BFB's Bad Advice for Young People

[The Riddler]

The only reason I could imagine you would do this is that you want to make something like an arrow, showing a girl exactly where the party is.  In that case, by a beard trimmer and good razor specifically for that purpose.

The answer I was looking for.

[SkyMyl]

How do I stop failing at life?

[Tahrann]

You look around and find the place that you;ld like to work.  Go in their and find out who the top man is.  Come back later with a bottle of good scotch and a whore.  Walk into the office, set the whore in his lap, and pour two glasses of scotch.  Ask him when you start.  If the guy says that he doesn't like scotch or prefers wine, get up and walk out.  You don't want to work for a ninny.

^^^^^
This actually works on my manager.

Here is my question: How do you find out if a girl character on World Of Warcraft is actually a women in real life?

[BOREDFOREVER]

how does i get laid¿

Find the girl you want to jackhammer.  Walk up to her, and tell her "yes."  When she looks at you with confusion, tell her your friend said a really pretty girl wanted to spend some time with you, and you assumed it was her.

OR
Alpha Male
Find the girl, stand directly in front of her, and stare her straight in the eyes.  Keep staring, even if she tries to ask you what your doing.  If she tries to move away, pull her back into the original position and reiterate your stare.  Eventually, depending on the strength of your stare, her focus should drop to the floor and her head should droop.  Place a firm hand on the back of her neck, and guide her where you want her to go.


OR, a couple of ideas from the original
A) Hit & Hug:
Find that girl you really like, and wait until she is alone (away from friends, family, and witnesses).  Then run up to her with purpose.  As soon as she turns to face her, give her a big, open hand smack across the face.  Make it hard, you need the sound to shock her and the force to knock her down.  When she looks up at you, crying, pick her up and hug her.  She'll struggle in anger at first, but then she'll relax and let herself go into full embrace.  Pat yourself on the back for a successful catch.

B) Sympathy for the Devil
FInd that girl you like and establish a line of communication.  After you've spoken once or twice, tell her you have cancer and are getting Chemo.  Then shave your head.  Important Tidbit: Tell everyone else your just doing it for kicks or for a style change.  Then tell the lady you haven't got much time left, but that you have admired her from afar and you would give anything to be with her.  When the lucky day hits, take pictures/ video of whatever happens.  This was you can reveal the plan, blackmail her into keeping the situation a secret, and you can move on to the next girl.

I just got a job at a Mexican food restaurant. Lets make this interesting.

How is a good way to get fired from said job?

Call the INS.  The owner won't be happy, and will fire you for costing him half his crew, or if everyone is legal there, half a day's work.

OR

Most mexican restaurants have a nice shelf of liquor.  If you want to get fired, this should become yours.  Find a way to get scheduled to close.  Invite all your friends, and tell them to invite their friends too.  Put a sign on the door denoting that it's "Fiesta Time Employee Party," that way if the cops come to see what's happening they'll assume it's legit.

OR

I can't take credit for this, because it actually took place at a Taco Bell.  Eat all mexican food for a few days and drink no water, only highly caffeinated drinks.  This should give you the poops.  Deposit your load into the taco meat.  Serve promptly.

God I loved the original.

How do I be a good administrator?

Good for whom?  No one with any power who wants to gain more should care about the people the have power over.  That's a good way to lose it.  A successful administrator amasses more power. 
How do you do this without driving everyone off?

Lemme tell you a story.  These scientists were doing an experiment with ferrets.  They put all these ferrets in a pool with high walls so that they could not escape.  They put in the first batch of ferrets, and time how long they would swim before drowning.  That was the control.  They then grabbed a new batch of ferrets, and tossed them in the pool.  A few minutes before the drowning mark of the control group, the scientists stuck some poles in to give the ferrets a quick break.  Then they shook the ferrets loose and made them swim again.  The group of ferrets swam for twice as long before giving up and drowning.

This is how power works.  You give a little, just so people don't give up, and they go twice as long.

And you also want to consider a dummy account set up as a moderator.  Use this account for harsh punishments like banning anyone who questions you.  Once in a while, take your admin account and reverse one of the bans.  Give them a stick, and watch them swim, thinking you're benevolent and will give them the stick again.

If the "original" one is the one on hadaway, I loved it. <3

How can I become President of the US?

I'd give you the hook up, but I already promised someone else.  Here's a checklist:

Have you been to an ivy league school?
Are you a part of the skull and bones, masons, shriners, illuminati, jets, sharks, or Hubrariand?
Are you a lawyer or a major player in big oil, tobacco, infrasctructure, defense, or pharmacuticals?

If so, then you need to start calling in favors.  Then you need to start your career in either congress or as a Governor.

Then you need to start lying your ass off.  Start promising things you know people want but will never get.  Just do not, under any circumstances, talk about social security.

Then find your hook.  Clinton was a smooth criminal.  George W. Bush was a lovable idiot (the first time) and a cowboy (the seond time).  Barack Obama was a young Morgan Freeman.  You just gotta find your hook.

More later.

[BOREDFOREVER]

How do I get Boredfanboy to answer my queries and not TK?

If I knew how to get TK to shut the intercourse  up, we'd all be happy.

Why did you spell your name wrong? .-.

Listen:  It's possible I was drunk.  It's possible I was tired from showing some chick the hour of power.  It's possible you should be asking things like  "How do I make friends in real life," or "How can I get girls to talk to me," or "How can I find some purpose to my life instead of smugly questioning typos on an internet forum?"

How do I stop failing at life?

See? This guy is at least trying to get out of the basement.  It's ok, K.  Your mom will always be your Valentine.

Anyway, back to Sky.  Nobody just fails at life, no matter how many hours they've put into "catching 'em all."  What you've gotta do is find one thing you fail at, and try to change that first.  They say the only way to improvement is elbow grease.  Well, I know of a better lubricant: Alcohol.  You take yourself a nice big gulp of grain alcohol, 195 proof, and your outlook is gonna change.  That is, if you're still conscious afterward.  Now, find yourself a goal.  Say "I won't look at another drawing or movie of two girls kissing until I can kiss at least one."  Then, magic syrum in hand, go find yourself a college party.  You're young, so somebodies got to think that's cute.  If not, share your grain alcohol until they do.  Toss a Jolly Rancher in there or go half and half with some Boone's Farm and you've got yourself a good drink for college girls.  If you can find one who'll drink it straight and doesn't have a face like a schoolbus, then you've won the game.  Get a tattoo of a skull spewing smoke out it's eyes that spells her name and enjoy the ride.

Or, if you can't stomach liquid gold, start taking martial arts lessons.  When you've got a belt of somekind, like red, go out and start beating up hobos.  Fight no one else, only hobos.  Then you can proclaim yourself undefeated.  And maybe they'll make you their king.  Who cares?  You'll feel like a bad-ass.  For added fun, get drunk and beat them up.  Make up a backstory, like you finally found the man who killed your first love or something like that.  Then question whether or not your victory was hollow, and ponder the weight of vengence.

Here is my question: How do you find out if a girl character on World Of Warcraft is actually a women in real life?

Why?  Here's you answer: No.  Even if she is, she's probably ugly.  If she's not ugly, then she's too busy playing WoW to want to blow you.  Why would you want to be with someone who plays videogames anyway?  How are you gonna get her to do the dishes if she goes right to the PC after sex?  Let me paint you a picture: YOU NOW HAVE TO SHARE NOT ONLY EVERYTHING ELSE IN YOUR LIFE, NOW YOU HAVE TO SHARE YOUR HOBBY.  THAT SOUNDS FUN, RIGHT?  RIGHT?!  Do yourself a favor: Find a flesh and blood girl to stick it in who has not interest in gaming.  When you've done the deed, tell that ninny to hit the bricks and go back to playing video games.  This is a solid plan.  Get drunk afterward, and find yourself a new piece.

[Zero]

I actually know some hot girls that played WoW and got pretty fugly after a few months of playing it.

BFB, how does one go about curing cancer?

[Macawmoses]

How does one be as articulate as the great 43rd President of the United States?

[JrDude]

This is humorous.

How do I kill people and get away with it?

[Tahrann]

How can I get good at sports?

[Thirdkoopa]

Why is your advice so good?

[SkyMyl]

Why do you kick ass, Bored?

[Kayo]

Listen:  It's possible I was drunk.  It's possible I was tired from showing some chick the hour of power.  It's possible you should be asking things like  "How do I make friends in real life," or "How can I get girls to talk to me," or "How can I find some purpose to my life instead of smugly questioning typos on an internet forum?"

See? This guy is at least trying to get out of the basement.  It's ok, K.  Your mom will always be your Valentine.

I can see what you meant by "bad advice." That was the most horrible piece of poop suggestion I've ever seen. *time for new serious question*

Was that intentional?

[Night the Lucario]

If I'm trying to prove my insanity online, how should I go about it?

[BOREDFOREVER]

I actually know some hot girls that played WoW and got pretty fugly after a few months of playing it.

BFB, how does one go about curing cancer?

Sex.  It's true.  You don't see a lot of whores with cancer, do you?  And there have only been a few documented cases of porn stars getting cancer, but we can also assume that's because they were faking it too much (The sex, not the cancer.)

And what If you're wrong, Boredfanboy?  What If I have tons of sex and still get cancer?  You still had a lot of sex.  Kick back, put on Billy Joel's "Only the Good Die Young," and have yourself a chemo party.  Or, if you find out that it's terminal, do whatever the intercourse  you want.  Try heroin.  Smoke ten packs of smokes a day.  Drink like a sailor.

How does one be as articulate as the great 43rd President of the United States?

Well, the main problem is that you're Canadian.  You're gonna have to move to Texas and immerse yourself in their diverse and lilting tones.  Second, you're ganna have to change your outlook on language.  Something tells me that you've studied English for some amount of time.  This was stupid.  You need to make English your ninny.  Don't search for the right word to convey your meaning.  Don't try to figure out what prefix or suffix you should apply.  You don't cowtow to English anymore.  It cowtows to you.  You just find a word that's close enough to what you want to say and you shove it in their.  Add whatever suffix or prefix you want. 

Finally, after you have taught English who's boss, you need to think about your audience.  Your the one speaking.  Your the one in power.  It doesn't matter if what you say makes since or not, they should be able to read your meaning and automatically agree with you.   That's prefunctoris.

This is humorous.

How do I kill people and get away with it?

Money.  If you've got it, they won't get you.  If they do, give 'em some money and they should leave you alone.

Aside from that, I can't tell you my secrets.  The man will see it and be all up on me and I'll have to invent new methods.  And I want to get drunk instead.

I will give you some hints, though.

The less Blood, the better.
The problem with Serial Killers is that they want to make a big bloody mess and jack-off into it or put kirror shards in peoples eyes and crap like that.  It's inconvienient and messy. Blunt objects with padding so they don't break the skin but still deliver the blow.  Thick cords for strangulation.  You get the idea.

Location, Location, Location
Don't do it at your house.  All the evidence is right there.  Try to do it on a boat. 

How can I get good at sports?

You can't.  I'm sorry.  If you're asking this question now, it's already to late.  You might as well buy that Darth Vader Cosplay outfit you've been buying.

If you really must improv yourself, though, the only clear answer is a mix of steriods and meth.  The steriods will help you bulk up, and the meth will give you near boundless energy and focus.  At night, though, you're gonna have to drink about a fifth of whiskey as a downer.  That is, if you're some vagina-y who needs to sleep.  Tiger Woods doesn't sleep.  He plays golf and intercourse s.  Then he makes Nike commercials.  Or, at least he did.

I would also point out that "good" is a relative term.  You wanna be good?  Box fifth graders.  Challenge toddlers to races.  Offer you peers a drink before stepping out onto the court with them.  Taint the drinks with lard and nyquil.  You'll be the best without all that running and training yourself.  Or just cheat in the game itself.  I could beat Yao Ming in a game of basketball.  I'd smash that motherintercourse er's left foot at the top of the game, and dance around him for the rest.
WINNER

[Night the Lucario]

How should I get you to respond to one of my questions?