The nintendo war

[kraid]

Prolog

The year is 2007, all is peacfull. In them ushroom kingdome nothing is wrong. Hyrule has not been attracked for awhile. Popstar is happy. DK ilse is slient as ever,the lylet system is peacefull and the whole universe is peacefull. It all seemend the world was no more evil, but in the far reach of space the villiens are planing to take over the universe. "All right guys, its time we deafet the good guys" said Bowser in a happy tone. Around the table was Ganondorf,Ridley,Andross,King K Roll and king Dede. "but master Bowser, kirby likes to suck things and blow them" sated king Dede. Bowser then gave a very cold look. "aww poor little king losses to a sucking,blowing pink ball" laughed Bowser. Bowser then looked at Ridley. "now I know Samus is armend so it will take lets see, you,kraid,dark samus and SA X at the same time". Ridley gave a happy look and flew away. Bowser then turned to Ganondorf, "is your army ready"? "oh yes master, the army is ready to attack Hyrule. "good Ganondorf, now go and attack". Ganondorf got up, bowed and left. Now DK,fox mccloud and kirby are at peaches castle, we" he pointed at King K Roll, Andross and king Dede. "will assult the mushroom kingdome now lets go". They all got up. Ganondorf and his army of 5000 goblins went to Hyrule. Ridley and his crew went to GF HQ. Boswer and his crew went to the mushroom kingdome. This would be the Nintendo war.

[Light]

Wow, where do I begin? I guess I should start by trying to edit it to the best of my ability, with information in parenthesis. Bold means the world was formerly mispelled or used in the wrong context. Italics will be where something should've been put in.

Prologue

The year is 2007, all is peaceful. In the Mushroom Kingdom nothing is wrong. Hyrule has not been attacked for a while. Popstar is happy. DK Isle is slient as ever, the Lylat System is peaceful and the whole universe is peaceful (You use "peaceful" too much). It all seemed the world was no more evil (That doesn't make any sense), but in the far reach of space the villains are planning to take over the universe. (Where? In an old warehouse? A tree? Your bathroom? What does it look like, smell like, etc.?)

"All right guys, it's time we defeat the good guys." Said Bowser in a happy tone (Bowser using a happy tone? Never heard of that). Around the table (What table?) was Ganondorf, Ridley, Andross, King K. Rool and King Dedede.

"But master Bowser (Since when did Dedede work for Bowser? Same with the rest), Kirby likes to suck things and blow them." Stated King Dedede. Bowser then gave him a very cold look.

"Aww poor little king loses to a sucking, blowing pink ball." Laughed Bowser. Bowser then looked at Ridley. "Now I know Samus is armed, so it will take - let's see - you, Kraid, Dark Samus and SA X at the same time"(Run-on sentence, I do believe. Also, how did Bowser learn this?). Ridley gave a happy look and flew away.

Bowser then turned to Ganondorf. "Is your army ready?" (Army?)

"Oh yes master (Once again, how?), the army is ready to attack Hyrule."

"Good Ganondorf, now go and attack". Ganondorf got up, bowed and left.

Now DK, Fox Mcloud (I think that's how it's spelled...) and kirby are at Peach's castle, we"(What's that?) he pointed at King K. Rool, Andross and King Dedede. (Wait, what just happened? Everything is jumbled up here, making for barely any understanding) "We'll assault the Mushroom Kingdom. Now, let's go". They all got up.

Ganondorf and his army of 5000 goblins (Goblins? Since when did Ganondorf use goblins? How did he get them? Explanations.) went to Hyrule. Ridley and his crew went to GF HQ (Huh?). Bowser and his crew went to the Mushroom Kingdom.

This would be the Nintendo War.

Ok, almost every other word is mispelled, things are not made clear and it lacks description. Work on this, and you might have a chance with your fic recovering. Also, format is a bit off. I know it's just a prologue, but please keep these things in mind so you can become a better writer. Good luck.

[kraid]

Ill answer your questions for Ganondorf he used Goblins in TP, peaches castle play SM64, play MP3 and you will learn about the GF. Also for ll this why are the villiens working for bowser well find out later, see when you write stories you dont state everything important right away sigh.

[starfoxherosj]

Did you, by chance come up with this from reading my story, Helaman Squadron: The Cornerian Human?  If so, YAY!!! I have spinoffs and I have only posted Chapter Three!!!  If not...then to me, it's kinda creepy how similar they are...

[Light]

Ill answer your questions for Ganondorf he used Goblins in TP, peaches castle play SM64, play MP3 and you will learn about the GF. Also for ll this why are the villiens working for bowser well find out later, see when you write stories you dont state everything important right away sigh.

Fine, ignore my constructive criticism. Yet another fic to go down due to not listening to people who try to help writers.

[Super]

Jesus. I can't read this stuff. It's all unorganized and misspelled. Structure your fan-fic and correct the grammar and spelling errors.

Listen to LIGHTNINGSWORD.

[Flying Chickens]

I have two words to say. Blech... Alright, one word.

[LuigiMan]

If you want to make a fan fic that people will like, you have to improve your grammar so people will actually know what's going on. Notice how I capitalize the beginning of my sentences and spell words correctly.

[captainjacksparrow]

 :'( :'( :'(

[Joeofmars]

Prolog

The year is 2007, all is peacfull. In them ushroom kingdome nothing is wrong. Hyrule has not been attracked for awhile. Popstar is happy. DK ilse is slient as ever,the lylet system is peacefull and the whole universe is peacefull. It all seemend the world was no more evil, b----

----*Dies*