this is the thread where i am going to post very funny stories i find. i will post anywhere from 1 a day to 1 a week, so here is the first one.
A BAD DAY
A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half
an hour when this big trouble-making
biker steps next to him, grabs his drink and gulps
it down in one swig. The poor little guy starts crying.
'Come on man I was just giving you a hard time,' the
biker says. 'I didn't think you'd CRY.' 'I can't
stand to see a man crying.'
'This is the worst day of my life,' says the little guy between sobs. 'I
can't do anything right.' 'I overslept and was late to an important
meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my
car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the
cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog
bit me. So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an
end to my life, and then you show up and drink the d**n poison.
thanks to corvette fan(not in this forum) for the story.
I woke up this morning, normal routine, you know how it works. I think I had some chocolate kid's breakfast. Maybe Reese's or whatever, you know the kind. Anyway, I walk outside and I see the bus hit someone. I walk to school today. During all the school day, people got hurt, and I didn't see anything. My friend then broke up her relationship with me, so it finally affected me in some way. I've been crying to myself since 3 PM my time. My dad doesn't seem to care, neither does my mom or my siblings.
I finally tell my friend when I'm thinking about ending everything. I explained everything to my friend. He slowly stopped saying anything, and put his head in his hands. He finally looked at me and said, "You had Reese's for breakfast?"
I don't get it because of a ***
since this thread is already falling, i post another story.
ABBOTT AND COSTELLO
You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello,
and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully
appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by
our computers, please read on...
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their
infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out
something like this:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT: Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and
I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use
to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What
do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's
just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a
proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start
with some straight answers. What about financial
bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
A few days later:
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START
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