I was baffled, and I was slightly angry. Would the police side with me that this was purely not my fault? I mean, who the hell would set up an elaborate
and smelly plan like this just to get revenge on a cat?
This was probably the strangest situation in my life. Augustus, heavily disgusted and flabbergasted at the night's events, went home to collect himself.
The police were the least of my problems. My plumbing situation was just beginning to unfold.
There was plenty of nasty poop to behold everywhere. But now there began to be more than just that. The bathroom started to rumble. The sink shattered.
The tub bounced up and down. The toilet split in half. Where water should have been spraying out of pipes was instead something less liquid and more mammalian.
A raccoon's arm emerged from the sink drain. The raccoon couldn't have been alive. Pipes aren't that thick, you know. Out-of-this-world phenomena happening all in a modest man's bathroom. I definitely didn't ask for or deserve this. It couldn't have been God's wrath.
He's not this intercourse ing creative.
I was being gobbled up by swarms of questions and poop smell. What could be causing everything? Who would do this? Who could even do this? My bathroom was a intercourse ing sewer-themed butcher shop.
Was I in a weird dream? The dozen SWAT team members surrounding me assured me it wasn't.
What is this.
Crazy poop man.
I need more.