Attention loyal patriots.

[Mr. SodaPopinski]

Greetings.

This is your glorious leader and dictator speaking. As many of you on the front lines may have already figured out...it has been a very eventful month for our organization. Many of my conceived plans have been thwarted by unforeseen circumstances. It is with utter disgust that I grace you all with my voice at the moment, since our recent failures are not to be accepted in the future. I loathe failure.

To start Project V.I. MARX crumbled miserably. Thanks to you nitwits and your gung-ho gallivanting, the Soviet Union did not rise once again. This is not all your fault, however...it was largely attributed to the ill-conceived attack plan of General Venom Seed. Or should I say FORMER General Venom-Seed. Our humongous hammer and gargantuan sickle that the scientists spent so much funds and effort constructing were in place and ready to strike, Russia was about to fall...and Lenin's communist regime was to strangle the country once again. Imagine my surprise when I found out that our enemies of Peppermint Surge were aware of the Fall of the Hammer, and had their forces right there to combat us.

By this time we had already infiltrated The Kremlin and had control over the government. The Red Czar (Our puppet leader for the new Soviet leader, made with the actual DNA of Ivan the Terrible, Stalin, and Joseph McCarthy) was in position to signal the Bolshevik Bots to impose our own martial law throughout Russia, when the Surgers first sprung. We were unable to repel the threat, and they successfully broke into The Kremlin and returned Russia's former government to power. In an act of desperation I ordered for our giant hammer to crush the Kremlin, thereby breaking the spirits of Russia and eliminating those pesky Surgers. Once we wrapped the sickle around, and primed the hammer...it seemed like the day was to end bittersweet for L.Y.N.X. But due to the acts of that wretched Dr. Beatnik of Peppermint Surge, slipping past or forces, break into our Mega hammer, and murder every last one of our brethren controlling it...The Kremlin still stands today. Instead that dirty interloper directed the hammer at our mothership and smashed it to oblivion.

Of course, your fantastic leader (myself) murdered General Venom-Seed for his incompetence right before escaping in a Dreadpod and shaking my fists angrily at those meddling Surgers.

Sadly, we lost Von Kreeton in the mothership explosion. As you all know, Von Kreeton was our arms dealer and an essential component of L.Y.N.X. He was also a key member on the L.Y.N.X council or leadership....and he was recently very vocal about trying to cause an uprising in MY organization to overthrow MY rule and take command himself. It was a mere coincidence that my Dreadpod's doors locked before he could get in.

This brings me to the reason I address you. L.Y.N.X. is in vital need of a new arms dealer, to continue to supply our forces. If you think you are worthy of such a prestigious position, please contact me immediately. Note that you must be witty for this job, I refuse to talk with a blasted fool. You must also have a fancy name (something like Nintendoman74 is unacceptable). And...as always, you must swear allegiance to me. But that won't be a problem since you are all eager to that in the first place.

So a bid you adieu my loyal subjects. Once our four weather machines our constructed we will show the world who the REAL boss is. Me.

Hail L.Y.N.X.

[Tsumaru]

....what?

[jnfs2014]

Hail Soda.

[HTA!]

If you had simply supplied us with more than a measly assault rifle all would have gone swimmingly.

Its not like the Russians will fall at the hands of such paltry weaponry.

Might I suggest biological weapons capable of destroying their crops?
Does the suggestion box in the employee lounge count for nothing?

[Mr. SodaPopinski]

....what?

I said you need to be witty.

And HTA. You know how it works here. We move on. Yesterday Russia. Tomorrow all of Europe.

[HTA!]

We could also use some new coffee in said break room.

Victory Brew gets old after a while.

[Macawmoses]

We could also use some new coffee in said break room.

Victory Brew gets old after a while.

Your recent failure was to get a new brand of coffee? Pathetic.

[Dill]

Good evening, sir, and welcome to Crazy Dill's Weapon Emporium! We've got everything, from ships to clips to slave-trained Nips! You want it, we have it in store.

Need a tank to mow down some jungle-folk? How's about a little mustard gas for those pesky infantry? Stress-balls for when the mission goes awry? Just say my name and I'm here in a jiffy; I've already bugged this very room we're standing in. While I was talking! Impressed yet? How's about this magnificent Japanese-woven suicidal bomb jacket I'm wearing? Order now and we'll throw in a free magnetized detonator, for the man that wants hands-free security.

But wait, there's more! If you give me cash up front at this very second with no physical guarantees of a product, I'll give you a booklight with our toll-free number on it! That way, you'll never be in the dark when you're in need of some fine, offshore arms.

Biological weapons, you say? Check out this bad boy! Look this cute little puppy here in the eyes and your skin'll melt right off your doggone face! Get it? DOGgone? I've got a million of 'em, both puns and radioactive killer dogs. Don't believe me? Look, I'll put a mirror in front of the puppy. Watch how the dog screams in pain as its face melts instantly to the bone by its own radioactive gaze!

Look at that! Seven seconds flat and I timed it, too. You won't get that kind of guarantee from just any arms dealer. You know why? Because I'm crazy. So when you're in need of a hand in your journey to widespread destruction and global tyranny, come on down to Crazy Dill's Weapon Emporium!

[Tsumaru]

Shouldn't this be in the RP board?

[Silverhawk79]

All I got was a slingshot and some marshmallows.
I expected better from you all.

[Custom]

Shouldn't this be in the RP board?

The "Role Play" board? Why would this go there?

[HTA!]

The "Role Play" board? Why would this go there?

Maybe he thinks we are joking.
Dear Tsumaru, that is not the case.

You should have seen the massacre of the second Battle of Stalingrad. Brings a tear to my eye whenever I think about it.

[L10]

hi

[Doodle]

:|

[Lotos]

Are we talking about Donkey Kong?  I saw Kremling in that post.