So I just saw Dragonball Evolution

[Nayrman]

Don't worry, I didn't waste money by buying it or theaters and what not, it's on AnimeMedia right now, so I got to see basically bootleg for free (TRUST ME I AM NOT GIVING 20TH CENTURY FOX A SINGLE PENNY FOR THIS GARBAGE).

What are my thoughts? WORST ADAPTATION EVER MADE.
Let me set the record straight...I wanted this movie to be good. I really did. If the live action movie was good, then more people would go to the anime and the like. But not only is this a bad Dragonball movie, it's a terrible movie in general.

I'll start with the Dragonball badness first, so if you want to skip my dragonball ranting, skip ahead:

First off, the story barely has any resemblance to the original work. Only character names and meeting Yamcha in the desert are actually right. This movie is a cannonical MESS. I've compiled the mistakes into cannon problems, and into problems in general. Time is just a problem in general. Gohan dies in this movie (why they don't just wish him back too is another mystery, but whatever), the "prophecy and eclipse" (which there never was) involve both Piccolo AND Oozaru (which is stupid because in the Damaioh saga, Goku can't become the Oozaru, and he only gains control of it for a brief moment in GT about 400 episodes later). Also, the attempted explanation of the Oozaru was terrible. It's not even a giant monkey, it's just Goku in faux werewolf form. If there is a second movie I FEAR FOR MY LIFE how they'll handle the Saiyin Saga. Also, Bulma wants the dragonballs to be famous, not a boyfriend, so instead Bulma comes across as an annoying self centered priss who turns a 180 and somehow wants to help everyone in the matter of an hour. I mean really, that's just dumb. Mai is for some reason working for Piccolo...so where in the HELL are Shuu and Pilaf!? The Kamehameha is an attack with pointless hand motions and is of the "fire" element (this isn't avatar you hacks!), also it's basically colored wind instead of energy. Despite Goku owning Nimbus at this point, and could've been used finely, they don't. Three words: PICCOLO IN LEATHER. He also has zero personality, dies in a single hit, and is more stereotypical than a James Bond villain.
Those were just cannon intercourse  ups. Character personality traits are way off, nothing looks like it should (Kame house is now in the middle of the city). Also apparently "Shenlong" (it's ShenRON, named after Jackie Chan's nickame, with various interations - shenlon is accurate, however in the english translation it's usually shenron, but that's a minor nitpick) can only be summoned at this ONE mountain, thus making it needlessly complicated. Shenron is also a small snake thing that doesn't talk and is only on screen for about ten seconds. It's pathetic. Also, he only grants "perfect" wishes. Seriously, what the intercourse  is that? It is BLATANTLY apparent they did NOT read ANY of the source material.


Movie gripes, mostly non Dragonball related:

The acting is beyond terrible. Justin Chatwin is the only good actor on screen, but his personality and tone are terrible for Goku. He reminds me of Christian Bale before he got big, so I hope he does well in the future. Chow Yun Fat...how far have you fallen? This is by far the single worst performance of his career. He isn't wise, he isn't funny, he isn't amusing. He's just there to mispronounce stuff ("Go-HAIHN", "Kamehameheh", etc.). He is a pathetic Roshi. Chi-chi and Mai are bland and not amusing in the slightest. They serve no real purpose, and are just there for filler. Seriously, they were completely unneeded. Bulma is just annoying. Her acting is snarky, like whomever played her thinks this is HER movie, and that the attention should be around her. Yamcha is competent, but not spectacular. The Korean guy playing him is pretty much a poor mans William H. Prestion or Theodore Logan (SPOCK THE ROCK DOC OCK AND HULK HOGAN! sorry...ultimate Showdown on the mind). Piccolo is the worst of all. There is literally ZERO emotion conveyed. The facial expressions are boring, and are nonexistant most of the time. A mindless robot programmed to just read lines would've been better. Keannu Reeves would be a better choice based on this performance.
The writing and dialogue are absolutely abysmal. Half of the words spoken are unnecessary or just plain pointless, while the rest of it just gets annoying. Lot's of needless plot exposition and explaining are given, but nothing is tied up or followed through on. It's ALL filler! All the main plot points could be given in about twenty minutes. Obviously the writers just did not give a poop and just piddled out whatever they wrote down at the time. If monkeys on typewriters could produce Shakespeare, then the DBE writers are amoebas. I also have to say, the high school plotline is BEYOND dumb. I mean really, call about pulling something out of your ass, this one doesn't even make any sense. Basically, it's pointless, zero real importance to the plot, and is basically an excuse for a poorly filmed action scene around bullies trying to fight Goku.
Speaking of poorly filmed, the camera work is god awful. Lots of pointless close ups and slow motion shots that don't do anything other than make you wish you were watching the Matrix, a much better film, instead. Also, I have never seen more poorly shot action scenes in my life. Jackie Chan's poop on the worst filming day of his life on stage with Carrot Top, Ryan Seacrest, and the Jonas Brothers would be better than anything this movie provides. Every old fashioned trick in the book is used from wires to CG, but they're all so blatantly obvious it's not amusing. Most of the time they don't even appear to be trying, and are just lazy. Lot's of pointless flipping and jumping around and such. All the special effects are equally abysmal. This is all stuff Lucas did in the 80's, and even then he did it all better. The energy attacks are bad, the Oozaru looks pathetic, and is blocky beyond belief. Piccolo's henchemen are basically blocks, and when they're cut in half, their "blood" is basically a round little brown fountain thing that would make the N64 look fantastic. Finally, Shenron gets it the worst. From being a giant, impressive green dragon, he's turned into a tiny snake thing that is as blocky as everything else.

Review scores and the like:
(For adaptations only) Faithfulness to the main source: -1000000000000/10
Acting: 2/10 (only for Justin actually being a good actor, just a terrible Goku)
Writing/Dialogue: 0/10
Cinematography: 1/10
Effects: 0/10 (10/10 if this was made in 1983, unfortunately they're about 26 years too late)
Overall: 0/10 - worst movie i've seen in YEARS

Final sentence: Make a pathetic, poorly written action movie with outdated effects and terrible acting and slap "Dragonball" as it's title.

[HTA!]

Is this when Goku is a kid?

[FruitFlow]

Is this when Goku is a kid?

Nope.
Your thinking of Dragon Ball.

Dragon Ball Evolution is supposed to be an actual movie they made, with live actors/actresses.

[Nayrman]

Is this when Goku is a kid?

The Daimaoh saga is when Goku is about 12 in the manga.
But BRAWLIN is right when he said this is it's own movie.
Although calling this a "movie" would give the writers and directer far too much credit.
Whomever takes up the mantle of "Nostalgia Critic" in about 10-15 years from now is going to be reviewing this movie, I can tell you that much.

[Tupin]

Holy crap, its out in theaters now?

I was originally thinking about going to see it for laughs, but then I realized my money would go to fund more of these abominations. From the sound of it, it sounds like a crappy action movie from the 1980's. Speaking of the 80's, there's NO excuse not to follow the source material of a foreign franchise in this day and age, where people can just look up anything they don't understand.

Ultimately, the following should be said to any company wanting to make their own movie: Please, get the company that owns it involved, because they are the ones who made it successful, not you. Bandai probably had NO say in this, just like Midway and Capcom had no involvement in the movies based on their games.

I just found out it's already out in Japan. Must have been the American "Godzilla" syndrome again, the company was so sure they had a hit that they released it in the country they butchered the source material from, thinking they would love it because it has a character they recognize in it. I guarantee future Japan-only Dragonball movies will make fun of this one.

Who releases movies on a Wednesday anyway?

[Nayrman]

Holy crap, its out in theaters now?

I was originally thinking about going to see it for laughs, but then I realized my money would go to fund more of these abominations. From the sound of it, it sounds like a crappy action movie from the 1980's. Speaking of the 80's, there's NO excuse not to follow the source material of a foreign franchise in this day and age, where people can just look up anything they don't understand.

Ultimately, the following should be said to any company wanting to make their own movie: Please, get the company that owns it involved, because they are the ones who made it successful, not you. Bandai probably had NO say in this, just like Midway and Capcom had no involvement in the movies based on their games.

I just found out it's already out in Japan. Must have been the American "Godzilla" syndrome again, the company was so sure they had a hit that they released it in the country they butchered the source material from, thinking they would love it because it has a character they recognize in it. I guarantee future Japan-only Dragonball movies will make fun of this one.

Who releases movies on a Wednesday anyway?

The Japanese are giving it abysmal reviwes, and most moviegoers are seeing it as a parody instead of a serious film.
It's on AnimeMedia right now, so check it out while you can. The beginning is cut out a bit, but you didn't miss anything.

[Silverhawk79]

This whole movie is just...embarrassing.

[Shujinco2]

So... It's worse than what we thought it would be? Is that even possible?

[Nayrman]

So... It's worse than what we thought it would be? Is that even possible?

It's worse than even I thought.
The Power Rangers movie of 95 was better than this...

[Tupin]

Seriously, why make a Dragonball movie in 2009 when the only Dragonball in America is found on the Internet, away from the general public? It's not like it's a retro revival type thing like with TMNT and Transformers, most just look back at Dragonball and laugh because of how bad the original dub was. You're about ten years too late, Fox.

Moreover, why make it live-action? You think when they were money hungry enough to butcher the franchise, they could have made it CGI and at least then they could have a TV show. Live-action limits merchandising. Sure, there's that awful PSP game, but if I wanted a Dragonball game, I would get the one on the DS, which is actually pretty good.

[Nayrman]

Seriously, why make a Dragonball movie in 2009 when the only Dragonball in America is found on the Internet, away from the general public? It's not like it's a retro revival type thing like with TMNT and Transformers, most just look back at Dragonball and laugh because of how bad the original dub was. You're about ten years too late, Fox.

Moreover, why make it live-action? You think when they were money hungry enough to butcher the franchise, they could have made it CGI and at least then they could have a TV show. Live-action limits merchandising. Sure, there's that awful PSP game, but if I wanted a Dragonball game, I would get the one on the DS, which is actually pretty good.

for the most part the Dragonball games have been average to great since the Budokai franchise started. I like what Atari and Bandai have been doing with the franchise. But yea the PSP game looks god awful.
Fox wanted the live action because it would give a sense of "legitimacy that cartoons don't" (WHICH IS TOTAL BULLSHIT I WILL CHANGE THIS WAY OF POOR INSECURE THINKING HOLLYWOOD HAS SHOVED DOWN PEOPLE'S THROATS SINCE THE 30's!!!!!!)

[Tupin]

That's the problem with Hollywood, some studios use way too much CGI and animation, others won't go near it.

I'm still waiting for an indie movie maker to come out of the woodwork with a hand-drawn animated masterpiece.

[Nayrman]

That's the problem with Hollywood, some studios use way too much CGI and animation, others won't go near it.

I'm still waiting for an indie movie maker to come out of the woodwork with a hand-drawn animated masterpiece.

*points to self with Naria, Mystics (which I'll begin over the summer when I have a lot more free time), and other works*

[HTA!]

Is this when Goku is a kid?

Nope.
Your thinking of Dragon Ball.

Dragon Ball Evolution is supposed to be an actual movie they made, with live actors/actresses.

Not really, since Pilaf is in it and they meet Yamcha... it would be when he is a kid. D:

[Nayrman]

Is this when Goku is a kid?

Nope.
Your thinking of Dragon Ball.

Dragon Ball Evolution is supposed to be an actual movie they made, with live actors/actresses.

Not really, since Pilaf is in it and they meet Yamcha... it would be when he is a kid. D:

Pilaf isn't in it...
Also, in the movie they MEET Yamcha, yet Goku is a teenager in high school.
Watch my review on youtube, I go over the events in the movie and how stupid they are.