Chapter One: New Partner, New Problems
James Lawlz sighed as he filled his paperwork. He was too old for this poop. He didn't want to be dealing with some punk ass kids like Noodles who rebelled against the law for no good reason. He just wanted some nice quality time with his wife and two kids. He stared at their picture and smiled. He had to do this for them. He had to push on for them...
Lawlz's inner thoughts were shattered as Lieteunaunt Reaper slammed his fists on Lawlz's desk. Reaper screamed, "Dammit, Lawlz! I told you to be in my office five minutes ago! Move it!" Lawlz said, "Sorry, Reaper. I was busy finishing the paperwork on the Mariofreak kid. I tell ya, it's so weird to see a kid like that throw his life away by spray painting on his school wall. Shame." Reaper said, "Yeah, it's a darn shame. Come on, I've got something to tell ya in my office."
They entered Reaper's office and Lawlz noticed some young kid. Lawlz sat down and said, "Who's the new meat?" Reaper smiled, "Lawlz, meet your new partner, David Ieram." Ieram interrupted, "I prefer to be called LCK, though. Nice to meet ya." Lawlz sighed, "Reaper, I don't need to be coaching some newbie here. I like to do things on my own. Don't forget my last partner." Reaper yelled, "Dammit, Lawlz! The chief is on my ass! He wants you to have a partner so you get a partner! Show him the ropes, god dangit!" Lawlz stormed out of Reaper's office with LCK running after him.
LCK shouted, "Hey, wait! Reaper said we had to work together!" Lawlz angrily stated, "We may have to work together but that doesn't mean I have to like you." LCK said, "Fine, be like that. All I want to do is to help the city. If being partnered with you is the only way to do it, so be it." Lawlz said, "Move it, newbie. We're going downtown." LCK asked, "Doing what?" Lawlz stated plainly, "What must be done."
Why are you reposting a Boyah story here, sir?
Also, if you're going to keep doing it, hurry up and get to the part where I first come in.
Quote from: Kazooie-Banjo on October 28, 2007, 11:59:13 AM
Why are you reposting a Boyah story here, sir?
Also, if you're going to keep doing it, hurry up and get to the part where I first come in.
Because it's fun. ^_^
Sucks.
Chapter Two: Baby's First Bust
Lawlz and LCK exited the elevator and walked into the garage. Lawlz said, "We're going to find us some drugged up kids, Ieram." LCK sighed, "It's LCK..." Lawlz laughed, "Whatever, Ieram." They went into Lawlz's cop car and Lawlz drove it outside into scenic Boyah City. Lawlz said, "Alright, kid, how much of the drug trade do you know about?"
LCK said, "Not much. All I know is that it's pretty bad right now because of some huge dealer." Lawlz nodded and said, "Yep. No one knows his real name. He goes by many aliases. None stay alive for long. He's a wily one. He's my black whale." LCK suggested, "Uh, Lawlz, that'd be white whale." Lawlz sighed, "Shut the hell up... I'm too old to babysit." As Lawlz said that, they drove right past a drug deal going down.
Lawlz noticed it and said, "Guess what, Ieram? You get to be part of a nice, little drug bust. Get ready for anything." Lawlz took a u-turn at the traffic light and sped to the dark alleyway. Lawlz stopped the car and the two detectives dived out. LCK shouted, "FREEZE! BOYAH POLICE!" One of the dealers shouted, "Shit, it's the cops! Run!"
The three dealers split up and ran off. Lawlz yelled, "I'l take those two down! You take care of the third one!" Lawlz went down the alleyway where two of the dealers ran to. LCK ran into the alleyway with the last dealer. LCK screamed, "Give yourself up! It'll be easier paperwork for me. Heh, I made a funny." Suddenly, the dealer dived from the dumpster and jumped onto LCK. The dealer screamed, "Take this, you piece of poop cop!" The dealer poked LCK's right eye. LCK recoiled in pain which caused him to drop the gun. The dealer grabbed the gun and aimed.
LCK took a last ditch effort and kicked rubble into the dealer's eyes. Luckily, a bit got in and the dealer screamed, "NO! NOT MY EYES!" LCK took the advantage and dived onto the dealer. LCK handcuffed him and read him his Miranda rights. LCK picked his gun back up and placed it in his holster. He stumbled back to the car with his prize in hand. LCK was startled to see Lawlz already back in the car with the two other dealers in the backseat. LCK placed the third dealer into the car and got into the passenger seat. Lawlz asked, "What took you so god darn long?" LCK stared at him in anger and stated, "Just drive."
Quote from: Kazooie-Banjo on October 28, 2007, 12:01:33 PM
Quote from: Riosan on October 28, 2007, 12:00:19 PM
Sucks.
lol
I remember when you were a Mod at Boyah.
hey whatever happened kaz
i forgot
can you tell me in excruciating detail the events that led to rio's downfall
Quote from: Kazooie-Banjo on October 28, 2007, 12:01:33 PM
I remember when you were a Mod at Boyah.
Hey, so do I. It's not exactly hard.
Quote from: Andrew1911 on October 28, 2007, 12:02:26 PM
can you tell me in excruciating detail the events that led to rio's downfall
no
Quote from: Andrew1911 on October 28, 2007, 12:02:26 PM
Quote from: Kazooie-Banjo on October 28, 2007, 12:01:33 PM
Quote from: Riosan on October 28, 2007, 12:00:19 PM
Sucks.
lol
I remember when you were a Mod at Boyah.
hey whatever happened kaz
i forgot
can you tell me in excruciating detail the events that led to rio's downfall
Him not being active + nobody wanting him as a Mod
I suppose those were the two biggest problems.
Quote from: Riosan on October 28, 2007, 12:03:37 PM
Quote from: Kazooie-Banjo on October 28, 2007, 12:01:33 PM
I remember when you were a Mod at Boyah.
Hey, so do I. It's not exactly hard.
Did I say it was? I don't believe I even gave the slightest inclination as to its difficulty or lack thereof.
Chapter Three: The Box
The box was a small, orange room where suspects are to be interrogated in. Lawlz and LCK dragged one dealer into the box and left one dealer in the witness box and the other just sitting on a bench in the IYPC HQ. Lawlz and LCK entered the box. LCK said, "So, how are you doing, Mr... Lollama?" Lollama nodded and said, "I ain't talking to you, pigs. You can do anything you want to me but I ain't talking." Lawlz replied, "That's fairly redundant, Lollama. See, you said you already are not talking with us in the first sentence but you repeated it in the third sentence. Kind of stupid, right, LCK?"
LCK said, "Yeah, sounds kind of stupid to me, Lawlz. Are you stupid, Lollama? It's all right, you can tell us. We're all friends here." Lollama shouted, "I ain't stupid!" Lawlz said, "Hey... I thought you weren't talking to us. Hm... Seems to be a liar, LCK." Lawlz grabbed Lollama's file and said, "Convincted on February 24th for aggrivated assault. Convincted on July 16th, 1997 for possesion of cocaine. Hey, happy anniversery! Well, you've got a record here, Lollama. If you get convincted this time, you'll be going to prison for life. Now, would you rather go home and sleep in your nice bed tonight or would you rather go to prison today and sleep in a small bed with your brand new roommate, Bubba? Ever watch Oz? It would be like that."
Lollama screamed, "STOP! I'LL TALK! Alright, what do y'all want to know and what do I get out of it?" LCK said, "What you get out of it is a chance to not get raped and we want to know who the big dealer is. We don't care about small stuff like you." Lollama laughed, "You think I know who the big guy is? I don't know who that is but I can give you the next best thing. One of his assiociates." Lawlz asked, "Who is that, Lollama?"
Lollama answered, "I don't know his real name but people call him Shady Slim." LCK said, "Thank you for the information and we'll talk with the D.A. to drop all charges. But, you'll have to stay in a holding cell tonight." Lollama screamed, "What? I thought we had a deal!" Lawlz answered, "Well, deals are made to be broken. Hey, officer, do me a favor and bring this guy into the holding cell. Thank you." The officer dragged Lollama out of the box while Lollama shouted many expletives involving LCK's mother and a platypus.
Lawlz said, "Good work in there, LCK." LCK smiled, "Hey, you called me LCK!" Lawlz sighed, "Don't read that much into it, Ieram. We'll put these two others guys into holding cells. We've got to get that Shady Slim before he hears about Lollama blabbing about him. Let's shag ass."
Why is Lollama in this story?
Quote from: Kazooie-Banjo on October 28, 2007, 12:11:13 PM
Why is Lollama in this story?
YOU'LL FIND OUT... OH, YOU'LL FIND OUT... MWHA, HA, HA!
Chapter Four: The Shadiest Slim is the Most Dangerous SlimLCK said, "Alright, so we need to find Shady Slim... How are we going to do that?" Lawlz said, "The old fashioned way." Lawlz stopped the car and walked up to a poorly kept man leaning on the wall. Lawlz leaned against the wall and asked for a cigarette. The kid looked at him and said, "What do you want, pig?" Lawlz said, "Shady Slim. You know where he is?" The kid said, "You're after the Outsider Gang? Jesus, Lawlz, you're in more trouble than you know."
Lawlz said, "The Outsider Gang? They're the gang controlling the city! V, listen to me! Where is Shady Slim?" Lawlz shook V and V shouted, "Hey, watch the merchandise! Alright, he's in an abadoned warehouse down on Powerspike Avenue and 500th Street. I think a deal's going down." Lawlz smiled, "Always a pleasure, V." V asked, "New partner? What about your old one?" Lawlz sighed, "He's been dead for quite sometime, V." LCK was perplexed. LCK asked, "Dead? What happaned?" Lawlz screamed, "Not now, Ieram! Get in the car!"
The two sped down Powerspike Avenue and finally found the abadoned warehouse. Lawlz picked up the reciever and said, "Alright, I need backup at Powerspike Avenue and 500th Street. A possible drug deal is going down. Suspect is a Shady Slim. He is considered armed and dangerous. Ieram and I are going in." The two exited their cars and could hear music walking up to the gate. It sounded like Jimi Hendrix's 'Voodoo Child (Slight Return)'. LCK said, "I like this song." Lawlz said, "Alright, kid. We're going to go in. Shots first. Questions later. Make sure you get Shady Slim alive. We can't risk losing him. Let's go."
They walked up to the gates and took out their guns. LCK said, "We're here to see Shady Slim. Let us in or we will be forced to use deadly force." The guards ran inside to warn them of the others. Lawlz sighed, "I'm getting too old for this poop..." He shot the lock and opened the gate. The two ran through and dived into the warehouse, screaming, "BOYAH POLICE! WHERE'S SHADY SLIM?" To their dismay, there had to be ten guards inside along with their suspect. Shady Slim clapped and said, "Ah, the police. About time my taxes go to some use. Well, I can't let you two take me in so I'm afraid you're going to have to die. Henchmen, fi-"
Before Shady Slim could finish his sentence, an explosion caused the wall to collapse on the guards. Shady Slim was vulnerable. He sensed this and ran deeper into the warehouse. LCK was in hot pursuit and shouted, "If you go quietly, we can make you a deal!" Shady Slim scoffed, "And what? Give me a twenty year sentence with a chance for parole in ten instead of life? Yeah, you can go suck it, pig." As the song reached it's climax, Shady Slim dived from a corner and shot at LCK. The bullets missed and LCK ran towards Shady Slim and shot at his leg. LCK's bullet went right into Slim's kneecap.
Shady Slim screamed in pain as it tore his flesh. LCK shouted, "Lawlz! I got him!" Slim managed to pick his gun back up and tried to shoot LCK in the forehead. From the other side, Lawlz shot Slim in the arm which caused Slim to miss by a wide margin. Lawlz scoffed, "Apparently, you didn't. Well, handcuff him and we'll bring him into the box, two bullet wounds or no bullet wounds."
Quote from: Andrew1911 on October 28, 2007, 12:08:28 PM
Chapter Three: The Box
The box was a small, orange room where suspects are to be interrogated in.
ORANGE BOX
Also, put me in. >:(
Quote from: Kazooie-Banjo on October 28, 2007, 12:11:13 PM
Why is Lollama in this story?
Better question. Where's Guff?
Chapter Five: The Box Part Deux
Reaper stared at Slim from the window. He said calmly, "Lawlz, we need to interview him and get the answers on the Outsider Clan before anyone hears about this. If IGN knew about this, they'd have my badge and gun on their desk. Get in there. You too, Ieram." LCK said, "Uh, it's LCK, sir." Reaper answered, "Whatever." Reaper stayed at the window and the two detectives entered with Slim's file.
LCK opened the file and said, "Your real name is... Holly Terrance? Pretty lame name for a big time drug dealer." Slim was breathing heavily and said, "Get... Me... To... A... Doctor..." The two laughed. Lawlz said, "Hey, pal, no one knows you're here except for us and the lieutnaunt. You spill the beans and we get you to a doctor. If you don't, you're going to end up in the morgue right with your henchmen. Talk." Slim began to cry and whispered softly, "Can you drop... The charges?"
LCK smiled, "No." Slim slammed his fists and said, "DAMMIT! JUST GET ME TO A DOCTOR! ARGH!" Lawlz ran up to Slim and put his fingers in the bullet hole in his kneecap. Slim screamed in pain, "I'LL TALK! I'LL TALK!" Lawlz removed his fingers and said, "If you're going to talk... Then talk." Slim said, "Alright... I'm not the big guy... You know this... I don't know the big guy... I've just heard whispers... I can give you the name... Of... The next... One... Abov... M..."
Slim was fading fast. He was going to black out. LCK grabbed Slim by the collar and screamed, "DAMMIT! I'M A COP ON THE EDGE WHO DOESN'T PLAY BY THE RULES! YOU TELL ME HIS NAME AND I'LL CONSIDER LETTING YOU LIVE TO SEE YOUR NEXT BIRTHDAY, YOU SLICE OF SHIT!" Slim managed to utter out a word before going unconscious, "CP." LCK let go of Slim and threw the table over. Lawlz said, "We're going to the archives. We're going to find any mention of something called CP, drugs, and Outsider. Reaper, can you bring this bastard to a hospital?"
"DAMMIT! I'M A COP ON THE EDGE WHO DOESN'T PLAY BY THE RULES!"
Why does that sound familiar?
Chapter Six: Lawlz's Past
Lawlz and LCK entered the police archives looking for a mention of child porn, Outsiders, and drugs. LCK had something on his mind. He had to tell Lawlz something. LCK asked, "Lawlz... What happened to your last partner?" Lawlz gripped the wall and crushed a bit of the wood off. Lawlz said, "I don't want to talk about." LCK grabbed Lawlz and screamed, "I NEED TO KNOW, DAMMIT! YOU'RE MY PARTNER!"
Lawlz pushed LCK off and yelled, "YOU'RE NOT MY PARTNER! TREVOR WAS MY ONLY PARTNER!" LCK stopped dead in his tracks and said, "Trevor? I remember reading something about him last year." Lawlz said quietly, "Trevor was my old partner. He was a great man." LCK asked, "Was?" Lawlz nodded and said, "Was... I guess I should tell you what happened...
It was five years ago. It was an especially cold day. Trevor and I stepped out of the car in a routine drug bust. I still cared about my job and I actually loved the city. As we exited the car, I had a strange feeling this would not be an ordinary drug bust. I shook it off as we entered inside. We went into this huge warehouse and saw all these dealers everywhere. I don't know what we were thinking, going in without backup... I still regret not picking that reciever up and calling for backup...
We screamed for them to give up and go in quiety. Of course, they didn't. I thought we had it all under control when we got most of them... There were a few left. I started joking with Trevor... That's when it happened. All of a sudden, one of them dived over the container and shot Trevor in the forehead. He laughed. I tried to shoot him but the bastard shot me in the shoulder. He got away. I still remember that cold, heartless laugh... That bastard got away from me. He killed my partner... He killed my partner."
LCK whispered, "Jesus. Wait... Was it the Outsider Clan you tried to bust?" Lawlz nodded and said, "Yes. Those bastards are the reason why my partner is dead. I have a vendetta against them and I will not rest until they are all dead." LCK said, "Lawlz, you may not consider me your partner but I consider you my partner. We're going to get those bastards together. You and me. Now, let's find that thing we're looking for." LCK opened a newspaper and found the answer he was looking for.
LCK pointed to a sentence that said, 'A few of the suspects were captured including a child molester who goes by the alias of Phydeaux.' Lawlz said, "Fantastic. He's behind bars. This will make it much easier for us. Let's go."
OH LAWD
FIDO LIEKS CP
Wasn't I in this story?
Holy poop, I forgot about this.
Brilliant.
Brilliant.
fall in a well rio
Chapter Seven: Something clever about prison
Lawlz and LCK headed towards the local prison to find Phydeaux. LCK said, "Listen, man... About your old partner... I'm sorry about that." Lawlz said, "Don't be sorry, LCK. Don't be sorry. I'm not going to let that happen again... Partner." LCK smiled. They finally reached the prison and entered. They went up to the warden and asked, "Excuse me but we're looking for a prisoner who went by the alias of Phydeaux. Does he reside here?"
Warden Steal asked, "Reside? No one resides here. We lock 'em down. Reside... Never heard someone refer to holding a criminal in a prison as residing." LCK sighed, "Regardless of the word, is there anyone who went by that alias?" Warden Steal answered, "Yes. He's currently in Cell Block B. You want to question him?" Lawlz nodded and said, "It would only take a few minutes..." Warden Steal said, "Hell, you could interview him in the cell block for all I care. Let's go."
Before they entered the cell block, Warden Steel said, "First, you'll need to deposit your firearms here for the time remaining here." The two deposited their weapons and entered the cell block. They saw dozens of prisoners but one in particular stood out. He had shaved his head and on the top was a swatiska. The Nazi version. LCK joked, "Hey, you think he's a Nazi?" Lawlz chuckled, "You know I'm Jewish, right?" LCK said, "Oh. Well... Um... So, you're rich?" Lawlz laughed, "You're funny." Warden Steal pointed Phydeaux out and it was the one they were making fun of before.
They walked up to him and LCK said, "Well, hello, Phydeaux! How you doin'? You know your buddy? Shady Slim? Well, he's currently in the hospital with a bullet wound in his shoulder and kneecap! Now, I want to know why he said you were above him in the Outsider Clan! See, you're in prison... He's not... That must mean you're doing some business from prison and that is quite illegial. So is dealing drugs and conspiracing to commit murder which is what we suspect you of doing. It's a shame that you won't be able to get out and enjoy fondling the children you oh so love if we prove this in a court of law..."
Phydeaux said, "That made me laugh out loud, fellas... I got some bad news for you two... You came at the worst possible time to interview me. We're going to be having a riot in a few seconds. Sit back and watch the fireworks, gentlemen. I'll make sure you two die." Lawlz and LCK gulped as they saw the prisoners gang up on the cops. One prisoner grabbed a guard's club and beat him to death with it. After the guards were all killed and/or captured, the prisoners piled the tables onto the gates to block the entrance. Lawlz asked, "What do you want?" Phydeaux smiled, "Drop the case, Jew, and I'll consider letting you two live to see tomorrow. I'll let you think about it in a cell. Yo, ninnyes! Tie these two up and put them in my cell! Make sure you hurt them..."
o noez
HOW WILL DEY GET OUTTA DIS ONE
Chapter Eight: Prison Riot: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Beat the Shit out of Prisoners
Lawlz was punched in the chest and his jaw was uppercutted by a member of the Aryan Gang. Lawlz spit out some blood and said, "That the best you got?" The Aryan said, "I've got more, little Jew... But... The boss said to keep you alive till morning. You get off." Lawlz asked, "Where's LCK?" The Aryan smiled, "Oh... He's fine. He's just getting acquainted with some of our prisoners." Lawlz screamed, "Don't you dare intercourse ing hurt my partner!"
Meanwhile, in another cell not too far off, LCK was getting attacked by the Mexican gang and was continously getting punched. He couldn't block so many of them and finally collapsed to the floor. One Mexican said, "Damn, ese! You can't fight for poop!" LCK lay on the ground with a broken nose and numerous cuts. He saw Lawlz in another cell from the ground. He nodded his head. Lawlz nodded back.
Lawlz thought to himself, "Dammit, I've got to get us out of this situation but still get information from Phydeaux. I can't let this case drop. This is for Trevor... And LCK." Lawlz struggled to get out of his bonds but it was impossible. He would have to literally fight with two hands behind his back. He was guarded by that Aryan intercourse . Lawlz had an idea... He slowly got up and put his hands out in front. He was to going to strangle that intercourse .
Lawlz crept up slowly behind him and when he made it to the Aryan, he put his hands out and got his neck right in between his bonds. He brought him back into the cell and slowly choked him to death. The last thing the Aryan saw was Lawlz smiling, waving goodbye. The Aryan died and Lawlz noticed he had a shiv in his pocket. Lawlz cut his bonds and gave a signal to LCK that he got free. LCK nodded.
Back in LCK's cell, he saw Phydeaux come up to him. Phydeaux grabbed him by his hair and took out a cigarette. Phydeaux lit it up and burnt it into LCK's skin. LCK didn't scream and only grunted. Phydeaux smirked, "Hm... You're tougher than most... So, you're LCK... The new partner for Lawlz. I remember the old one... He was quite slow. I still remember shooting him. Quite enjoyable, mate. Now, looks like I'll have the pleasure of killing you." LCK smiled, "Not if I get you first." Phydeaux said with disgust, "How are you possibly going to get me? I'm Phydeaux, ninny. I'm un-intercourse ing-touchable. I'm the devouer of children." LCK laughed, "Oh, I'll find a way, Steve... I'll find a way... Ha, ha, ha!" Steve backed out, creeped out a bit.
Phydeaux said to one of the Mafia guys, "I want you to rough him a bit more. I want him to be clinging to lfie when I come back. Got it?" The Mafia guy responded, "Hey, I'm from the Mafia! Eh? I'll make sure he's sleeping with the fishes! Capishe?" Phydeaux sighed, "Listen, Frank, you were born in Kansas... You're not from the Mafia... Please, stop with the accent." Frank said sadly, "Y'all don't got to get touchy about it... Well, I'll take out my frustations on that guy..." Frank entered the room with a chair and said, "Prepare to face my anger, y'all!" LCK gulped but he got his hands out of the ropes by using the sharp edge of the bed.
Lawlz watched this and knew he had to spring into action. He grabbed the shiv and jumped from the second floor and screamed, "LISTEN UP! LET LCK AND ME GO AND I WON'T KILL YOU!" The prisoners crowded around and muttered, "Let's rape the Jew." One prisoner tried to dive onto Lawlz but Lawlz shived him as he was in mid-air. Another prisoner tried to attack Lawlz from behind but LCK came onto the scene with a chair and broke it over the prisoner's head. LCK screamed, "LISTEN UP! I'M A COP ON THE EDGE WHO DOESN'T PLAY BY THE RULES! YOU DUMB FUCKS BETTER GIVE UP PHYDEAUX SO WE CAN GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THE OUTSIDER CLAN! YOU GOT IT?"
The prisoners all responded by trying to gang pile on the two. As the entire cell block descended upon them, LCK remarked, "Well, I tried. Let's get to work." The two rolled away from the pile and grabbed prisoners from the pile. Lawlz grabbed an Aryan and kicked him in the groin. Lawlz said, "There goes your perfect race babies." LCK grabbed one of the Mexicans who beat him up and before punching his face in so much that he became disfigured, LCK said, "You ever see The Man With No Face? Well, when you look in the mirror, that guy will be you." Finally, the two defeated the entire pile. The only one left was Phydeaux who stood watching while smoking a cigarette.
Phydeaux clapped slowly. He said, "Good job, gentlemen... You may have defeated them but you haven't defeated me. I should let you know that I am a master in martial arts." LCK laughed, "Hey, James... You know what this intercourse did? He killed Trevor." Phydeaux poop himself as he saw Lawlz's face change from playful to intercourse ing mad. Lawlz screamed, "YOU KILLED TREVOR? DIE!" Lawlz jumped onto a table and dived into Phydeaux, sending him flying back into a wall. Phydeaux said, "Hey, we can work out a deal!" Lawlz screamed, "NO DEAL! YOUR DEATH IS THE ONLY DEAL!"
Lawlz began to choke Phydeaux. Lawlz smiled but LCK yelled, "LAWLZ! NO! He's a piece of poop but if you kill him in cold blood, you're not any better than him! Also, we need him alive for information." Lawlz let go of Phydeaux. Lawlz spit on him and said, "Who's the next in line?" Phydeaux said quickly, "It's Commodore Guff! Oh, God! Don't hurt me! I need to fondle a child one last time before I die!" Lawlz decided to take one last hit for the road and kicked Phydeaux in the face. Lawlz said, "Let's move it." LCK looked at the numerous prisoners they beat up. He finally said, "Whoa. We kick ass."
bumpz
GOD DAMMIT PEOPLE THIS STORY IS AMAZING