I've been time traveling and a lot of stuff happened. First I scared Lee Harvey Oswald and he misfired (he was trying to hit a target as practice and it was a long ways away). Then I slipped on the Titanic and crashed. Then I tried to kill John Wilkes Booth, but I missed and shot President Lincon instead. Then I gave this guy named Shigeru some awesome Ideas about an Italian plumber. I hope I didn't affect the future :-[
You fool! Now the game is Super Luigi Galaxy!
You've doomed us all!