Or at least that is what they think. Today I learned about a site called notalwaysright.com. It's a place for workers to vent and post the dumb conversations they have with customers. Some of them are just too funny and stupid to be true, but I know they are. For example...
Customer: "Hi, my son says that I have spartans on my laptop and I should bring it to you guys."
Me: "...Ma'am? Spartans?"
Customer: "Yes, I called my son at school and told him that screens keep popping up all the time, and he said that I have spartans."
Me: "Oh! You mean trojans! That's a possibility; let me run this analyzer on your laptop real quick and we'll see what's going on."
Customer: "Young man, my son is in college and he says it has spartans. You just stand here in a little uniform and make minimum wage. I think my son knows what he is talking about."
Me: "You're right ma'am. I was hoping to run a diagnostic and find out that it wasn't spartans, but just by looking at the login screen, I can tell that you probably have about 300 of the little guys running around."
Customer: "300?! Is that bad?"
Me: "It's horrible. They cram themselves into a bottleneck and kill wave after wave of data, until there is a wall of dead programs blocking any more traffic through your computer."
Customer: "Oh, that just figures. I'm going to go buy a new computer."
Me: "Ok, ma'am, I think that would be best."
Trojans?
THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!
This game is too hard.
Customer: "I need to return this game. It's too hard for my son."
Employee: "Well, miss, according to your reciept, you bought this new. So, all you can do is get another copy of the same thing if it's defective."
Customer: "Who the h*** are you? I've never seen you before!"
Employee: "I've been here for close to a year..."
Customer: "I've been coming here for a long time, and I've never seen you!"
Employee: "Well, be that as it may, you cannot return the game. I'm sorry."
Customer: "F*** you!"
Me: "Miss, I am the store manager here and what my associate is telling you is true; you cannot return the game and you need to leave. I will not tolerate you insulting my employees."
Customer: "Make me leave, see what happens!"
Me: "Okay, I'll just call security. Will that do it for you?"
Customer: "Call security, I'll call the cops!"
Me: "Be my guest... that'd be awesome."
Customer: "I'm the store manager of [store] across the street and I'd never treat a customer this way!"
Me: "Would you break return policy just because someone is yelling?"
Customer: *leaves in a huff*
Me, to employee: "What game was it, anyway?"
Employee: "... Nintendogs."
Quote from: Link3588 on December 23, 2008, 09:00:15 PM
Customer: "I need to return this game. It's too hard for my son."
Me, to employee: "What game was it, anyway?"
Employee: "... Nintendogs."
DOGGAMMIT
I CAN'T TRAIN MY DOG NOR PLAY WITH IT AND IT HAS NO EASY GOAL
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
I have one, a customer had a wic order and left a loaf of bread on her purse and I kindly asked if she was buying it she said yes, now a normal customer would have let that slide and never thought about it again, but not this ninny she accused me of accusing her of stealing
Quote from: Commissar Torgo on December 23, 2008, 09:05:49 PM
I have one, a customer had a wic order and left a loaf of bread on her purse and I kindly asked if she was buying it she said yes, now a normal customer would have let that slide and never thought about it again, but not this ninny she accused me of accusing her of stealing
*cricket*
Quote from: Mario583 on December 23, 2008, 09:08:07 PM
Quote from: Commissar Torgo on December 23, 2008, 09:05:49 PM
I have one, a customer had a wic order and left a loaf of bread on her purse and I kindly asked if she was buying it she said yes, now a normal customer would have let that slide and never thought about it again, but not this ninny she accused me of accusing her of stealing
*cricket*
*cocks gun*
Quote from: Commissar Torgo on December 23, 2008, 09:11:24 PM
Quote from: Mario583 on December 23, 2008, 09:08:07 PM
Quote from: Commissar Torgo on December 23, 2008, 09:05:49 PM
I have one, a customer had a wic order and left a loaf of bread on her purse and I kindly asked if she was buying it she said yes, now a normal customer would have let that slide and never thought about it again, but not this ninny she accused me of accusing her of stealing
*cricket*
*cocks gun*
!
I mean.........
*pity laugh*
ah, I remember seeing this site a few months ago. Fun stuff. One of my favorites is a good one liner for a pet assistance hotline.
"Whenever my dog pees there is a brown spot on the grass. Does this mean my dog is peeing fire?"
Quote from: Mario583 on December 23, 2008, 09:13:13 PM
Quote from: Commissar Torgo on December 23, 2008, 09:11:24 PM
Quote from: Mario583 on December 23, 2008, 09:08:07 PM
Quote from: Commissar Torgo on December 23, 2008, 09:05:49 PM
I have one, a customer had a wic order and left a loaf of bread on her purse and I kindly asked if she was buying it she said yes, now a normal customer would have let that slide and never thought about it again, but not this ninny she accused me of accusing her of stealing
*cricket*
*cocks gun*
!
I mean.........
*pity laugh*
I got written up for that, here is another, a women was complaing how the item was not on sale and said the sign said 2 for $5 I looked at the sign it said frozen pizza she had frozen tacos some people just don't know how to read
and another, "I don't want the box of tissues I'll go to wal mart and get a nicer box"
"Turn the belt off it precooking my vegetables!" - a women talking about a cucumber rolling on the belt
I had a funny one. This really fat man comes in and loads up the power chair cart that we have for people to use. He puts everything up to be scanned and then he tries to use his card, it gets declined for the amount. We call over a manager to help and we end up calling the bank. After being told that we can't do anything, he refuses to use another form of payment because he "knows" that the card was filled. This whole exchange and wait goes on for about half an hour, and he was also shopping for half an hour or so. He then proceeds to ask the bager, me, for help out. When I go to his car, I learn that it has been running this entire time. The cashier just starts going off about it once I get back inside and telling her about the car adds fuel to the fire.
You must really SUCK if Nintendogs is hard.
Nintendogs is a tough game actually
Don't forget to walk that dog EVERY SINGLE DAY
Me: "What can I get for you?"
Customer: "I'll have a turkey sub. No. Ham. I'll have a ham and cheese sub."
Me: "What kind of cheese would you like?"
Customer: "Bologna."
Caller: "I need to exchange this movie. It's the wrong one."
Me: "Which movie were you looking for?"
Caller: "Big Momma's House."
Me: "Um, what does it say on the case?"
Caller: "Big Momma's House."
Me: "What does it say on the video cassette itself?"
Caller: "Big Momma's House."
Me: "I'm thinking you have Big Momma's House there, Ma'am."
Caller: "But..."
Me: "Yes?"
Caller: "But... there's white people in it."
Me: "There are a few of us about, ma'am. We do sneak into the odd movie here and there."
Caller: *click*
I don't know why I can't stop laughing at this one :D
I love stories like these, some people just don't think.
Customer: *picks up an apple and takes a large bite out of it*
Employee: "Sir, what are you doing?"
Customer: "I'm sampling an apple to make sure it's not mealy. The last apples I got here were all mealy."
Employee: "Er...it's generally not a very good idea to do that...those aren't washed."
Customer: *sets the apple back down* "YOU DON'T WASH THEM?! Don't you know you can spread dysentery?!"
Employee: "They're washed before they come in here, but we can't wash them on the shelf. And sir, you have to pay for that."
Customer: "F*** that! I'm not paying for something that'll give me dysentery!"
Employee: "We can't sell an apple that has a HUGE BITE taken out of it!"
Customer: *stomps off*
Customer #2: *observing nearby "Someone should tell him, 'You have died of dysentery.'"
Awesome. :D
Me: "Hi, can I help you?"
Customer: "Yeah, do you sell ghost vacuums?"
Me: "Umm... no?"
Customer: "Ok, well... thanks anyway."
Inspired by AVGN?
Me: "Thank you for calling ***, how can I help you?"
Caller: "I need a driver's licence. "
Me: "Okay... you can come to our office; as it is Saturday, we are open 'till 12:30 pm."
Caller: "I can't make it in time, can you fax me one?"
Me: "Sorry, sir. It's a plastic card and it can not be faxed or emailed. We also have to take your photo, so this can be done only in person."
Caller: "It was my birthday yesterday, so my licence is expired. Can't you do it over the phone?"
Me: "Sorry, sir, I can not send you a plastic licence over the phone."
Caller: "F*** you!"
Me: "Sorry, sir. I can't do that over the phone, either."
Best one yet :D
Self-Rising Expectations
Customer: “You bake all of this French bread here?”
Me: “Yes sir, every day.”
Customer: “Do you make the dough yourselves, or does it come in frozen?”
Me: “Oh, it comes in frozen. We bake more than 100 loaves of French bread a day on top of everything else we make, so we really wouldn’t have time to make dough from scratch.”
Customer: “So you’re cheaters then?!”
Me: *thinking he’s joking* “Yes, sir, we certainly are!”
Customer: “Well, that’s shameful!” *to another customer* “Did you know they don’t make the dough themselves?!”
Customer #2: “It only costs a buck a loaf, dude. What do you want from them?”
Hahahaha D:
Quote from: Phaze on December 23, 2008, 10:48:34 PM
Caller: "F*** you!"
Me: "Sorry, sir. I can't do that over the phone, either."
Best one yet :D
I can do that over the phone.
Quote from: Link3588 on December 23, 2008, 10:52:25 PM
Quote from: Phaze on December 23, 2008, 10:48:34 PM
Caller: “F*** you!”
Me: “Sorry, sir. I can’t do that over the phone, either.”
Best one yet :D
I can do that over the phone.
That's just creepy.
Me: "Hello, ma'am. Can I get you anything to drink?"
Customer: "Yes, please. I would like a glass of water."
Me: "Coming right up."
Me: delivering the water* "There you are, ma'am. Have you decided what you want to order?"
Customer: *downing the water* "Wow, this water is great. Do you happen to have any more, sweetie?"
Me: "Er...yeah we do. Do you want another glass?"
Customer: "I would appreciate it."
(I go to get her another glass of water, and as soon as I come back, she begins to speak up about the menu.)
Customer: "Oh Lord! Don't you have any vegetarian stuff here?"
Me: "I'm sorry miss, but this is a bar and grill. We have salads, but they all come with chicken or beef."
Customer: "That's inhumane! Don't you know what you're doing to the animals?"
Me: "I think you should go to a vegan restaurant. What did you expect from a bar and grill?"
Customer: "Don't give me your sass! I just want some non-animal food! Don't you have any of that?"
Me: "Well..we have grilled cheese, and–"
Customer: *cutting me off* "WHAT?! CHEESE COMES FROM MILK, WHICH COMES FROM COWS! I'M NOT EATING THAT!"
Me: "I'm sorry then, ma'am, there's really nothing for you here. Please quiet down; you're disturbing the other customers."
Customer #2: *from across the room* "Listen to what he tells you, you stupid b****!"
Customer: "Goodness! You god**** animal murderers deserve to go to hell! *pause* "Er, sonny, may I get another glass of that water?"
Me: "OUT!"
Customer #2: *from across the room* "Mmm... murder."
(I am watering the plants in the nursery, about two hours before closing time, and see a customer down the aisle.)
Me: "Can I help you find anything, sir? "
Customer: "Uh... uh... "
(I then notice that he's peeing on some of our boxwoods.)
Me: "What–"
Customer: "I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT!" *zips up and runs out*
Coworker: "Did that guy just quote Darkwing Duck at you?!"
Me: *drops watering hose* "I'm taking a break."
/end thread
Quote from: Tuppyluver1 on December 24, 2008, 12:10:48 AM
(I am watering the plants in the nursery, about two hours before closing time, and see a customer down the aisle.)
Me: "Can I help you find anything, sir? "
Customer: "Uh... uh... "
(I then notice that he's peeing on some of our boxwoods.)
Me: "What–"
Customer: "I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT!" *zips up and runs out*
Coworker: "Did that guy just quote Darkwing Duck at you?!"
Me: *drops watering hose* "I'm taking a break."
/end thread
Wrong.
Me: "Thank you for calling ***, this is Bill in the breast aesthetics department. How may I help you?"
Customer: "My left boob popped."
Me: "Okay, so the implant failed?"
Customer: "Yes."
Me: "Are your implants silicone gel or saline?"
Customer: "The water kind."
Me: "So, we've had a saline deflation. I need to ask you some questions in regards to how it may have deflated."
Customer: "Why, don't you believe me?"
Me: "Of course I believe you, but as part of making our implants even better and evaluating where under the device's warranty this falls, I need to know what may have led up to the implant's leak."
Customer: "Oh, so you think this is my fault?! You make a crappy implant and you have the nerve to blame me?"
Me: "Wait, wait. First, I didn't make your implant, my company did. I'm here to help you get this fixed in the fastest way possible and that starts with finding out how the implant deflated."
Customer: "So you want to know what I did to screw them up, is that right? I spend a fortune on these things to be walking around with a flat tire of a tit and you think it's my fault?"
Me: "No, ma'am. I simply need to know how to cover this under your warranty, to see how much money we are going to give you to fix the problem. We give you a check for money to fix the problem if you'll just answer my questions. What do you remember doing when you first noticed the deflation in your breast?"
Customer: "Me and my boyfriend were playing sex hide-and-seek in the house and he thought it would be more fun if my boobs glowed. So, he used a needle tube to insert little red lights into them... what do you call those little glowing lights? It's like three letters?"
Me: "... A diode?"
Customer: "Yes. He's a trained professional... he uses them on animals at his job all the time."
Me: "So, your boyfriend punched a hole in your chest and tried inserting a diode inside the implant?"
Customer: "Well, not in my chest. Just on the top side of my boob so it wouldn't hurt. He numbed it first."
Me: "... And this is the implant's fault, how?"
Customer: "It started leaking and getting flat."
Me: *laughing* "I'm sorry, can you repeat that? I'm recording this and no one is going to believe me!"
Customer: *click*
Lol, MY PUPPIEZ R NOT WINNING THEM CONTESTS
I have a few winners from my days at Chick-Fil-A:
1. Customer: "What's an Ice Cream Cup?" **I've gotten this THREE TIMES!**
2. Customer: Hey, do you have any hamburgers here? (Chick-Fil-A doesn't have burgers, it's an all chicken place)
Me: Uh...no sir. This is an all chicken restaurant, we do have chicken sandwiches. (Normally this is a question from someone not from around the south, so it SOMETIMES can be an honest mistake)
Customer: Oh, but you have cows as your mascot and it's in all the ads? Shouldn't you have burgers then?
Me: The ads are about eating more chicken and saving the cows, that's why it's "Eat More Chicken".
Customer: "Oh..." *Drives Off*
3. *Customer walks in looks like he hasn't shaven in days, a horribly dirty coat, and more than a little sleep deprived*
Customer: Hey I'm having a horrible FUCKIN day and I got no FUCKIN money do ya have any FUCKIN food you could FUCKIN give me?
Me: *finger hovering over the silent alarm, seriously this guy looked insane* Uh...the only thing I'm allowed to give out is cups of water. I really can't give anything out for free.
Customer: Really?
Me: Yea...sorry.
Customer: "Okay then..." *walks out*
That insane guy would have scared the crap out of me. o_o