The customer is always right

[ThePowerOfOne]

Caller: "I need to exchange this movie. It's the wrong one."

Me: "Which movie were you looking for?"

Caller: "Big Momma's House."

Me: "Um, what does it say on the case?"

Caller: "Big Momma's House."

Me: "What does it say on the video cassette itself?"

Caller: "Big Momma's House."

Me: "I'm thinking you have Big Momma's House there, Ma'am."

Caller: "But..."

Me: "Yes?"

Caller: "But... there's white people in it."

Me: "There are a few of us about, ma'am. We do sneak into the odd movie here and there."

Caller: *click*


I don't know why I can't stop laughing at this one :D

[Tupin]

I love stories like these, some people just don't think.

Customer: *picks up an apple and takes a large bite out of it*

Employee: "Sir, what are you doing?"

Customer: "I'm sampling an apple to make sure it's not mealy. The last apples I got here were all mealy."

Employee: "Er...it's generally not a very good idea to do that...those aren't washed."

Customer: *sets the apple back down* "YOU DON'T WASH THEM?! Don't you know you can spread dysentery?!"

Employee: "They're washed before they come in here, but we can't wash them on the shelf. And sir, you have to pay for that."

Customer: "F*** that! I'm not paying for something that'll give me dysentery!"

Employee: "We can't sell an apple that has a HUGE BITE taken out of it!"

Customer: *stomps off*

Customer #2: *observing nearby "Someone should tell him, 'You have died of dysentery.'"

Awesome.  :D

[Tupin]

Me: "Hi, can I help you?"

Customer: "Yeah, do you sell ghost vacuums?"

Me: "Umm... no?"

Customer: "Ok, well... thanks anyway."

Inspired by AVGN?

[ThePowerOfOne]

Me: "Thank you for calling ***, how can I help you?"

Caller: "I need a driver's licence. "

Me: "Okay... you can come to our office; as it is Saturday, we are open 'till 12:30 pm."

Caller: "I can't make it in time, can you fax me one?"

Me: "Sorry, sir. It's a plastic card and it can not be faxed or emailed. We also have to take your photo, so this can be done only in person."

Caller: "It was my birthday yesterday, so my licence is expired. Can't you do it over the phone?"

Me: "Sorry, sir, I can not send you a plastic licence over the phone."

Caller: "F*** you!"

Me: "Sorry, sir. I can't do that over the phone, either."


Best one yet :D

[えっちーせんぱい]

Self-Rising Expectations

Customer: “You bake all of this French bread here?”

Me: “Yes sir, every day.”

Customer: “Do you make the dough yourselves, or does it come in frozen?”

Me: “Oh, it comes in frozen. We bake more than 100 loaves of French bread a day on top of everything else we make, so we really wouldn’t have time to make dough from scratch.”

Customer: “So you’re cheaters then?!”

Me: *thinking he’s joking* “Yes, sir, we certainly are!”

Customer: “Well, that’s shameful!” *to another customer* “Did you know they don’t make the dough themselves?!”

Customer #2: “It only costs a buck a loaf, dude. What do you want from them?”




Hahahaha D:

[Link3588]

Caller: "F*** you!"

Me: "Sorry, sir. I can't do that over the phone, either."


Best one yet :D

I can do that over the phone.

[えっちーせんぱい]

Caller: “F*** you!”

Me: “Sorry, sir. I can’t do that over the phone, either.”


Best one yet :D

I can do that over the phone.

That's just creepy.

[Triforceman22]

Me: "Hello, ma'am.  Can I get you anything to drink?"

Customer: "Yes, please. I would like a glass of water."

Me: "Coming right up."

Me: delivering the water* "There you are, ma'am. Have you decided what you want to order?"

Customer: *downing the water* "Wow, this water is great. Do you happen to have any more, sweetie?"

Me: "Er...yeah we do. Do you want another glass?"

Customer: "I would appreciate it."

(I go to get her another glass of water, and as soon as I come back, she begins to speak up about the menu.)

Customer: "Oh Lord! Don't you have any vegetarian stuff here?"

Me: "I'm sorry miss, but this is a bar and grill. We have salads, but they all come with chicken or beef."

Customer: "That's inhumane! Don't you know what you're doing to the animals?"

Me: "I think you should go to a vegan restaurant. What did you expect from a bar and grill?"

Customer: "Don't give me your sass! I just want some non-animal food! Don't you have any of that?"

Me: "Well..we have grilled cheese, and–"

Customer: *cutting me off* "WHAT?! CHEESE COMES FROM MILK, WHICH COMES FROM COWS! I'M NOT EATING THAT!"

Me: "I'm sorry then, ma'am, there's really nothing for you here. Please quiet down; you're disturbing the other customers."

Customer #2: *from across the room* "Listen to what he tells you, you stupid b****!"

Customer: "Goodness! You god**** animal murderers deserve to go to hell! *pause* "Er, sonny, may I get another glass of that water?"

Me: "OUT!"

Customer #2: *from across the room* "Mmm... murder."

[Tupin]

(I am watering the plants in the nursery, about two hours before closing time, and see a customer down the aisle.)

Me: "Can I help you find anything, sir? "

Customer: "Uh... uh... "

(I then notice that he's peeing on some of our boxwoods.)

Me: "What–"

Customer: "I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT!"  *zips up and runs out*

Coworker: "Did that guy just quote Darkwing Duck at you?!"

Me: *drops watering hose* "I'm taking a break."

/end thread

[ThePowerOfOne]

(I am watering the plants in the nursery, about two hours before closing time, and see a customer down the aisle.)

Me: "Can I help you find anything, sir? "

Customer: "Uh... uh... "

(I then notice that he's peeing on some of our boxwoods.)

Me: "What–"

Customer: "I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT!"  *zips up and runs out*

Coworker: "Did that guy just quote Darkwing Duck at you?!"

Me: *drops watering hose* "I'm taking a break."

/end thread

Wrong.

Me: "Thank you for calling ***, this is Bill in the breast aesthetics department. How may I help you?"

Customer: "My left boob popped."

Me: "Okay, so the implant failed?"

Customer: "Yes."

Me: "Are your implants silicone gel or saline?"

Customer: "The water kind."

Me: "So, we've had a saline deflation. I need to ask you some questions in regards to how it may have deflated."

Customer: "Why, don't you believe me?"

Me: "Of course I believe you, but as part of making our implants even better and evaluating where under the device's warranty this falls, I need to know what may have led up to the implant's leak."

Customer: "Oh, so you think this is my fault?! You make a crappy implant and you have the nerve to blame me?"

Me: "Wait, wait. First, I didn't make your implant, my company did. I'm here to help you get this fixed in the fastest way possible and that starts with finding out how the implant deflated."

Customer: "So you want to know what I did to screw them up, is that right? I spend a fortune on these things to be walking around with a flat tire of a tit and you think it's my fault?"

Me: "No, ma'am. I simply need to know how to cover this under your warranty, to see how much money we are going to give you to fix the problem. We give you a check for money to fix the problem if you'll just answer my questions. What do you remember doing when you first noticed the deflation in your breast?"

Customer: "Me and my boyfriend were playing sex hide-and-seek in the house and he thought it would be more fun if my boobs glowed. So, he used a needle tube to insert little red lights into them... what do you call those little glowing lights? It's like three letters?"

Me: "... A diode?"

Customer: "Yes. He's a trained professional... he uses them on animals at his job all the time."

Me: "So, your boyfriend punched a hole in your chest and tried inserting a diode inside the implant?"

Customer: "Well, not in my chest. Just on the top side of my boob so it wouldn't hurt. He numbed it first."

Me: "... And this is the implant's fault, how?"

Customer: "It started leaking and getting flat."

Me: *laughing* "I'm sorry, can you repeat that? I'm recording this and no one is going to believe me!"

Customer: *click*

[Mutilator7]

Lol, MY PUPPIEZ R NOT WINNING THEM CONTESTS

[Nayrman]

I have a few winners from my days at Chick-Fil-A:

1. Customer: "What's an Ice Cream Cup?" **I've gotten this THREE TIMES!**

2. Customer: Hey, do you have any hamburgers here? (Chick-Fil-A doesn't have burgers, it's an all chicken place)
    Me: Uh...no sir. This is an all chicken restaurant, we do have chicken sandwiches. (Normally this is a question from someone not from around the south, so it SOMETIMES can be an honest mistake)
   Customer: Oh, but you have cows as your mascot and it's in all the ads? Shouldn't you have burgers then?
   Me: The ads are about eating more chicken and saving the cows, that's why it's "Eat More Chicken".
   Customer: "Oh..." *Drives Off*

3. *Customer walks in looks like he hasn't shaven in days, a horribly dirty coat, and more than a little sleep deprived*
   Customer: Hey I'm having a horrible FUCKIN day and I got no FUCKIN money do ya have any FUCKIN food you could FUCKIN give me?
   Me: *finger hovering over the silent alarm, seriously this guy looked insane* Uh...the only thing I'm allowed to give out is cups of water. I really can't give anything out for free.
  Customer: Really?
  Me: Yea...sorry.
  Customer: "Okay then..." *walks out*

[Doodle]

That insane guy would have scared the crap out of me. o_o