I want toad

[MikeSixer]

What I offer here is an involved yet detached look at the truth behind Nintendo. Perhaps time, further study, and more reflection will either modify or enrich the analysis offered here, but Nintendo has had it easy all their life. Let's get down to brass tacks: Nintendo sometimes has trouble convincing people that those of us who oppose it would rather run than fight. When it has such trouble, it usually trots out a few rambunctious psychopaths to constate authoritatively that the best way to reduce cognitive dissonance and restore homeostasis to one's psyche is to goad pouty sciolists into hurling epithets at Nintendo's enemies. Whether or not that trick of its works, it's still the case that Nintendo writes a lot of long statements that mean practically nothing. What's sneaky is that it constructs those statements in such a way that it never occurs to its readers to analyze them. Analysis would almost certainly indicate that those who cause pain and injury to those who don't deserve it must be held accountable for their actions. I know you're wondering why I just wrote that. I'll explain shortly, but first, I should state that Nintendo's press releases run contrary to even the most cursory observation of the real world. I've said that before and I've said it often, but perhaps I haven't been concrete enough or specific enough, so now I'll try to remedy those shortcomings. I'll try to be a lot more specific and concrete when I explain that purblind dolts serve as the priests in Nintendo's cult of untrustworthy jingoism. These "priests" spend their days basking in Nintendo's reflected glory, pausing only when Nintendo instructs them to cultivate an unhealthy sense of victimhood. What could be more Pecksniffian? Well, once you begin to see the light, you'll realize that it ignores the most basic ground rule of debate. In case you're not familiar with it, that rule is: attack the idea, not the person. Even without the pea-brained ideology of factionalism in the picture, we can still say that the best gauge of the value of my attitudes, the sincerity of my convictions, and the force of my will is the hostility I receive from brutish devotees of conspiracy theories. The mere mention of that fact guarantees that this letter will never get published in any mass-circulation periodical that Nintendo has any control over. But that's inconsequential, because Nintendo may unwittingly change this country's moral infrastructure. I say "unwittingly" because it is apparently unaware that it operates under the influence of a particular ideology: a set of beliefs based on the root metaphor of the transmission of forces. Until you understand this root metaphor you won't be able to grasp why I, hardheaded cynic that I am, wouldn't want to strip the world of conversation, friendship, and love. I would, on the other hand, love to stop the Huns at the gate. But, hey, I'm already doing that with this letter. Certain facts are clear. For instance, griping about Nintendo will not make it stop trying to weaken family ties. But even if it did, it would just find some other way to help pretentious disagreeable-types back up their prejudices with "scientific" proof. Nintendo hates it when you say that its helpers like having a stamp of assurance from it that what they're doing is fashionable, or at least acceptable. It really hates it when you say that. Try saying that to it sometime, if you have a thick skin and don't mind having it shriek insults at you.

I mean, really. Having studied Nintendo's charges and finding them groundless, I must now tell the world that I have a dream, a mission, a set path that I would like to travel down. Specifically, my goal is to set their own character they created, and abuse, Toad, free. Of course, it is totally gung-ho about sectarianism because it lacks more pressing soapbox issues. While I have no proof that whenever Nintendo's foot soldiers say that laws are meant to be broken, their noses grow by a few centimeters, you should still believe me, as it uses the very intellectual tools it criticizes, namely consequentialist arguments rather than arguments about truth or falsity. Nintendo wants to hinder economic growth and job creation. Is this so it can operate in the gray area between legitimate activity and semi-intelligible adversarialism, or is it to write off whole sections of society? You be the judge. In either case, if I didn't think it would raise extortionate demands, I wouldn't say that statements like, "Its cronies are united through autism, defeatism, and pharisaism" accurately express the feelings of most of us here.

One might conclude that Nintendo has never been accused of objectivity. Alternatively, one might conclude that there is no compelling moral or economic reason why Nintendo should skewer me over a pit barbecue. In either case, I do not find deeds that are mawkish, cacodemonic, and aberrant to be "funny". Maybe I lack a sense of humor, but maybe it is doing everything in its power to make me roll over and play dead. The only reason I haven't yet is that I believe in the four P's: patience, prayer, positive thinking, and perseverance. I want to keep this brief: If you think about it you'll see that Nintendo's slaphappy précis are merely a distraction. They're just something to generate more op-ed pieces, more news conferences for media talking heads, and more punditry from people like me. Meanwhile, Nintendo's hangers-on are continuing their quiet work of advancing Nintendo's real goal, which is to place malign, insensate nymphomaniacs at the top of the social hierarchy.

It will not be easy to appeal for comity between us and Nintendo. Nevertheless, we must attempt to do exactly that, for the overriding reason that it is terrified that there might be an absolute reality outside itself, a reality that is what it is, regardless of its wishes, theories, hopes, daydreams, or decrees. There's no shortage of sin in the world today. It's been around since the Garden of Eden and will clearly persist as long as Nintendo continues to break down our communities. If Nintendo truly wanted to be helpful, it wouldn't develop mind-control technology. Someone needs to champion the force of goodness against the greed of mean-spirited, immoral egotists. Who's going to do it? Nintendo? I think not.

To pick an obvious, but often overlooked, example, Nintendo's "I'm right and you're wrong" attitude is randy, because it leaves no room for compromise. Viewing all this from a higher vantage point, we can see that if you're interested in the finagling, double-dealing, chicanery, cheating, cajolery, cunning, rascality, and abject villainy by which Nintendo may infringe upon our most important constitutional rights in a lustrum or two, then you'll want to consider the following very carefully. You'll especially want to consider that Nintendo's methods are much subtler now than ever before. Nintendo is more adept at hidden mind control and its techniques of social brainwash are much more appealingly streamlined and homogenized. We find among narrow and uneducated minds the belief that Nintendo's activities are good for the environment, human rights, and baby seals. This belief is due to a basic confusion, which can be cleared up simply by stating that Nintendo managed to convince a bunch of the worst types of lecherous deadbeats there are to help it talk about you and me in terms which are not fit to be repeated. What was the quid pro quo there? I can give you only my best estimate, made after long and anxious consideration, but I do not pose as an expert in these matters. I can say only that if I were a complete sap, I'd believe its line that there is something intellectually provocative in the tired rehashing of dictatorial stereotypes. Unfortunately for it, I realize that whenever there's an argument about Nintendo's devotion to principles and to freedom, all one has to do is point out that Nintendo has an uncritical -- almost a worshipful -- attitude toward vengeful toughies. That should settle the argument pretty quickly. Nintendo's argument that it has been robbed of all it does not possess is hopelessly flawed and entirely circuitous.

There is blood on Nintendo's hands. It is no more complicated than that. Nintendo claims that every word that leaves its mouth is teeming with useful information. That claim is preposterous and, to use Nintendo's own language, overtly stentorian. No history can justify it.

One thing is certain: It may seem difficult at first to supply the missing ingredient that could stop the worldwide slide into denominationalism. It is. But Nintendo would not hesitate to lash out at everyone and everything in sight if it felt it could benefit from doing so. With an enormous expenditure of words, unclear in content and incomprehensible as to meaning, Nintendo frequently stammers an endless hodgepodge of phrases purportedly as witty as in reality they are venom-spouting. Only the most hateful menaces I've ever seen can feel at home in this maze of reasoning and cull an "inner experience" from this dung heap of illogical sadism. On several occasions I have heard Nintendo state that its smear tactics are not worth getting outraged about. I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a comment. What I consider far more important, though, is that Nintendo accuses me of being otiose whenever I state that the only thing protecting the people of this world from its lubricious, stubborn zingers is our love of freedom and concern for Toad. I'll admit that I have a sharp tongue and sometimes write with a bit of a poison pen but the fact remains that every time Nintendo tries, it gets increasingly successful in its attempts to make my stomach turn. This dangerous trend means not only death for free thought, but for imagination as well. Other than that, we are observing the change in our society's philosophy and values from freedom and justice to corruption, decay, cynicism, and injustice. All of these "values" are artistically incorporated in one company: Nintendo.

To say that Nintendo's opinions represent the opinions of the majority -- or even a plurality -- is scornful nonsense and untrue to boot. With Nintendo's pleas hanging over us like the Sword of Damocles, it makes sense that I would never take a job working for Nintendo. Given its mealymouthed, obnoxious hastily mounted campaigns, who would want to?

Must it be explained to Nintendo that it needs to open up to the world around it? . But the problems with its effusions don't end there. I don't mean to condemn anyone's beliefs, but Nintendo commonly appoints ineffective people to important positions. It then ensures that these people stay in those positions because that makes it easy for Nintendo to undermine the individualistic underpinnings of traditional jurisprudence.

One might maintain that I like to throw darts at Nintendo's logo. While that's true, it does somewhat miss the point. You see, we must learn to celebrate our diversity, not because it is the politically correct thing to do, but because there are some wanton rapscallions who are appalling. There are also some who are homicidal. Which category does Nintendo fall into? If the question overwhelms you, I suggest you check "both". That's our situation today, in very rough outline. Because they obviously don't realize that as incredible and bizarre as it sounds, humanity is decidedly the victim of a diabolical conspiracy masterminded by Nintendo to pit race against race, religion against religion, and country against country.Ofcourse, I've left out a thousand details and refinements and qualifications. I've not mentioned that Nintendo's recent attempt to harm Toad, or even instill the fear of harm, may prove to be a watershed event for those of us who want to shed the light of truth on the evil that is Nintendo. And I've ignored parasitism altogether. I've simply pointed out one key fact: It would be a strategic blunder of epic proportions for Nintendo to continue abusing Toad. Thanks for reading!

[Ikkitrix]

Nice essay, but there's one fatal flaw. An important part of the writing process is KNOWING YOUR AUDIENCE. Most of the people on here won't want to read your wall of text filled with words rarely used in common speech.

Correct me if I'm wrong, because it was hard for me to read, but the bulk of the essay was a rant about how Nintendo is a tyrannical company bent on destroying free thought in the video gaming industry and easily controls a legion of fanboys that do it's bidding without question. Which is somehow connected to Toad being neglected. I truly don't understand. <<

[StarWindWizard7]

[bluaki]

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I bet you just typed four or so words and clicked "Create an essay rambling on about nothing" at some website.

[Riosan]

yay rant generator