A single streetlight illuminates a deserted avenue.

[Zovistograt]

It is the dead of night, and the night of the dead.  There is not a soul or soulless on this asphalt ribbon into the dark edges of the past and the future.  The light from the streetlight bathes an oasis of the darkness with life and light, almost inviting any stray being to exist, if only for a scampering second.

Slowly, a silhouette obscures the oasis of light and transforms it into a shadow thrown by what looks like a cloaked figure.  The figure shifts from left to right, and back again, as if it were unsure as to its destination. 

Finally, it decides to enter the surreal oval of enlightenment.  As it steps in, shadows slip into shapes and illusions into images.  The figure reaches the middle of the circle and stops, takes out a small package, and speaks into it, breaking the stoic silence of the avenue.

"We are not alone."



[to be continued]

[Red]

Cool. i like it. Can't wait to see the rest.

[RX-78-2]

Wow! Very good! Are you influenced by British and/or American mystery authors of the 19^th century? _{I have almost no idea what I'm talking about} ;)

Good style, captivating, descriptive, not "over the top". However, I found just a few small errors. Some of them just in my opinion would sound better if slightly reworded. My corrections are as follows:

It is the dead of night, and the night of the dead. There is not a soul or soulless on this asphalt ribbon into the dark edges of the past and the future. The light from the streetlight bathes an oasis of the darkness with life and light, almost inviting any stray being to exist, if only for a scampering second.

Slowly, a silhouette obscures the oasis [change to "island"? or omit; it just sounds a bit weird in my opinion if "oasis" is repeated] of light and transforms it into a shadow thrown by what looks like a cloaked figure.  The figure shifts from left to right, and back again, as if it were unsure as to [change to "of"? would be simpler] its destination. 

Finally, it decides to enter the surreal oval of enlightenment.  As it steps in, shadows slip into shapes and illusions into images.  The figure reaches the middle of the circle and stops, takes out a small package, and speaks into it, breaking the stoic silence of the avenue.

"We are not alone."



[to be continued]

This is what we're supposed to do right? Construction criticism? Proofreading? Help me out here, I'm totally new to this board. Again, great writing though, looking forward to more.  :)

[Zovistograt]

Wow! Very good! Are you influenced by British and/or American mystery authors of the 19^th century? _{I have almost no idea what I'm talking about} ;)

Good style, captivating, descriptive, not "over the top". However, I found just a few small errors. Some of them just in my opinion would sound better if slightly reworded. My corrections are as follows:

This is what we're supposed to do right? Construction criticism? Proofreading? Help me out here, I'm totally new to this board. Again, great writing though, looking forward to more.  :)

Well, that's not usually the case but I do see your points.  I really just wrote this randomly a week ago and I don't even know if I'm continuing it >.>;

[RX-78-2]

Well, that's not usually the case but I do see your points.  I really just wrote this randomly a week ago and I don't even know if I'm continuing it >.>;

Thanks for the help. I still thinks it's really good though. Maybe you could/should try to settle on one topic/idea and write a story? Or how about a collection of short stories? I kind of have this little "pet peeve" about artists and writers just randomly creating bits and pieces of a potential masterpiece (they always are) and then just discarding them or forgetting about them.