Rikku and Coffee do not mix.

[DededeCloneChris]

By Chibi-sorrow, enjoy. ;)

[DededeCloneChris]

Rikku and Coffee Do Not Mix

Chapter 1: I TOLD you not give it to her!

By: Chibi-Sorrow

Rikku groaned in displeasure as the sun's beams shined brightly through her window, waking her up from her sleep. She rolled out of her bed and onto the floor, making a light 'thump' as she hit the rug. Somehow, she woke up and found herself half sprawled on her bed and half on the floor. How she slept like that, she may never even know. She slowly lifted herself from the floor and attempted to drag herself to the main room of the inn her and the others had stayed at for the night. She was so tired.

"I knew that pillow fight until three in the morning with Wakka and Tidus would come back to haunt to me in the morning..." she mumbled, cursing under her breath as she tripped on the rug, almost falling flat on her face. Finally, she made her way to the hallway without any major set backs, minus the walking into the wall and forgetting where the door was...

She finally got to the end of the hallway, seeing Lulu and Auron already awake and sitting at a small table. Lulu was sipping something steaming from a mug and Auron was aimlessly staring out the window, a mug like Lulu's sitting in front of him on the table. Lulu glanced up from her seat and saw Rikku. Rikku gave Lulu a sleepy smile as she was beckoned over by a mere wave of the black mage's hand.

Rikku pulled out the remaining chair before promptly slumping down in it. Lulu raised a delicate eyebrow as she looked over to the exhausted Al-Bhed.

"Rikku, what ever is wrong with you? You seem simply drained." asked Lulu, concerned for the younger girl.

Rikku blinked her eyes awake as she realized she was being addressed by Lulu. "I was up way too late with Tidus and Wakka... Pillow fight... And lucky for them, they sleep through anything, including when the sun decides to hate me."

"Rikku, being tired will make you sluggish in battle, therefore failing your duty as guardian.

Do you really wish to do that?" murmured Auron gruffly as he brought his mug to his lips and taking a sip of the contents. He almost let out a laugh at the glare he received from the Al-Bhed girl, but decided just to act as if he was ignoring her misfortune for a moment.

"Listen, you big meanie! It's not like I did it purposely! If blondie boy and the big monkey hadn't attacked me with pillows, I would've been asleep long before that." she pouted, crossing her arms and still slumping in the seat.

She heard Auron chuckling lightly, whether over what she called the boys or how she was acting childlike, she didn't know.

Lulu rolled her eyes, thinking both of them acting childish. She stood up from her seat and walked over to another table on the other side of the room, grabbing a mug and filling it with the steaming liquid Sir Auron and her were currently drinking.

'This should wake her up a bit, perhaps.' She thought to herself, gliding quietly back over to the table. She sat back down upon her chair and set the mug in front of Rikku's place on the table.

Auron looked over at her sharply, giving her an 'are-you-insane' look. Lulu rolled her red eyes at him again, before looking to Rikku.

"Drink some of that, Rikku. It should help the fatigue quite a bit." she said gently as she watched Rikku straighten up slightly, looking into the mug and sniffing at it a bit, before looking over at Lulu curiously.

"What is it? It smells like the stuff my father always drank before!" she said as she took the mug in her hands, aware of it being hot after Auron muttered something to her about it.

"It's Coffee. It's got plenty of caffeine in it."

"You sure it's a good thing to give her that? It supposedly stunts your growth. She's short enough as it is, we don't need her any shorter." said Auron in amusement as he saw the small Al-Bhed quickly get angry with him.

"I am not short! I'm still growing, you big meanie!" she yelled at him, before taking a sip of the Coffee, almost retching at the taste. "Icky! That is gross! What are trying to do, poison me!"

"If we were, it obviously didn't work..." muttered Auron, earning a slap over the back of the head from Rikku. He looked back to her, his glasses sliding off the end of his nose as he glared at her and she glared right back. Lulu sighed in displeasure, closing her eyes and putting a hand to her forehead, shaking her head slightly.

'These two are impossible...' She thought to herself, before looking up to Rikku who was trying to take another sip of the coffee while Auron was now staring back out the window.

"Rikku, it may taste bad, but if it wakes you up, it's useful." said Lulu as she finally decided to ignore the two. Rikku nodded her head, still sipping from the coffee, deciding now that the taste wasn't all that bad.

One hour and seven cups of coffee later...

"I told you it was a horrible idea to give her that!" yelled Auron over the loud noise, which was actually Rikku, to Lulu. Lulu gave him a glare that basically said that if looks could kill, he'd be... Well, not dead...

"I didn't think she'd act like this! Are you presuming it's my fault!" growled Lulu as she yelled right back at him. The others, already awake by one way or the other because of Rikku, stared in amazement as the small thief bounded around the room, giggling like a maniac and occasionally yelling, jumping up and down on all means of furniture.

"Whoa, man... What was in that coffee and where can I get some?" mumbled Tidus in amazement before Lulu hit him upside the head, shutting him up.

"Lulu, how much did she have? She's acting like a six year old, ya?" questioned Wakka as he stared at Rikku, who was currently bouncing around the room insanely. Kimarhi stood ever-passive as Rikku stared at him curiously in her insane state, before figuring she was bored with him and ran off again

"Again, what was in that coffee? I think she might be good against fiends..." Tidus blinked as he watched Rikku now run around a bit more before finally, and strangely, crawling up Auron's back and finally setting herself on his shoulders, smiling gleefully in great delight as she just sat there. He had a scowl on his face, though it was difficult to see from behind the large collar.

"Must you insist on sitting on me, girl?" he questioned, trying to keep himself from Bushido-ing Tidus and Wakka's laughing asses to the Farplane. She, somehow, bent her head down to look him, giving him a large grin. He felt more than saw her nodding her head.

"Yup!" she shouted enthusiastically. She continued to sit there as he let out a huff before walking towards the exit of the inn.

"Sir Auron?" inquired Yuna as she watched her dear cousin and the stoic older guardian start to leave the inn.

"We leave now. We must continue to get the legendary weapons for the rest of you." He commanded, ducking as he went through the door of the inn, so to not hit her in the head.

'She does not need anymore brain damage for that mush she has in there as it is...' he thought smugly before grimacing as a fiend appeared. He noticed that Rikku still sat upon his shoulders, doing only Yevon knows what up there. He could hear her fiddling with something...

"BOOM!" he heard Rikku shout as he jumped a bit at the sudden noise, turning back and looking to see that where the fiend had been, there was now a mass of Pyreflies floating away and disappearing.

He shook his head as he waited for the others to catch up somewhat, before going onward again to their next destination.
'This is going to be a long day...'

[Triforce_Luigi]

I find it ironic that Lulu and Auron are sitting together after reading the other story. That was funny.

[DededeCloneChris]

Chapter Two: What's scarier than Sin? Rikku on Coffee

'I'm too old for this...' Auron thought in annoyance as he watched Rikku, who was still on a caffeine high, ride a quite large, and quite ferocious, Chimera as if it were a Chocobo. How the hell she got up there in the first place without being killed is beyond him. Or anyone else on the pilgrimage for that matter.

"Rikku! What'cha doin' up there, you crazy girl! Tryin' to get yourself killed?" Wakka yelled as he took out his Blitzball and sent it flying at one of the Chimera's many heads. The creature screeched in pain from the blow, though it did little damage.

"Rikku, get down from there immediately!" shouted Lulu. She would've already attempted a magic spell by now, but she was afraid of harming Rikku during the attack.

'Note to self: Never ever give Rikku coffee again under any circumstances.' thought Lulu as she watched Yuna switch with Wakka to try and convince her cousin to come down.

"Rikku, please come down! It's not safe up there!" Yuna looked to her cousin, worry surging from her voice. Rikku still sat there, just giggling away as she clung to the Chimera that seemed to desperately want to get her off of it. Now it was Tidus's turn to attempt to get her off.

"Come on, Rikku! Just...jump off and one of us will catch you! Come on, you can't stay up there all day!" Tidus tried his luck, watching as Rikku still sat up there, grinning like a maniac and still giggling. He let out a sigh of frustration at the same time Auron was getting ready to just kill the darn thing, whether she was on it or not, and call it a day.

"This is enough. We are wasting time," muttered Auron as he went to attack the beast before Yuna went in front of him, stretching her arms out.

"Sir Auron, you mustn't! You might hit Rikku, please-"

"Whoa! Rikku, what are you doing? Are you nuts!" shouted Tidus.

Auron and Yuna pulled a complete 180° , turning to see Rikku, pulling a grenade out from her belt and setting the timer. She then proceeded to crawl over the Chimera's neck and stick the bomb right into the Chimera's beak. She let out a small giggle as she jumped off the Chimera, flying through the air. The other's eyes opened wide as they watched the tiny Al-Bhed soar in the air before Tidus ran over, jumped up and caught her before running back towards the group, the giggling blond in his arms. He, as well as everyone else, let out a sigh of relief until it was drawn back to the Chimera they were against.

The Chimera's eyes widened as it used its sharp talons to attempt to get the grenade out of its mouth before too late. It seemed that that day luck was not on their side as the grenade finally ticked and blew up, the Chimera going with. Bits and pieces of the beast flew throughout the air, landing everywhere. They all, minus Rikku, let out groans of frustration as they were doused with the pieces before they soon turned into Pyreflies, going off towards the Farplane. Though they were all still covered in the goop that came from it...

Tidus let out yet another sigh as Rikku jumped from his arms, still giggling madly, before crawling herself up to her earlier position on Auron's shoulders. He raised an eyebrow at this, but none the less kept quiet. Lulu just rolled her eyes as grabbed Wakka's arm, dragging him along with her and ignoring his groans at the mess.

"You know... if Lulu hadn't have given her the Coffee, we wouldn't be covered in Chimera guts right now..." muttered Tidus to Yuna, who briefly let out a chuckle until Tidus's rear suddenly caught fire and he was seen running around that given area, screaming in pain until Lulu decided he had enough and poured Waterga on him. He let out a groan as he fell over onto the ground, twitching a bit. Yuna asked him quietly if he was all right before helping him up. He grumbled something under his breath before continuing with Yuna while Auron, Rikku and Kimarhi taking up the back.

Auron just rolled his eye at this, now noticing that it seemed quieter. He would have looked up to Rikku if he could have, but looking up only seemed to let him see the sky above. Rikku must've felt him move or something because she then leaned herself over his head, looking into his eyes from upside down again. The quickly, before he could really do anything about it, she snatched his glasses from his nose and put them on her own face. He let out a small growl as she just sat there on his shoulders still, glasses on her face and a giggling madness coming from her.

"Rikku, my glasses. Now."

"Uh-uh."

"Rikku."

"No!"

"Rikku give Sir Auron glasses," mumbled Kimarhi, looking to the small girl.

"But, why?"

"Because they are not yours and I want them back, now." Auron let out angrily. He heard Rikku let out a small sigh before leaning over again, this time placing the glasses back on his face. She swung herself back up, pouting, the caffeine high seeming to die down a lot.

"Thank you." He said gruffly, hearing her 'hmph' in reply. He just ignored it and continued on.

An hour or so later...

One hour, seven fiends and a Chocobo later, the group managed to find a safe enough place to set up camp. Auron, surprisingly enough, came in last out of everyone. Well, almost last, minus the Al-Bhed blond who somehow changed positions from his head and into his arms, snoozing away. He grumbled to himself as he caught up with them, motioning to Tidus to get Rikku's sleeping bag ready. It wasn't long after that Tidus set it up, Auron walking over and setting the sleeping girl on it, pulling the covers over her. He then moved over to his own sleeping arrangements, sitting down atop of it and watching the fire the blazed in the center of the circle of sleeping bags.

He then looked over to Rikku, noticing her sleeping quite peacefully, seeming dead to the world. He put his sword down right next to him, sitting Indian style as he stared at her quietly. He then shook his head, grabbed his Sake jug and took a long drink from it.

'This girl is going to be the death of us. Or of Spira...' He thought to himself as he watched Tidus and Wakka walked over to Rikku, Tidus poking her with a stick and Wakka just watching.

"Think she's dead, ya?" questioned Wakka as he took his turn in poking her. Tidus shook his head negatively as he continued to prod her with the stick.

"Nah, she's just out of it. You can't die from coffee high... I think." mumbled Tidus as he blinked his aqua eyes, watching as Rikku didn't even move with the prodding.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that, man. She was going nuts today! 'Specially with that Chimera."

"Oh, would you two just leave her alone! We do not want her waking back up tonight. She's going to be tired as it is tomorrow." Lulu told the two boys angrily. They both shrugged before going to their respective places around the fire, themselves quickly nodding off. Lulu rolled her eyes before laying herself down on her mass of blankets next to Yuna, who was already asleep, before drifting off herself. Auron sighed, just watching the others in the group, his own eyes drooping from today's exertions.

"Sir Auron sleep. Kimarhi take watch," grumbled the Ronso, noting Auron's sleepiness. Auron nodded his thanks to him, before beginning to drift off himself.

'What a long day...'

[Triforce_Luigi]

That created a rather messy and somewhat disturbing image in my mind.

[DededeCloneChris]

Chapter Three: Large, red pincushion...
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After the group had woken up the next morning, they dragged a practically comatose Rikku along with them, stopping at an Inn after thirty minutes of constant mumbling from her, Tidus, and Wakka. Even Lulu and Yuna added in their two cents about wanting more rest - in the end, winning over Auron into allowing them to take a break.

"I...need...sleep!" Rikku whined, leaning against Lulu tiredly on the only couch, almost drooling before remembering just who knew Thunder. Ah, whatever. The mage didn't seem to mind the leaning part - since she herself was dozing off with her head leaning on Rikku's - but she knew she'd be screwed if she started leaking saliva everywhere...

"Hey, to quote you, 'Vig Oi'! We had to deal with you all day and you were a pain in the behind!" Tidus muttered back to the girl, lying down on two seats put together and having a half nap in comparison to Yuna who was sleeping on the bed.

"Ya, girl! You were nuts!" Wakka added in, lying on the floor with a pillow under his head a blanket pulled all the way over his face.

"For one, it's vilg oui. Get it right, moron. And for two, I can't remember anything past getting up! Or that third cup of coffee..." She muttered, emerald eyes flickering open a few times before finally settling closed. "Let's just forget it, okay?"

"The girl is right. We will rest today, but tomorrow will have no breaks," Auron said stoically, shaking his head as he sat down next to Rikku, solitary eye drifting closed as he leaned against the soft, worn cushions of the couch. "All of you get some sleep and do not disturb Yuna for-"

"She needs sleep more than us, she is the summoner, she needs to save all our butts, we know, Auron. Now shut-up and go to sleep!" Rikku muttered to Auron, cuddling into Lulu who in turn pulled a blanket over the two of them, pretending she didn't hear the shut up comment.

Glaring pointedly at the girl, Auron looked back at her and decided to ignore the shut up commentary from the young Al-Bhed as well. "This is coming from the girl who drank a few pots of coffee..." Auron mumbled sarcastically, rolling his eye at the girl.

Said girl opened one of her own closed eyelids, glaring at the large red pin cushion formally known as Auron. "Well, excuse me! Did anyone mention that I would be off the wall? Did anyone decide to warn me about the gargantuous amount of caffeine in that drink? Did anyone-" A hand closed around Rikku's mouth, manicured fingers silencing the girl as Lulu had her arm around the younger girl's shoulders, hoping to draw her into sleep.

"Time for bed for the children. Auron, that includes you. Wakka, turn off the lights." Lulu finally added in her take on the argument, speaking for the first time that morning. At Wakka's moan of protest of getting up, Lulu glared maliciously in his direction, crimson eyes giving her a sort of sadist look. "Now," Lulu commanded in a very calm, but deadly voice that sent Wakka shooting up, running to the other side of the room to shut off the lights before running back to his corner and hiding beneath his blanket. "Good boy. Now everyone go to sleep."

"Couldn't agree more, Lu..." Tidus mumbled from his bed - or rather chairs - pulling his blanket closer to himself as he dozed off.

"Mmm..." Rikku murmured in reply, curling up into the warm mage easily. It wasn't until she was almost asleep that she felt a slight weight on her back, pushing her a bit farther into the older women. Blinking emerald eyes wearily, she tilted her head back to see just what the disturbance was.

And to her shock - and most certain amazement - she found the large, red overbearing pin cushion named Auron asleep, snoring lightly with his head leaning against her back. She raised a blonde eyebrow in a tired sort of confusion at the idea at Auron, Sir legendary-ice-cube-who-eats-children, would let himself - even when tired - gain some comfort from leaning on another person. Or it could've just been the fact that he was so downright tired that he had fallen into a coma; And a snoring coma, at that.

Rikku shook her head, rolling her eyes as she leaned back into Lulu, a final thought drifting through her head before she entered the realm of sleep.

'What a night...'
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Yes, everyone, it is finally the end of Rikku's exploration on the mysteries of coffee. I can honestly say that my writing style may be a tad different in comparison to my previous chapters. While I still have a witty sense of humor - in my opinion - I can honestly say I add a bit more detail to things now. But, nonetheless, I hope you enjoy the final chapter of this story. I will dearly miss it.
Chibi

[Triforce_Luigi]

Aw, that was the last one? I like he description of Auron as "large, red, incredibly overbearing pincushion" and "Auron, Sir ice-cube-who-eats-children."