NSFCD

If you wanna know why I didn't post this in the forum of fan fics, is because nobody goes there :P

Ok, if you readed the fan fic Know your stars, you maybe readed the extra story, so here is the chapter 5, enjoy please. By Tyler and Ryxlet (If you find the story rather stupid, tell me then)

Yes... Sadly, I am skipping some of the demonstration fights. Hey, I'm not that good at writing fight scenes. I'm just gonna stick to humor. So, enjoy chapter 5.

Oh, by the way, expect randomness and OOC's in this chapter!

Two Weeks Later...

Master sighed. The past two weeks had been rough for him. 'Sheesh...' he thought, 'It's a hassle now that Wario's joined Yoshi's and Kirby's eating contests. I'm afraid that we'll run out of food. Not that it wasn't a problem before. And Sonic and Shadow are usually duking it out in the back yard, occasionally damaging either the mansion or the garden. Ike, Link, Marth and Roy are always clashing in the training room, Lucas and Ness are sometimes fighting, and Pikachu and Pichu keep picking on the Pokémon Trainer! This has got to be the worst idea I have ever- ...No, having Bowser watch the mansion for five minutes was the worst idea I've ever had.'

Downstairs...

In the living room, Mario, Luigi, Peach, and Daisy were watching television. They were watching a cooking show, showing the viewers how to make some sort of... food.

"Just what do you think they're making-?" Luigi asked.

"Hmm... I think it's some sort of soup." Peach suggested.

"No, it looks to thick for soup." Mario said.

"Well, maybe it's... ah... hmm... Gee, I don't know." Daisy said.

Meta Knight came into the living room.

"Hmm... Looks like crackers." He said.

"No, it can't be." Falco said, he too coming in, "It's an apple."

"Don't look like it." Bowser Jr. came into the room, "It's like bread."

"Nope. It's not." Pit flew through the window, "It's some sort of milkshake."

"How do you get milkshake outta that?" Ganondorf said as he broke through the wall, "It's obviously a bowl of cereal."

"You're all wrong." Ashley came into the room, "It's peanut butter."

"No way!" Crazy Hand crashed through the roof and landed on Ganondorf, "It's juice!"

"You can't get juice out of and apple!" Falco said.

"It's not an apple, it's a loaf of bread!" Bowser Jr. said.

"Nu-uh! It's a milkshake!" Pit yelled. Crazy got off Ganondorf.

"Guys, stop this senseless fighting!" Tyler yelled as he fell through the hole in the roof, landing on Ganondorf, "It's obviously chocolate cake!"

"You think every thing is cake!" Funky Kong flew through the same window as Pit.

"Shut up!" Tyler yelled.

"It's crackers!" Meta Knight yelled.

"It's peanut butter!" Ashley yelled.

"Crackers!"

"Peanut butter!"

"Crackers!"

"Peanut butter!"

"...Juuuice..." Ganondorf said weakly.

Everyone glared at each other, then they all broke out into an all-4-1 brawl. Mario, Luigi, Peach, and Daisy quietly snuck out of the hole Ganondorf made.

Five Minutes Later...

Everyone mentioned above was laid out on their backs, covered in scratches, bruises, and wet pants. Suddenly, there was a loud shriek. Everyone sprang to their feet (except for Crazy) and rushed to the kitchen. There, Zelda and Samus looked in horror at the broken glass jar, its contents spilled on the floor. The contents were chocolate chip cookies.

"What's going on in here!?" Crazy yelled.

"S...S...S...S-S-Someone stole the last peanut butter cookie!" Zelda screamed. Everyone yelled in terror.

"Who would've done something as terrible as this?!" Falco sobbed.

"I don't know." Bowser Jr. said.

"This case needs to be solved." Meta Knight said.

"I know who could help!" Funky Kong said.

"Who!?" Everyone yelled. Funky grinned.

Upstairs...

"So... you come to me in your hour of need..." Donkey Kong said. Funky, who was bowing down to him, nodded, along with everyone else from before, "I should've seen this coming... I should've stopped the perpetrator."

"The wha?" Ganondorf asked.

"The villain." Tyler answered.

"Oh."

"So... you want me to help you..." Donkey Kong peeled a banana.

"Yes, O Great Donkey Kong." Funky said.

"Hmmm... Well, I may assist you..." Funky raised his head in joy, "...Only after I beat Halo 3." Funky, plus everyone else in the room, did an anime-fall.

"Halo 3!?" Everyone yelled, "That's for the XBox 360!"

"Can't an ape have another system?" Donkey Kong shrugged.

"Well... it isn't against Teh Rules..." Crazy said, whipping out a giant book that had Teh Rules written in big, bold letters.

"How far are you, DK?" Ashley asked.

"I just bought it three minutes ago!" DK said. 'Nother anime-fall.

"Looks like we're in this on our own." Crazy said, "Let's go, team! To the crime scene!" Everyone minus DK, who was putting the Halo 3 disc in the XBox 360, ran out of the room.

Downstairs...

In the kitchen, a Danger sign/fence thingy was around the broken cookie jar. The group from earlier, plus some Toads in police uniforms, stood around the jar. Falco, once again, started crying. Meta Knight slapped him in the beak.

"Get a hold of yourself, man!" He yelled. Falco sniffed a mighty sniff, and nodded.

Meanwhile, Crazy was talking to one of the Toad police men.

"So, tell me what you know, Mr. Ossifer." Crazy said.

"That's Mr. Officer, to you, bub." The Toad said, "The perp came through this here wall, stole the last peanut butter cookie, and ran out through the same hole."

"How do you know he came through the wall?" Crazy asked. The Toad pointed to the wall. A giant hole was there. "Oh." Crazy nodded and floated back to the group, "Okay, since he is the smartest one here, I'm entrusting Tyler to be Mr. Sherlock Holmes on this case."

"What? Who? Me?" Tyler asked. Crazy nodded. Tyler saluted, "You can count on me, Mr. Hand!" Tyler walked over to the cookie jar. Then he looked a the hole. Coming to a conclusion very quickly, he turned back to the group, "Okay, I got four prime suspects: Ganondorf..." Ganondorf's jaw hung open, "...Ashley..." Ashley's eyes widened, "...and Pit and Funky Kong." Pit and Funky... well, they were to busy staring at the broken jar on the floor.

"Me!?" Ganondorf yelled in Tyler's face, "Why me!?"

"Yeah, why me, too?" Ashley asked calmly. Pit and Funky still did not here.

"Well, first of all, the perp burst through the wall, which Ganondorf did in the living room." Everyone looked at the hole on the wall, then turned to Ganondorf, who started sweating. Tyler started pacing in front of the group. "Secondly, what the perp took was a peanut butter cookie. When Ashley came into the living room, she said that the food on TV was peanut butter." Everyone minus Ashley started murmuring in agreement and nodding. Ashley got a slightly worried look on her face, but it was barley noticeable, "Thirdly and fourthly, in the living room, Pit and Funky Kong flew through the same window. The exact same window that was right next to the kitchen." Pit and Funky still did not hear Tyler. Now Pit was crying on Funky's shoulder, while Funky was patting him on the back.

"Those are three very excellent points, Tyler!" Crazy said, slapping him in the back, making him fall face-first on the floor.

"Thanks." Tyler said, his voice muffled because of the floor. He raised his head to look at the group, "Y'know, I don't actually suspect you guys." Ganondorf sighed in relief and wiped his brow. Ashley's almost impossible to see look vanished, "Now, let's go find that crook!" The group yelled, and they all ran off. They forgot something though...

"Hey, where'd they go?" Pit asked, finally looking over his shoulder, his tears gone.

"I don't know..." Funky said, "but I got the strangest feeling that we're one of four suspects for this crime."

"Oh, that's preposterous!" Pit said, "...Hey, is that spelled right?"

"No clue." Funky said, "Now let's get outta here." He and Pit ran off for the group.


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How do you like this chapter? I wanted to add a crime/mystery one, plus some humor, so I came up with this.

Alright, I want you guys (and girls) to do something for me. After every few chapter now, I'll put up a poll. You guys (and girls) have to pick either A, B, C, D, and I'll write a chapter with the winning... uh, letter.

So, here they are!


Question: What will the group go to?

A) Look inside the mansion for clues

B) Look in Nintendo City for clues

C) Split up in four groups of two, one person will be on their own

D) Play Halo 3 with Donkey Kong

That's it for now! See ya next chapter!

PS: Sorry again for not doing the fight scenes!

I will not continue with the last story, but here is the next chapter of Crazy Crazy Mansion! Enjoy and comment please!

Crazy Crazy Mansion
By Hoogiman

Last time on Crazy Crazy Mansion...

"Hey guys, I'm here to kill you," said Pit, wheeling a cannon into the room.

...

"Pikachu, stop attacking!" shouted a voice from the other side of the room.

Pikachu and Jigglypuff gasped, and looked at a female trainer on the other side of the room.

"Yay! May!" cheered Pikachu and Jigglypuff. "You're here to save us!"

...

Ash slit May's throat, killing her.

...

"WHAT?!?!?!" screamed Bowser in shocked, looking at the twenty bodies that were lying on his bed.

"There are bodies on my bed!" screamed Bowser, "Bodies! Dead bodies!"

...

"AndI missed out on helping!" said Bowser angrily.

Donkey Kong walked in, holding a banana gun, "Time to die-"

"Shut up!" said Bowser angrily, giving him a fatal blow to the chin. "Why didn't you tell me we were going on a killing spree before, huh?"

Chapter Seven

Bowser cackled manically has he waved around Zelda's bloody carcass, earwax seeping out of the eyes.

Popo ran up to Bowser, in tears. "Bowser, it's horrible!" cried Popo, "Twenty-eight people have been killed in what seems to be a horrible massacre!"

"Twenty-eight?!" said Bowser, shocked and angry, "I've missed out on so much!"

"I know! You have to help us!" said Popo crying, hugging Bowser's leg, "Twenty-eight people are dead!"

"Twenty-nine," said Bowser in a serious, low voice.

"What do you mean?" said Popo, staring into Bowser's eyes cutely.

"I said, twenty-nine," said Bowser angrily.

"But there are only twenty-eight," argued Popo.

"Now there will be twenty-nine!" said Bowser angrily, pointing at Popo.

"What do you mean?" said Popo.

"After I kill you there will be twenty-nine," said Bowser.

"What do you mean?" said Popo, scratching his head. "And why are you caressing Zelda's bloody carcass in your own hands, laughing manically as you pull out the organs individually, cackling uncontrollably at the sound they make after splattering onto the ground?"

Bowser grinned evilly at Popo.

"It's almost as if you're going out with the intention of..." said Popo, coming to a realisation. "...killing people?!"

"Yes," acknowledged Bowser.

"Oh," said Popo.

...

"So are you going to like, kill me or-" said Popo.

Bowser stomped on Popo, killing him.

"Ha, ha, ha!" chuckled Bowser heartily.


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Mewtwo and Falcon sat in a room, playing snap in silence.
...

"...you know how there's lots of bodies everywhere and stuff?" said Falcon, turning over a card.

"Mmm..." said Mewtwo apathetically, placing down a card.

"...maybe we should... do something about it?" suggested Falcon.

"Naah," said Mewtwo, flipping another card over.

...

Lucas ran into the room, wielding a machete.

"You guys are really starting to get lame," said Mewtwo angrily.

"You know what isn't lame?" said Lucas smugly.

"...my body smeared all over the wall, yeah, yeah," said Mewtwo, uninterested.

"I'm going to kill you first, kitty kat!" said Lucas.

"You're not fazing me anymore!" said Mewtwo angrily, turning over a card to reveal a frog (which did not match with Falcon's donkey).

Lucas charged towards Mewtwo, screaming loudly, machete raised.

"I'm trying to concentrate on this!" said Mewtwo angrily, flipping over a lion card (which did not match with Falcon's woodpecker).

"AAAAHHHH!" screamed Lucas, now five metres away from Mewtwo.

"SHUT UP!" screamed Mewtwo angrily, turning towards to Lucas and punching him in the face, killing him.

...

Lucas's body lay there.

...

"Snap!" said Falcon excitedly, putting his hand on top of the card pile, "Oh boy! I won! I won! You lose!"

"Congratulations, you have won at what could be the most brainless game ever invented," said Mewtwo bitterly.

"Yay!" said Falcon in a kid-like celebratory voice. "Oh boy, do I get a prize?"

"Yes, you do!" said Mewtwo.

"Really? What is it?" said Falcon, hopefully.

Mewtwo slit Falcon's throat, killing him.

"There was your prize," said Mewtwo smugly.

...

"Oh geez, that gag was so original," said Falco sarcastically. "And so clever!"

"Do you want to have the same fate?" said Mewtwo angrily. "Do you want me to kill you?"

"You can't kill me," said Falco, poking his tongue out, "I'm aspirit!"

"Curse you, Falco!" cursed Mewtwo, "Curse you!"


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Jigglypuff and Pikachu stared at each other in silence inside a closet, munching away on their preserved fruit as they glared angrily at each other.
"I've got an idea!" shouted Jigglypuff.

"Could you be any quieter?" said Pikachu angrily.

"No!" shouted Jigglypuff.

"You weren't supposed to answer that," said Pikachu angrily.

"Oh! I'll remember for next time!" said Jigglypuff, increasing in volume after every word she spoke.

"So what's your idea?" whispered Pikachu angrily.

"Well," announced Jigglypuff, "I tally up all of the people alive, and then we can count them to see how many people are left!"

"That's a stupid idea," whispered Pikachu, "You'll get yourself killed! And keep quiet! Someone may here us!"

"Who to kill? Who to kill?" said a manic, soldier-like voice from outside the cupboard.

"Well don't kill us!" said Jigglypuff loudly, "Because you can find us because we're hiding in this cupboard-"

"Shut up!" whispered Pikachu angrily, covering Jigglypuff's mouth.

"Did I hear someone say, shut up?" said the voice from the hallway.

"See? You're louder," shouted Jigglypuff, poking her tongue out at Pikachu.

"You're the one that's shouting!" whispered Pikachu angrily.

"Did I hear someone say, you're the one that's shouting?" said the voice from the hallway.

"This is ridiculous!" shouted Pikachu at the top of his lungs, "I'm whispering and he's hearing me while you're shouting really, really loudly!"

Silence.

"I think you were shouting," whispered Jigglypuff.

"Did I hear someone say, I think you were shouting?" said the voice from the hallway.

"Okay, I have a plan!" shouted Pikachu, "We just talk really loudly because that way he can't hear us! We then creep off because he's too busy trying to hear whispers and we manage to escape!"

Jigglypuff nodded.

"Did somebody just nod?" said Snake suspiciously from outside the cupboard.

"Okay, your movements also can't be subtle!" shouted Pikachu, "He can detect them too!"

"Okay!" shouted Jigglypuff, kicking down the door.

Snake looked around in silence, Jigglypuff and Pikachu right in front of him.

"Okay! Let's go!" shouted Pikachu, running off, stomping as loud as he good.

"Why, that guy has several dozen guns!" shouted Jigglypuff, stopping, as Pikachu stomped across the hallway to safety.

...

"Can I touch them?" said Jigglypuff in a tiny voice, stroking one of Snake's automatic guns gently.

"YOU!" screamed Snake, frothing through the mouth, pointing a gun at Jigglypuff.

"Eek!" screamed Jigglypuff.

"I'm not going to let you out of my sights this time," said Snake, grinning as if he had outwitted someone. "You'll never escape!"

"Jigglypuff! Stomp really loudly!" shouted Pikachu, "Be loud and obnoxious as you can and make an escape!"

Jigglypuff stole one of Snake's guns and started wildly firing into the air, running off towards Pikachu.

"Yay! You did it, Jigglypuff!" cheered Pikachu.

"We did it! We did it!" shouted Jigglypuff and Pikachu at the top of their lungs.

"Now we'll never have to deal with Snake again!" said Jigglypuff happily.

"You're right," said a voice from behind them, "You only have to deal with us."

Jigglypuff and Pikachu turned around to see Crazy Hand, the Pokemon Trainer, King Dedede and Samus glaring evilly at them, all holding a large metallic object threateningly.

"Eek," said Pikachu.

"Wait, Samus, I thought you weren't evil!" said Jigglypuff.

"Well," said Samus, stroking the blue bird's shoulder affectionately, "I found love today."

"That's just... sick..." said Pikachu, sticking his tongue out in disgust.

"You'll pay for that!" said Samus, raising her crowbar, everyone else following suit.

"AAAH!" screamed Pikachu and Jigglypuff, covering their eyes.


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Review or I will continue this story! Or just review?

Send complaints to: www (dot) smashmansion (dot) com (slash) forum

Author's Note: This chapter may have been particularly stupid and/or unfunny. This is not a one-off, you've probably been lying to yourself in liking this story.

wow ur really talented with these fan fics, keep it up!

Quote from: thunderhero on November 04, 2007, 09:40:13 PM
wow ur really talented with these fan fics, keep it up!

If you mean the fan fics of Hoogoman, then yes, he is talented.

ack! ya dats wat i meant.

Ok, this story has Ridley in it for the ridley fans! Enjoy! :D

The Meta of a Knight

Author's note: This is just something I'm doing to improve my writing skills. For the record, here's how it goes down in terms of universe: Everything in the games happens, but Fumu is there.

Metaknight sighed, stalking the corridors of King DeDeDe's castle. "Where have Kirby and King DeDeDe been these past two days?" he asked himself, changing directions to head for the gate, noting Waddle Doo along the way. "Waddle Doo, any mail?" he asked the little cyclops.
Waddle Doo saluted, responding in his obscenely cute voice, "Just one letter. For you, Sir Metaknight." Metaknight bowed to the little brown puffball, grabbing the letter out of his hand and continuing his walk of the halls. "Perhaps Escargon knows something..." Nodding his own masked but clearly puffball like head in a satisfied matter, he took a turn for the snail's lab.
"But first, the letter." He took out a small letter opener (in the shape of his sword, master) and casually opened it, noting the seal. "Hmm. Fumu isn't gone, Kirby can't write, and DeDeDe only uses the official royal seal." Mentally counting the list of people he knew personally, he concluded that it was from someone he either didn't know or didn't remember, and he always remembered.
"Let's see here..."

DEAR METAKNIGHT.
MY NAME IS MASTER HAND. ME AND MY ASSOCIATE, CRAZY HAND WISH TO EXTEND AN INVITATION TO YOU. THIS INVITATION IS FOR A FIGHTING TOURNAMENT. THE PRIZE: 5,000,000,000 DEEDEES, GALAXY RENOWN, AND A TROPHY.
("Hmm, I don't need any money, I do not care for fame, but... The trophy sounds enticing)
IT IS NOT TO THE DEATH, DO NOT WORRY. RATHER: IT IS A CHANCE TO TEST ONE'S SKILLS AGAINST THE BEST OF THE BEST.
TWO PEOPLE CURRENTLY PARTICIPATING IN THIS TOURNAMENT EXPRESS KNOWLEDGE OF YOU.
THESE PEOPLE ARE NAMED AS FOLLOWS: KIRBY AND HIS MAJESTY, KING DEDEDE THE THIRD.
IF YOU WISH TO JOIN IN THE TOURNAMENT, SIMPLY MAIL ANY OF THE FOLLOWING WORDS TO US AND WE WILL TRANSPORT YOU TO THE TOURNAMENT'S POSITION.

PS: i Am GAtO, BeAT ME up AnD EARN silvah POINITz PSS: If you are under the age of eighteen, are not meta-knight, or do not w-

Metaknight stopped reading. Another chance to fight Kirby, those who could be considered an even match for him, aswell as take out his frustrations with King DeDeDe was enough. He calmly walked to his room, taking his sword and putting it on his hip, before taking a bite of candy corn and grabbing a pen.

DEAR MASTERHAND.

I WISH TO JOIN YOUR TOURNAMENT. up.

Then Metaknight froze. they hadn't supplied him with a mailing adress. Luckily, this problem solved itself as a white beam descended on him and teleported him into a room.

His first sight upon regaining his senses was a gorilla eating a bannana, followed shortly thereafter by a portly man clad in yellow stealing the animal's bannana.

It was... Odd, to say the least.

"PIYO PIYO PIYO! PI-YO!" And there was Kirby's voice. Wait, "Kirby?" He asked the pink puffball.

"PIYO!" Kirby responded, happily.

"Doesn't seem as bad as the Penguin. Mewie, think ya can tap into his PSYCHO KINETIC ENERGIES or something?" A small boy clad in a blue eskimo's outfit asked some sort of... Cat... Thing.

"My name is not Mewie, there is no such thing as Psycho Kinetic Energies, and I know where your mother and siblings reside." The aforementioned creature responded.

A long pause accentuated by a cough. This was broken by a "PIKA!" from a yellow rodent.

"Kirby, tell me we've all been drugged and I'm going through some sort of high."

Kirby shook his head at the Knight, smiling and bouncing on his heels.

"Great. Where's DeDeDe, then?"

The Puffball pointed to a screen, where DeDeDe was engaged in a fierce battle with some sort of odd Mix of Turtle and Dragon.

"The tournament has already started?"

The Cat shook his head. "You seem rather intelligent, and from my readings you are, so I'll enlighten you. That "King" And Bowser got into an arguement. Master Hand said that the fans wanted something as they awaited the announcement of the third tournament, so he agreed to set a match up for them. The result is what you see on the screen." The cat explained, paused for a Moment, then continued, "My name is Mewtwo, Metaknight."

Metaknight gazed at the cat. "You can read minds?" The cat nodded and turned his gaze to the screen.

As if drawn by the relatively intelligent conversation, the portly, bananna stealing man from before rubbed his hands together, before shouting greedily, "5 to 1 odds against the penguin! Bet Now, bet now!"

A few people from the crowd walked over to bet against the Dragurtle, apparently named Bowser. Among these were a blue, spiky creature, a Man in racer's helmet and muscle suit, and the gorilla. Mewtwo also bet, however it was for Bowser instead of against.

"Joy," stated Metaknight under his breath. He looked around the crowded room, fixing his eyes on the screen. Either this Bowser was a push-over, or DeDeDe had improved. -
DeDeDe tightened the grip on his mallet, reaching into his pocket, "So, think you're tou-" The penguin was cut off by a small ball floating overhead. Bowser laughed evilly, jumping into the air after the ball. DeDeDe, determining it important, tossed a random amount of Waddle Dees, a couple of doos, and a gordo at it, only a few hitting.

Bowser was approaching the ball, and retracting into his shell, still laughing. DeDeDe readied another Waddle Doo, instructing it to fire it's beam as it flew. And it did, knocking the smash ball open. "DAMN!" Bowser veered off course and back to his starting position, DeDeDe grinning at his triumph. Flipping his mallet, he felt a powerful energy flow into him. He had an idea. Gripping his mallet as it grew in size, he puffed out his chest and began to suck in the Koopa King. "NO!" Bowser started running in the opposite direction, but the turtle was not fast enough. Swallowing the Koopa into his massive gullet, he spit Bowser out in the ground in front of him, readying his hammer like a golf mallet, hitting bowser just as he let out a huge gust of air. Bowser was sent flying.

THIS GAME'S WINNER IS...

KING DEDEDE!

The pair were transported back into the same room as the rest, DeDeDe dancing triumphly and occasionally kicking the downed Bowser in the face.

Meta sighed. The King of Dreamland had, most certainly, improved.

End of prologue

Next chapter is up! and btw, the author mistaked Adeleine as a "she" :D and Ridley IS resized, I think.
By Xilnold

A few oohs and ahs from the crowd, a grunt from Mewtwo, and a Plea from Wario.
That was all they heard before the sound of clapping filled the air.

Two floating hands, well, floated in, clapping together in applause for the penguin king. One was twitching randomly, the other the very picture of calm. Well, as calm as a floating, talking hand can be anyway.

Out of the 40 or so present, only 18 or so acted stunned. The man in the racer's helmet laughed, "Ah, fresh blood eh?"

Metaknight quickly regained his composure, mentally filing the apparent veteran under his list of people to avoid.

The Calm hand snapped it's fingers, while the twitching one pointed at the Racer. A maniacal voice filled the air, apparently coming from one of the hands. Most likely the one not pointing. "Silence, Captain Falcon. Be well aware you barely made it back for the third tournament."

A voice that seemed to change pitch with every word spoken came out shortly thereafter, "Losing to Pichu HaAHAHAHAHAHAHahhahahaHAHAHAHhahhaHHAhahhAAHahHAaA." The voice laughed.

"ENOUGH, crazy hand. Now, we will be boarding our main vessal shortly."

A blue haired young man with a sword strapping to his back raised his hand as if in school.

"Yes, Ike?"

"We're on a ship, then?"

"Mmm. Something like that. A roving mercenary team graciouslly allowed us to use their ship as our secondary vehicle. And a fighter here, in this very room, allowed us to use his as our main one."

A few people looked around. Did Samus have some huge ship they weren't aware of? Did Fox and Falco finally agree to let them use the Great Fox as an HQ?

"Say hi to the Halberd, boys and girls!"

Metaknight was Stunned. He quickly rose his hand.

"Yes, little blue one?"

"Halberd? As in MY ship? I didn't agree to this!"

The twitching hand bobbed up and down, apparently sighing. "YeS YOu dID!"

"Crazy hand is right. Read the fine print."

Metaknight sighed himself. He might have too take their advice. But... He had crew on the halberd!

"What about my crew on the halberd? Waddle Dee? The others?"

"Oh, they're serving on board!"

Metaknight allowed himself to breath easy. Atleast his knights weren't in imeddiate danger.

An anthromorphic Bird in the back raised his hand aswel.

"Yes, Falco?"

"CAN WE JUST GET ON THE STUPID SHIP!

"Ok." the twitching hand replied, clumsily slamming it's fingers together.

And a door in the back opened, revealing the Halberd's bridge, used primarily for boarding enemy ships.

Metaknight was the first to walk ahead, but a voice stopped him.

"CAN'T LET YOU DO THAT, SMASHERS!"

A long pause. The Hedgehog doubled over laughing.

Closing his eyes in an annoyed way, the Wolf standing on top of the halberd jumped down, landing in front of Metaknight.

Falco raised his hand.

"Yes Falco?"

"Something's wrong with the G-diffuser."

Fox raised his hand.

"Yes Fox?"

"Great, star wolf. Let's take care of these guys first!"

Most of the smashers tilted their heads confusedly.

Finally what appeared to be a robot raised his... Arm Cannon.

"Yes, Samus?"

"I feel like I'm being left out of some inside joke."

Fox shrugged. "Sorry, we had too. Long time no see, Wolf."

WOlf grinned mockingly. "And here I thought we were friends, Star Fox."

Metaknight raised his hand.

"Thgink atem sey?"

"Please tell me this Wolf didn't pilot my ship."

Wolf laughed, it was a cold laugh, though. "No, my little smasher, we got Panther too do it."

"So what is this panther doing now, then? I like to know people who touch the Halberd's steering wheel."

Wolf shrugged. "Flirting with some Painter, I believe Adeleine was her name?"

Kirby ran past Wolf, giving him a "PIYO!" Of apology.

Master hand snapped his fingers. "Oh yes. I forgot to mention. All of you are going to see some... VERY familiar faces on this ship. It's part of a new plan I have."

The hedgehog's humor was apparently gone, "Can we just board the ship already!"

"No speaking out of turn, Sonic."

"Fine, fine..." Sonic replied patiencelessly.

"But I do believe that's a good idea. All aboard the creepy ship, men! First floor, Star Wolf, dining hall, and a VERY confused Waddle Dee!"

"Tell me you haven't hurt him."

"No, not at all. We just never bothered to explain to your first mate what we plan on doing."

Metaknight sighed for the second time that day.

And as they boarded the ship, they realized.

It was crammed full of People. Short people, Animals, Humanoids, people with guns, people with swords, women, men, sexually ambigious people, Robots, Pirates, there was even what appeared to be a Ninja.

"Say hi to the assist trophies, boys and girls! This is why we needed a second ship."

Most everyone was already gone to converse with those they knew, except Ridley, Snake, and Meta-knight.

"So. Two silent types and.. Ridley, nobody you know?"

Ridley shook his dragon like head. "No, well, I know them... From trying to kill them, know what I mean?"

"Failure does that too you."

Master Hand and Ridley stared at Snake.

"I... I thought he was a mute."

"I thought he had forgotten how to love."

Ridley stared at Master Hand.

"Ah yes, sleeping arrangements. Since nobody else is here... Metaknight, You, ridley, and..." He conjured a hat out of thin air and pulled a slip of paper out of it. "Sonic and Captain falcon, will be sleeping together in the..." He pulled another slip of paper out. "VIP room. Good going."

Snake turned to Master Hand.

"You'll be with Samus and our official Commentary team, Wolf and Adeleine."

Snake Nodded.

Metaknight nodded slightly. He was bunked with a psychopathic Dragon, a hyperactive Hedgehog, and what appeared to be a bumbling idiot.

He'd had worse sleeping arrangements.

Ridley grinned at Metaknight. "So... you ever challenge yourself to Solve any problems you encounter with Grand Theft for a day?"

Barely.

By hyperpersonwhohasnofuture, enjoy and comment please!

Killer- Ok, really, I had written this all in third person and realized that if I changed it all to first person, I could put it under "You Got Sewage On My Pie!" because I'm going to be making that a collection of 1st person stories from the smashers. Well, I WOULD'VE made this story one, but, making it 1st person would take too much effort, and get rid of many of the jokes...so, this is just a simple one shot!

Roy- ...What?

Killer- Nothing Roy. Nothing. Marth, disclaim!

Marth: KILLER OWNS NOTHING IN THIS STORY; ALSO, CREDIT TO WHATEVER HE STEALS JOKES FROM!

Killer- and now...enjoy...
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Frozen F-cking Animals

"Yes, YES! I HAVE OFFICIALLY DONE IT! I have found the perfect way to RULE THE WORLD! MUAHAHAHA! Ah...now all I need to do is..."

THE NEXT DAY (Yeah, the above paragraph ISN'T supposed to make sense yet)

It was one of those perfect days at the Smash Mansion. Samus decided to take full advantage of this day by going out and getting the mail.

"Freaking, darnit...why did it have to be my turn to get the mail?" Samus groaned as she walked through the immense heat towards the mail box. The smasher's had two mail boxes:

Fan Mail: Never opened, usually Roy burns it all for fun, cause no one wants to read fan mail.

Normal Mail: Contains any magazines or ACTUAL letters the smashers get.

Samus walked up to box number 2 and opened it to see a couple magazines. She took them out then noticed a single envelope drop. She picked it up and read it to herself.

"Animals and Animals Inc. Why the hell would Mewtwo be getting a letter from a pet store?" Curiosity got the better of Samus and she opened it. She realized it was just a bill. "Wow, so Mewtwo got a pet? I thought he was content with Pikachu..."

--And now, FLASHBACK!--

"Pika! Pika Pika! Pikachu! Chu, chu, PIKA!"

"GOD DAMN RAT! YOU'RE SO ANNOYING!" Mewtwo levitated Pikachu in the air then threw him out the window.

--End of the disruptive, pointless, flashback--

"Guess not." Samus put the bill back in the envelope then walked into the mansion. "MEWTWO! GOT MAIL FOR YA! ...AND GANONDORF? YOUR GARDENING MAGAZINE IS HERE!" A loud "WOOHOO!" could be heard shortly after Samus' statement. Ganondorf zipped down to the magazine, grabbed it, and then sped away. Samus tried to shake off the fact that he was wearing a bonnet, but the concept of selling pictures of it on Ebay stuck in her mind. She made a mental note of that as she plopped down on the couch and turned on the T.V

Shortly after Samus had become absorbed in her movie (Which, if any of you want to imagine, was Doom) Mewtwo had floated down and had seen his bill.

"Hm...I think I will get Roy to pay this for me...Hah...How did I get so awesome?" Mewtwo asked himself as he floated off.

Now what does this have to do with anything? Well, let's follow Mewtwo back to his room.

"So many animals...so little time...Might as well get started." It was true, there were over 6,000 animals in his room. He must have a really big room now that I think about it...Mewtwo turned on some jazz music and waited until he heard...different...noises from the animals. "Yes, YES! YES! MUAHAHAHA!" Suddenly, the room flashed a bright blue and all noises stopped instantly. Mewtwo looked around at everything.

"Frozen F-cking Animals...perfect."

A loud swear was heard from downstairs. Mewtwo disregarded it and started loading his...ice sculptures into a truck. (Dude, how the hell is he getting all this stuff in his room?) He got into the truck and drove off towards a certain American building. He had to go out through the wall, which caused a very loud noise. This disrupted Samus from her movie. Considering Mewtwo's room was about a ten second distance from the couch, Samus decided to check out the noise. She walked in and saw Mewtwo driving off.

She ran quickly and caught up with him. She jumped on the top of the truck and chilled up there until the truck stopped. She looked around...the White House? Mewtwo got out of the drivers side of the car.

"Well, if I'm gonna rule the world, better take America first." Mewtwo laughed to himself as he opened the back of the truck (which is one of those moving vans, by the way). He witnessed nothing but a bunch of animals fluttering and screaming. They all ran off, rather quickly at that. "NOOOOO!"

"What the hell was that about Mewtwo?" Samus asked.

"I was going to take over the world with Frozen F-cking Animals!"

"...Maybe you should do that in the winter...when it's cold? Not during the summer, when it's effing hot?" Samus commented.

"...My god, you're right! Hm...I'll have to try again some other time..."

"Come on, let's go home." Samus got into the truck, along with Mewtwo, and they headed home.
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Killer- I really have no idea. It just popped up one day...

Mewtwo: Excellent...

The Mewtwo one was weird...

And also have 4 more chapters! Enjoy this!
Killer: Ok, so, if people wanna send in evil plans, I'll write them, BUT FOR NOW! DOOM!

Mewtwo: HAHA! DOOM AND DESPAIR!

Killer: I'm also thinking of either starting a new fic where DK and Bowser argue while playing video games, or I could continue to keep it as a little side fic within this one, however, some people might just assume that I'm doing that to increase the word count, so if anyone cares, I'll probably end up making it an entirely different fic.

Mewtwo: LESS TALKY MORE DOOM!
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"Yes...YES! WITH THESE CINDER BLOCKS AND SALT PACKETS FROM MC DONALDS, I WILL RULE THE WORLD! BWAHAHAELEVNTRYONERLY! Heh, man, I am SO awesome!"
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It was YET another REALLY peaceful day in the smash mansion. At least, it was...until a very loud profanity spewed out of a certain princess' mouth.

"F(censored!)ck!" Princess Peach immediately grabbed her toe and jumped around in pain. She looked down at the cinder block then up at the hole in the ceiling. "Who's dropping cinder blocks from the ceiling?" She looked down at the cinder block and noticed some white clumps on the brick. She examined them closer when suddenly the white clumps attacked her eyes. "AHHH! MC DONALDS SALT! IT BUNRS!" Princess Peach ran around screaming holding her burning eyes (Which had a very nice hissing sound effect that our budget just recently allowed).

DK and Bowser were busy playing Mario Golf: Toadstool Tour. Princess Peach quickly zipped by in front of the screen and DK's look went from one of extreme focus to extreme shock. Bowser, however, erupted in laughter.

"Oh man. .69 feet from the hole. That sucks man, you were gonna win that hole too! If only Peach hadn't ran by and screwed you up. Now you see why I hate her don't ya?"

"WE RESTART THAT HOLE!"

"WHAT? THAT WOULD BE THE FIFTH TIME!"

"Excuse me? NOT TRUE! We've only restarted TWICE! Once because you wouldn't stop complaining about the lighting causing a glare screwing you up and the second because I figured out the A button was broken on one of the remotes!"

"You're forgetting the other two times, the times where you complained about how you could take a chain chomp in real life and stop them from getting your ball and the fourth time where I complained that if we were REALLY playing Golf at my castle it wouldn't look a THING like this!"

"...Oh yeah. So, restart?"

"Sure, why not?"

Suddenly, a cinder block dropped from the ceiling and crushed the gamecube. Bowser and DK gawked at the destroyed Gamecube,oblivious tothe cinder block. They instantly hugged each other and sobbed deeply. The salt clumps leaped off the cinder block and attacked DK and Bowser. They continued to sob and hug as Mario walked in and witnessed the crushed Gamecube. He was about to join DK and Bowser in crying when he witnessed the two getting destroyed by salt and hugging and sobbing. He exploded in laughter and ran off to Samus' room to ask her to record it all.

"DOES MY SHOWER OF CINDER BLOCKS NOT AMUSE YOU?" Mewtwo cackled as he witnessed cinder blocks drop in very inconvenient places.

"NO! THE SHOWER WAS MUCH BETTER BEFORE!" Fox shouted from the bathroom nearest Mewtwo. "Why is my shampoo all white? OH GOD! IT'S ATTACKING ME! IT'S MC DONALDS SALT! IT BURNS!"

"BWAHAHAHA! Finally! With these cinder blocks, THE WORLD WILL BE MINE!"

"THINK AGAIN MEWTWO!"

"AUDIABLE GASP! IT'S YOU!" Mewtwo pointed at the individual that had just walked into the room.

"That's right! It's me! DR. MARIO!"

"Stupid doctor! Why do you want to save the humans?"

"Because! With no humans, I don't get paid! Now watch as your precious plan crumbles! Literally!" Dr. Mario withdrew a small pepper shaker then shook it to release pepper onto one of the cinder blocks. Instantly the cinder block crumbled and the salt started screaming.

"NOOO! How DARE you! My plan is RUINED!"

"Quickly everyone! Take these pepper packets from Sonic and destroy the salt of doom!"

"Hey! What the hell? My pepper packets!" Sonic said angrily before a rain of about seventy cinder blocks crushed him. Tails ran up to his crushed corpse and fell to his knees, screaming bloody murder. Sadly, seventy cinder blocks crushed Tails also.

"...Well Mewtwo, I must say, at least SOME good came out of your plan." Dr. Mario looked at the huge pile of cinder blocks and smirked.

"Thanks, that makes me feel good...wait, SILENCE YOU FOOL!"

"NEVER!" Dr. Mario took his pepper shaker and threw pepper on Mewtwo.

"Damnit! I'm allergic to pepper! It always makes me sneeze!" Mewtwo floated off into his room and slammed the door shut. Within seconds forty cinder blocks fell in front of his door.

"Good! Now he's stuck in there! Let's get cleaning up guys!" The smashers with Dr. Mario walked off leaving no one but Yoshi left by Mewtwo's door. He shifted his eyes madly then used his remaining pepper packets to remove of the cinder blocks in front of Mewtwo's door.

"Yes, let him be free...let him destroy the FILTHY humans..." Yoshi walked off humming a tune.
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"Hm, I need to get supplies for my next evil plan...I think I'll use this door that's 3 feet to the right of my main door!" Mewtwo floated out the door and witnessed Yoshi examining some nitro glycerin. "Yoshi?"

Yoshi, upon being caught, quickly hid the bottle of nitro glycerin behind his back and looked at Mewtwo with a large smile.

"Yoshi!"

"...Hmm...Strange creature..." Mewtwo pat Yoshi on the head and floated off. Yoshi sighed deeply then fell to the ground.

"Mewtwo..." he closed his eyes and drifted off into a sleep. Pichu walked up to him and noticed the bottle. She took it and looked at it. She scampered off to Bowser to show him it. Within minutes a large explosion followed.
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Killer: Ok, so, you're probably all thinking, "OH MY GOD! IS THIS A MEWTWO/YOSHI FIC?" No, it's not. Yoshi just IDOLIZES Mewtwo. And yes, Dr. Mario IS the protagonist of this story. And maybe Mewtwo's plans WILL go right every once in a while. I don't know, well...I do, but I'm trying to keep you guys in suspense. So, with that, I'm gone!

Yoshi: I LOVE YOU MEWTWO!

Killer: NO YOSHI! NONE OF THAT!

That was weird... XP

Next chapter! Enjoy!
Chapter 3: Otters 20X stronger than Bowser!
Killer: BWAHAHA! AFTER FIVE MONTHS I'M GOING TO UPDATE!

Mewtwo: YAY! YOU'RE USING MY STORY TO UPDATE WITH!

Killer: That's right Mewtwo! Considering I have a computer class, have already finished all my work, and am too lazy to think of a fake file name to save a long chapter, I'm just going to write a quick short chapter for your story!

Mewtwo: YAY! THE AWESOMENESS OF IT ALL!

Killer: So let's get started!

Mewtwo: Killer owns nothing! (Short Cheery Jingle Plays)

Killer: Son of a...I'm going to fire the parentheses dude soon. (What? NO! DON'T!)
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"This plan, THIS PLAN IS THE GREATEST PLAN EVER! EVEN BETTER THEN THAT PLAN I HAD TO MOLEST MARIO UNTIL HE MADE A PIZZA THAT WOULD DESTROY THE WORLD!"

"...Mewtwo-a, I'd appreciate it-a if you'd-a keep the molestation thing-a a secret-a...it wasn't my-a proudest moment-a..."

"Mario, please leave when I'm plotting the doom of all mankind."

"Yes sir..."

"BUT THIS IS TRULY THE GREATEST PLAN EVER! I WILL PLANT DEVICES IN THESE OTTERS THAT ALLOW THEM TO HAVE TWENTY TIMES THE STRENGTH OF BOWSER!"

"Aha, that's a fine plan, Mewtwo."

"Mario? I thought I told you to leave!"

"No...it's me...Yoshi."

"Oh, wait, you can talk?"

"Yes, I can talk. And I am here to tell you just how much I adore your plan and wish to help you with it and any other plan you may devise."

"So you wanna be my slave?"

"Sure."

"YAY! I HAVE AN EVIL HENCHMAN NOW!"

"So degrading, but so worth it...just to see the FLITHY humans DIE."

"W00T! Now, HELP ME PLANT THESE DEVICES!"

"...How did you get all of these otters?"

"Magic, my dinosaur like friend...magic."

(Ruler)

It was yet another amazingly peaceful day within the mansion. That is, if you ignore the constant screaming from Donkey Kong and the shrill sounds coming from Bowser.

"WOOOT!"

"NOOO! YOU CHEATED!"

"No, you just keep pressing the suck button."

"No I don't!"

"Yes, you do."

"Shut up dude no I don't!"

"Yes, you do." DK proceeded to show Bowser the "suck" button in the middle of the remote.

"Oh." (By the way, I remember reading the above skit in a web-comic, I just don't remember which one it was, but give credit to whoever thought of that.) "YOU STILL CHEATED!"

"I don't know HOW I cheated at Mario Kart: Double Dash! (WARNING: KILLER IS NOT GETTING PAID TO ADVERTISE NINTENDO GAMES WITHIN HIS STORY!) possibly the greatest game ever."

"...YOU DID ALL THAT STUFF WITH THE DRIFTING! AND YOUR KART ISN'T AS SLOW AS MINE!"

"Don't you just love the rule, "You have to play as yourself."?" DK asked with a mocking look.

"No, Nintendo makes me all fat and slow."

"You ARE fat and slow."

"Not cool man. Let's just race again."

"How about you be my gunner? ...and not press the suck button?"

"Sure, but uh, who put the suck button on the remote?"

"No idea."

"Oh well y'kn-

Before Bowser could finish an otter attached itself to his neck.

"OH GOD IT'S BITING ME AT ABOUT TWENTY TIMES MY STRENGTH! GET IT OFF!"

"I'M TRYING BUT IT'S TOO STRONG!"

"BWAHAHAHAHA! COWER IN FEAR MORTALS! Now you try." Mewtwo lightly pushed Yoshi into the room and waved his hands in a "Go on" manner.

"Um, ok." Yoshi cleared his throat then spoke in an insanely evil voice. "BWAHAHAHA! I LAUGH AS YOUR BLOOD SPILLS ON THE CARPETS AND YOUR PAIN ECHOES INTO MY EARDRUMS LIKE MUSIC TO THE COMPOSER'S EARS!"

"That was pretty good!"

"Yoshi!"

"But now, we need to tell them the evil plan. No matter how obvious it is."

"Ok."

"FOOLISH HUMANS! YOU WILL NEVER WITHSTAND THE BARRAGE OF OTTERS THAT HAVE TWENTY TIMES BOWSER'S STRENGTH!"

"AND YOU WILL NEVER FIND OUT ABOUT THE DEVICES IMPLANTED IN THEIR SKULLS!"

"Wow! Very nice Yoshi! Telling them how we did it and possibly ruining the plan! Every evil genius needs to do that too! You're learning very quickly!" Mewtwo complimented Yoshi with absolutely no sarcasm at all.

"Yay! NOW GO MY OTTERS!"

Suddenly about forty more otters attacked DK and Bowser. Before much more could happen a giant killer whale broke through the ceiling and landed on the otters, DK, and Bowser.

"SHAMU! NOOO!" Mewtwo cried.

"THAT'S RIGHT MEWTWO! SHAMU! THE WEAKNESS OF ALL OTTERS!" Dr. Mario announced with a very proud voice.

The giant killer whale made strange sounds then suddenly levitated into the air. This was possible due to the fact that Bowser was picking it up. (Is it sad that I don't know Shamu's gender by heart?)

"GRAHHH! OK! ANOTHER GAMECUBE JUST GOT DESTROYED! I'M PISSED!" Bowser chucked Shamu out the window, cleaned up the otter corpses, sat down, and pouted.

"Another plan thwarted. Come on Yoshi, back to the drawing board."

"Yoshi..." The two walked off leaving a stunned DK and a very aggravated Bowser.
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Killer: That was fun!

Mewtwo: BWAHAHA! YOSHI IS MY NEW EVIL HENCHMAN!

Yoshi: YOSHI!

Thtat was also weird, but better.

Yes! Next chapter!
"BWA, HA, AND ANOTHER HA! I have just come up, with the greatest idea TO RULE A MIDDLE SECTION OF JAPAN!" Mewtwo announced loudly.

"Um, Mewtwo sir. Wouldn't it be wiser to try to rule the world?"

"Gotta start small Yoshster."

"Did...did you just call me... "Yoshster"?" Yoshi asked.

"Yes, I did. Do you have a problem with that?"

"Ye-

"No! You certainly do not! That's how the henchman works! You have no say! Anyway! I'm going to rule Japan! Actually, that didn't rhyme...I'm going to eventually rule Tokyo! There, that was better!"

"Mewtwo sir, that didn't rhyme either."

"Yes it did!" Mewtwo smiled contently and then whipped out a large chalk board. "This, Yoshster, is my drawing board. I use this to draw up the evil schemes I create, TO RULE THE WORLD! And small sections of Japan."

"And China?"


"China? No, they're too big. Too many little kids. Last time I walked there I was kicking babies and all I was doing was getting some Orange Chicken from a Panda Express."

"They have Panda Express in China?"

"Yes. Yes they do. ANYWAY! My idea, I WILL GROW MYSELF LARGER THAN GODZILLA, AND RECREATE THE MOVIE! Except I will call it MEWZILLA! I will sell it, AND IT WILL DOMINATE THE JAPANESE MARKET! However, they must buy it, WITH AMERICAN DOLLARS! THUS WEAKINGING THE OVERALL STRENGTH OF THE AMERICAN DOLLAR AND CREATING THE NEED FOR INCREASED WAGES AND LOSS OF JOBS IN MANY AMERICAN RETAIL OUTLETS!"

"Sir, that's...that's absolutely brilliant!"

"I know! I've always wanted to be a movie star!" Mewtwo beamed a smile at Yoshi, who then deduced that Mewtwo had no idea of his own genius.

"So how are you going to get that big?"

"Easy! I'll just use this plot device, the author will type "IN JAPAN!" and I'll suddenly be larger than Godzilla with a proper camera crew, director, producer, and little midget that shines my shoes and brings me bagels!"

"That's perposter-

IN JAPAN!

"ROOOOAR! BRING ME MORE BAGELS SIMON!" Mewtwo demanded as he crushed another building.

"YES SIR!" Simon, his personal midget, ran off to grab him more bagels.

"SIR! Since you're larger than Godzilla, perhaps you should use this time to crush your nemesis!"

"Oh, no, that's ok! The Author is just going to type him coming in out of nowhere, being the same size as me, and we'll have some awesome duel in which I will almost win and at the last minute he gets some sort of super awesome power that he's never had before and he'll use it to win! Then I'll shrink down to normal size, go back home, and start all over again!"

"Wow, I guess...I guess we should just kinda give up on the fourth wall, shouldn't we?" Yoshi asked.

"What's the fourth wall?"

"...Nevermind."

"MEWTWO! STOP YOUR REIGN OF TERROR!"

"GASP! IT'S DOCTOR MARIO! AND HE'S THE SAME SIZE AS ME!"

"YES! I SOMEHOW BECAME AS LARGE AS YOU AND WILL NOW FIGHT YOU IN AN AWESOME DUEL IN WHICH YOU WILL ALMOST BEAT ME AND THEN I'LL GET SOME AWESOME POWER OUT OF NOWHERE AND WIN!"

"CAPS LOCK FTW!" Yoshi shouted. They both stared at him awkwardly. Yoshi sighed and said to himself, "that's the last time I break the fourth wall."

"WE DUEL!" Dr. Mario shouted then entered a fighting position.

AT THE POINT IN THE DUEL IN WHICH MEWTWO ALMOST WINS!

"MWAHAHA! GIVE UP DOCTOR MARIO!"

"NEVER, THIS IS THE PART WHERE I USE MY SUPER AWESOME AMAZING POWER THAT NO ONE KNOWS I EVER HA-

"WE KNOW, GET ON WITH IT!" Yoshi shouted.

"YES, GET ON WITH IT!" The director shouted. "WE'RE GOING FORTY MINUTES PAST OUR LIMIT ALREADY!"

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! WAAAHHH!!" Suddenly, Mewtwo started crying so hard, that he cried all of his giant awesome out of himself and shrunk down to normal size. He realized this, and ran back towards the smash mansion.

"Well that was easy!" Dr. Mario popped a pill and returned to his normal size.

"What a great ending." Killer wiped a tear away from his face and disappeared into the shadows.

"So, Dr. Mario. I WILL END YOU NOW!" Yoshi jumped at Dr. Mario with a knife. Suddenly, Dr. Mario was protected by a force field.

"Sorry Yoshi. You're just the henchman. You can't kill me. It's against the rules." Dr. Mario walked back to the smash mansion leaving Yoshi extremely bewildered.

"What, but, I, you, but, I would've...oh whatever." Yoshi started the walk back as well.

"Wait, so...does this mean I get all the profits?" The director asked as the story itself faded into blackness and ended.

(RULER)

Killer: Wow, that was fun! The idea, of course, is credited to a reviewer, Krystal Butler. Keep those ideas coming! Mewtwo is excited to continue his reign!

Mewtwo: As long as people don't tell me what to do!

I liked that one.

Next! But this is the last for this time, enjoy!
Chapter 5: Metroids?
Killer: Just to let you know, Mewtwo will now have a segment at the end of the story where he will answer ANY QUESTION from the reviewers! So if you have a question for Mewtwo, just ask!

Mewtwo: And I'll answer honestly and intelligently!

Yoshi: And I'll have sex with his chair!

Killer: YAY! Now let the story begin! Jamie lord of the gingers, you have good ideas, and I'll write them, I really will, but I have to get a friend request out of the way first.

SO LET IT BEGIN!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Gee Mewtwo, what do you want to do tonight?" Yoshi asked, continually humping Mewtwo's chair.
"The same thing we do every night Yoshster, try to take over the world!"

They're Yoshi and the Mewtwo, they're Yoshi and the Mewtwo, one is a intercourse tard, the other knows kung fu! They're two guys with a vice, their plans are not precise. They're Yoshi, The Yoshi and the Mewtwo, Mewtwo, Mewtwo, Mewtwo, Mewtwo, Mewtwo-

"NARF!" Mewtwo shouted loudly.

"Hellllloooo Copyright Infringment!" Yoshi joined in.

"So, Yoshi, tonight's plan is particularly well thought out."

"O RLY?"

"Yoshi, try to remember that I'm the stupid one."

"O RLY?"

"YA RLY!"

"NO WAI!"

"YAH WEI!"

"Ahem, ok then. So what's the plan?"

"Today's plan involves a particular female character..."

"Zelda? Princess Peach?"

"No, an even finer specimen...Donkey Kong."

"Donkey Kong is a man."

"Holy poop, are you serious?" Mewtwo asked with a slight look of shock on his face.

"Yes sir, I am."

"Well crap, then who else is a woman?"

"Well, there is Samus. But she's on Zebes right now fighting metroids...again."

"TO SR388!"

"But sir we don't have a-

ON SR388!

"Wasn't that easy Yoshi?" Mewtwo asked as he walked onto the surface of SR388.

"Yes, it was, but...we're at the wrong place."

"I thought you said she was fighting metroids."

"Yes, on Zebes. This is SR388, where she completely eradicated the metroids except for a single larva which followed her like a confused child."

"Hm...these metroid creatures...what exactly are they?"

"I am not too well informed on the creatures myself. However, Samus may know."

"Well then. TO ZEBES!"

"But sir-

AT ZEBES!

"You gotta learn to stop doing that Yoshi." Mewtwo commented as he floated on the surface of Zebes.

"Damn fourth wall..."

"LET US FIND SAMUS!"

AT SAMUS LOCATION

"Isn't being in a story awesome Yoshi? ...Yoshi?"

BACK AT THE SURFACE

"I refuse to be transported like some sort of fictional character in some sort of fictional universe with an author who is too lazy to fictionally describe how I fictionally find Samus and FICTIONALLY TAKE OVER THE WORLD! That, and just, that freaking fourth wall man..." Yoshi walked towards a blue bubble shaped door and tapped it once. It opened and he walked in.

BACK WITH MEWTWO AND SAMUS!

"So, Samus. I heard you're a woman."

"Yes, contrary to popular belief. I am a woman, I mean, my god, I was hoping the bust on my power suit would portray that, BUT NO. Anyway, what are you doing here? It's very dangerous."

"Well, you see, I'm here to ask you about the metroids. Andmaybealsoaskforyourhelpintakingovertheworld."

"Metroids are cute little fuzzy creatures that suck the life force out of everything and anything that moves!" Samus said with a bright smile on her face.

"Really?" Mewtwo asked with a bright smile on his face as well.

"No. Truthfully they're disgusting green things with fangs that suck the life out of everything and anything that moves and or has sex with other living creatures."

"So anything that moves?"

"Mewtwo, have you ever gotten laid?"

"Back in my day, when I was a youngin, the womens were all over me."

"Really?"

"No."

"..."

A silence passed for a very long time.

"Will you help me rule the world?" Mewtwo asked Samus. She promptly nodded.

BACK AT MEWTWO'S ROOM!

"Samus, this is Yoshi, my assistant."

"Hey, what the...WHY AM I BACK HERE? I'M SUPPOSED TO BE ON ZEBES!" Yoshi shouted loudly.

"Yoshi quiet. Say hello to Samus."

"Hi Samus. Good job kicking my ass last tournament match."

"Haha, yeah, that was pretty bad on your part huh? I mean, just, the way you walked right into those bombs, and just how I owned you with my missiles and grappling hook, and all those combos. Man, that was awesome!"

There was another silence, this one not as long as the first.

"Anyway, my plan is to capture and breed metroids, then unleash them upon the world and have them destroy everything that moves or has sex with other living creatures! BWAHAHA!! I WANT AN OWL!!"

"Why does Hedwig die?" Samus asked.

SPOILER/THUMBS UP

"So how can we capture and breed these metroids?" Mewtwo asked Samus.

SUDDENLY, MEWTWO OBTAINS A TANK FILLED WITH METROIDS

"DAMNIT, THAT DOES IT, I AM OUT OF THIS STORY!" Yoshi stormed off to the edge of the story and walked right out of it. Unfortunately for Yoshi, the edge of the story, is also the edge of Hyrule. "oh poop, where am I now?" Before Yoshi could say much more, an octorock came up to him and started to hump his leg viciously.

BACK WITH SAMUS AND MEWTWO!

"LET US RULE THE WORLD WITH METROIDS!" Mewtwo shouted loudly.

"Actually, I think I'm just gonna plop down on the couch with a beer and play some Halo 3."

Suddenly, fifteen Nintendo executives heads' exploded.

"Oh, um, ok then. I WILL RULE BY MYSELF!" Samus walked out and closed the door quietly behind her. Mewtwo laughed evilly once more then broke open the tank. The Metroids flew out of the door and into the smash mansion.

With a few of the smashers. (shameless plug)

"Gee, it sure burns when I pee." Link said randomly.

"Whaaa?" Zelda asked.

"IT BURNS when I pee."

"LINK HAS PROSTATE CANCER!" Roy pointed and laughed.

"THIS MEANS SERIOUS BUSINESS!" Dr. Mario appeared out of nowhere and gave Link a Prostate Exam. Suddenly, without warning, thousands of metroids flooded into the room.

"METROIDS!!!" Every except Samus shouted loudly.

"Y'know, this wouldn't be such a big deal if I didn't get a huge personality change from the first chapter." Samus went into morph ball stage and laid a power bomb. Every metroid, and Ness, died.

"Aww, Samus. Why did you kill all the metroids?" Mewtwo asked sadly.

"Was bored." Samus plopped back down on the couch and continued relaxing. (cough) playing Halo 3 (cough)

"Well, Mewtwo, I guess this is one plan I DIDN'T foil." Dr. Mario added.

"Nope! But you did foil Link's prostate cancer!"

Link gave a thumbs up, acknowledging the giant piece of foil coming out of him.

Every proceeded to laugh and the story faded into blackness.

However, Yoshi was still in Hyrule. What's going to happen to him? Is he still getting humped viciously by the octorock? Will killer make Yoshi's ordeal into another story THAT HE'LL NEVER UPDATE? Find out, on the next episode of DRAGON BALL Z!
Erm, I mean, MEWTWO'S DRAWING BOARD!
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Killer: And now we begin, Mewtwo's Questions and Answers!
"Our first question comes from Jamie Lord of the Gingers." Mewtwo proceeded to open up the letter and read the contents.

"Dear Mr. Mewtwo,

"big purple gay dinosaur, evil villian cat, what's the difference?"

Jamie lord of the gingers"

"Well Jamie, can I call you Jamie? Let me tell you what the difference is. I don't sing lovey dovey songs about being a happy family, and I could care less if kids run with scissors or not! I must tell you though, I am very pleased to be called an evil villain! That does please me! Also, I am not homosexual, I am in fact very straight. As I said earlier in this story, when I was younger, the womens were all over me." Mewtwo blew some bubbles out of the smoke pipe he now had. He picked up another letter.

"Our next question comes from Krystal Butler,

"I'm so s-s-sorry if m-YOUR plan didn't work...can you forgive me?"

"Well Krystal, can I call you Crystal? Damn right I can. Anyway, I can forgive you. It's not your fault that your totally awesome plan of extreme awesome was just too awesome to work. Dr. Mario is a meany poopy face anyway. I think your plan for me to team up with some sort of famous horror film icon is a great idea! In fact, that's what the next chapter will be! I hope you stay tuned to read it, and see just how badly I can make them look with my stupidity by their very side! I am the smartest creature alive. How's Jason sound? With his freaking, chainsaw and mask, and inability to make coherent sentences. Or how about Richard Nixon? Now there's a horror figure." Mewtwo coughed slightly, then puffed more bubbles.

"That's all the questions I have today. Please, send in your questions via review or e-mail me at link2837(at)yahoo(dot)com " Mewtwo closed his eyes and instantly fell asleep.
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Killer: now that was serious business!
Mewtwo: that was fun!

Yoshi: GET ME OUT OF HYRULE!

Killer: by the way, the shameless plug was for WalrusGuy's youtube poop about Link getting prostate cancer. It's possibly the funniest thing ever. Watch it if you'd like!

Jason has a machete, not  a chainsaw.

Meanwhile I wroting my fan fic, look the next chapter of Crazy Crazy mansion! Enjoy and comment! :D
Crazy Crazy Mansion
By Hoogiman

"Last time on Crazy Crazy Mansion," said Master Hand, "Bowser tried to outmurder everyone else!"

Bowser stomped on Popo, killing him.

"Ha, ha, ha!" chuckled Bowser heartily.

"...while Lucas and Captain Falcon had their fates decided by Mewtwo!"

"SHUT UP!" screamed Mewtwo angrily, turning towards to Lucas and punching him in the face, killing him.

"Congratulations, you have won at what could be the most brainless game ever invented," said Mewtwo bitterly.

"Yay!" said Falcon in a kid-like celebratory voice. "Oh boy, do I get a prize?"

"Yes, you do!" said Mewtwo.

"Really? What is it?" said Falcon, hopefully.

Mewtwo slit Falcon's throat, killing him.

"Will Samus playing for the bad side jeopardise the survival for the old smashers?"

"Wait, Samus, I thought you weren't evil!" said Jigglypuff.

"Well," said Samus, stroking the blue bird's shoulder affectionately, "I found love today."

"And can Jigglypuff and Pikachu get out of their sticky situation?"

Jigglypuff and Pikachu turned around to see Crazy Hand, the Pokemon Trainer, King Dedede and Samus glaring evilly at them, all holding large metallic objects threateningly.

"Eight people are still alive... who will be eliminated... next?" said Master Hand.

Chapter Eight

Young Link, puffing, ran through the doors of the county jail. He searched desperately through the building for Master Hand's cell, receiving angry looks from prisoners as he inspected each cell, one by one. He reached the end of the aisle of cells.

"Master Hand!" shouted Young Link in excitement, "I'm so glad to see you! The place has turned chaotic since you left!"

"Wow, Young Link! You came here for me?" said Master Hand excitedly.

"Yeah, I did!" said Young Link.

"Why did you come?" said Master Hand curiously.

Young Link leant in closer to Master Hand. "It turns out all of the new smashers are evil and going on a mass killing spree!"

Master Hand gasped, "That's horrible!"

"You have to do something!" said Young Link desperately, "Or we'll all be killed!"

"Well get me out of this cell!" said Master Hand angrily.

Young Link slashed the lock off Master Hand's cell, freeing the door open.

"Hooray!" shouted Young Link and Master Hand, hugging each other.

"It's so nice to have you back," said Young Link.

"Really?" said Master Hand, squeezing tighter.

"Hehe," said Young Link, laughing at the fact that Master Hand was playfully squeezing him tighter, "But seriously, we need weapons of some sort, otherwise we won't be able to save all of the remaining old smashers!"

"Yeah, we should think up of a plan," said Master Hand, grasping Young Link's neck and squeezing that tightly as well.

"Haha," said Young Link at the fact that Master Hand was playfully choking him, "Can you stop that and can we save the smashers?"

"The thing is... I don't want the smashers to be saved..." said Master Hand angrily, now just grasping Young Link's neck and squeezing as tight as he could.

"Stop!" screamed Young Link, asphyxiating, "You could kill me! And why don't you want the smashers to be saved?"

"Oh, you know, because... it was my plan," cackled Master Hand, using every bone in his body to choke Young Link.

"What?!" screamed Young Link, choking, "I promise I won't tell anyone! You'll kill me!"

"Aww... and wouldn't that be such a shame?" said Master Hand in a puppy voice, squeezing Young Link's head of its place and therefore decapitating him, causing a large trail of blood to splatter all over the ground. Master Hand laughed sadistically as he picked up Young Link's body and smeared it all over the pool of blood.

...

"Oh and, thanks for getting me out," said Master Hand, smiling at Young Link's body.

Young Link's body did not respond.

"Fine..." said Master Hand angrily, floating out.
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Crazy Hand and the Pokemon Trainer held up their crowbars threateningly as King Dedede and Samus made out.

"Help me!" said Pikachu, covering his eyes, whimpering.

"I know, aren't we just threatening you so well?" cackled the Pokemon Trainer evilly.

"Actually, I was talking about that," said Pikachu, pointing to Samus and Dedede on top of the table, King Dedede knocking over several expensive china plates as they passionately latched on to each other. "It's disgusting."

"Oh gee, how original," said Jigglypuff angrily, "You're in a life-threatening situation and you're scared of the fact that some large blue bird and a woman in a power suit are making out and... wow... that is actually rather disgusting..."

"Now to kill you!" cackled Ash, raising his crowbar.

A cannonball broke through the wall behind Ash and hit him in the back, killing him. Crazy Hand floated out in hysteria.

Fox, Ganondorf, Marth and Kirby ran through the wall, screaming hysterically.

The two parties noticed each other.

"Kirby and Pikachu, you're alive!" cheered Kirby.

"Kirby and Pikachu, you're alive!" cheered Marth.

"Kirby and Pikachu, you're alive!" cheered Fox.

"Kirby and Pikachu, you're alive!" cheered Ganondorf.

"Ganondorf, Marth and Kirby, you're alive!" cheered Pikachu and Jigglypuff together.

...

Fox glared angrily at Pikachu and Jigglypuff.

"Aww, thanks for caring," said Marth.

"Yeah, thanks for caring about all of us," said Kirby happily.

"A-hem," said Fox angrily.

"You're welcome," said Jigglypuff happily.

"A-hem!" shouted Fox angrily.

"You're welcome too," said Ganondorf happily.

"AHEM!" shouted Fox angrily.

"You're welcome as well," said Pikachu happily.

"AHEM!" screamed Fox.

"Thank you all!" cheered Jigglypuff.

"If you don't acknowledge me," threatened Fox, "Karma is going to do something so bad to you that you'll be sorry!"

Fox folded his arms and grunted smugly.

...

A making out Samus and King Dedede rolled off the table onto Fox, crushing him under their weight.

"That's so horrible!" said Marth, shocked.

"I know!" said Kirby, "It's so bad that Fox is dead!"

"No, I was talking about the making out!" said Marth, disgusted. "It's so horrible that stuff like that is legal!"

"Enough already with the jokes!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

...

"Thanks for firing that cannonball to save us from Ash!" said Jigglypuff happily.

"But we didn't fire any cannonballs," laughed Marth, "It was..."

"Me," cackled Pit, pointing two cannons at Jigglypuff, Marth, Kirby and Ganondorf.

Everyone gasped.

Last chapter everyone! Enjoy! :D

Crazy Crazy Mansion
By Hoogiman

Last time... on Crazy Crazy Mansion

Master Hand laughed sadistically as he picked up Young Link's body and smeared it all over the pool of blood.

...

"Thanks for firing that cannonball to save us from Ash!" said Jigglypuff happily.

"But we didn't fire any cannonballs," laughed Marth, "It was..."

"Me," cackled Pit, pointing two cannons at Jigglypuff, Marth, Kirby and Ganondorf.

Everyone gasped.

Chapter Nine

There were now only six legally sane smashers left alive, four of them had a cannon pointed at them by a cackling boy angel.

"Time to die!" cackled Pit, pointing his cannons at Jigglypuff, Marth, Kirby and Ganondorf.

"AAAAHHH!" screamed Jigglypuff, Marth, Kirby and Ganondorf.

"I thought angels were supposed to be nice!" cried Jigglypuff.

"Well... I'm not an angel..." laughed Pit evilly, pointing to his wings, "...these are fake!"

Pit dramatically ripped the wings off his back, not realising that the wings were actually real and they just caused him to kill himself.

"Yay!" said Jigglypuff, Marth, Kirby and Ganondorf at the body.

Jigglypuff walked up to Pit's body, "Is there candy that will appear out of the body?"

A large splodge of blood oozed onto Jigglypuff's face.

From the body.

"It's blood!" cried Jigglypuff.

"That's usually what happens with bodies that have had vital parts ripped out..." said Ganondorf, "...they bleed..."

"You lie!" cried Jigglypuff, "You're not telling the truth! Tell me you're not telling the truth!"

Jigglypuff tasted some of the blood. "Hmm... that tastes surprisingly similar to tomato sauce..."

Everybody else gasped.

"...and that's strange... Pit's body doesn't seem to be there anymore," inspected Jigglypuff.

Ganondorf got fatally shot by a cannon ball.

"...almost as if..." said Jigglypuff, shocked.

Marth's body landed inches away from a pondering Jigglypuff.

"Pit lied about dying!" said Jigglypuff, outraged.

Kirby's carcass fell up into the air and then landed inches away from Jigglypuff, impaled on a nail in the floor.

"I have to do something about this!" said Jigglypuff, shocked.

A cannon, several inches away pointed at Jigglypuff's head.

"Too late," laughed Pit manically.

Pit fired. As there were no cannonballs left, Jigglypuff was saved.

"AND NOW IS MY TIME TO AVENGE YOU," grunted Jigglypuff, threateningly holding up a toaster.

"And how will you do that, exactly?" scoffed Pit.

"Let's see!" said Jigglypuff happily, putting a blindfold on Pit.

"I love blindfolds! It's like the circus!" said Pit in a Yiddish, childish manner.

Jigglypuff plugged in the toaster and shoved Pit's face into it.

He burnt to his own demise.

"Yay for death from low voltage kitchen appliances!" said Jigglypuff.

Samus and King Dedede walked into the room, glaring angrily at Jigglypuff.

"Eek?" said Jigglypuff.
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Pikachu scampered across the room to the safety of Mewtwo's arms. "Everyone's dead!" he cried, "There are only six people alive now!"

Mewtwo counted Marth, Kirby and Ganondorf's bodies. "No silly," he joked, "Three!"

Pikachu cried even harder.

Mewtwo chuckled. "Oh wait... I guess that's not really helping..."

Pikachu sobbed. "And worst of all... all smash matches are now going to be between Snake, Samus, Crazy Hand, Master Hand, Bowser and King Dedede!"

"Well... we're just going to have to put a stop to this!" said Mewtwo determined, loading a gun.

"Whose gun is that?" said Pikachu, disgusted.

"Certainly not mine," said Mewtwo in a triumphant, heroic voice.

"Fox's disembodied hand is still gripping on to the trigger," said Pikachu, trying not to look.

...

"So?" said Mewtwo angrily.

"It'sdisgusting," said Pikachu angrily, "Just like all disembodied hands."

"I take offence to that!" said Crazy Hand, floating in the room, loaded with a rifle.

"AAH!" screamed Mewtwo and Pikachu.

"Now to shoot you!" said Crazy Hand, giggling insanely.

"Whose gun is that?" said Pikachu, disgusted.

"Um..." said Crazy Hand, "...not mine?"

"Fox's disembodied hand is still gripping on to the trigger," said Pikachu, trying not to look.

"You're right... disembodied hands... kind of are evil..." assessed Crazy Hand.

"Yay!" cheered Mewtwo and Pikachu.

"But I'mstill going to kill you!" cackled Crazy Hand.

"Wait... I have telekinesis!" said Mewtwo excitedly.

"Yay!" cheered Pikachu.

Mewtwo used his telekinesis to shove Pikachu's tuba down Crazy Hand's throat, choking him to death.

"Yay!" said Mewtwo.

"My... tuba..." said Pikachu in disbelief.

"Don't worry," said Mewtwo, "You can still use it-"

Crazy Hand's final action was to cough and splatter blood all over the tuba.

"NUUUEEZZZ!" screamed Pikachu.

"Fine then, I'll play it," said Mewtwo angrily, picking up the tuba.

Mewtwo put the mouthpiece in his mouth (DUH) and then blew, splattering blood all over Pikachu's face.

"Hehehe!" said Mewtwo.

Pikachu was scarred for life, trembling with fear.

"Wait... I guess that didn't help..." said Mewtwo.
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"Kill the Pokemon..." said Samus lustfully, massaging King Dedede's shoulders in a stimulating fashion, "I love it when you kill... small... innocent... creatures..."

"Okay..." said King Dedede in a low, suave voice, trying to impress, "I'll kill her... and I'll kill her... just for you!"

"Blindfold time!" said Jigglypuff happily, putting a blindfold on King Dedede.

"I love blindfolds! It's like the circus!" said King Dedede in a Yiddish, childish manner.

Jigglypuff plugged in the toaster and shoved his face into it.

He burnt to his own demise.

"YOU KILLED MY LOVE!" screamed Samus, in despair.

"You inherit King Dedede's forty billion dollar empire!" said some random will reader.

"Yay!" said Samus, shooting the guy to avoid continuity errors. "...actually... that's the reason why I married him... he was worth ten billion more than Link... and now I'm freaking rich... ...so now I'm not evil anymore!"

"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff.

Bowser ran in wielding an axe. Samus shot him.

"I'm still evil!" laughed Samus evilly, "I just killed Bowser! Did you see?"

"Bowser was evil," said Jigglypuff.

"I guess I'm not evil anymore!" said Samus cheerfully.

"Yay! Now to shoot the baddies!" said Jigglypuff.
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"How can this be?!" said Master Hand angrily to Snake.

"We're the only two left," assessed Snake, "There were just too many of them, we're all gone."

"Well Snake, you're going to have to kill them all, even if it kills you," said Master Hand dramatically.

"Okay!" said Snake.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"We're the only four alive?!" said Pikachu to Jigglypuff.

"Yep!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully, "And the only baddie left is Snake!"

"Take your positions," ordered Samus to Pikachu, Jigglypuff and Mewtwo.

Snake ran in, firing blindly with four guns simultaneously at the smashers. Samus started to fire back with her rockets, only managing to slightly pierce the heavy body armour he was wearing. Mewtwo was using his telekinesis to try and lodge a viola through his spine but he could not penetrate the armour. Pikachu used Pit's cannon to fire at Snake, knocking him down every time after he tried to stagger back up.

Jigglypuff stood there.

"Hahaha," boasted Snake, "Your three attacks are a match for my four guns! You'll never be able to kill me unless you give a fourth attack!"

"Hurry up and do something!" said Pikachu angrily.

"There's no power points!" said Jigglypuff desperately.

"Don't use that freaking toaster!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Fine!" said Jigglypuff angrily, throwing the toaster blindly.

It hit Snake in the face, his only weak spot. He died.

"Yay!" cheered Pikachu, Jigglypuff, Mewtwo and Samus.

...

Master Hand walked into the room, clapping in a sinister manner. "That was good, but you four are no match for my... super cannon machine of doom!"

Master Hand cackled evilly.

"Which operates on power points!" added Master Hand happily.

"There aren't any power points left!" said Jigglypuff desperately.

"Charge!" screamed Pikachu.

Pikachu, Jigglypuff, Mewtwo and Samus charged towards Master Hand, mauling, eating and devouring his body.

....

"I guess that saga's over!" said Jigglypuff happily.

"Yep," said Pikachu.

...

"Hey sexy..." said Samus to Mewtwo.

"My net worth's just half a billion," said Mewtwo bluntly.

"Not worth my time," said Samus angrily.

THE END

Review or I will keep on writing! Or just review?
Send complaints to: www (dot) smashmansion (dot) com (slash) forum
If we missed any person in the story, that's simply because they were on holiday to Lithuania!

I liked the ending. Only Samus and the Poke'mon survived.

Enjoy the parody of Tales of Symphonia! By Hackthe world 1991

FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination

Hack: My first take on a parody in a long time! This time it'll involve the Super Smash Brothers cast acting out the legendary RPG game: Tales of Symphonia! Prepare yourself for hilariousness, randomness, craziness, and most of all, crazy smashers! I must warn you all, though, there may be character bashing (although I didn't plan any yet). If you played the game Tales of Symphonia and beaten it before, then you'll understand everything a lot better.

All constructive criticism is appreciated and will be taken into heart. All flames will be ignored or deleted.

If there is another similar story to this, I am not aware of it and this fanfic will not be intentionally similar, so no intentional plagiarism there. Plus, my sense of humor is random anyways. Just a disclaimer to protect this story a bit more.

Oh yeah. I do not own Super Smash Brothers Melee or Tales of Symphonia, or anything related to those. I also do not own any characters from any Nintendo game. Disclaimer done!

Rated T for possible violence, minor sexual references, cursing, that fun stuff. If you don't wanna read any story with that stuff, I suggest you leave (nods vigorously).

Obvious spoilers for Tales of Symphonia, as the smashers will be acting through the entire game. Yes, you heard me, the entire game that takes like a hundred hours to beat. This'll be a long project for me, and it'll be tough squeezing in this and my other work at the same time, but it'll be a fun experience for me.

This chapter is just a prologue to open up the game and who's who, stuff like that. Enjoy it!


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Prologue: The Cast!

The twenty-six smashers were sitting and moping around in the smash mansion on top of the Final Destination. It had been a year since they defeated the Master and Crazy Hands.

Suddenly, a very sexy, handsome, black-haired teenage boy came down on a cloud above the smashers, who were all dining. To no one's surprise, Kirby and Yoshi were hogging all the food.

"Good evening, my wonderful smashers!" Hack cried out.

"Huh? Who the hell are you?" Mario asked.

"My goodness, if it'll get the attention of those two pigs, then I'm fine with any distraction..." Falco muttered. "I'm darn hungry..."

"Hey, you're not the only one," Fox replied. "Pretty much everyone's starving. Peach! Got any more grubs?"

"We already ran out, Kirby and Yoshi are pigging out again..." Peach muttered.

"Hello? Are you guys ignoring me?" Hack asked.

BANG! BANG!

Yoshi and Kirby were both taken out instantly by a powerful steel frying pan. Dr. Mario sighed. "My fifth operation today... Can't be worse than my latest one on Donkey Kong though, when Samus took him out..." He dragged them out of the room as every smasher in the dining hall rejoiced.

"WOOT! Food!" Marth cried, chomping down on Yoshi's remainders.

"No, that food's mine!" Roy yelled, shoving Marth aside and stealing Yoshi's food.

"Mama mia... What a crazy dinner..." Luigi shook his head.

"Oh, Luigi! Have you seen my pet spider around here somewhere?" Ganondorf asked with an evil snicker. Luigi screamed and ran out of the room.

"Do any of you know I'm here? Hello?" Hack asked again. Nobody noticed him except Mario, who forgot about him.

"That's not very nice..." Link muttered, shaking his head in disapproval.

Ganondorf felt a tap on his back, then turned around to see Young Link smiling. He was holding a large spider.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" Ganondorf screamed as he zipped out of the room.

"Mini-me! How many times did I tell you not to play pranks?" Link cried out.

"Um... Popo made me!" Young Link pointed at the blue ice climber.

"What? No I didn't!"

"Yes you did!"

"No, I didn't!"

"Yes you did!"

"Nu uh!"

"Uh huh!"

"Nu uh!"

"Uh huh!"

"Popo! Stop arguing!" Nana called out, being more mature for some reason.

"...Wow, this is pretty lame..." Hack muttered. "Nobody's noticing the sexy me..."

Marth and Roy were still fighting over the food, but Bowser came in between and shoved them both out of the way.

"Eh? You wanna fight?" Marth and Roy threatened simultaneously, pointing their respective swords at Bowser, who was chomping on their food.

"Hey! This food is mine! I'm bigger than the two of you and stronger too!"

CLANG! STAB!

"Another day of chaos..." Zelda sighed, putting her hand on her forehead. She looked up to see Captain Falcon and Samus. "Great... Three... Two... One..."

KABOOM! Falcon had just tried to kiss Samus, who blew him up with a super missile. Falcon was lying at Zelda's feet, struggling to get back up.

"Again with Samus?"

Falcon smiled as he looked up with a smile. "...Nice thongs."

KA-BAM!

"Ow... High heels hurt a lot..." Mr. Game and Watch said, cringing from seeing Falcon's flattened face. "I know from experience."

Pikachu and Pichu were just so happening to carry a large anvil and 'accidentally' dropped it on Mr. GW's foot.

"YEOW!!!" The two pokemon immediately ran, when Jigglypuff just came into the room.

"You little rascal!" Mr. GW yelled! He ran after Jigglypuff, believing that she injured him.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! What did I dooooo????" Jigglypuff cried as she was running.

"In the count of three, everyone that doesn't notice me will get fried!" Hack cried.

"I noticed you a long time ago," said Mario.

"Abusing your author powers, eh Hack?" Mewtwo telepathically said in Hack's mind.

"You're not the only one that can speak telepathically," Ness said in everyone's heads.

"...Two...One..."

BOOM!

Every single person besides Mario, Ness, and Mewtwo were fried to a crisp in a large explosion.

There was only one thing anyone could say.

"...Ow..."

"Great!" Hack clapped his hands together. "I'm here for a project that I want all of you to participate in! I'm the legendary author, Hack, full name is Hacktheworld1991! I want all your cooperation!"

"And what if I don't want to participate?" Ganondorf threatened.

"Well nobody can match up to my author powers."

"Nice try. WARLOCK PUNCH!" Ganondorf cried as he charged his hand. He threw it forward at Hack's face, but it simply deflected off an invisible barrier.

"My turn!" Hack snapped his fingers as Ganondorf felt an anvil fall on his face, then a fireball burned his face further.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

"Any objections?"

Everyone shook their head.

"Good. I just had an idea today that you're all going to do a fun parody of Tales of Symphonia!"

"Tales of... what?" Donkey Kong asked.

"It's one of the greatest action-based RPGs, at least in my opinion. It fits pretty well. You're each going to act out a part, and other miscellaneous people from your worlds are going to act as other minor parts too. Got it?"

Nobody responded.

"Great! So... Link! You are acting as Lloyd Irving!"

"Huh? Me?" Link replied.

"Yes, you. You're the main character, and you're pretty cool. Both of you wield swords and both of you have future girlfriends too. You're also both sensible to some extent, but also are pretty stupid in studying."

"...Hey, that's not very nice. And what do you mean by future girlfriends?"

"Because Zelda is going to act out as Colette Brunel!"

"Colette?" Zelda asked.

"Yes, because Colette is Lloyd's natural gal and you're Link's gal."

"Another word like that and I'll zap you," Zelda threatened.

"Fine, fine, but I have other good reasons. She's brave, you're brave too. You both also use pretty nifty magic."

"Okay, I'm fine with that."

"...Oh yeah, you'll have to be clumsy."

"WHAT?"

"Next, we have Genis Sage as Ness! Simply because you're both midgets and you both use cool magic attacks."

"Nice! I love magic!" Ness cried out.

"You're both also really smart and study hard. He's also a crybaby."

"I'm not a crybaby!" Ness cried, tears welling up in his eyes. "I'm not a crybaby, I'm not a crybaby!"

Pichu zapped Ness. "That's my job, being a cute crybaby!"

"Ow..."

"It confuses me, though..." said Hack. "In your Earthbound Game, you're considered the main powerhouse and tanker while Paula was the black mage. You also never knew PSI Magnet, Fire, or Thunder, like you do in the smash tournaments. Only PSI Flash and Rockin."

"...I'm weird like that, okay?"

"...Right. So Genis's older sister, Raine, will be Peach."

"Wait, I'm not Ness's sister!" Peach retorted.

"Well that's not why I picked you as Raine. You're the type of gal to be a healer, and you're also really reasonable. You're pretty bossy too, especially around the smash mansion. Especially with the little kids. You get to be Link, Zelda, and Ness's teacher. You'll be awesome, and you'll get to spank Ness's butt."

"I'm starting to regret this..." Peach muttered.

"What? I'm getting spanked?" Ness cried out.

"Yeah, Peach gets to be really violent."

"I have no regrets then!" Peach exclaimed happily.

"All right, our next guy, Kratos Aurion, will be Marth, because I think you're super dark and cool, or at least you seem like the type."

"Heh, thanks."

"You get to be pretty bossy too. You'll come in and out randomly, especially after a certain climax of the game."

"Huh... I like being a mysterious guy. Probably why I'm irresistable around girls."

"I'm irresistable!" Captain Falcon yelled out. Samus bashed him on the head angrily.

"Um, no, not when you're getting beaten by girls all the time," replied Doctor Mario. "Do you know how many operations I had on you because of your behavior?"

"Shut up..."

Hack continued on. "Sheena Fujibayashi, the ninja, I had a hard time deciding. At first I think Zelda would be great, being Sheik and all that, but she's already Colette. Because there's a lack of females in the smash cast..."

"What about us?" Samus and Nana cried out.

"If you're thinking I'm a male, then..." Samus charged her beam.

"I already got neat roles for you. Wait a second..." A notebook appeared in front of Hack, then he made notes, smiling evilly. "I've got it. Samus, you'll be Sheena, the sexy summoner who's very hot-tempered, just like you."

"Hot-tempered?" Samus grumbled, about to release her beam.

"But you also get to summon stuff to blow stuff up."

"...I gotta admit, you got me a darn nice role."

"Thank you. This is why it works out perfectly. Zelos Wilder, the pervert that spies on Sheena, will be Roy!"

"WHAT????" Samus yelled, shooting her beam at Hack. Hack simply floated out of the way.

"What? Why not Captain Falcon?" Roy asked.

"Yeah, I wanna spy on sexy Samus!" Falcon cried.

"Well Falcon isn't cool and humorous enough to be Zelos, plus he can't use a sword for poop," Hack explained. "I also don't like you." He blew a raspberry at Falcon.

"Plus, you're the craziest pervert in this mansion aside from Falcon!" Fox cried out to Roy.

"What? No way! I'm not a Captain Falcon!"

"It's true..." Mewtwo muttered telepathically (I'm not going to bother typing that word every time now. Just assume he talks telepathically all the time.) "I sense you spying on Samus, Zelda, and Peach in the showers almost as much as Falcon do. Even Nana, apparently."

The four females rounded upon Roy. "Um... hi?"

BAM!

BOOM!

POW!

Roy was beaten to a bloody pulp, to put it simply. Describing it in detail would flow this fanfic from the T rating already.

"Man, Roy, man... Spying on even Nana... What a petifile..." Luigi muttered, shaking his head.

"Are you saying I'm ugly?" Nana said, rounding up on Luigi.

"AHHHHHHHHHH, I didn't say anything!"

"It's also spelled pedophile," corrected Ness.

"How do you spell something wrong when I'm saying it?" Luigi asked.

"...That's a good question. It's a secret among psychics."

"I wanna know!"

"Knowledge of how psychics work..." Mewtwo explained. "Would be too confidential and cause your brain to defunctionalize because of its complexity."

"...Huh?"

"Whatever! Just continue!" Nana cried.

"Speaking of Nana..." Hack started. "Since we already used up our three females, not including the pokemon, we need an actor for Presea Combatir. You can guess that Nana's Presea."

"Sweet. How is she?"

"She uses a huge-ass axe for a tiny girl. Happy?"

"Very."

"Excellent. So our last main character is Regal Bryant. He uses sexy kicks all the time, and he's quite calm."

"Oh, me!" Fox and Falco jumped up and down.

"So because Fox and Falco got tons of action time in my other fic, I'm choosing Kirby!"

"Ohh! I'm here!" Kirby jumped in, wearing several band-aids and a cast. "What's happening?"

"You're acting as Regal, the kicking guy."

"Yay!"

"Damn it..." Fox muttered. Falco bashed Fox on the head with his fist.

"So our main bad guy, Mithos and Yggdrasil, will be our fabulous psychic, Mewtwo!"

"...So I'm the antagonist again..."

"Well you're both pretty evilish. Does that satisfy you?"

"I have no objections."

"And he uses light magic."

"...I hate you."

"We've got tons of other characters for you guys to act out, but they'll be revealed as the plot moves on. Quite a few surprises and also obvious substitutions," explained Hack. "I look forward to you all having fun!"

"Psh, yeah right!" All the smashers replied.

For those of you that are lazy and need a list of characters introduced so far...

Lloyd – Link

Colette – Zelda

Genis – Ness

Raine – Peach

Kratos – Marth

Sheena – Samus

Zelos – Roy

Presea– Nana

Regal – Kirby

Mithos – Mewtwo

Nice job.  ;D

I know you want more, the good news are, there are 7 more chapters! Enjoy the next one!

Hack: My first chapter on the actual story! Get ready for random humor of this parody! Enjoy!

I'm not sure if my humor is a bit rusty, but I guess we'll see from my reviews of criticism. Give me all your honest opinions! (Like, seriously)

Now go, my narrator Marth!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 1: Violent Teachers and Lame Kendamas

The camera was looking over a large landscape, looking at a white tower rising up infinitely into the skies. Around it lay lush, green anime-like forests covering the grounds.

Marth began to recite his lines from the backyard, acting as some sort of narrator.

"Wait... I don't understand any of this at all... Giant Deku Tree? The Saffron Silph. Co? What the hell?"

"Just read your lines! Nobody would ever understand what Kratos was talking about the first time they start the game anyways! I sure didn't!"

A crowd of multiple gamers cried out, "We did!"

"...Shut up..." Hack murmured.

"Right... Mana stored in this weird Giant Deku Tree, then some sort of pokemon said that if she is asleep and the world is in danger, she must be awoken immediately... There's this huge-ass tower that acts as some sort of pinnacle for this weird Tree."

The camera then zooms in on a small town from a distance in the horizon, then zooming into a particular building...


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene: Peach's Classroom of Toad Town
"Link! You idiot! Wake up!"

BAM!

Peach slammed a frying pan into Link's face, who was standing in the middle of class and carrying a heavy water bucket in each hand. Link fell over, flooding the floor and falling on his face.

"Ow! My sweet face!" Link cried, struggling to get back up. "You're supposed to throw a chalkboard eraser at me!"

"No!!!!" Zelda cried as she stood up from her seat. "That's my Link!"

"My goodness, the first three lines and they're already at it..." Ness sighed from his seat as he watched the scene of Zelda and Peach yelling at each other, Peach still whacking Link on the head with her frying pan.

"Peach, I said you were going to be violent, but you have to follow the script," said Hack. "I didn't mean this violent. Raine certainly isn't this violent."

Peach held a beat-up Link by the collar, then dropped him. She went back to the board in front of the class as Zelda sat down. Link struggled to stand back up, though.

"Ugh... class is over...?" Link asked, shaking his legs in fear.

"Never mind..." Peach sighed with disappointment and disapproval. "Have someone else answer the question."

"Since when did you become a teacher?" Link asked. He felt a black bomb fall on his face, then explode.

"Ness, how about you?"

"Yes, Professor Peach!" Ness stood up attentively. Link and Zelda snickered at Peach being called a professor. "Mewtwo, the psychic hero, brought about the end of the Ancient War in the rural grounds of Kanto."

"You're correct, but I don't know why a nerd like you have to be my brother."

"Psh... You're supposed to be a nerd..." Ness muttered under his breath. He felt another black bomb.

"Afterwards, our psychic hero formed a pack with the Goddess of psychics Mew to seal away Team Rocket who caused this war."

"Team Rocket, psh!" Link muttered as well. Another black bomb to the face. The clueless NPCs in the room were so used to Peach's violent acts that they didn't react at all to her violence.

Link began to talk again after coughing several times. "But Team Rocket came back to make everyone suffer again! Those idiots!"

"You idiot! We already covered that last class! Don't you remember?"

"Er... Short Term Memory?"

KABOOM!

Peach continued her lesson, ignoring the unconscious Link. "Today is the wonderful Day of the Prophecy! The Chosen, stand up, Zelda!"

Zelda stood up at cue, frowning at the feeling of Peach commanding her.

"Yes... ma'am..." Zelda murmured, putting an extra stress on ma'am.

"Tell us about your journey for world regeneration!"

"...I'm going on a journey to seal Team Rocket," said Zelda.

"Of course you'd know since you're the darn chosen... Well anyways, our world is in danger because of mana depletion. Team Rocket uses more mana for their human ranches, draining our world's necessary mana."

"Well it isn't really anything new..." Ness muttered. "I mean, even LINK would know that!" He felt a vicious slap on his face and another bomb.

"The chosen's purpose has two goals: restore the mana somehow, and kill that darn Team Rocket. Well for another question, this time for my stupidest student Link..."

BLING!

Yellow lights shone down through the windows, blinding everyone like crazy!

"Holy moly what the hell was that?????" Link, Zelda, and Ness cried out.

Peach blinked. "Being the superior teacher, I'll go check up on what's going on."

"Hey, I'm coming with you. I'm a princess like you!"

"But in this parody, you're just my student. I have total superiority over you!!!!" Peach grinned evilly. She cleared her throat and her grin, then said with a serious tone, "No, just stay here. If it's the oracle, the useless toads will come fetch you."

Peach immediately left.

"HURRAY!"

"WE'RE FREE FROM HER TYRANNY!!!"

All the students rejoiced, including the three smashers. Link snickered as he began to pop a bottle of alcohol.

"Are you old enough to drink?" Ness asked.

"You certainly aren't," Link replied.

"Neither are you," said Zelda.

"My god, just shut up... I'm the hero of time, I have enough responsibility to drink."

"Not in this story, you're just a lame student," Ness replied.

"Why the hell do I have to be with you?" Link sighed.

He stood up from his wooden chair and began to leave the classroom when Ness stopped him by standing in the doorway.

"What in the world are you doing?"

"Eh, just following my lines."

"You don't seem like it."

"Oh, right. Link! Where do you think you're going? Peach'll get mad and use her deadly frying pan skills!"

"Well you're ten times younger than me, so you have no right to stop me."

"You're supposed to say 'It's Research' or 'Okay, fine.' "

"Who do you think's going to believe me when I say that it's research?"

"...Good point, your brain capacity is just too low to think that way."

"...huh?"

Zelda whispered in Link's ears. "He's saying you're stupid."

"...How do those sentences relate, huh?" Link stupidly replied. Zelda and Ness fell over anime style.

"Never mind. But don't blame me when Peach bombs you to death," Ness suggested. "Don't pin the blame on me."

"I wanted to see what happens with the oracle, though!" Link whined.

"You'll see... maybe."

"No! I wanna see now! Now!!!"

"Something's wrong with you... What should I do, Zelda?"

Zelda smacked Link on the head with a judo chop. She then began dragging him. "Let's go. We're going to see the oracle anyways."

Suddenly, Toadsworth came into the room. He was an old toad with a cane who was very paranoid over Peach's safety.

"ZELDA!!!!!!!!!!!" he cried, falling to the ground and smearing blood on the ground. "SAVE... PEACH!!!!!!!!!"

"Um, why?" Zelda asked, not caring.

"Team Rocket is on the lose again! SAVE THE PRINCESS!!!!!!!!" Then the annoying old toad died, his eyes wide open with dreadful fear.

"Good Riddance," Zelda called, sounding like she doesn't care.

"Don't they have a peace treaty with us, where they can't attack us if we don't attack them and vice versa?" Ness asked.

"Yeah, it's kinda strange."

"Let's go!" Ness used his psychic powers to carry Link's limp body as he and Zelda left the classroom.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene: Toad Town
"There isn't anyone out here," said Ness.

"It must've been Team Rocket, because they passed by here," said Link (who finally woke up).

"I'm going to go to the temple! That's where Team Rocket went!" Zelda cried with a fake tone of worry.

"Peh, the Toadsworths are going to be there, they'll all be safe..." Link sarcastically said.

"Um, Link? Toads are generally really weak and defenseless, which is how Peach gets kidnapped in Mario games by Bowser so easily."

Link rolled his eyes. "Naw, really? Don't you know what sarcasm is?"

"Zelda!" A random blue toad came running in, interrupting Link.

"...Is that little guy supposed to be my supposed-father?" Zelda asked.

"We heard about your..."

"Crap! He heard my insults about Toads! Run!" Link cried. The three ran away, leaving the blue toad in the dust.

"Um... I was going to say why there's nobody out here?"

Link, Zelda, and Ness finally reached the north gate of Toad Town. "So we're supposed to go to the temple, as this script says," said Link.

"Yeah. Hey, there's some sort of random skull..." Ness muttered.

"Is this one of those 'random encounters' of RPG games?" Zelda asked. Ness nodded.

"Except it looks like the encounters aren't so random in this game..."

"Ooooo Fun skull!" Link poked the skull with his sword.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo..." Link had just activated the pointless fight.

The three were up against a random zombie-like creature.

"Re-Deads? I've already seen enough in my adventure!" Link cried. "Heck, they even started to put in Re-Dead Knights in my Twilight Princess game! They were so lame!"

"Yeah, so lame that they stopped humping you when they reached you," said Ness. "I'm surprised they had that move in Wind Waker, a not-so-serious game."

"Screw this, I'm killing it," Zelda muttered. "Din's Fire!"

POOF!

"What?" That's right, Zelda didn't do anything. Then she just noticed she had a large chakram in each hand. "Ew... These just aren't my type of weapon..."

"Hey, I'm not complainin'!" Link happily cried as he carried two swords and started to hack away at the zombie.

"Zelda, you should stop complaining after you see my weapon..." Ness muttered as he held up his lame kendama. It was a tiny cross with a red ball at its end attached to a string. He threw the ball at the zombie. One Damage.

Link and Zelda were cracking up. "Wow! They actually call that a weapon??" Link cried out in tears. Ness blushed.

"Shut up!"

Link and Zelda were literally rotflmao-ing, leaving the zombie in confusion.

Suddenly, Hack came in, floating. "My goodness, only the first chapter and you're all already screwing up... Our audience wants a parody, darn it!"

"Sorry... but..." Link sobbed through cries of laughter. "...Ness's... weapon... GWAH HA HA!!!"

"Link...?" Zelda asked, now completely calm. "It isn't that funny now." She looked at Link, and Link looked at her. There was a moment of silence.

They cracked up. "AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

"Gahh! Shut up!!!!" Ness yelled. "PSI Fire Beta!"

Rather than shooting a deadly stream of fire, however, Ness only shot three fireballs at Link, which did very little damage. "Huh?"

"Yeah, you're pretty useless at the beginning, Ness, with your incredibly weak novice spells," said Hack.

"WHY ME??? FIRST A GAY KENDAMA, THEN LAME SPELLS THAT DON'T DO SHIT!!! #&#(&(&#$(&()"

"Whoa, stop the cursing, dude!" Link said.

"I MEAN, IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT THE SMASH GOT ALL MY MOVES EFFED OVER AND DIDN'T LET ME USE PSI ROCKIN, BUT (#$&#&"


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After a half hour of ranting... (Hack already left from being annoyed)
"Done yet?" Zelda asked.

"Yes."

"Well at least he killed the zombie in his anger..." Link pointed out. The zombie was burnt to a crisp, as Ness had continuously bashed it with his "weapon" out of his anger, even after it died.

Suddenly, another skull came popping into the town.

"Another enemy?" Ness groaned.

"I heard Peach say that ghosts are weak against magic," said Zelda. "I can't believe that I'm restricted to these chakrams..."

"Woo! Gotta love my weapon!" Link cried happily as he went double sword happy on the ghost. It instantly died in a second.

"...Disregard what I said earlier," said Zelda. "Who cares about magic, especially with a weak little mage like this midget here."

"For the last time, I am not weak..." Ness grumbled. Link grabbed the round sphere of the kendama and played with it.

"Right, whatever little kid with a little toy..." Link laughed. Ness blushed again.

"Whatever, let's just go to the temple."

meh...i like your fanfics more...

Quote from: thunderhero4 on November 27, 2007, 04:27:04 PM
meh...i like your fanfics more...

You doesn't know what is Tales of Symphonia either.

Quote from: wiiboychris on November 27, 2007, 04:35:06 PM

Quote from: thunderhero4 on November 27, 2007, 04:27:04 PM
meh...i like your fanfics more...

You doesn't know what is Tales of Symphonia either.

nope...i hate more serious games like ff or tales of symphonis...the only exception is halo and zelda...

Quote from: thunderhero4 on November 27, 2007, 04:36:45 PM

Quote from: wiiboychris on November 27, 2007, 04:35:06 PM

Quote from: thunderhero4 on November 27, 2007, 04:27:04 PM
meh...i like your fanfics more...

You doesn't know what is Tales of Symphonia either.

nope...i hate more serious games like ff or tales of symphonis...the only exception is halo and zelda...

Fine, ignore this one until I add one more different.

Hack: I'm glad everyone's been enjoying the light-hearted yet random humor! I'm going to continue these ideas throughout my chapters!

But since my workload is a ton, I've hired quite a few muses for myself! Meet Mario, Link, Fox, Ness, Kirby, Mewtwo, and Captain Falcon!

Mario: It's-a me, Mario!

Fox: Why am I always an important character? (sighs)

Ness: And Why am I stuck with a lame kendama? (sighs)

Mewtwo: Don't ask me how I got into this... (sighs)

Kirby: Anyone have any food around here?

Everyone else: NO!

Kirby: aw... (sighs)

Mario: (sighs) what's up with the sighing?

Link: You just sighed.

Mario: oh.

Captain Falcon: Wait! You haven't heard my latest perverted and sick joke yet!

Everyone else: We don't want to hear it!

Captain Falcon: Damn... (sighs)

Mewtwo: Supposedly we are supposed to advertise Hack's other 'extremely awesome' fanfic, the Endowment of Exgiency... I thoroughly enjoy it, even though I die...

Kirby: Dying ain't so bad! By chapter sixty seven, I barely even appeared yet!

Hack: You guy talk way too much... I'm sure only Mewtwo'll do the job properly. Enjoy this chapter!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 2: Ness's Nut-Cracker

"We're at the temple now, and I don't see anything happening," said Link.

Zelda looked up. "Except for the fact that Toads are flying everywhere, dying." She was correct, as many weak Toads were sent flying everywhere, dying and screaming in pain.

"...That isn't so much of a crisis anyways since they're so annoying and defenseless," said Ness.

"Agreed."

The three ran up the stairs, dodging various flying toads and Toadsworths, finally reaching the very top.

Toadette (aka Phaidra) was standing in the entrance to the temple. A few Team Rocket grunts were carrying whips and such, glaring over Toadette. They wore black and dark violet suits, their shirts and hats having a red R on them. One more person, however, stood out as the commander of them...

"FALCO???? Who are YOU acting as???" Link cried out, mustering his laughter.

Falco muttered. "This suit really doesn't suit me... I don't like acting as the inferior of Fox, who's Yuan right now..."

Ness sighed as he flipped through the script he already memorized. "Well you won't believe what'll happen way later in the game to Botta, when you are sacrif..."

"Ness, we're already spoiling the story as it is, there's no need to spoil the future," said Hack from the skies. "Try again and you'll deal with me."

"Wait, what did you mean, Ness?" Falco asked.

"Never mind..."

"Commander? What shall we do?" one of the Team Rocket grunts asked.

"Um... darn it! I was supposed to ask Toadette where the 'chosen' is before you guys came up here! Oh well! Grunts, attack!"

Two of the grunts charged forward, carrying steel swords.

"What? Steel Swords? That's all you've got? I can murder you guys any day!" Link taunted.

"Link, you're using wooden blades too..." Zelda muttered in embarrassment.

"Oh. Right."

Ness held up his lame kendama, and cried, "PSI Freeze Beta!!!!!" Instead of a huge explosion of ice, however, a small icicle grew from the ground below one of the grunts and struck him in the crotch.

"YEOW!!!!!!" the grunt cried, holding his jewels.

"Damn it! I hate these lame spells!" Ness yelled.

"Hey, that spell's pretty useful against male enemies!" Link smiled as he knocked out the stunned grunt with an elbow bash on the head.

"Really?" A scroll of techniques appeared before Ness. It listed all of his novice spells: Fireball, Wind Blade, Stone Blast, Icicle, Aqua Edge, and Lightning.

"Hm... I'll try this..." said Ness. "Stone Blast!"

Several rocks flew up from the ground below the other grunt, repeatedly hitting him in the crotch. What should have dealt a total of a measly hundred damage now dealt over ten thousand damage. The grunt fell to the ground in tears.

"...Whoa... I love my spells now!" Ness happily cried. "I call Stone Blast my Nut-Cracker attack!"

Zelda cringed in disgust. "...Right. That's insane damage..."

"Well not so insane late in the game. At maximum level and strength, Presea can deal over two hundred thousand damage with her hi-ougi, only in the PS2 japanese version though," Hack explained. "WHY CAN'T WE GET ALL THE SEXY HI-OUGIS???????"

"Really? What's mine?" Link asked.

"Well in the US GC version, Lloyd, Colette, and Genis's Hi-Ougis are the only ones you can use. You guys have Falcon Crest, Holy Judgement, and Indignation Judement. Everyone has one, though, in the PS2 japanese version."

"WOOT!"

"...What am I doing here? Get back to work!!!" Hack disappeared soon afterwards.

Falco cleared his throat, interrupting the conversation. "Ahem... So I see you've defeated two of my henchmen... This guy'll be stronger!"

Another Team Rocket grunt appeared, carrying a large mace.

"This could pose a problem..." Link muttered. Zelda nodded in agreement.

"Nah, not really," said Ness. "NUT-CRACKER!!!"

"OWWWWWWIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"

THUD!

The grunt fell to the ground, holding his testicles in pain. The three heroes snickered.

Suddenly, Marth came running in.

"Here I am! Sexy me is here to save the day!" Marth cried as the Fire Emblem fanfare played in the background. Link, Zelda, Ness, and Falco had the anime-style sweat-drops.

"Wait... what's going on? Aren't you guys supposed to be having trouble? I'm supposed to save you guys!" Marth cried.

"Sorry Marth, but Ness has the Nut-Cracker," Link joked.

"Another joke like that, and I'm going to explode..." Zelda muttered. "Too many testicle-related jokes..."

"Ness, he's the power guy here? I certainly didn't expect that from a little midget meant to be a mage..." said Marth.

NUT-CRACKER!!!

THUD!

"So much for sexy-swordsman..." Link, Zelda, and Ness walked over a twitching Marth to confront Falco.

"Um... Er..." Falco muttered. "Peh! I didn't know that you would have shown up, Marth! We'll retreat for now!" Falco and the grunts instantly disappeared, leaving a horrified Toadette and an unconscious Marth.

"Chosen One!" Toadette cried. "I'm so glad you're safe! Are you here for the oracle to being your journey?"

"Hey, it's that oracle thingy that Peach was talking about," said Link. "Say no!"

"Um... no, Link. Yes, Toadette, I'm here for the oracle."

"Excellent!" Toadette exclaimed.

Marth stood up, leaning on his sword with his right hand and holding his *beep* in the other. "So... Zelda, I'll be... your guard..."

"Who are you?" asked Toadette.

Marth let out a long sigh, just about recovered from the nut-cracker. "I am a mercenary! Pay me and I'll do the job of protecting Zelda!" Fire Emblem Fanfare. "Here's my papers and how much money I want for how long I'll be protecting her..."

Marth handed Toadette a sheet of paper, then Toadette's eyes popped out of their sockets.

"THIS MUCH MONEY????"

"Hey... I don't think Kratos cared too much about money in the real game..." muttered Ness.

"Hm... Hey, Marth! Half your fees or else Ness'll do a nut-cracker on you!" Link cried out.

"You think I'll fall for that? Yeah right!"

NUT-CRACKER!!!

"Ha! Missed me!" Marth jumped backwards, right where Zelda was. She kicked Marth in the butt, making him fall to the ground, then she lifted her right high-heeled foot.

STOMP!!!

CRACK!!!

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..."

"Zelda, you kinda overdid it..." Link muttered.

"Well Marth's being a greedy bastard..." Zelda replied.

"Okay... I'll... lower... fees..." Marth cried through tears of pain.

"Yay!" Toadette cried as she handed Marth a bag of coins known as coins.

"So Toadette, I'm going to go undergo the trials now!" Zelda said as she beckoned Link and Ness forward.

"Wait... You two will just... get in the way..." said Marth.

"What? We're more capable than you!" Link replied angrily.

"At least we didn't get stomped in the *beep* like you!" Ness retorted.

"Bah... Well I'm hired... I'll go with you guys..."

TA DAH!!! Marth has joined the party!

Everyone just stood there. "..."

"...Right... Let's just go..." said Ness.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene: The Temple of Mew – Main Chamber
"Wow! It looks so cool! It's all so dark and stuff!" cried Link.

"You don't know how to wield a sword, do you?" said Marth.

"Hey, who scored over ten places higher than you in the super smash tournaments?" asked Link.

"Nobody. I was always in the sixth to eighth range. Nobody can be over ten places higher than me. And I think I, the sexy one, scored over ten places higher than you. Get your facts straight!" Marth bonked Link on the head.

"...oh yeah, right..."

"Here, this should help you become a better fighter..." Marth gave Link a weird training manual.

"Dude, I know how to fight," said Link.

"Dude, I'm just following the script unlike you guys," said Marth.

"Dude, you didn't follow the script by demanding over ten times what Kratos wanted for hire," said Ness.

"Dude, all of you just shut up," said Zelda. "DIN'S FIRE!!!"

Nothing...

"Gah... I hate this... I have no magic..." said Zelda.

"Hey, I don't get any of my cool spells either..." Ness replied.

"At least you get the nut-cracker..."

"True..."

"But you've got that lame kendama..."

"...Shut up!"


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene: Huge Room with gaps in bridges and a glowing light
"Oooo! I wonder what this glowing light is!" said Link. He walked into it to trigger a fight with a huge golem!

"NUT CRACKER!!!!" Ness cried. Stones flew up from the ground to do null damage to the golem.

"Ness, first you're using a ground attack against a ground enemy, making it ineffective..." explained Marth. "Second, the golem doesn't have any...........of those."

"Oh, right... Got carried away..."

Zelda looked at her list of techniques. "Ray Thrust? Pow Hammer? What moves do you define these as, Hack?"

Hack appeared beside her. "Well everyone's techniques suck at first, especially Colette. You're pretty much a long range mixed character."

"...Mixed?"

"You use both physical and magical attacks. Your magic attacks are pretty much kickass through the first half of the game..."

Zelda smiled.

"But they start to suck a lot afterwards."

Zelda frowned.

Link was hacking away at the golem again using his simple attacks. "This guy's so easy!"

BAM!

The golem swung its arm around in a wide circle, sending Link flying.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

"I love my character," said Marth. "I know Ness's magic and Link's attacks! Lightning!"

KA-BAM! The golem was struck by a bolt of lightning, stunning it momentarily. Link rushed in, swung his sword three times, then cried, "Demon Fang!" He swung his sword once, shooting a sharp slice of wind at the Golem.

"...So much for lame combos..." muttered Link. "I better get cooler moves later."

After another minute, the golem was taken down, and it turned into a stone... block.

"That was stupid..." Link muttered again.

"You're the one who stepped into that light without thinking, smart one!" said Ness.

"Shush..."

"Anyone notice that it turned into a block?" Zelda called out.

Marth scanned the room. There was a bridge that lead to some sort of shrine, but there was a large hole in it. "I think that we should push it there..."

Link grabbed the side of the blocked and took a few seconds to push it into the hole. It only filled half of a gap.

"What a lame puzzle... My puzzles were a lot more interesting!" cried Link. "And they were also solvable!"

Another golem fell on top of Link.

"...Ow..." he muttered.

"Hm... Do you think it'll change into another block?" asked Ness.

"Let's try then!"

"Fireball!"

BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM!!!

Three fireballs from Marth and Ness each were fired at the golem, causing it to shrink into a block still flattening Link.

"Um... a little help here?" Link asked.

"My goodness..." Zelda sighed as she shoved the block off of him and into the gap again.

"Look! Another golem!" Marth cried. "I, the sexy swordsman, shall take care of it!"

BAM!

The third golem turned into a block and a fourth one fell on top of it.

BAM!

The fourth golem turned into a block and a fifth one fell on top of it.

"...Marth, that's enough, you have far too much ego. I think we can reach that weird shrine," said Link.

Marth had already killed ten golems. "Hey! This is a time to show off my skills! I'm already level eleven!"

"...What kind of RPG bull-shizzle is that?"

Suddenly, over a hundred golems fell on the platform.

"YOU!!!!!" The largest one yelled. "YOU THE ONE WHO EXTINCTING US!!! YOU DIE!!!"

"Is he talking to you, Link? Because I'm certainly not that stupid," said Marth.

Ness groaned. "He's talking to you!!!"

"DIE!!!!!!" The golem cried. They began to run towards the group of four, about to stampede them.

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!!!" Link cried.

"It doesn't take a genius to find that out..." Zelda muttered as she pocketed the sorcerer's ring that everyone else forgot about. "Let's get out of here!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene: Main Chamber
After ten minutes of trying to outrun the stampede (and the golems were somehow that fast), the four were finally back in the main shrine.

"Marth, don't ever go on a killing spree ever again..." Ness panted. "My body can't take much stamina...

"Easy for you to say..." Zelda replied, panting harder.

"What's that ring?" Link asked, pointing the red ring out.

"This is the sorcerer's ring that we're supposed to use all the time," Zelda explained. "We went down to find it, and this thing can destroy that barrier that leads to my oracle, the end of my trial."

"Okay, so what does it do?" asked Ness. "It probably shoots something, so..."

Zelda pointed the ring at Marth and fired it. A small fireball set Marth on fire.

"AHHHHH!!!! I TAKE TOO MUCH PUNISHMENT IN THIS CHAPTER!!!!!" Marth yelled in pain.

"Too much punishment?" Ness evilly smiled.

NUT CRACKER!!!

Next chapter! ;D

Hack: Yeah. Sorry about the extremely late update. To be frank I kinda lost interest in typing this story up, because I'm more focused on my Endowment of Exigency fic. I also had a writer's block for some time.

Kirby: (holds up a sign)

Falcon: (reads the sign) Read... It... It's... good... WHAT? Your fanfic darn sucks! I get beaten by Samus too much!

Link: And for a good reason.

Falcon: ...Shush

Mario: Mama mia, I die in that fanfic. I'm not-a that heroic!

Mewtwo: I come off as an enemy in both... I hate my clichéd parts.

Ness: Don't worry, at least you don't have a lame kendama.

Everyone else: (snickers)

Fox: Hack doesn't own anything except his jokes!

Hack: True. Funny jokes are pretty hard to think of too, especially if you kinda lost some interest. Don't worry, it won't be dead, but expect very late updates... Enjoy this chapter!

Much love to copy and paste. You'll see what I mean in a second (literally).


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Chapter 3: DAPHNES NOHANSEN HYRULE!!!

Scene: Temple Altar

After the smashers finally learned what the sorcerer's ring does, Zelda fired it at a barrier at the center of the main chamber and destroyed it. They all ran through the doorway and entered a teleportation device, appearing at the very top of the temple. They were outside, standing before a magical altar. A bright yellow vertical pillar of light shot down to the center of the altar and a very large, red-cloaked figure floated down with white wings. He was very familiar to Link and Zelda...

"GASP! DAPHNES NOHANSEN HYRULE!!!!!" Link and Zelda cried out.

"What the... Who the hell names their son... Daffy... Nomad... Hyla...?" asked Marth.

"Really long name," Ness snickered. "That's your dad, Zelda?"

Zelda flipped through a large packet of papers, apparently the script. "Dad? You're acting as Lord Remiel?"

"Correct."

Link peered over Zelda's shoulder to look at the script. "...Lord Remiel was short and somewhat thin. He didn't wear humongous red Hylian robes. Why don't you look anything like him, Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule?"

Ness and Marth snickered. "Such a long name..." muttered Marth.

Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule sighed, ignoring Marth and Ness. "I prefer my long, red robes. Well, Princess Zelda..."

"I'm not a princess, I'm a chosen."

"Ah, sorry, my apologies. It is so difficult to name my daughter not a princess. Well from now on, you will become the Chosen of Regeneration..." Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule began lecturing Zelda on everything she should do as a chosen. "We under Mew bless your name. Your duty as a chosen is to go to every temple and pray, then obtain the chosen aeon, blah blah blah..."

"Wait, that's from Final Fantasy X," said Ness. "You've got your stuff wrong, Mr. Long Name."

"Ah, my apologies. You are to go to every temple and see me, become one step closer to becoming a pokemon."

"A pokemon???" Zelda cried out. "I don't want to be like that runt Pikachu!"

"Yet you miraculously don't insult Pichu..." muttered Link.

Zelda blushed. "Shut up! Pichu's irresistibly cute! Pikachu isn't!"

Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule ignored their arguing. Only Zelda began listening again. "Go to the center of the world and awaken the Mew... We of the pokemon bless this event for your awakening."

"You certainly don't look like a pokemon," said Marth.

"The pokemon with the longest name I can think of is Feraligator," said Ness. It had eleven letters.

"No, you spelled it wrong," said Link. "It's spelled Feraligatr, without the o."

"What? What the hell were the developers thinking?" exclaimed Ness. "That spelling doesn't make sense!"

"So it's tied with many other pokemon for the longest name, as far as I know. Ten letters..." said Marth.

"They made Feraligatr's name like that so it can fit in the pokemon screen," said Link.

"Then just add another space so they can spell it in a more sensible way!" Ness cried. "What lazy retards!"

"Hmmmm... If you spell out Porygon2, you'll get Porygon Two. It's longer!" exclaimed Marth.

"No, it's still only ten letters, not including the space..." Link sighed. "But the point is, the longest pokemon name doesn't compare with Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule. It has twenty one letters!"

"No, the longest pokemon's name matches up to it," said Ness.

"Huh?" Both Link and Marth looked at Ness.

Ness took a deep breath. "Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule. He's a pokemon in this fic!"

It took the two others to realize what Ness meant, then they literally ROTFLed!!!!

Suddenly, Zelda grew a white tail from her butt!

"What the... What is this?" Zelda asked, holding up her tail. "I don't want to look like Mewtwo."

Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule shook his head. "No, you will look like Mew!"

"Ew! Hack! I demand that you don't make me survive with this tail!" Zelda cried out to the sky.

"Why? It suits your ugliness perfectly," Hack called through the clouds.

"DO IT OR ELSE!!!"

"I'm the all-powerful author that most reviewers don't like. I can do anything."

"Oh yeah? Ness! Do it!"

"On it! NUT CRACKER!!!"

KA-BAM!

"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!" Hack cried out in pain. Nobody could see him, but it was clear that he was in much pain. "Fine... Fine... Take out... Mew's... stuff..." he gasped, breathing heavily between each word.

Zelda's tail disappeared. "Yay!"

"You'll just become an empty shell."

"Huh?"

"Never mind. Anyone who played the game will know what I'm talking about. And now, I will leave the scene," said Hack.

So we finally get back to the plot.

"So awaken Mew at the Silph Co. after your transformations..." muttered Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule.

"Why is it called Silph Co?" asked Marth.

"Pikachu told me that there was an incredibly evil dungeon in Safron City which was a huge tower with over ten floors. It had teleporters everywhere. It was the Silph Co," explained Ness.

"Can't be as bad as my Water Temple..." muttered Link.

"Yes, I will complete my mission," said Zelda, ignoring the side conversations.

There was a long pause.

"You are supposed to ask me if you truly are my daughter," said Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule.

"I know you're my father! What is there to ask?" said Zelda.

"...Point taken. Good bye."

Zelda rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

"Wait!" Marth called out. "Why is your name so darn long? It sounds so much like Daffy Nomad Hyla! A random, lame name!"

"Quiet!" Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule finally left the scene, floating upwards into the sky.


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Scene: Main Chamber
"Can't you guys ever shut up?" asked Zelda. The three guys stood still for a moment. At the same time, Link, Marth, and Ness said respectively...

"No."

"Yes."

"Undecided."

"Gah! I wish Peach was here to deal with you guys!" Zelda sighed with her hand on her face.

"You called?" Peach came into the scene with her frying pan.

"Um... No... I didn't mean that..." Zelda stuttered out of fear. She and the three guys were trembling, praying that Peach won't beat on them.

"Um... Zelda..." said Marth. "We're supposed to leave before the two others... We leave for your journey, before seeing... the devil..." he pointed at Peach.

"You called me a devil?" asked Peach, growing red horns on her head.

"Ooops, gotta go!" Marth grabbed Zelda's hand and sped out of the temple. Link and Ness were cornered.

"And you two were supposed to stay in the classroom when I left!" Peach growled.

"Hey, Zelda left too! Why not punish her?" asked Link.

"Hey, Zelda's your girlfriend, why aren't you standing up for her?" asked Ness.

"You want me to take hits from the Satan of the underworld?" Link hissed into Ness's ear.

"I heard that!"

CLANG!

Link got a huge headache as he sat along the wall, rubbing his head in pain. "I stand correct... She has the ears... of Satan..."

"Oops, I was supposed to get the midget first," said Peach. She grabbed Ness around the waist. "I can't wait until I do this..."

Peach began spanking Ness on his ass! Her slaps were so hard that Ness began forming painful blue bruises on his butt!

"OWWW! MOMMY! PLEASE!!! STOP IT!!!!" Ness cried.

"Hey, it could be worse..." mumbled Link, still rubbing his head.

"And I'm supposed to kick you next," said Peach as she tossed Ness aside. "The script said in the stomach, but I can bend a rule."

CRUNCH!

Ness cringed at the sound, almost as if he could feel the pain, as he saw Link...


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Scene: Popstar (aka Altamira)
Popstar is on the other dimension of where Link is. Very very far away.

Kirby (aka Regal) was currently feasting on his well-cooked meal. He opened his black hole mouth, all the food in midair, about to be sucked in...

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

Followed by a deep breath.

"HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Kirby jumped into the ceiling abruptly, dropping all the food onto the clean floor.

"Damn it! That ruined my dinner!" Kirby angrily muttered, looking at the dirty mess on the once formal, beautiful ballroom floor. "That better not be Peach slamming her high heels on some gay guy's balls! Popo! Clean it all up!"

Popo came in, dressed in a girl's pink clothes. "What, lick it all up again?"

Kirby nodded.

"I'm supposed to be your girlfriend, Alicia! We're supposed to love each other! Why are you slaving me around??" Popo cried. "And I'm not a girl either! I hate this role!"

Kirby slurped on a slurpie. "Not my problem. Lick it up," he ordered. Popo the 'girlfriend' of Kirby licked up the floor relentlessly, glaring at Kirby.


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Scene: Main Chamber
"I know Link's an idiot..." whispered Ness. "But you don't have to castrate him..."

Peach lifted Link on her shoulder. "He isn't castrated."

"I'm sure his testicles were crushed under your shoes."

"Too bad for him."

"And didn't the script say that you had to KICK him, not stomp him?"

"...Shush."

"And why are you here?"

"I got permission to 'study' the ruins, but really I just wanted to kick your butts."

"...You're too nice."

"...You're supposed to go, you know. Take this luggage." Peach threw Link's carcass at Ness, who grunted as he tried to hold Link up.

"Ugh... right... whatever..." Ness grumbled as he left.


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Scene: Toad Town
"Hm..." said Link as he and Ness walked back in the town.

"You okay?" asked Ness.

"No really? Of COURSE I'm fine after getting my balls ripped off!" Link bellowed sarcastically. Ness cowered before him. "But whatever. We've gotta check up on Zelda and her journey stuff!"

Ness rolled his eyes. "Whatever..."

So the pair went to Zelda's house in Toad Town, which simply resembled a plain, normal two-floored house with a red roof. They opened the white doors to see Toadette and Marth 'discussing' their plans for Zelda.

"...Are you sure you won't do anything suspicious with Zelda?" Toadette raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, I'm not Roy or Captain Falcon. I don't lust for sex and girls 24/7."

"Good point."

"And who'd want to do anything to Zelda under Peach's nose? That'd be pretty scary." Marth shifted his eyes around to detect any Peach-ness.

"Don't worry, Peach's busy in the temple," said Link. Marth sighed with relief. "So what's going on?"

"Peach and I are guarding the chosen throughout her journey. That's basically it. Toadette kept thinking that I want to do something suspicious with Zelda, but nobody would want to do anything with Peach nearby."

Ness chuckled. "Yeah... You should've heard Link's cry when she stomped on his balls..."

"What? That was Link? Anyone could've heard his bellow! I bet ya everyone from all the other planets in the Nintendo universe heard his cry!"

"Psh, no way!"


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Scene: Popstar
"That voice really sounded like Link though..." muttered Kirby as he sat on Popo licking all the food on the ground. "Hey! Is my food finished, maids?"

"Why, Hack, why?" Popo moaned. "Why am I Alicia..."

"Alicia is Presea's sister, and Nana is acting as Presea so you're her sibling. It fits perfectly with your personality!" replied Kirby.


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Scene: Toad Town (Outside Zelda's house)
Zelda came out of the door. "It's you two..." she muttered. "Was that yelling you, Link?"

"Please don't bring that up again..." Link whispered. "I still feel the pain right now..."

"Oh yeah! Zelda! I brought you a present!" Ness cried. He took out a pan of cookies out of nowhere.

"Ew... cookies... Why cookies?" asked Zelda. "I don't want to grow fat, you know!"

"I'm following the script for once, not murdering all male human enemies with my nut-cracker," Ness replied as he shoved the cookies into Zelda's hands.

"Meh... So you have a present?" Zelda asked Link.

"Why would I? I can't make a necklace if my life depended on it!"

"You're a dwarf's son, Link..." Ness sighed. "You're supposed to be a crafting genius..."

"Shut up! Who's the dwarf Dirk anyways?"

"We'll find out soon enough."

Marth came out.

"Hey! We can guard Zel too, right? I'm her boyfriend!" Link exclaimed.

Marth shook his head. "I love this role... You can't. This isn't a field trip, you know."

"You were supposed to say that when we first met you..." Ness shook his head.

"Shut up! Well you can't, only Peach and I are guarding Zelda. Go home," said Marth.

"Whatever..." Link mumbled. "Let's go, Ness."

The pair left the area and reached the entrance of Toad Town.

"We're leaving the town right now," said Link.

The two Toad guards ran up to Link. "HELP! HELP! THERE'S A MONSTER AT THE ENTRANCE!!!!" one of them cried, clutching to Link's legs in fear.

Ness looked up to see a brown horse with a beautiful white mane and a fluffy brown saddle: Link's horse, Epona (aka Noishe).

"What... You're... scared... of... a... horse..." Link said, pausing between each word. "...I can't intercourse ing believe it."

The two toads ran away in fear of Link.

"Eh, why are you following me anyways?" asked Link.

"I'm stopping en route to your house," Ness replied. "Well we might as well go through the nearby forest..." He took out the script. "Forever Forest? I'm guessing that in a Mario game, there's a forest called Forever Forest next to Toad Town..."

You guessed it, it's from Paper Mario! Oh boy, they both are going to be suffering a dungeon that wasn't even in the Tales of Symphonia game...

"Excuse me?" Link raised an eyebrow. "Suffering a dungeon that wasn't in the original game?"

Hey, you can't read this stuff! It's confidential!

"But it's put there in plain English," replied Ness.

Gah! This chapter's over! Shut up, Ness! I hate you!

"Heh heh!" Ness smiled.

Repost YOUR OWN Fan-fics in the proper area -.- Only add stuff you wrote, and post it in FF.