hey you guys can have some of my scraps from boyah!!! hooray
Jurassic Park III was a colossal pile of poop. I'm sure most of us could agree with that statement, right? So... I'm remaking it. Right now. At this very moment. From what was something so awful that Spielberg refused to direct it will become a beautiful monument to my greatness. Enjoy Jurassic Park III II: The Remaking.
(http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e13/Andrew1911/vlcsnap-3251.png)
Alternative titles included Jurassic Park III: The Cash In, Jurassic Park III: Whoops, Jurassic Park III: Thanks for your Money, Sucka!, and Jurassic Park III: When Spielberg doesn't direct this one and he directed the Lost World, you should've known.
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"Hey, is this rope safe, bra? I mean, it doesn't feel very sturdy."
(http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e13/Andrew1911/vlcsnap-2549.png)
"Hey, senor, I checked it last month. What the hell could have happened to it from one month? Whiny gringo... You gringos ready to take off or what?"
(http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e13/Andrew1911/vlcsnap-5342.png)
"Let's do it to it, bra! You sure you'll be safe here, bra?"
(http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e13/Andrew1911/vlcsnap-5691.png)
"Hey, I'll be fine, gringo! It's not like dinosaurs can swim or anything! Enjoy your flight, gringos!"
(http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e13/Andrew1911/vlcsnap-5565.png)
"Whee! It's like I'm flying! Hey, what happened to those Latino guys? It appears that a well placed fog is blocking our view of the ship. Hm... Hope nothing ate them."
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(http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e13/Andrew1911/vlcsnap-6160.png)
"Oh, snap, bra."
I lol'd. :D
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"IF YOU GUYS DON'T POST, I'M AFRAID I'LL HAVE TO RAPE YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! WHOO-HOO!"
(http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e13/Andrew1911/vlcsnap-6646.png)
"Kill, my pets! Kill for my amusement!"
(http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e13/Andrew1911/vlcsnap-10596.png)
"Now, Billy, those dinosaurs wouldn't kill each other. See, they're from different time periods. What you want to do is put the T-Rex in to fight the Triceratops."
(http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e13/Andrew1911/vlcsnap-6646.png)
"I don't care, dinosaur man. I'm playing."
(http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e13/Andrew1911/vlcsnap-10596.png)
"Listen, intercourse rat. Do you know what kind of things a T-Rex will do to your body? First, he'll sniff you out. Then, he'll open his jaw and bite down hard. But, you'll still be alive. You'll feel every crunch as he chews your tiny body until you dissolve into a nice, spongy mass for his stomach to slowly digest. Now, I will shove these intercourse ing plastic toys down your god darn throat unless you don't intercourse ing play with the intercourse ing right dinosaurs. Got it, you motherintercourse er?"
This version of JPIII is epic win. :P
You're jst mad because Jurassic Park is awesome. >:( *whine* *whine* *cry* *cry* :'( :( :-* :-\ ::) :| :( :O :'(
(http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e13/Andrew1911/vlcsnap-27081-1.png)
Blacks. Jews. Mexicans. Japanese. Always causing trouble in the neighborhood. Why shouldn't we do just kill them off? I mean, it makes sense, doesn't it? The whites are pure. Hey, don't leave! I see you there! I'm still talking, dangit! Fine, I'll take a question. Christ, I need a drink."
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"Excuse me, sir... But, isn't this a dinosaur lecture?"
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"What the intercourse ? Dinosaurs? Kid, how old are you? Lemme guess... Eighteen? Well, let me put it to you straight. Dinosaurs are bullpoop. Total. Fucking. Bullpoop. There's nothing real about them. I may have seen them in the flesh but those weren't dinosaurs. They were... Different things. Lemme tell you something... There's no possible way I will ever ever go back to that island. Not even if you could somehow cut to the next scene and show me on a plane going to that island. No way, Jose."
(http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e13/Andrew1911/vlcsnap-33321.png)
"Boy howdy! I can't believe I'm on a plane to that island I swear I would never go to! I was sure proven wrong!"
(http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e13/Andrew1911/vlcsnap-36026.png)
"There's something funny about those sleepy fun time pills I took..."
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"Hey, Alan... I'm going to eat you. Boo."
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"God dangit! That's the last time I take pills from strangers offering me candy!"
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"Hi, Alan. Were you dreaming of me?"
(http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e13/Andrew1911/vlcsnap-36381.png)
"Uh, Billy, I'd rather eat my own vomit than dream of you. Oh, thank God... We're finally over this god forsaken island."
Why didn't they get you to make the movie, I'll never know.
Pretty darn hilarious so far, Andrew.
(http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e13/Andrew1911/vlcsnap-44846.png)
You love me, Alan... You just don't know it yet. Soon... You will find out. If you don't... Hope you lived a full life, Alan Grant..."
(http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e13/Andrew1911/vlcsnap-45108.png)
"Wow! Everyone, check that out over there! It's something that kind of looks like a dinosaur if you look at it from the right angle! Kind of!"
(http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e13/Andrew1911/vlcsnap-45209.png)
"I'm ignoring you! La-la-la-la-la-la!"
(http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e13/Andrew1911/vlcsnap-45440.png)
"Oh, please! That is so juvenille! I won't even give it a response!"
(http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e13/Andrew1911/vlcsnap-45347.png)
"We're all ignoring you! La-la-la-la-la-la!"
(http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e13/Andrew1911/vlcsnap-45588.png)
"That's it! I'm going to bum rush, you motherintercourse ers! This ninny motherintercourse er plane is going to burn down to the ground! Stop ignoring me! STOP IGNORING ME!"
(http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e13/Andrew1911/vlcsnap-45799.png)
"Mr. Grant, please sit down or that weird guy who knows us from church is going to bash you on the head! After that, I will be forced to make a funny face!"
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Oh come on. Jurassic Park III wasn't a TOTAL failure....it was pretty darn bad though. I really liked the second one most! :P
This was some of the funniest poop I've read. Then you got crappy at it.
Still that first half is intercourse ing hilarious.
Quote from: Geno on November 01, 2007, 08:25:01 PM
This was some of the funniest poop I've read. Then you got crappy at it.
Still that first half is intercourse ing hilarious.
No, I didn't, dumbass.
Your version is good, but I thought JPIII had its moments...
JPIII failed because the director decided to poop it out of his ass for moneys.
Hell, the major differnce is that the directors didn't have a book by Crichton to base it off of.
The scene talking about never going back to the island was hilarious.
As always I bow to you Andrew.
I need more.
MORE I TELL YOU.