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The Legend of BD

Started by Beatnik, April 01, 2009, 03:04:33 PM

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Beatnik

April 01, 2009, 03:04:33 PM
B.D. is a lot of things. A scoundrel, a liar, a killer, a necrophile... I could go on for hours. But BD is also something else...

BD is the one man crazy enough to save us all.

This is his story.

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My horse; a weary, emaciated steed, drags her shakey hooves across the dry, crumbly soil of the wasteland.

Once the mount of a great king, she now stands on skeletal legs no thicker than my own, trudging from waystone to waystone for handfulls of barley and and my occasional mutterings of praise. She will most likely die within this week. All I hope is that she can get me to the next town so that I can steal a new horse... And so the cycle continues.

As I near the peak of the ridge, I can see the village on the horizon. Ancient spires of steel and concrete that survived the great war reach to the sky like enormous black trees, and the remnants of the old world's roads stretch out across the desert like blackened veins.

My saddle bags are overloaded with the posessions of the men who have died at the tip of my sword. In the bazaar they will fetch me a high profit. The town is still several hours away. I wonder to myself how many unfortunate highwaymen will attempt to rob me between here and there; or perhaps how many even less fortunate travelers I'll be able to rob myself."

The life of a marauder is primarily a life of solitude, but the moments of lucid mayhem far make up for the isolation.

The gorgeous pain of your victim's blows as they futily try to defend themselves, the sensation of hot blood dripping down your blade onto your calloused hands, the thrill of rummaging through the satchel of a traveler as he lies dying behind you; so close that you can smell the blood pouring from his body.

As I ride closer to the town, the runes on my shield, the forgotten language used by heroes of the past, begin to flicker like lightning. As I ride closer the runes glow vibrantly like a full moon over a pitch black sky. Could it be? Could this be the town fortold by the soothsayer of Vanburg? I will never forget the words he spoke to me that day when he gave me the shield... how many years ago? 5, or even 6?

"My son, your destiny goes beyond that of a wanderer of the wastes. No, fate has something far greater planned for you. The artifact I have just given you has been in my family since the great war of the 21st century. Before the land was scalded bare by the heat of ten-thousand suns. This shield was crafted using ancient technologies by machinists of the old world, the heroes that fought to prevent the great war. Though they failed, they created failsafes to assure that a new leader would rise to rekindle their civilization. When you find the town, or rather, the remains of the town in which the shield was forged, it will signal to you that you have found the city that you are destined to rule."

I kick my horse into a gallop, forcing her to summon all the strength she has left. I pass two travelers. On any other day I would not be able to restrain from attacking them, but today is different. Today is the day that I claim my rightful place in the world as the ruler of this town, and from there, the ruler of the entire wasteland.

As I ride closer, I see a sign above the town gate. Like my shield, it is written in the ancient tongue of the heroes. As I ride ever closer, I realize that they are the same runes as on my shield!

I dismount from my horse and bang on the gate. The gatekeeper opens the viewing slot and barks "what's your business here?" I simply raise my shield and his eyes widen. The gate slowly creaks open.

I step through the gate and raise my sword above my head. "What is the name of this town?" I say in a loud clear voice. As heads poke out through the windows and doors of the town, I see that the city is populated primarily by young children. Young children with poopty taste in music. A boy in a hat sheepishly approaches me and says, why sir, it says the name of the town on your shield," "the tongue of ancient heroes is foriegn to me, so tell me boy, what is the name of this town?"

"NSFCD, of course!" He says, while tipping his cap and winking flirtatiously.

"Citizens of NSFCD!" I bellow charismatically. I lift my shield in the air, flooding the town square with golden light. "I have been chosen by the ancients to rebuild the old world, starting with this city! I am destined to rule this land and if you defy me, you will die!

The children of NSFCD ducked their heads inside of their homes. "What cowards they are," it thought, but then, they flooded out into the streets carrying gifts of silver, gold, jewels, and video games.

Yes! Yes, yes, yes! With this army I will go down in history as the man who rebuilt the old world!

"Children!" I shout, "Follow me, we will rebuild the cities of the ancients and adopt the lost technologies! All I ask of you is your complete obedience. Know this name and fear me, for I am...

Baby Dikkles!
"I like cigarettes, Mrs. Taggart. I like to think of fire held in a man's hand. Fire, a dangerous force, tamed at his fingertips. I often wonder about the hours when a man sits alone, watching the smoke of a cigarette, thinking. I wonder what great things have come from such hours. When a man thinks, there is a spot of fire alive in his mind-and it is proper that he should have the burning point of a cigarette as his one expression..."

The Seventh

#1
April 01, 2009, 05:17:06 PM
Nice, very nice.

The way you suddenly incorporated NSFCD is awesome.
meh

Beatnik

#2
April 01, 2009, 07:01:20 PM
Thank you for being the one person on the site with enough patience to read that whole thing.
"I like cigarettes, Mrs. Taggart. I like to think of fire held in a man's hand. Fire, a dangerous force, tamed at his fingertips. I often wonder about the hours when a man sits alone, watching the smoke of a cigarette, thinking. I wonder what great things have come from such hours. When a man thinks, there is a spot of fire alive in his mind-and it is proper that he should have the burning point of a cigarette as his one expression..."

Dill

#3
April 01, 2009, 07:24:40 PM
I like my threads sticky.

Silverhawk79

#4
April 01, 2009, 07:41:15 PM Last Edit: April 01, 2009, 07:45:59 PM by Silverhawk79
Baby...Dikkles?
Interesting read, nonetheless. We shall see if this BD is really the "savior" of NSF.

Dill

#5
April 01, 2009, 07:52:23 PM
Quote from: Silverhawk79 on April 01, 2009, 07:41:15 PM
Baby...Dikkles?
Interesting read, nonetheless. We shall see if this BD is really the "savior" of NSF.

This post gives me marginal satisfaction. It is short, has a point, and lacks any intentionally misspelled words and/or memes. I opt to put it on the refrigerator.

Super

#6
April 01, 2009, 07:53:23 PM
A hopeful slap to this mosquito of the Internet.


Will the quest end in blood and tears?


Dill

#7
April 01, 2009, 07:56:30 PM
Quote from: Super on April 01, 2009, 07:53:23 PM
A hopeful slap to this mosquito of the Internet.


Will the quest end in blood and tears?




I like to think that this is more of a vehement shake to the prepubescent boy that is the internet. He needs to stop borrowing his mother's make-up and borrow his mother's valium like a real man.

Macawmoses

#8
April 01, 2009, 08:08:31 PM
I think the real question here is...why borrow his mothers valium when her Viagra is right next to it? Should he want to be a, quote on quote, "real boy", he needs to take the appropriate steps. Besides, his mom doesn't need a whole box to herself.

Beatnik

#9
April 03, 2009, 04:40:40 PM
Well, I'm glad at least a few people read this.
"I like cigarettes, Mrs. Taggart. I like to think of fire held in a man's hand. Fire, a dangerous force, tamed at his fingertips. I often wonder about the hours when a man sits alone, watching the smoke of a cigarette, thinking. I wonder what great things have come from such hours. When a man thinks, there is a spot of fire alive in his mind-and it is proper that he should have the burning point of a cigarette as his one expression..."

Dill

#10
April 03, 2009, 05:45:29 PM
Quote from: Beatnik on April 03, 2009, 04:40:40 PM
Well, I'm glad at least a few people read this.

In all honesty, my good man, you have to take into account that you're essentially presenting theses on Euler's theorems to your garden-variety /b/tards, in layman's terms. Although those of us that had the courage to at least assume we knew what you were saying posted, the special education section of the internet will need so much as a cattle-prod to keep them from losing their train of thought mid-sentence. To them, this is nothing more than pseudo-poetic vomit from someone who's at least four places above them in the social caste.

Ridley

#11
April 03, 2009, 05:56:21 PM
I read the whole thing and I am intrigued.
...Friend codes were probably implemented by the same people who wanted tripping in Brawl...
...It's quite obvious...

Doodle

#12
April 03, 2009, 05:59:45 PM
I actually read the whole thing. It was interesting.
Baby Dikkles...lol.
YEAH

Beatnik

#13
April 03, 2009, 08:20:24 PM
I actually drew the picture like 2 months ago. I originally planned on posting it on another forum, but I decided that I liked NSFCD better.
"I like cigarettes, Mrs. Taggart. I like to think of fire held in a man's hand. Fire, a dangerous force, tamed at his fingertips. I often wonder about the hours when a man sits alone, watching the smoke of a cigarette, thinking. I wonder what great things have come from such hours. When a man thinks, there is a spot of fire alive in his mind-and it is proper that he should have the burning point of a cigarette as his one expression..."
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