Well, that sucked.

Insane Asylum · October 31, 2007, 06:30:38 PM

Last night was horrific. I had to take my cousin to the movies. What movie did we see? No clue, I was blind-intercourse ing drunk the whole darn time. Yes yes, save your "underage drinking" comments to yourself. Before we made it inside, a man called me over from an ally. I told my cousin to go see her movie, and then I stumbled across the street into the dank corner and muttered a polite "What the hell do you want?"

"You appear to have a taste for alcohol..." he whispered. I shouted "Huh? Speak up, dangit. You'd think that the four of you speaking in unison would be louder." I let out a belch, and took a swig of the scotch bottle I had concealed in my jacket on the bus ride there. I then pulled out a gnarled cigar and began to smoke it as he showed me a clear bottle with the label removed.

"I sell top-shelf vodka. Don't ask where I got it, and you can have it for $20." Being a man who appreciates a fine drink and is clearly having his decisive capabilities hampered, I handed him a crumbled-up twenty and snatched the bottle from his hand. I took a drink and my face turned sour.

"Ugh, this tastes like poop!" But as I said that, the man already began turning around to run away. Being a quick and violent thinker, I shoved my fiery cigar into the bottle of cheap vodka and hurled the thing at the guy. It shattered and set the man on fire as he rolled on the ground in agonizing pain. I laughed maniacally and began to walk away, but instead approached the motionless body.

"Forgot my money." I took his wallet and grabbed a handful of twenties, and caught the next bus home.

Don't know what the hell happened to my cousin, though. Eh, she'll turn up eventually.

Syncopathic · October 31, 2007, 06:33:08 PM

Stoned>>>>>>>Drunk

Tupin · October 31, 2007, 06:35:04 PM

Fresh Prince story? >_>

Judas · October 31, 2007, 06:37:28 PM

I did that once, except then I got in a fight, and got punched. Then I spat blood in my girlfriend's face when she broke up with me. IT WAS BADASS.

ME86 · October 31, 2007, 06:43:10 PM

Hm, want to get drunk for real later at my house? 8)

Psycho_Ivan · October 31, 2007, 06:44:22 PM

What?

Triforceman22 · October 31, 2007, 06:44:44 PM

Same thing happened to me, only the jolly green giant drove the bus. 8)

Insane Asylum · October 31, 2007, 06:47:26 PM

Quote from: ME86 on October 31, 2007, 06:43:10 PM
Hm, want to get drunk for real later at my house? 8)

I drink alone. Tough luck.

Termanian_Knight · October 31, 2007, 06:48:13 PM

This could only get cooler if there were two of you. 8)

Jono2 · October 31, 2007, 07:15:39 PM

My evening was worse. I was sitting in an alleyway, trying to sell some of my 30-year old urine when some kid comes along, trying to buy it. He bought it for $20 after haggling a bit, for some reason expecting it to taste good.

He yelled something along the lines of "Ugh, this tastes like poop!" and next thing I knew, I was on fire. The kid then proceeded to mug me and walk away.

Trust me, kid. You have it easy.

Though I did get some fine jailbait out of the deal.

Geno · October 31, 2007, 07:18:29 PM

I got in one little fight and my mom got scared...

Jono2 · October 31, 2007, 07:19:50 PM

Quote from: Geno on October 31, 2007, 07:18:29 PM
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared...

she said SHOOP THA WHOOP and you're goin to bel-air.

Geno · October 31, 2007, 07:22:21 PM

Quote from: Jono2 on October 31, 2007, 07:19:50 PM
Quote from: Geno on October 31, 2007, 07:18:29 PM
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared...

she said SHOOP THA WHOOP and you're goin to bel-air.

I missed you Jono :'(

Jono2 · October 31, 2007, 07:22:46 PM

Quote from: Geno on October 31, 2007, 07:22:21 PM
Quote from: Jono2 on October 31, 2007, 07:19:50 PM
Quote from: Geno on October 31, 2007, 07:18:29 PM
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared...

she said SHOOP THA WHOOP and you're goin to bel-air.
I missed you Jono :'(

two and a half years was a long time, wasn't it? :P

phatyo · October 31, 2007, 08:04:05 PM

So your cousin might be all alone right now and could of gotten kidnaped...