Winter Sun (PG-13 for Fantasy Violence and Some Innuendo)

[X_Hero]

Hmm... Not half bad!

+ Good dialogue.
+ Good use of vocabulary.
+ Barely any grammar or spelling mistakes.
+ Interesting plot.

- Characters are only somewhat believable; The way Kazuki believes about his destiny is a little weird.
- Format makes the story somewhat hard to read; Try double spacing after the end of each paragraph.

Current Score (not an average): 8/10

You're doing pretty good! Keep it up. ;D Btw, what is this based off of?

Well, to tell you the truth, this is an original idea that I made for a manga. I really didn't know where to put it, so I just put it here. ^_^;

Good idea. This place needs some good stories. The only ones here that I've read and want to continue to read are Winter Sun, The Melancholy of Amy Rose, and Your Memories Are Not Enough. Anyway, good luck with continuing the story!

Thanks. :)

[Light]

Hmm... Not half bad!

+ Good dialogue.
+ Good use of vocabulary.
+ Barely any grammar or spelling mistakes.
+ Interesting plot.

- Characters are only somewhat believable; The way Kazuki believes about his destiny is a little weird.
- Format makes the story somewhat hard to read; Try double spacing after the end of each paragraph.

Current Score (not an average): 8/10

You're doing pretty good! Keep it up. ;D Btw, what is this based off of?

Well, to tell you the truth, this is an original idea that I made for a manga. I really didn't know where to put it, so I just put it here. ^_^;

Good idea. This place needs some good stories. The only ones here that I've read and want to continue to read are Winter Sun, The Melancholy of Amy Rose, and Your Memories Are Not Enough. Anyway, good luck with continuing the story!

Thanks. :)

Since you like Pokemon (just a wild guess  ::)), I encourage you to also read Your Memories are Not Enough. It's long, but I think you'd like it.

[X_Hero]

Hmm... Not half bad!

+ Good dialogue.
+ Good use of vocabulary.
+ Barely any grammar or spelling mistakes.
+ Interesting plot.

- Characters are only somewhat believable; The way Kazuki believes about his destiny is a little weird.
- Format makes the story somewhat hard to read; Try double spacing after the end of each paragraph.

Current Score (not an average): 8/10

You're doing pretty good! Keep it up. ;D Btw, what is this based off of?

Well, to tell you the truth, this is an original idea that I made for a manga. I really didn't know where to put it, so I just put it here. ^_^;

Good idea. This place needs some good stories. The only ones here that I've read and want to continue to read are Winter Sun, The Melancholy of Amy Rose, and Your Memories Are Not Enough. Anyway, good luck with continuing the story!

Thanks. :)

Since you like Pokemon (just a wild guess  ::)), I encourage you to also read Your Memories are Not Enough. It's long, but I think you'd like it.

Yeah, I'll take a look at it. :)

[Triforce_Luigi]

Hmm... Not half bad!

+ Good dialogue.
+ Good use of vocabulary.
+ Barely any grammar or spelling mistakes.
+ Interesting plot.

- Characters are only somewhat believable; The way Kazuki believes about his destiny is a little weird.
- Format makes the story somewhat hard to read; Try double spacing after the end of each paragraph.

Current Score (not an average): 8/10

You're doing pretty good! Keep it up. ;D Btw, what is this based off of?

Well, to tell you the truth, this is an original idea that I made for a manga. I really didn't know where to put it, so I just put it here. ^_^;

Good idea. This place needs some good stories. The only ones here that I've read and want to continue to read are Winter Sun, The Melancholy of Amy Rose, and Your Memories Are Not Enough. Anyway, good luck with continuing the story!

I'm flattered that my story actually got read...

[Light]

Hmm... Not half bad!

+ Good dialogue.
+ Good use of vocabulary.
+ Barely any grammar or spelling mistakes.
+ Interesting plot.

- Characters are only somewhat believable; The way Kazuki believes about his destiny is a little weird.
- Format makes the story somewhat hard to read; Try double spacing after the end of each paragraph.

Current Score (not an average): 8/10

You're doing pretty good! Keep it up. ;D Btw, what is this based off of?

Well, to tell you the truth, this is an original idea that I made for a manga. I really didn't know where to put it, so I just put it here. ^_^;

Good idea. This place needs some good stories. The only ones here that I've read and want to continue to read are Winter Sun, The Melancholy of Amy Rose, and Your Memories Are Not Enough. Anyway, good luck with continuing the story!

I'm flattered that my story actually got read...

It wasn't really that bad! It's just that this board is almost dead. >_<

[Triforce_Luigi]

Almost dead? That is the understatement of the century.

[X_Hero]

All right, the third chapter is ready, so here ya go! ;D

Chapter 3: The Way to the Future

     A few hours was now gone since Kazuki had figured out the truth. The truth about him being a kitsune. Night had fallen, and it was now even colder that it had been all day. Maybe even the coldest of the season, but Kazuki couldn't tell. He was walking down the street, and it started to snow again. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out three letters. One for Eiichiro, one for Shiori, and one for Hibiki. Kazuki couldn't find the courage to tell them in person that he really was a kitsune from the future, and that he was leaving that very night.

     "I've... Just known them so long..." Kazuki began to think to himself. "This is the only way... That I can let them go." His first stop was at Eiichiro's house. Kazuki began to think back to when he had first met Eiichiro.

     Kazuki's mother was dropping him off as usual, and as Kazuki was getting out of the car, he noticed a new kid being dropped off about two cars behind him. Kazuki was usually very nice in the second grade, so he had decided to greet this new student to the school. After the cars had begun to pull away, he walked over to the boy and came up next to him.

     "Hi, my name's Kazuki! What's yours?" Kazuki greeted the boy cheerfully. The boy seemed very surprised, almost a bit scared. The bell rang, and before Kazuki could get an answer, the boy quickly walked off to class, leaving Kazuki to wonder what the problem was.

     Later at lunch, Kazuki was walking to a table, when he saw the same boy sitting at another table. A few other boys were standing around him, trying to hassle him for his riceballs. In the end, the boys got their prize, and left the other boy to just sit there. Kazuki couldn't do anything against the boys, but he could do something for the boy. He got up, walked over to the boy's table, and sat down. Kazuki took out his own riceballs and took off the plastic wrapping his mom had put them in.

     "Here... You can have some of mine." Kazuki said as he picked up a couple and handed them to the boy.

     "Um... Thanks." The boy replied. The boy thought back to earlier. "... My name's Eiichiro Takame." Kazuki smiled.

     "Well, nice to meet you, Eiichiro." Kazuki replied to him.

     Kazuki was now in front of his door, and bent over to slide the letter under his door. He slipped it in and got back up, then walked away from Eiichiro's house. The next letter Kazuki was going to deliver was addressed to Hibiki. He didn't live quite that far from Eiichiro, maybe just a few blocks. Kazuki then began to think of when he first met Hibiki.

     It was several months later after Kazuki met Eiichiro, and it was now about the third grade. The two were in Phys. Ed., and today, they were practicing archery with small bows and the arrows that had the small suction cups on the end.

     "Man, this is so hard..." Kazuki complained. Once again, he pulled back the arrow. When he released, the small arrow traveled a small distance before falling short of the target he was aiming for.

     "Well, at least you're closer than me..." Eiichiro said as he looked at his arrows. A few had fallen right to his feet.

     "Well, Fuumikato seems to have a good hang on this. Keep it up." The teacher said as she passed a boy a bit down. Kazuki looked at his target and it was almost completely full of the arrows.

    "... Wow... He's good..." Kazuki said to Eiichiro as he pointed down at the boy. Eiichiro was already looking at the target, and had an amazed look on his face.

    After class, the two of them decided to catch up with the boy.

     "Hey, you were great with those arrows. How'd you do that?" Kazuki asked the boy. The boy waited a while to reply. Kazuki and Eiichiro wondered why he wasn't answering. "Um... Something wrong?"

     "... My parents taught me." The boy finally replied. "They thought I was good, so I kept going."

     "That's amazing... Say, what's your name?" Kazuki asked the boy, finding it a good opportunity to make another friend.

     "... Hibiki." He answered.

     "Well, nice to meet you. I'm Kazuki, and this is Eiichiro." Kazuki said, happily to him.

     "... Nice to meet you too..." Hibiki said.

     Kazuki was already putting the letter underneath the door of Hibiki's house. He straightened back up and began walking off. The final letter was for Shiori. Her apartment was in the city, but it was quite a distance from Kazuki's own apartment. He was walking along as the buildings got larger and larger until he was in the center of the city, lights everywhere. Kazuki had found Shiori's apartment building and headed in.

     "Kyaaah!!" Came a loud shout from the martial arts studio that Kazuki and his Mother were passing. Kazuki looked inside, and there was a girl who had just knocked a boy down to the ground.

     "Match to Karuda!" The instructor shouted out. The girl ran over to her father as he reached out for her for a large embrace. A few seconds later, and Kazuki recognized her from school. Before he could look anymore, she was out of sight as him and his mother kept on continuing on their way.

     The next day at school, a kid was messing with the back of Kazuki's hair. Although Kazuki kept telling him to stop, he wouldn't listen and continued. From behind the boy, a small fist came down and knocked one to his head.

     "Hey, quit bothering him." Said whoever was behind the boy.

     "Karuda and Mataka, switch places." The teacher said right after. The boy and the other kid got up and switched their places. Kazuki then saw that it was the girl from the martial arts studio.

     "Thanks." Kazuki said to the girl. "I'm Kazuki."

     "Shiori." The girl answered with a smile.

     Kazuki was just standing in front of her apartment door. He waited for a little while before finally putting the letter underneath the crack of the doorway and heading back down to the streets. Kazuki now had to head back to his apartment and get ready.

     A few more hours passed, and Kazuki was out in the park with his parents and Kagizaki, waiting for the time fusion tunnel to appear. He had a couple of bags for himself, and was holding a picture of him and his friends. It was taken the winter before at the winter festival at his school. It was about a week away by now.

     From out a nowhere, a small spark appeared. Kazuki looked at it, wondering what was going to happen next. The spark then began to grow larger, with electricity touching the ground. Soon, a hole began to open within the spark, and an array of multiple colors shone out. Kazuki then began to feel a sensation of power from the light that was coming out.

     "That feeling you're getting is from the spiritual energy being exerted from the tunnel." Jiro began to explain to Kazuki. "There's a lot more in our own time than this, though." The opening was now wide enough for them to travel through.

     "Okay, it's time." Aimi said as she picked up her own bag. The four of them began to walk towards the tunnel.

     "Kazuki, wait!" A voice shouted out from behind them. Kazuki recognized the voice and immediately turned around. It was Shiori, along with Eiichiro and Hibiki.

     "Guys... What are you doing here??" Kazuki asked with a puzzled look on his face. He suddenly saw that each of them had at least 2 backpacks. "... What are those for?"

     "Kazuki, we're coming with you." Eiichiro said, as he walked up a bit closer.

     "Wh... I'm sorry, but you can't, and I already told you why." Kazuki started. "Everyone at school would wonder what happened to you, and your parents would be-"

     "We already left our parents a letter like you did for us." Shiori said, cutting off Kazuki.

     "And you remember what we agreed on last year." Hibiki started. "What we promised to each other at the winter festival after we took that picture." They all took out the same picture that Kazuki had with him in his hand. Kazuki took out his and looked at it for a moment, remembering just that.

     "... That we'd never leave each other, no matter what." Kazuki replied, repeating their pact.

     "And you being a kitsune wouldn't even be able to change that." Eiichiro told Kazuki. "Nothing would be able to change that..."

     Kazuki stood and thought a moment. Eiichiro was right. They had promised that they wouldn't let anything get in between their friendship. Kazuki had almost forgotten about it, but now it was the only thing that couldn't get out. Finally, Kazuki looked up at them and smiled.

     "Well, what are you waiting for? Come on, guys!" Kazuki shouted to them. They ran up next to him, and they looked to the large tunnel. "... To the future where I was meant to be..." They stepped inside, and the tunnel immediately closed. 2199 was a long way to go.

[Light]

That chapter was a good way to introduce how Kazuki met each of his friends, though his friends joining up with him in the end was very cliched. I saw that coming from when you said that this chapter would be "surprising". It was still a good chapter.

[X_Hero]

That chapter was a good way to introduce how Kazuki met each of his friends, though his friends joining up with him in the end was very cliched. I saw that coming from when you said that this chapter would be "surprising". It was still a good chapter.

Thanks. :) And I know it was kinda cliched at the end, but they're going to pay important parts later in the story, so it was the only way to get them there with Kazuki.

[Triforce_Luigi]

As corny and cliche as it was, the chapter was pretty good.

[X_Hero]

As corny and cliche as it was, the chapter was pretty good.

Thanks. :) (... I think... XD)

[X_Hero]

Sorry for the wait, but Chapter 4 is here. ;D

Chapter 4: The Brooding of Darkness and an All Too Firm Grip

  "... Please..." A voice began to sound in Kazuki's head. He couldn't see anything. Heck, nobody could see anything. It was pitch black inside the time fusion tunnel. He wasn't sure why there wasn't any sort of light inside when he had seen the vivid colors before he entered. It must only be illuminated when there's some sort of opening. "... Please, you must listen..." Silver light began to slowly grow brighter. Kazuki was the only one seeing this for some reason.

     "Wha...? Who are you?" Kazuki asked. No-one could hear him, either.

     "At the time, that doesn't matter..." The voice began to answer him. The light then slowly began to take form, and the image of a girl around the age of 18 appeared. There was something about her that wasn't quite human. "What matters now is that you've finally come back to the time where you were meant to be. But I warn you... You will soon come to challenges that will choose the fate of all spirits and souls"

     "What? Spirits and souls?" Kazuki said very confused. "I don't get it; I thought I was just coming back for a change of life..."

     "It has already changed..." The girl answered him. Before Kazuki could say anything, the form of the girl disappeared and the light flickered out in one quick flash. The tunnel was once again dark, and he was very confused.

     "... Who was that?" Kazuki asked himself silently.

     The feeling he had gotten when the tunnel had first opened up began to flow back into him, only much stronger. The intensity was so great, that Kazuki couldn't almost bear it. Soon, it overwhelmed him, and he passed out. As his eyes closed, he saw that the tunnel began to light up with the variety of colors like it had before. They were there.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

   Dark clouds circled around. The deep ocean water surrounded a secluded island that nobody else had been on for years. Several small houses had been altered into a large, run-down building used apparently as a home or base of some sort.

     "Hmm..." A deep, disguised voice came from a tall, black-cloaked figure standing in the center of one of the main rooms. "So they made it back... And it only took them more than eighteen years... But... What is this other power?"

     "Ah, do you think it might be-?" A small badger-like creature began. Apparently, it was a henchman of whoever the tall figure was.

     "Did I ask you to speak?" The figure angrily asked as they turned to the tiny demon.

     "Oh, I-I'm so sorry, my lord! I-I didn't mean to-!" The creature shouted before the figure raised an arm and fired off a powerful blast of energy that ripped its head off. It wasn't the tall figure's henchman anymore.

     "Why must they be so insolent?" The figure asked silently. With a quick, loud clap, another creature appeared. This one looked like a standing salamander with a very large vest and a belt.

     "Wh-what is this?! Where am-?" He began. He then looked at the tall figure, and froze. "Oh... Y-you're..."

     "Yes, now you will address me as 'Lord', and do as I bid." The tall figure ordered to his new demon. "Any questioning or speaking out of line will result in an instant death. Understand?"

     "Y-yes, Lord Dessara-maru..." The small lizard quickly replied.

     "Good... Now take this and find whatever this source of power may be." Dessara-maru demanded as he threw a small piece of rolled up parchment at him, which was clearly much larger than the demon himself.

     "Y-yes, my lord... Understood..." The lizard immediately agreed. He ran out the door much faster than anyone would think was possible for his size. Dessara-maru walked over to one of the windows and looked out.

     "Ah... When I find all four, your revival shall bring us such glory over these insolent humans... Mother..." Dessara-maru said silently. The time was coming...

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

     "Sir, we're detecting a fluctuation in the spiritual energy field." A man in gray uniform said as he looked at the hologram display that was flickering in front of him. "It seems to be in the old Kyoto district of Japan." Another man, probably in charge, came over and looked for himself.

     "Hmm... it resembles the one that we saw the other day." He said, his face staying serious the entire time. "But it seems that a greater amount of spiritual energy is being released than the last one." He walked over to a microphone on another table and picked it up. "Captain Getai."

     "Yes, Commodore Miyagoma?" A voice asked from the speaker next to where the microphone was.

     "I want you to take a look at your scanners." The commodore ordered. The speaker fell silent for a moment as the Captain on the other side was ordering one of his men to check the scanner.

     "There seems to be a spiritual spike in old Kyoto, sir." The captain replied after seeing his own results.

     "Take your ship and check the area for any potential sources of this spike." The commodore started. "If you find anything that poses a threat of any sort, I want you to seek and destroy what ever the target may be. And if that target happens to be a demon, do not engage and wait for further backup. Understood, captain?"

     "Yes, commodore. We'll head out immediately." A reply came back. The commodore walked over to view the large deck of the ship. Large clouds were floating by the hull of the modified oil-tanker. It was quite a sight for anyone to see flying above.

     "Hmph... We'll get rid of those cursed demons soon enough..." The commodore said silently to himself. "Soon enough..."

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

     It was cloudy and overcast when Kazuki began to regain consciousness, and he tiredly looked around the landscape. At the moment, he really couldn't see anything, because his vision was blurred. Kazuki then noticed that he felt different. Much different than when he was back in the previous time. Like there was more of him than before. He slowly got up, leaning on a large rock next to him. His head hurt a bit.

     "Jeez, that was a rough landing..." Kazuki thought to himself, as the pain throbbed for a little while. When the pain went away, his vision cleared. What he saw was almost gut-wrenching.

     Kyoto. He was standing in the exact same park they had left from, but it was in complete ruin. The buildings still stood, but most of them were absolutely wrecked. He walked for a bit, and he stumbled on a small sign that was partially sticking out of the ground. A faded piece of paper was on it. Kazuki bent down and began to read it.

Effective on August 23, 2084

Due to the immense increase in Rogue Demon population, by the order of the Kohaku Guard, this city is to be evacuated to prevent the loss of life that may occur to anyone that lives in this populated area. Other cities that are to be evacuated for these same reasons are included in the following list:

     The list began to go on, but it was cut off as it reached a certain point under the soil of the ground. But in that part alone, there were so many cities from around the world that were being listed. Los Angeles, Detroit, Seoul, Bombay, Kyoto, Berlin... The list just kept going. Kazuki then noticed a sign that looked like it was more recent. He went over, and quickly read through it, and it said that some of the cities that were evacuated were now safe to reoccupy.

     "Well, I don't see anyone that may have come back here..." Kazuki muttered to himself.

     "Kazuki?" Came a shout from somewhere behind him. He turned his head to see that it was Shiori, being followed by Eiichiro and Hibiki. "Are you-? ... Huh?" They stopped several feet from him, and amazed looks began to come across their faces.

     "What? What's wrong?" Kazuki asked them. He didn't know why they were looking at him differently. But after a moment, he realized something; did he look different now?
The side of a building with a glass window still intact was only several yards away, so he quickly ran over to see what was different. When he got to it, he stood there. He definitely knew that there was a difference now.

     His body had completely changed. Extremely light gray fur covered his entire body, with a pure white underside. Ears came right out of his hair, which had stayed the same. Nine large, long tails extended out from behind him, gently waving in the breeze that occasionally blew past him. His hands and feet had turned into fairly-sized paws that were shaded a deep black, and the front of his face had extended into a muzzle. Kagizaki was absolutely right.

     "But... ... He's no ordinary kitsune..." Kagizaki's voice came from behind the three. They turned around quickly to see that she had also undergone similar changes.

     Kagizaki was almost like Kazuki, save for her having light orange fur rather than light gray, and having only one tail. She had also retained her feminine figure. She was just staring at him in awe. Apparently, there was something about him that was different than any other kitsune.

     "He's..." Kagizaki began again. "... He's... The Winter Sun Kyuubi..."

[Triforce_Luigi]

Great chapter, but the name for the "Kohaku Guards" seems familiar... Can't quite put my finger on it.

[X_Hero]

Great chapter, but the name for the "Kohaku Guards" seems familiar... Can't quite put my finger on it.

Well, I really didn't use anything as a reference... All I did was use the Japanese word for amber. Basically, it just translates out as the "Amber Guard". Just to help any confusion. :)

[Triforce_Luigi]

Great chapter, but the name for the "Kohaku Guards" seems familiar... Can't quite put my finger on it.

Well, I really didn't use anything as a reference... All I did was use the Japanese word for amber. Basically, it just translates out as the "Amber Guard". Just to help any confusion. :)

Ah, thanks. :)