Super Smash bros. Rise of the Emissary

[thunderhero4]

I liked it, but poor Rayquayza.

HE HAD TO DIE!!!!! :P

hehe, you sound alot like alvinearthworm......the guy who made SMBZ!

[Red]

come on guys, post!

When is the next chapter?

tomorrow, but I doubt it.
I need to do a project...

What subject?

health.

our teacher calls it a take home exam. >_<

I'm taking Biology, but I'm learning Human anatomy and physiology so I probably know what you're going to talk about. What body system/organ/muscle/cell are you gonna do it on?

[Triforceman22]

come on guys, post!

When is the next chapter?

tomorrow, but I doubt it.
I need to do a project...

What subject?

health.

our teacher calls it a take home exam. >_<

I'm taking Biology, but I'm learning Human anatomy and physiology so I probably know what you're going to talk about. What body system/organ/muscle/cell are you gonna do it on?

umm...

It's gym version of health.

Like fitness and such...

[Red]

come on guys, post!

When is the next chapter?

tomorrow, but I doubt it.
I need to do a project...

What subject?

health.

our teacher calls it a take home exam. >_<

I'm taking Biology, but I'm learning Human anatomy and physiology so I probably know what you're going to talk about. What body system/organ/muscle/cell are you gonna do it on?

umm...

It's gym version of health.

Like fitness and such...

Oh :-X This is getting off topic...

[Triforceman22]

come on guys, post!

When is the next chapter?

tomorrow, but I doubt it.
I need to do a project...

What subject?

health.

our teacher calls it a take home exam. >_<

I'm taking Biology, but I'm learning Human anatomy and physiology so I probably know what you're going to talk about. What body system/organ/muscle/cell are you gonna do it on?

umm...

It's gym version of health.

Like fitness and such...

Oh :-X This is getting off topic...

indeed it is. :P

[Light]

I read the first three chapters, and then skipped to the last chapter you wrote. It's not bad, but it's not great either. Your description is good, but the story itself seems to be missing something... The plot isn't very elaborate from what I've read, and the characters don't seem to be... very in character. Also, I spotted a few grammar, mechanical, and spelling errors.

However, I haven't read the whole thing, so what do I know? Write a few more chapters, and I'll be able to make a more clear verdict.

[Triforceman22]

I read the first three chapters, and then skipped to the last chapter you wrote. It's not bad, but it's not great either. Your description is good, but the story itself seems to be missing something... The plot isn't very elaborate from what I've read, and the characters don't seem to be... very in character. Also, I spotted a few grammar, mechanical, and spelling errors.

However, I haven't read the whole thing, so what do I know? Write a few more chapters, and I'll be able to make a more clear verdict.

hmmm.....

I know the plot is bad, but it will get better.
Were very close to the half point, where the plot will pick up more...

Also it's hard getting characters that barely talk into character....
Remember that...

[thunderhero4]

I read the first three chapters, and then skipped to the last chapter you wrote. It's not bad, but it's not great either. Your description is good, but the story itself seems to be missing something... The plot isn't very elaborate from what I've read, and the characters don't seem to be... very in character. Also, I spotted a few grammar, mechanical, and spelling errors.

However, I haven't read the whole thing, so what do I know? Write a few more chapters, and I'll be able to make a more clear verdict.

Oh, and by the way, you wont like mine unless you like random things that make sense at the same time...

and I love this fan-fic! <3

[Light]

I read the first three chapters, and then skipped to the last chapter you wrote. It's not bad, but it's not great either. Your description is good, but the story itself seems to be missing something... The plot isn't very elaborate from what I've read, and the characters don't seem to be... very in character. Also, I spotted a few grammar, mechanical, and spelling errors.

However, I haven't read the whole thing, so what do I know? Write a few more chapters, and I'll be able to make a more clear verdict.

hmmm.....

I know the plot is bad, but it will get better.
Were very close to the half point, where the plot will pick up more...

Also it's hard getting characters that barely talk into character....
Remember that...

Use their emotions, then. Detail the wrinkles that appear on their face when they grimace, the way they move, etc.

"Let's go." Kriby said.

That didn't sound very good, did it? Or, maybe it did sound good, but not great. Instead, do this:

The small, pink puffball jumped up and down with joy, and waved his stubby arms at the others to get their attention.

Characters are or aren't supposed to talk in video games for a reason. Use that to your advantage. ;) Also, might I reccommend the Fanfic of the Month contest, if you want to see how you fare against others?

[thunderhero4]

I read the first three chapters, and then skipped to the last chapter you wrote. It's not bad, but it's not great either. Your description is good, but the story itself seems to be missing something... The plot isn't very elaborate from what I've read, and the characters don't seem to be... very in character. Also, I spotted a few grammar, mechanical, and spelling errors.

However, I haven't read the whole thing, so what do I know? Write a few more chapters, and I'll be able to make a more clear verdict.

hmmm.....

I know the plot is bad, but it will get better.
Were very close to the half point, where the plot will pick up more...

Also it's hard getting characters that barely talk into character....
Remember that...

Use their emotions, then. Detail the wrinkles that appear on their face when they grimace, the way they move, etc.

"Let's go." Kriby said.

That didn't sound very good, did it? Or, maybe it did sound good, but not great. Instead, do this:

The small, pink puffball jumped up and down with joy, and waved his stubby arms at the others to get their attention.

Characters are or aren't supposed to talk in video games for a reason. Use that to your advantage. ;) Also, might I reccommend the Fanfic of the Month contest, if you want to see how you fare against others?

Wow, sounds like you write alot of Fan-Fics! ;)

and where do you add the fanfics we PMd to you on the thread?

[Triforceman22]

Then again,. Lightning Sword is a tough critic to please... So I guess that is a good sign.....
XD

I'll take your advice....

This is my second fic, so that's why it isn't all that great... :P

[Triforce_Luigi]

Next chapter soon? I all but abandoned my horrendous fanfic, so my anticipation for this runs high.

[Light]

I read the first three chapters, and then skipped to the last chapter you wrote. It's not bad, but it's not great either. Your description is good, but the story itself seems to be missing something... The plot isn't very elaborate from what I've read, and the characters don't seem to be... very in character. Also, I spotted a few grammar, mechanical, and spelling errors.

However, I haven't read the whole thing, so what do I know? Write a few more chapters, and I'll be able to make a more clear verdict.

hmmm.....

I know the plot is bad, but it will get better.
Were very close to the half point, where the plot will pick up more...

Also it's hard getting characters that barely talk into character....
Remember that...

Use their emotions, then. Detail the wrinkles that appear on their face when they grimace, the way they move, etc.

"Let's go." Kriby said.

That didn't sound very good, did it? Or, maybe it did sound good, but not great. Instead, do this:

The small, pink puffball jumped up and down with joy, and waved his stubby arms at the others to get their attention.

Characters are or aren't supposed to talk in video games for a reason. Use that to your advantage. ;) Also, might I reccommend the Fanfic of the Month contest, if you want to see how you fare against others?

Wow, sounds like you write alot of Fan-Fics! ;)

and where do you add the fanfics we PMd to you on the thread?

If you read my thread, then you'd know that I keep them until the 24th, and then I'll post all the entries. So far, you're the only one.

Next chapter soon? I all but abandoned my horrendous fanfic, so my anticipation for this runs high.

And I hope that you haven't forgotten that you are a judge in the contest. ;)

[DededeCloneChris]

I read the first three chapters, and then skipped to the last chapter you wrote. It's not bad, but it's not great either. Your description is good, but the story itself seems to be missing something... The plot isn't very elaborate from what I've read, and the characters don't seem to be... very in character. Also, I spotted a few grammar, mechanical, and spelling errors.

However, I haven't read the whole thing, so what do I know? Write a few more chapters, and I'll be able to make a more clear verdict.

hmmm.....

I know the plot is bad, but it will get better.
Were very close to the half point, where the plot will pick up more...

Also it's hard getting characters that barely talk into character....
Remember that...

Use their emotions, then. Detail the wrinkles that appear on their face when they grimace, the way they move, etc.

"Let's go." Kriby said.

That didn't sound very good, did it? Or, maybe it did sound good, but not great. Instead, do this:

The small, pink puffball jumped up and down with joy, and waved his stubby arms at the others to get their attention.

Characters are or aren't supposed to talk in video games for a reason. Use that to your advantage. ;) Also, might I reccommend the Fanfic of the Month contest, if you want to see how you fare against others?

Wow, sounds like you write alot of Fan-Fics! ;)

and where do you add the fanfics we PMd to you on the thread?

If you read my thread, then you'd know that I keep them until the 24th, and then I'll post all the entries. So far, you're the only one.

Next chapter soon? I all but abandoned my horrendous fanfic, so my anticipation for this runs high.

And I hope that you haven't forgotten that you are a judge in the contest. ;)

Fan fic of the month? Can I enter?

[Light]

I read the first three chapters, and then skipped to the last chapter you wrote. It's not bad, but it's not great either. Your description is good, but the story itself seems to be missing something... The plot isn't very elaborate from what I've read, and the characters don't seem to be... very in character. Also, I spotted a few grammar, mechanical, and spelling errors.

However, I haven't read the whole thing, so what do I know? Write a few more chapters, and I'll be able to make a more clear verdict.

hmmm.....

I know the plot is bad, but it will get better.
Were very close to the half point, where the plot will pick up more...

Also it's hard getting characters that barely talk into character....
Remember that...

Use their emotions, then. Detail the wrinkles that appear on their face when they grimace, the way they move, etc.

"Let's go." Kriby said.

That didn't sound very good, did it? Or, maybe it did sound good, but not great. Instead, do this:

The small, pink puffball jumped up and down with joy, and waved his stubby arms at the others to get their attention.

Characters are or aren't supposed to talk in video games for a reason. Use that to your advantage. ;) Also, might I reccommend the Fanfic of the Month contest, if you want to see how you fare against others?

Wow, sounds like you write alot of Fan-Fics! ;)

and where do you add the fanfics we PMd to you on the thread?

If you read my thread, then you'd know that I keep them until the 24th, and then I'll post all the entries. So far, you're the only one.

Next chapter soon? I all but abandoned my horrendous fanfic, so my anticipation for this runs high.

And I hope that you haven't forgotten that you are a judge in the contest. ;)

Fan fic of the month? Can I enter?

You can only enter one fic per month, but if you read the thread, then maybe you can enter a fic of yours...