BFB's Bad Advice for Young People

[BOREDFOREVER]

I'm bored nigh unto death, BFB, what should I do?

Drink.  I mean, come on.  No one is bored while drinking.  And if they are, it's only for a second.  Then the decide to build a rocket out of beer cans and lighter fluid.

What should I do now that Summer vacation is here and I'm out of school?

You need to make money and get laid.  Getting girls away from the school atmosphere often gets them to lower their standards.  During the school year, you gotta take a ninny to the dance and buy her dinner at a nice restaurant and a corsage.  In the summer time, a bomb pop and a DVD will get you the same amount of credit.  So go out there and pick them off while their away from the herd.

How I become friends with high school girls? (not serious)

I'm assuming you're not in Highschool.  Well, you need to get a job that involves high school girls, like a theme park.  Find out where most of them go to work for the summer.  The mall is a good choice, too.  Or the movie theater.  Whatever they flock to.  Location, location, location.

How do I kill someone's love interest without them knowing it's me?

Make sure they're not around when you kill the dude.  I mean, what the intercourse ?  You really don't want anyone to find out if you're going to kill someone.  This is all going to get confusing if I don't use names of some kind, so will call the girl "Bitch" and the dude "Cocktard."  Send a secret love note to Cocktard and pretend it's from Bitch.  If he's not into Bitch, use some other girl he is into.  In the note, set up a secret meeting.  Swear him to secrecy.  Have the meeting somewhere dark and isolated.  When he shows up, hit him with a brick from behind.  Plant some meth on his body to make it look like a deal gone bad.  Be sure he doesn't have that secret love note on his person.  Then you're home free.

If I catch a female masturbating, what do I do?

Jesus, what don't you do?  Pretty much the only thing you shouldn't do is walk away.  Here's a list of acceptable actions:

1) Offer to finish the job.

2)Offer to lend a hand

3) Offer to lend a cock.

4) Applaud

5) Take pictures

6) Make a video

7) Quietly Observe

8) Tell her you have to paint her

9) Tell her you have to paint her . . .  with your cock.

10) Scream "YES"

11) Sing Frankie Goes to Hollywood's "Relax"

12) Toss her a banana

13) Toss her a dildo

14) Tell her you have just the tool she needs to finish the job.

15) Pull yours out, start going at it, and then ask her why you don't try teamwork.

16) Offer vaginaalingus

17) Ask her to marry you

18) Say "Me next!"

19) Narrate the scene

20)  Pretend she's not there, go into the room, and read a book. 

21) Tell her you're in a position to help her out, and that you have a position to help her out.

22) Leap.

23) Profess your love.

24) Tell her it's hard to stand by and watch.  Then show her it's hard.

25) Smile.

26) Compose a sonnet.

27)  Act confused to watch she's doing.  Ask her to explain it.  Take notes.  Ask to try.

28)  Smack her around a little.

29) Set a good tempo for her.

30)  Blackmail her

31) Pretend you think you're having a dream.  Jump her.

32) Offer to assist in the cleanup.  Tell her you're all out of towels, but you do have a tongue.

Pretty much anything besides leaving.  Unless she's fat and ugly.  Then you just tell her to have fun, 'cause that's as good as it's ever gonna get for her.

[Macawmoses]

That's why I love this thread.

[Zero]

Should I play video games or go to my graduation? lol

[JrDude]

How can I make myself cum without anyone or anything touching me?

[Macawmoses]

When is a good night to have a curse?

[Spud]

Why is it dangerous to go alone?

[BOREDFOREVER]

Should I play video games or go to my graduation? lol

lolidkjklawlhurdur

Honestly, I don't give a poop.  The only reason to go to graduation is to find out where the party will be afterward.  If you already know, then intercourse  it, stay home. 

HOWEVER, graduation is marked as an "emotional event."  When one of these events occur, females' emotions run at a higher level than usual.  This often makes them more vulnerable to attack.  For graduations, you want to consider the "loss" factor.  They may feel as if they are coming to the end of an era, and some great part of their life will be lost.  Their looking for something to hold onto, or to savor a lasting memory.  Give them a lasting memory in the parkinglot.  In the time before graduation, begin listening to the girls around you.  I know, it will be tough.  Steel yourself.  You need to find a good mark, a girl who is exhibiting signs that she may be experiencing some emotional turmoil.

That said, an Alpha Male will not need to take this approach.  Alpha's will get drunk during graduation, then show up to the party later and take advantage of the emotional event without actually having to attend it.  This is the trait of an alpha, just like skipping a wedding and going to the reception instead in order to score there.

How can I make myself cum without anyone or anything touching me?

Damn, you are one lonely, desperate person.  If you don't drink, I would suggest you start.  I mean, why would I want to cum without anyone touching me?  That's my prefered method.  In fact, I enjoy more than one ninny touching me.  The more the merrier. 

But, if you insist on trying, I would try meditation first.  Surely some other loser out there has mapped out a way and shared it with the world.  I would research it for you, but if I'm going to look up porn, I prefer to see chicks, not some guy sitting in the lotus position humming till he jizzes.

[JrDude]

Damn, you are one lonely, desperate person.

Whether that is true or not (I like to think it's not), it is not the reason I asked it.

[Macawmoses]

How do I write a book that is longer than Atlas Shrugged that will actually get published.

[SkyMyl]

How do I punch boulders without breaking any of my bones?

[Shujinco2]

How do I be popular and liked by everybody?

[THEBIRD]

how do i become more of a depressed little vagina-y?

[BOREDFOREVER]

When is a good night to have a curse?

When hanging out with busty goth chicks or one of the three attractive girls that watch "Twilight."

Why is it dangerous to go alone?

Going alone is okay once in a while, but you don't want to become some fat, locked up loser who subsides off of cheetos and internet porn.  We all need to go alone sometimes, when we're too drunk to go out and get a date and/ or a hooker. 

Of course, sometimes you're going to go alone even with a partner there.  This is perfectly acceptable.  There is an old addage that goes a little like this:  Why do women fake orgasms?  Because they think we care.

Go alone too much though, and your lady friend will get fed up with you.  This just keeps you from having to kick the ninny out when she gets too attached.

Anyway:  Going alone- okay sometimes, but not when you are sober enough to go out and get some real action.  That's when it becomes dangerous.

Whether that is true or not (I like to think it's not), it is not the reason I asked it.

Oh, sure.  You were asking for a friend of yours, right?  Oh, no, I get it.  You're being ambiguos to try to lure me into conversation, asking you what the reasons is so that you can play coy and get some attention.  Well, I have something that really helps in situations like this:  I don't really give a intercourse .

How do I write a book that is longer than Atlas Shrugged that will actually get published.

Go ahead and write you're super long book, and then every five pages insert some really graphic pornography.

Or, copy Ayn Rand.  Write a book that champions reasons but follows none, champions logic while wholly abandoning it for some sort of masturbatory self-indulgence for people to feel like they're worth more than they really are and society would collapse without them.  After you've constructed your convoluted crap into some semblance of a plot, ju have one of the characters spend seventy intercourse ing pages re-iterating everything you've not so subtly shoe-horned into the storyline.  God Damn, that's a terrible intercourse ing book.  Lemme tell you something: 90% of the people that champion that book wouldn't get to go to the paradise with John Galt.  They'd be stuck with everybody else.  And Ayn Rand certainly wouldn't get to go.  She's a bad writer, not a leader of industry.  You know who is championing Atlus Shrugged right now?  Huh?



That's right.  The intercourse ing Tea Party.  The same people that see Sarah Palin as some sort of savior.  The same people that think George W. Bush was a genius.  The same people that embarrassed John McCain at a rally by calling Obama a terrorist because he has a funny name and aint white.

How do I punch boulders without breaking any of my bones?

Punch talc boulders, and punch softly.


Alternatively, your going to need an exoskeleton.  I would suggest re-enforcing bones directly, but few people can withstand that kind of pain. 

You need the exoskeleton to stretch from knuckles to shoulder blade to absorb the shock of the blows.  Run tension shocks across the back of your arm; you want to direct the energy all the way back and NOT toward your chest unless your going to build both arms tied into a chestpiece with shocks in between the pecs.

How do I be popular and liked by everybody?

Money and Liquor.

[Totla]

Should I break up with my girlfriend?

[Shujinco2]

Should I break up with Totla's girlfriend?