English Class Story

[Magnum]

Well I have this story for English class(Not done, nor is it close) and I was just wondering what people thought of it. Comments and advise would be very appreciated, because I'm kinda getting into this one now.

[spoiler]   It was a beautiful day on the continent of Coria. The birds were chirping in symphony, the sun gave away its exhilarating heat and light, and a gentle breeze blew which could calm the most enraged giant.
   On this beautiful day, there was a display of elegance and rage. Two men stood on a small plane with blades pointed at each other?s hearts. On one side was a young lad, who couldn?t yet be twenty. He stood in his stance, his legs one behind the other and his toes pointing off to his side as his hips twisted so that his body pointed at his foe. In his left hand was his rapier, aimed at the heart of the man.
   The other man was indeed taller, bulkier, and in his prime. His body faced  the young boy and he effortlessly pointed his sword a giant myth, whose name was only whispered among the people, ?Durandal?. The enormous sword added an additional arm length to the tallest man. The man looked at the boy and with a dirty smile, the words grimly flowing through his disgusting teeth, muttered to him, ?Come boy. Last fight!?
   The boy ditched his stance to begin a full on charge as he pulled gravel and flowers up with his feet, his arms flailing at his sides. Excitement ran through his blood faster with every step he took. The man watched the boy, his eyes following every step, until he was close enough. Just a step outside range, the man dropped Durandal to the ground. The boy took another step and the man took action. A straight uppercut from the man?s newly dropped Durandal cut the wind in half.
   The boy managed to sidestep to the right as he heard the wind scream next to him in pain after the man?s vicious attack. He was still in bad position as he had no strength behind his blade. He looked up at his opponent to see the fabled scar running down the man?s left forehead, through his eye, and down to the bottom of his cheek. He saw the man?s silver eye blindly gaze at him.
   Not flinching for an instant, the boy looked back at his target, the man?s gut, and put all the force he could manage from this position into a stabbing motion. Success. He felt as his blade pierced flesh. He continued to push his blade as far as he could until he felt it exit the other side. The boy looked up in triumph  to see the man leaning over him, the same dirty smile upon his face.
   ?I tell you once more,? the man said as he grabbed the boy?s blade with his free hand. ?If you can?t finish the opponent in one swift, decisive blow, regain your stance?? the man said as he pulled the blade out, his face rising to show an insane smile. Eyes bloodshot, tongue hanging out, blood vessels popping out, he dropped his blade to the inside of the boy?s sword. ?AND WAIT FOR YOUR CHANCE!? he yelled ecstatic as he slashed the boy all the way across the stomach with Durandal.
   As his lungs emptied in a second, the boy?s feet left the air and he was sent flying feet back. Blood exited his wound as he slammed across the ground multiply times. Everything went silent. The breeze?s ballad of peace was the only thing that let anyone know that this was real and happening. The smoke created a bloody trail where the boy had hit the ground and skirted to a stop.
   The boy slowly began to rise, using his rapier as support. Shaking uncontrollable, he raised his head to look at the man. ?Sorry master, I should ha?? was all that emerged his mouth as he collapsed quickly and violently to the ground, his blade still shaking in his left hand.
   The man let out a silent sigh as multiple men and women rushed onto the field of the fight. They were wearing red, green, and white cloaks. All of which had a black symbol that couldn?t be seen as they were moving too quick trying to reach the boy.
?The boy will be fine. I only hit him with the blunt side of the sword,? he told the people as they began to attend to the boy and his master. A man wearing a black suit came onto the field and walked over to the man, a serious look painted onto his face. Behind him, a little girl wearing an extravagant, pink dress ran over to the boy, screaming, ?Bwig Bwo!?

Awake Warrior
Danger Approaches
Find Your Allies
And Never Be Afraid
   The boy awoke in cold sweat. He looked around to see himself in his quarters. He threw the soggy sheets off his body and jumped out of bed. As his feet touched the ground, a sharp pain flew up his body. Looking down, he saw that his whole stomach area was bandaged; and with that jump, the wounds had re-opened.
?Sir Lloyd! Please get back to bed. I?ll get the priest,? a voice ordered from the dark corner of the room.
?Levi?? Lloyd questioned the corner as he collapsed from his injuries.

     Meanwhile, in another part of the castle, a small meeting going on between three different people in the Queen?s hall, a giant room with six columns on each side and a long carpet that led up to a giant throne. The queen, Rose, occupied the throne. She wore a magnificent pink dress the covered her entire body. On her left was the man who had walked onto the field earlier, still wearing his suit with his black hair slicked back, reflecting the light from the windows in the roof. And in front of them, on his knee, was the man who wielded Durandal. He wore ragged clothes and had newly place handcuffs on his wrists.
     ?The Queen and myself have always warned you that you go too far when training that boy. Today you not only crossed the line, you destroyed it. What have you to say for yourself, Sir Luke?? the man asked Luke, the master who was now captured and being sentenced.
     ?Simply put, when an enemy is looking down his neck, ready to cut him in two, he will be able to fight back. I?m simply preparing him for this world, Griever.?
     ?Yes, but he stabbed you. Any man would have died from that wound, but you live, as always . Look at you. You have half giant in you AND you?re an Element fighter of Fire, shown by the manner in which you wield Durandal. The point is that you could have killed the boy today. And besides, we have one of the safest lands in this world. Who would dare try to take us? That boy is learning sword skills to make the people think that we are not going to sit back should a war break out. They want a strong leader, not a dead one,? Griever, the man beside the queen, ranted.
     ?There are stupid men in this world. And sometimes the stupid ones are also the most dangerous. Also, correct me if I?m wrong, but are not your relationships with Tabitha, Land of the Dragons, breaking? I?m sure, beyond reason, that taking me prisoner will get my homeland very eccentric. You say you have one of the best defenses, but it?s nothing compared to the flying kingdom of Tabitha. You would have no offense  and your defenses would crumble before their power. Your only choices are to let me go or let your kingdom die,? Luke said coldly as he looked up, giving the same dirty smile and showing the same grimy teeth as he always did when he knew that he had won any battle.
     As Griever was about to reply, the Queen rose elegantly from her throne in a way that she had delicately perfected over the many years. ?When Tabitha took my first son at a young age, they sent you as an apology. You were to live here for my son?s sake. If they did anything against us again we could use you as barter. Now I see the treachery behind it. You?re here to keep us in check. It will not work. Let them come and try to take you back. You, High Lord Luke, Element Warrior of Fire, Wielder of Durandal, Second Son of Thera, High King of Tabitha, are hereby placed under arrest and sentenced to execution,? the Queen said in a cold voice as four guards came and picked him up. One of the guards went for Durandal, but immediately dropped it in pain. His hands were smoking and the handle of the blade was glowing red. Luke began to laugh hysterically at the sight as he was taken from the room.
     ?My dear queen. His threats were very real. We can?t keep Tabitha from destroying us if they wish,? Griever said in a worried tone.
     ?They can?t. He forgot one minor detail. If they attack, we?ll kill him,? she told Griever in a calming voice as she looked at Durandal, the hilt still glowing red and slightly smoking.

     Lloyd awoke again in the middle of the night and immediately sat up, pulling the sheets off of him. He looked out his window to see the three moons were crossing each other. His stomach was in pain, his head was pounding, and his balance was disordered, even when he was sitting down.
     ?Take it easy, my lord! You took a good ass kicking from the old guy again! You know, you really suck at fighting,? A female voice said from the bottom of his bed. He looked down to see a female?s head resting on her hands at the bottom of his bed.
     She stood up all the way to show a nice body. She had long purple hair that went to the bottom of the back and wore a shirt made of tattered rags swen poorly together.. She also had a regular pair of pants on and two dark shoes. On her left hand was also a dark glove that went up her entire arm.
     ?Oh, how exotic. The lord got undressed just for a thief like me? I come here just as he is ready to confess his love for me! It must be fate!? she said in a playful voice as she walked over and sat beside him on the bed.
     ?Don?t say such things Indig!? Lloyd said quickly as he pulled the sheets up to cover his bottom parts feeling indigently. ?What did you come here for anyways? To steal from me, to make fun of me, or to try to get me to marry you? I can?t tell,? Lloyd asked, blushing and looking away from her.
     ?A little bit of all. After all, I?? She began but stopped. She pointed her ear towards the door and put on a serious face. ?Clunky is coming back! Hide me!? she hissed in whispered, but excited voice, as she threw the covers up and jumped in the bed next to Lloyd. The sheets recovered them as the door burst open and Levi burst in, closing the door behind him.
He looked over to see Lloyd sitting up in his bed, blushing uncontrollably.
     ?I?m glad you?re awake sir, but I regret to inform you that you?ll have to get up now. The castle is under siege! I?m not sure by who but our guard has been taken out. We didn?t even have the army assembled because we let them go see their families. They knew that we were ready to be taken. We have to escape,? Levi said in a sad and worried, but serious tone.
     ?Jeez you guys are useless!? A girl?s voice cried out from the covers as Indig jumped up from the covers, throwing them off with her. ?We can?t run. Her majesty is danger. Do your knightly duty and help her!? She told them as she grabbed Lloyd?s training clothes and threw them at his face, hitting him directly where she aimed. ?Get your clothes on. Your mom and sister are in danger. And you?? She said as she pointed her pinky finger at Levi. ??never think about running again. Are we on the same page??
     ?Yes ma?am! But seriously Indig, why do you always have to sneak in? You know that they would let you in if you just asked. Given the situation, I really can?t arrest you but I would if the situation was any different,? Levi told her in defeat. He knew he couldn?t fight back against his old girlfriend.
     He looked over to Lloyd to see that he was fully dressed, but holding his stomach with his left hand. In his right was his sword. ?Sir your left handed, right?? Levi asked him with a questioning look.
     Lloyd straightened his body up and looked at Levi directly. His body was covered with armor, even his arms. The only uncovered part was his head and his feet. The steel was pure black and on the back was a slot that he put his double sided lance into. ?Actually Levi, I?m right handed. Master Luke always made me fight with my left hand, saying that my left took practice while my right could do it just by seeing it down,? he informed him as rustling could be heard outside the door.
     Lloyd looked to his left to see that Indig had disappeared. Levi came back, lance in one hand and the other on Lloyd?s chest, pushing him back a little.
     Through the door busted 3 men. They slowly walked into the room looking quite pleased with themselves. ?Looks like we found little Lloyd. Come here your lordship. We?re here to guide you to hell!? one of the men yelled as they all pulled out their broadswords and got in position.
     Suddenly, from behind them, Indig appeared from the darkness, a small dagger in both hands. She sliced two men?s throats while the third was still unaware of her presence. She came up to him as close as she could get without touching his body. ?Hey sexy,? she whispered into his ears as a shocked face came onto his face that he died with. She stabbed him in the back of his head and his body crumbled to the ground. Indig whipped both of the daggers back into their holsters, blood trailing off of them and falling gently to the floor.
[/spoiler]

[Eizweir]

That's awesome ._.

I know that you're probably not going to make this into a 600 page novel but you might want to slow down a bit, and go into more depth about the characters.  I have no idea who anybody is yet, except for the guy that got arrested.

But still, that was amazing :0

[Red]

That was really good. How much longer is this going to be?

[Magnum]

Revised and longer version.
[spoiler]   It was a beautiful day on the continent of Coria. The birds were chirping in symphony, the sun gave away its exhilarating heat and light, and a gentle breeze blew which could calm the most enraged giant.
   On this beautiful day, there was a display of elegance and rage. Two men stood on a small plane with blades pointed at each other?s hearts. On one side was a young lad, who couldn?t yet be twenty. He stood in his stance, his legs one behind the other and his toes pointing off to his side as his hips twisted so that his body pointed at his foe. In his left hand was his rapier, aimed at the heart of the man.
   The other man was indeed taller, bulkier, and in his prime. His body faced  the young boy and he effortlessly pointed his sword a giant myth, whose name was only whispered among the people, ?Durandal?. The enormous sword added an additional arm length to the tallest man. The man looked at the boy and with a dirty smile, the words grimly flowing through his disgusting teeth, muttered to him, ?Come boy. Last fight!?
   The boy ditched his stance to begin a full on charge as he pulled gravel and flowers up with his feet, his arms flailing at his sides. Excitement ran through his blood faster with every step he took. The man watched the boy, his eyes following every step, until he was close enough. Just a step outside range, the man dropped Durandal to the ground. The boy took another step and the man took action. A straight uppercut from the man?s newly dropped Durandal cut the wind in half.
   The boy managed to sidestep to the right as he heard the wind scream next to him in pain after the man?s vicious attack. He was still in bad position as he had no strength behind his blade. He looked up at his opponent to see the fabled scar running down the man?s left forehead, through his eye, and down to the bottom of his cheek. He saw the man?s silver eye blindly gaze at him.
   Not flinching for an instant, the boy looked back at his target, the man?s gut, and put all the force he could manage from this position into a stabbing motion. Success. He felt as his blade pierced flesh. He continued to push his blade as far as he could until he felt it exit the other side. The boy looked up in triumph  to see the man leaning over him, the same dirty smile upon his face.
   ?I tell you once more,? the man said as he grabbed the boy?s blade with his free hand. ?If you can?t finish the opponent in one swift, decisive blow, regain your stance?? the man said as he pulled the blade out, his face rising to show an insane smile. Eyes bloodshot, tongue hanging out, blood vessels popping out, he dropped his blade to the inside of the boy?s sword. ?AND WAIT FOR YOUR CHANCE!? he yelled ecstatic as he slashed the boy all the way across the stomach with Durandal.
   As his lungs emptied in a second, the boy?s feet left the air and he was sent flying feet back. Blood exited his wound as he slammed across the ground multiply times. Everything went silent. The breeze?s ballad of peace was the only thing that let anyone know that this was real and happening. The smoke created a bloody trail where the boy had hit the ground and skirted to a stop.
   The boy slowly began to rise, using his rapier as support. Shaking uncontrollable, he raised his head to look at the man. ?Sorry master, I should ha?? was all that emerged his mouth as he collapsed quickly and violently to the ground, his blade still shaking in his left hand.
   The man let out a silent sigh as multiple men and women rushed onto the field of the fight. They were wearing red, green, and white cloaks. All of which had a black symbol that couldn?t be seen as they were moving too quick trying to reach the boy.
?The boy will be fine. I only hit him with the blunt side of the sword,? he told the people as they began to attend to the boy and his master. A man wearing a black suit came onto the field and walked over to the man, a serious look painted onto his face. Behind him, a little girl wearing an extravagant, pink dress ran over to the boy, screaming, ?Bwig Bwo!?

Awake Warrior
Danger Approaches
Find Your Allies
And Never Be Afraid
   The boy awoke in cold sweat. He looked around to see himself in his quarters. He threw the soggy sheets off his body and jumped out of bed. As his feet touched the ground, a sharp pain flew up his body. Looking down, he saw that his whole stomach area was bandaged; and with that jump, the wounds had re-opened.
?Sir Lloyd! Please get back to bed. I?ll get the priest,? a voice ordered from the dark corner of the room.
?Levi?? Lloyd questioned the corner as he collapsed from his injuries.
?
Meanwhile, in another part of the castle, a small meeting going on between three different people in the Queen?s hall, a giant room with six columns on each side and a long carpet that led up to a giant throne. The queen, Rose, occupied the throne. She wore a magnificent pink dress the covered her entire body. On her left was the man who had walked onto the field earlier, still wearing his suit with his black hair slicked back, reflecting the light from the windows in the roof. And in front of them, on his knee, was the man who wielded Durandal. He wore ragged clothes and had newly place handcuffs on his wrists.
?The Queen and myself have always warned you that you go too far when training that boy. Today you not only crossed the line, you destroyed it. What have you to say for yourself, Sir Luke?? the man asked Luke, the master who was now captured and being sentenced.
?Simply put, when an enemy is looking down his neck, ready to cut him in two, he will be able to fight back. I?m simply preparing him for this world, Griever.?
?Yes, but he stabbed you. Any man would have died from that wound, but you live, as always . Look at you. You have half giant in you AND you?re an Element fighter of Fire, shown by the manner in which you wield Durandal. The point is that you could have killed the boy today. And besides, we have one of the safest lands in this world. Who would dare try to take us? That boy is learning sword skills to make the people think that we are not going to sit back should a war break out. They want a strong leader, not a dead one,? Griever, the man beside the queen, ranted.
?There are stupid men in this world. And sometimes the stupid ones are also the most dangerous. Also, correct me if I?m wrong, but are not your relationships with Tabitha, Land of the Dragons, breaking? I?m sure, beyond reason, that taking me prisoner will get my homeland very eccentric. You say you have one of the best defenses, but it?s nothing compared to the flying kingdom of Tabitha. You would have no offense  and your defenses would crumble before their power. Your only choices are to let me go or let your kingdom die,? Luke said coldly as he looked up, giving the same dirty smile and showing the same grimy teeth as he always did when he knew that he had won any battle.
As Griever was about to reply, the Queen rose elegantly from her throne in a way that she had delicately perfected over the many years. ?When Tabitha took my first son at a young age, they sent you as an apology. You were to live here for my son?s sake. If they did anything against us again we could use you as barter. Now I see the treachery behind it. You?re here to keep us in check. It will not work. Let them come and try to take you back. You, High Lord Luke, Element Warrior of Fire, Wielder of Durandal, Second Son of Thera, High King of Tabitha, are hereby placed under arrest and sentenced to execution,? the Queen said in a cold voice as four guards came and picked him up. One of the guards went for Durandal, but immediately dropped it in pain. His hands were smoking and the handle of the blade was glowing red. Luke began to laugh hysterically at the sight as he was taken from the room.
?My dear queen. His threats were very real. We can?t keep Tabitha from destroying us if they wish,? Griever said in a worried tone.
?They can?t. He forgot one minor detail. If they attack, we?ll kill him,? she told Griever in a calming voice as she looked at Durandal, the hilt still glowing red and slightly smoking.
?
Lloyd awoke again in the middle of the night and immediately sat up, pulling the sheets off of him. He looked out his window to see the three moons were crossing each other. His stomach was in pain, his head was pounding, and his balance was disordered, even when he was sitting down. ?Take it easy, my lord! You took a good ass kicking from the old guy again! You know, you really suck at fighting,? A female voice said from the bottom of his bed. He looked down to see a female?s head resting on her hands at the bottom of his bed.
She stood up all the way to show a nice body. She had long purple hair that went to the bottom of the back and wore a shirt made of tattered rags sewn poorly together.. She also had a regular pair of pants on and two dark shoes. On her left hand was also a dark glove that went up her entire arm.
?Oh, how exotic. The lord got undressed just for a thief like me? I come here just as he is ready to confess his love for me! It must be fate!? she said in a playful voice as she walked over and sat beside him on the bed.
?Don?t say such things Indig!? Lloyd said quickly as he pulled the sheets up to cover his bottom parts feeling indigently. ?What did you come here for anyways? To steal from me, to make fun of me, or to try to get me to marry you? I can?t tell,? Lloyd asked, blushing and looking away from her.
?A little bit of all. After all, I?? She began but stopped. She pointed her ear towards the door and put on a serious face. ?Clunky is coming back! Hide me!? she hissed in whispered, but excited voice, as she threw the covers up and jumped in the bed next to Lloyd. The sheets recovered them as the door burst open and Levi burst in, closing the door behind him.
He looked over to see Lloyd sitting up in his bed, blushing uncontrollably. ?I?m glad you?re awake sir, but I regret to inform you that you?ll have to get up now. The castle is under siege! I?m not sure by who but our guard has been taken out. We didn?t even have the army assembled because we let them go see their families. They knew that we were ready to be taken. We have to escape!? Levi said in a sad and worried, but serious tone.
?Jeez you guys are useless!? a girl?s voice cried out from the covers as Indig jumped up from the covers, throwing them off with her. ?We can?t run. Her majesty is danger. Do your knightly duty and help her!? she told them as she grabbed Lloyd?s training clothes and threw them at his face, hitting him directly where she aimed.
?Get your clothes on. Your mom and sister are in danger. And you?? she said as she pointed her pinky finger at Levi. ??never think about running again. Are we on the same page??
?Yes ma?am! But seriously Indig, why do you always have to sneak in? You know that they would let you in if you just asked. Given the situation, I really can?t arrest you but I would if the situation was any different,? Levi told her in defeat. He knew he couldn?t fight back against his old girlfriend. He looked over to Lloyd to see that he was fully dressed, but holding his stomach with his left hand. In his right was his sword.
?Sir you?re left handed, right?? Levi asked him with a questioning look.
Lloyd straightened his body up and looked at Levi directly. His body was covered with armor, even his arms. The only uncovered part was his head and his feet. The steel was pure black and on the back was a slot that he put his double sided lance into.
?Actually Levi, I?m right handed. Master Luke always made me fight with my left hand, saying that my left took practice while my right could do it just by seeing it down,? he informed him as rustling could be heard outside the door. Lloyd looked to his left to see that Indig had disappeared. Levi came back, lance in one hand and the other on Lloyd?s chest, pushing him back a little.
The door flew open as three men stumbled in. After looking up to see where they were, a look of pleasure spread wide across their faces.
?Looks like we found little Lloyd!? the man in the front yelled to the boys behind him.
?Come here your lordship. We?re here to guide you to hell!? another one of the men yelled as they all pulled out their broadswords and got in position. Suddenly, from behind them, Indig appeared from the darkness, a small dagger in both hands. She sliced two men?s throats while the third was still unaware of her presence. She came up to him as close as she could get without touching his body.
?Hey sexy,? she whispered into his ears as a shocked look came onto his face, a look that he died with. She stabbed him in the back of his head and his body crumbled to the ground. Indig whipped both of the daggers back into their holsters, blood trailing off of them and falling gently to the floor.
?Wow. I?m in love again with you honey,? Levi told her with an amazed look planted on his face.
?Stop staring. You?ll make me blush,? she told him shyly as Lloyd walked over the dead bodies to look into the hall. It was fully empty, as if every soul had been purged and cast into a pit of nothingness.
Lloyd looked back around to see Levi and Indig were right behind him, waiting for his orders. ?Alright, we have two objectives. The first is to save my family. My mother, the Queen Rose, is always in the Queen?s hall at this time doing work. My sister, Haze, should be in her room or her doll room. They?re right next to each other. Indig, do you know where my sister?s room is?? Lloyd asked her. Indig nodded in approval. ?Right, you go get her and get her and yourself out of here. Meet at the forest next to the town. Go into the tree just far enough to where they can?t see you but you can keep an eye out for them. Levi and myself shall assist the Queen,? he ordered as they both nodded in approval. Without another word they all set out, Indig headed to the left, Lloyd and Levi to the right.
?
?Yeah. Serve me you bumbling idiots. Yep, I could get used to this. Thanks for the seat, Queeny,? Alex, the commander of this siege, told the dead body of the Queen Rose, slumped onto the floor of the hall. Her blood had stained the rock now, destined to stay in the hall forever.
?I?m sorry, but I must ask you not to disrespect the dead so much. Especially one that helped heal nations and create such magnificent work for us mercenaries?,? a man said as he went over to the Queen?s body and closed her eyelids over her eyes. He picked her up and set her against one of the columns.
Alex looked at the man with pure hatred. ?And it?s also her that caused us to have to hire backstabbing merc?s like yourself. You?re getting paid so I expect good things from you. Now send out half your men to the hall so that we can keep this hall clean. Well, as clean as we can with her here on the floor like that,? Alex ordered them with a frustrated voice.
The mercenary looked at him with evil eyes. ?Let this be known that we of the Robin?s Mercenaries don?t backstab. We may leave but we don?t backstab. And I think we?re about to leave unless you straighten up your attitude towards us,? the mercenary told him as he looked back at his men. Including himself, there was twelve men. The others were in the castle looking for the prince and princess, hopefully before Alex?s men found them.
One of the men stepped forward. ?Don?t worry Robin. I?ll take my men and we?ll cover the outside. Does that suit you?? the man asked Robin, the leader of the mercenaries? who had been talking to Alex.
Robin nodded to him before saying, ?Good luck Mark. If you find them then make sure you don?t hurt them,? he told him. Mark bowed for a second before him and five other men walked out of the chamber.
?Don?t hurt who? Tell me now!? Alex ordered angrily.
?An old friend and someone I worked with when I was younger. The other is an old flame that I?d like to meet one more time. I know she?s in here,? Robin informed him as he pulled out his rapier and began to polish it.
After only a few seconds, a window broke and a man flew through it, landing next to the sword that was oddly placed in the middle of the hall. Soon after, another man in an abyssal cloak came floating in.
?
?Come on you wimp. A challenge like this doesn?t come along that often!? Luke said ecstatically as a man in dark armor came charging with a sword. Luke blocked it with his metal shackles and grabbed the guy by the shoulders. Pulling his head back, he let loose a furious head butt that indented the enemies? helmet. Pulling his head back once more, he let another head butt escape. The enemy fell to the ground with this one, blood pouring out of his helmet. Luke looked up, blood spurting out a cut on his head from the attacks.
?Hold on, Haze. I?m almost there and then you?ll be safe,? Luke commanded the air as he continued to hurry. Past a few more corners and her rooms awaited. As he reached the hall that held her rooms tight he saw five men about to go into both rooms. ?Damn it. I won?t let you harm her,? he cursed to them in silent words.
One of the soldiers grabbed the knob when he was knocked to the ground. ?This room is not your concern. I am, Luke Von Tabitha!? he yelled to them as he crushed the soldiers? face that was knocked to the ground.
?Why you?? an enemy next to Luke exclaimed as he pulled his broadsword out and did an overhead swing. Luke swiftly sidestepped and closed the gap. He came up next to the man?s neck and shoved the man?s Adams Apple into his own mouth. He pulled his head back and the enemies? throat came spilling to the floor. Luke looked over to the other three men, blood pouring from his mouth.
?He?s a demon. Run for your lives. Nothing is worth this!? one of the men yelled as they all turned around and began to run, screaming like little girls who saw a monster in the closet. Luke looked at the last soldier he killed. Next to him was the broadsword, splatters of his blood stained it. But Luke wasn?t interested in that.
?It looks big enough,? he told himself as he skillfully but the broadsword in his cuffs and twisted it. The cuffs broke off and he fully enjoyed it, moving them around as much as he could. He looked at the two doors. Luke knew which one she was in. Opening the left door, light shown in from the candles welded into the walls in the hall. All around the room was dolls. Hundreds of dolls in a disorganized manner.
?I can feel you in here love. It?s me Luke. Come on out so that we can get out of here,? he called to the mess as a girl slowly began to rise from behind a pile. Tears were running down her face.
?Mister Luke man. They? They!? she exclaimed as she ran into Luke?s arms, crying uncontrollably.
?Hey, it?s alright now. No need to cry anymore. I?m here to get you out. Now come on. We can?t let the bad guys find us. We?ll escape here and I?m sure your brother will meet up with us,? Luke said as he patted her head, trying to calm her. He picked her up and turned around to head out the doorway. When he looked though, a man wearing a full black cloak was standing in the way.
The hood covered his face completely. His right hand was the only thing visible, and it was just a skeleton?s hand. In that hand was a pitch black scythe. This new thing stood in the doorway, blocking their exit. ?Fake warrior, I have come here to collect you life,? the man told him. But he didn?t say it; Luke heard the dark voice in his head
Luke felt an emotion he had long since forgotten. Just by standing before this thing, he felt fear and weakness. He tried to stay calm and observe the man but he just couldn?t. Until he looked closely at the thing?s hand. Then he realized what this was and the warmth of hope re-entered his body.
?Such quick and accurate observation. You show some skills for a dead man. Tell me Luke Von Tabitha. That little bit of fear you experience. Do you wish to experience it for all eternity? I?m here to grant you that. Now hold still and it shall be quite quick and painless. At least for the beginning,? the thing explained to him as it pulled it scythe in fighting position.
?I?m sorry friend, but I cannot die just yet,? Luke told him as he ran towards the back of the room where a window was. Covering Haze, he jumped through the window, letting loose a yell to his friend stating, ?Come to me! Rutha!?
The gentle wind became violent as it whipped back and forth. A dark shadow came over the moon and deliberately fell at speed that could not be seen. Haze began to cry harder from fear as Luke landed perfectly on a white dragon?s shoulders. ?Don?t cry young child. We?re safe now,? Luke comforted her, pulling her close to his chest.
?You?re never safe as long as fear loathes in your hearts!? A voice told both their minds. Luke threw Haze and masterfully sidestepped to the side. Turning around, he saw the thing on the dragon?s back, its scythe barely scratching the scales that covered it. Luke grabbed one of the scales as the dragon pulled to the left, grabbing Haze with its feet from midair.
?So it?s true then. You can perform both of the lost Dark Magic. And by the looks of what you?ve just done, you also have mastered Illusion. Who are you?? Luke asked as the shadow began to disappear.
?I.AM.DEATH!? a voice screamed from above. Luke looked up in time to see the cloaked thing dropping down on him. Luke dodged, but the scythe went straight into the dragon this time. The dragon let loose a resounding scream as it began to lose some elevation. Luke looked over at the castle to see, through a window, his Durandal.
Luke stood up and took an enormous leap past the thing and off his dragon, aiming for the window. Back on the dragon the thing also took a leap, but seemed to just glide down, also aiming for the window. Luke covered his face with his arms and braced for the hit as he crashed through the window, rolling a couple of times as he hit the floor before he landed perfectly on his feet next to Durandal. The thing slowly glided in close to him.
?
Levi and Lloyd rushed through the halls as quietly as they could. Lloyd was still in no condition to fight and Levi, while covered in armor that protected him from most attacks, was still an inexperienced fighter. Hiding in rooms, running only when necessary, they found themselves only three corridors away from the Queen?s hall. They looked down the corridor and no one was there. They went down the hall as fast and quiet as they could and stopped at the next corner.
Around the corner was a single man headed their way. Levi prepared his spear. Just within range, Levi jumped around the corner and gutted the man with the weapon. The man fell to the floor before he had a chance to yell. Levi looked back at Lloyd and nodded. Both Lloyd and Levi took off quietly again until they reached the last corner they had to stop at. The Queen?s hall was just around the corner now.
Lloyd and Levi looked around the corner to see an arrow flying straight for them. Both moved back as it innocently flew past them into a wall. ?Come on out here. No sneaking up on us. Either fight like a warrior or run away like a coward,? a voice called out. Lloyd stood away from the wall and went around the corner, Levi following right behind him.
When they got around they saw one man standing in front of five others holding a bow that was loaded with three arrows. ?Only two? Either I miscounted or you have someone tailing you,? the man with the bow told himself in a questioning voice.
?Not too wrong,? Indig?s voice said from nowhere, yet somewhere, as she dropped from the ceiling above the man. With pure instinct, the man switched his bow to the other hand and pulled out a dagger with his right. He blocked Indig?s first swing with her dagger with his own. From behind her back however, another dagger came flying for his throat. Dropping his bow, he took a small leap to meet her in the air and grabbed her forearm.
They both landed looking at each other. ?Dang girl, I know tons of guys that would have been felled by such an attack. I am quite happy that I wasn?t wrong,? he said gratifyingly as they both continued to struggle with each other?s daggers that were still clashing about, the steel embers flying off of them.
?You haven?t seen anything yet, honey!? she explained as she backed her dagger off of his. She went for another blow that he blocked. She continued to do this with him as Levi and Lloyd began to move up to take on the other four.
As one of the soldiers were about to attack at Indig with their sword, Levi threw his lance which impaled the soldier through the neck. ?Whoops,? Levi told himself as two of the other men crept towards him with their swords drawn. Lloyd looked at his two foes and unsheathed his rapier, but soon fell to one knee from the pain in his stomach.
As he fell, the archer was blocking another attack and saw what had conspired. ?Men, halt!? he ordered with a booming voice as he let go of Indig?s arm and took a small leap out of her arm length. The four other men also stepped back.
?Well well well, looks like I found both of ?em. By your looks, you must be Prince Lloyd. You?? he said as he pointed to his opponent, Indig. ??must be Indig. And you?? he ranted as he pointed to Levi now. ??must be the guy that killed my man. That wasn?t kind at all. Listen, my leader Robin needs you?? was all the archer said as Indig ran up and grabbed him by his shirt. The other mercs had their swords out in a flash.
?Did you say Robin? He?s still alive after all this time? And he?s your leader?? she bombarded him before he could even answer the first. He grabbed her hands and shook his head. Indig looked back with a face of joy and excitement.
?What are we waiting for guys? Come on!? She almost screamed ecstatic. She let go of the archer and opened the door to the hall. The archer let out a surprised sigh as Levi grabbed his spear and headed in. Lloyd finally got off of his knee and started to walk in. The archer moved his hand to his men, then to Lloyd, and two of the mercs went over and helped him into the room.
Once inside, a scene was waiting before them. An all out fight was happening. Five bodies littered the floor, and the ones still alive were in a fight for more than just life. Lloyd noticed that one of them was his Master Luke. He pushed the mercs off of him and moved towards him.
?Luke! Luke, you?re alright!? he exclaimed happily as Luke took a giant swing with his Durandal to one of his opponents, a much smaller man fighting with a rapier. Luke turned around to see him.
?Good job Lloyd, now?? Luke ordered to him as a man with a full dark cloak appeared next to him.
He let out a strange, terrifying shriek from under his hood. ?Luke! We cannot allow them to see us here! We must escape! Please, take care of him men! We take our leave!? The thing said as a dark shadow began to envelope both of them. After only a few, intense seconds, both had disappeared into the shadow.
Lloyd stood dumbfounded at what had just conspired. Luke had to escape. Why had he had to escape? He couldn?t figure out why. ?Mark! What is he doing here? I told you to take them and get them to the forest!? the man with the rapier yelled in an angry voice as he quickly pulled his blade to his side, blocking an attack from the other man who was still there.
The man held an angry grin on his face. ?I knew it. You?ve betrayed us like the mercs you are. No big deal really. More fame for me. Bonus as well, knowing that I get to kill the great Robin?s!? The man said as he pushed Robin?s back with a cleave that he instrumented with his claymore.
   Robin?s took his stance as Mark, the archer?s; men moved up and took position next to him. ?I told you Alex. My men don?t betray unless we don?t like our employer. Even then, we just leave. This is a personal matter that I take these two,? Robin told Alex as he pointed at Indig and Lloyd. As he pointed at her, Indig moved up and took a spot next to him.
   Alex looked at his multiple opponents, his eyes twitching with anticipation. He didn?t say another word as he pulled out another claymore from his back, holding them in both hands effortlessly.
   The four mercs began to charge towards Alex, who didn?t move an inch at the attack. The first merc took a swing that Alex parried without even taking a step. He finally began to move as he took a light step to the right and cut into the man?s guts with one of his claymores. The man fell over in pain, screaming a horrible sound as his insides coming out of his wound.
   The three other reached him at the same time. They all swung at the same time, but in the same direction, overhead and they were all blocked by a single claymore. With a huge push, all the men?s swords were hanging in midair. Alex took the opportunity and jumped as far to the left as he could, past the last guy.
   With a single pierce, he pushed into his sword into the first man, then into the second. The third one narrowly moved out of the way, but still was cut on the leg. He fell over and began to crawl away as Alex used his boot to kick the men off his sword.
   ?Any more takers?? he asked psychotically, his eyes bloodshot, looking over at Robin. But only Robin, Alex realized as he felt a cold blade enter into his left shoulder. Instinct kicked in as he wheeled around and shoved Indig back onto the ground. He readied his claymores when he felt a sharp pain in his back. He looked down and saw an arrow head coming out of his chest.
   ?No matter what you do, Alex, you have no chance to win. No matter what your level of skill, when you have so many people against you, you?re dead,? Robin commented as Mark loaded three more arrows and shot them at Alex. Alex blocked one of them but the other two entered into his chest. He fell over, breathing blood, until he finally tumbled over. Dead.
   Lloyd looked on through half open eyes. He soon went under from pain, but the last thing he saw was his mother?s body against a column.
   Luke came over and leaned over Indig, leaving his hand out to help her up. ?I?m so glad you?re still alive, my lord,? she commented as he helped her up. As soon as she was up, she gave him a big hug. ?It has been fifteen years. I knew it was you right when they called you Robin,? she told him in a whisper as tears rolled down her face.
   He pulled her off him gently and went to attend to his hurt friend. Levi walked up next to her with a questioning look. ?So, who?s the hunk?? Levi asked her with a smile as she playfully slapped him across the face. Mark grabbed the fallen Lloyd and checked his pulse. He looked over to Robin and gave a nod.
   Robin nodded back and helped the man up, supporting his side that had been cut to the bone by Alex. ?Alright then, let?s head out. We need to get to the forest,? Robin ordered to them as they all began to head out of the now empty castle.
?
   Lloyd was barely able to regain consciousness as he saw the town surrounding the castle. All the buildings were on fire and bodies littered the street. He tried to say something. He wanted to do something. He wanted to be strong enough to protect them. Lloyd soon collapsed on Mark?s back again.
   ?He fell back asleep,? Mark told Robin. Robin wasn?t interested though as he held up and hand to halt their movement. He set the other merc down, leaning against a body as he moved over near a house. He closed his eyes and began to listen. Crying could be heard behind the wall of the burning house.
   Jumping over a few bodies and some fallen timber, he busted into the house and began to look around. He noticed it very quickly that under the bed was a small figure holding something. He moved over to see that it was a small girl that was maybe only eight.
   She looked at him with fearful eyes that could only be seen through a small river flowing from them. He put his hand out towards her and had a big smile on his face. ?I?m not going to hurt you. Come with me and I?ll make all the bad stuff go away,? he reassured her as she held onto the object, a small, white bear.
   He kept his hand out for a while before she finally held it. He pulled her out from under the bed and put her head against his chest, where she continued to cry. Robin came out of the burning building just as it fell in. Levi noticed the girl and picked up the mercenary that Robin had been helping.
   Just as the girl was going to open her eyes, Robin covered her with his hide that he had attached to his back. With this, they continued on to the forest.
[/spoiler]

6,193 word read. Just a little warning

[jnfs2014]

Good writing, but one question: Who's Mark?

I know Lloyd is the prince, Indig is his friend, Luke/Robin is a mercenary and I believe the prince of the flying kingdom?, Haze is Lloyd's sister, and Levi is some knight and Indig's ex-boyfriend, but who's Mark?

[Magnum]

Good writing, but one question: Who's Mark?

I know Lloyd is the prince, Indig is his friend, Luke/Robin is a mercenary and I believe the prince of the flying kingdom?, Haze is Lloyd's sister, and Levi is some knight and Indig's ex-boyfriend, but who's Mark?

Lloyd = Prince
Indig = Friend/Badass civilian
Levi = Random Knight
Haze = Princess
Luke = Prince of Flying Kingdom of death/doom/despair
Robin = Mercenary Leader
Mark = Mercenary 2nd in command/Archer
Alex = Crazy fu*ker with 2 claymores