, what is this based off of?

Well, to tell you the truth, this is an original idea that I made for a manga. I really didn't know where to put it, so I just put it here. ^_^;

[Light]

Hmm... Not half bad!

+ Good dialogue.
+ Good use of vocabulary.
+ Barely any grammar or spelling mistakes.
+ Interesting plot.

- Characters are only somewhat believable; The way Kazuki believes about his destiny is a little weird.
- Format makes the story somewhat hard to read; Try double spacing after the end of each paragraph.

Current Score (not an average): 8/10

You're doing pretty good! Keep it up. ;D Btw, what is this based off of?

Well, to tell you the truth, this is an original idea that I made for a manga. I really didn't know where to put it, so I just put it here. ^_^;

Good idea. This place needs some good stories. The only ones here that I've read and want to continue to read are Winter Sun, The Melancholy of Amy Rose, and Your Memories Are Not Enough. Anyway, good luck with continuing the story!