This is Boredfanboy's Bad advice for young people.
The advice in this thread should never be followed by anyone, ever.
Here's how it works: You give me a problem or dilemma, I'll give you advice.
Your problem can be real or imagined. I will answer each and every post, even if posted by TK.
Let us begin.
I like where this thread will be going.
Expect something from me later.
Quote from: BOREDFANBOY on May 28, 2010, 05:55:58 PM
even if posted by TK.
k before I start anywhere else:
Why did you specifically single me out?
[spoiler]I know the actual answer but I just want to see what you say as bad advice[/spoiler]
edit: Oh yeah and why do people believe in religion?
This thread is going to be awesome just like the one before.
What is the best way to manscape?
How should I go about applying for jobs?
[spoiler]
even though I just got one and plan to stick with it
[/spoiler]
how does i get laid¿
I just got a job at a Mexican food restaurant. Lets make this interesting.
How is a good way to get fired from said job?
God I loved the original.
How do I be a good administrator?
If the "original" one is the one on hadaway, I loved it. <3
How can I become President of the US?
Quote from: Murrow on May 29, 2010, 09:26:56 AM
How do I be a good administrator?
I can answer this one without even having to try.
Be more like Rudo, Kenny, Metroid_Fan!, Andrea, Snorkel, Ret, EJ, Ben, and more. Use those as your highest influences. The more people say "You're becoming worse each and every day" Take those words as them not really wanting to tell you that due to your greatness. When anyone tries to bash you remember to point fingers at other staff members. You're only allowed in the CP if you can break something or someone forces you to do something, then talk about how amazing it and difficult it was. Try to get as much money as possible out of it and only lock things out of emotion. Hire people due to being your friends and start drama in a psuedo way daily. Every time you do something like any of those so called "Good" Administrators did good much like Vaatix and Shy you knew before begin to slap yourself with a fish. Make sure the Fish has staples and herpes too to start off with so you can feel the pain. Be as inactive as possible but not enough to have people hate you so when you log in people will just be happy that you're an active staff member. On top of that, ninny at your community daily and make them feel like poop so they'll know that they're idiots from it. Try to force a merge every month or a server move. Split your community as much as possible to have their own cliche's. Make events that sound great but never finish. Betray people (Most notably staff members) because it's dark and edgy and pretend not to give a poop so you can look like you're in the cool crowd. Remember, causing as much staff fights without you involved = Cool. Having no hope or unity in anything you do is also cool, but enough hope to still be on the site in the first place. Be sure to do that in a slow way to the point where nobody will truly know it's you. In the end it's all fun! When your community asks "Where have you been?" Remember to always say "Oh, I was busy having a life unlike you guys" - Just note that in the end it'll make them suck less. Embed Jonas Brothers music on the site and never try at anything you do. Break the server every week. And don't forget to rape cats then come on here only to talk about it.
Finally ignore your community as much as possible. They'll love it.
How do I get Boredfanboy to answer my queries and not TK?
Quote from: Murrow on May 29, 2010, 10:11:29 AM
How do I get Boredfanboy to answer my queries and not TK?
There's only one way to. Once you start with him you never finish. He's intercourse ing EVERYWHERE. You CAN'T RUN. HE CAN'T EVEN RUN FROM HIMSELF.
/me stabs himself in the heart with a dagger
It was the only way. Nothing of value is lost.
Quote from: BOREDFANBOY on May 28, 2010, 05:55:58 PM
This is Biredfanboy's Bad advice for young people.
Why did you spell your name wrong? .-.
Quote from: Franz Ferdinand on May 28, 2010, 07:12:58 PM
k before I start anywhere else:
Why did you specifically single me out?
Hints: You can't take them.
Quote
edit: Oh yeah and why do people believe in religion?
This thread is going to be awesome just like the one before.
Religion: Reason 1# Oogba is better hunter.
OOgba and some Steve were hunters. OOgba was a man, and he intercourse ing rocked and hunting. He'd kill a wooly mammoth just for poops and giggles. Steve sucked at it, but was too much of a ninny to admit it, and assumed OOgba had some kind of special powers. He watched him one day, and OOgba rubbed some mammoth poop on his face. Steve assumed they were markings to honor some unknown being, so he went out and rubbed some poop on his face too. OOgba did it so that he's blend into the woods. Steve's eyes fell out due to the poop he rubbed in them being all over zealous. So Steve decided that some god had done this to him, and told other stupid people that god had made him special. They believed him, and started worshiping "Mammoth Shit God." They all died because they rubbed poop in their eyes and were eaten by tigers.
Religion: Reason 2 # Bruce get's laid.
So all the villagers were watching Bruce. He was getting all kinds of tail. Every chick in the camp was dropping her tiger skin for him. All the little village guys who couldn't get laid saw this, and couldn't figure it out. So they assumed Bruce had some special powers, and started bowing down to him. Bruce didn't know what the intercourse they were doing, but they were seriously getting all up in his poop while he was hunting and intercourse ing. So finally he was like "Go get me some beer," just so they'd go away for a little while, and beer was really hard to come buy in 70,000 BC. But they took it as a god demanding sacrifice, and I'll be darned if they didn't find him some primative beer. When they gave him the beer, he took pity on them, and told one of the uglier ninnyes to go give the virgins a piece. She did, and they continued to bring Bruce beer, even though he just started ignoring them instead.
There are other reasons, but those are two big ones.
Quote from: Reel Big Fish on May 28, 2010, 09:08:47 PM
What is the best way to manscape?
What the intercourse ? I googled "manscape," and found a link on lonelyvirgin.net explaining what the hell you were talking about. Apparently, some guys think that they need to keep their pubes trimmed because women will find it more attractive. This makes no sense. If you've gotten a chick far enough that she's taken a look at the joystick, do you honestly think she's gonna give a intercourse how long your intercourse ing pubes are? The only reason I could imagine you would do this is that you want to make something like an arrow, showing a girl exactly where the party is. In that case, by a beard trimmer and good razor specifically for that purpose.
Quote from: Suffocate For Fuck Sake on May 28, 2010, 10:54:38 PM
How should I go about applying for jobs?
You look around and find the place that you;ld like to work. Go in their and find out who the top man is. Come back later with a bottle of good scotch and a whore. Walk into the office, set the whore in his lap, and pour two glasses of scotch. Ask him when you start. If the guy says that he doesn't like scotch or prefers wine, get up and walk out. You don't want to work for a ninny.
However, if by some weird twist of fate a woman manages to be in charge, forget the scotch and whore. Go in, and lay it out on the desk. She'll be taken aback, but hold eye-contact. If she reaches for it, smack her hand back. Then say "You wanna be close to this all the time?"
HIRED
And wear something decent. A polo or suit. Don't wander in wearing shorts and a shirt with an eightball on it.
I'll answer more later.
Quote from: BOREDFANBOY on May 29, 2010, 05:45:14 PM
Don't wander in wearing shorts and a shirt with an eightball on it.
Oh, right. Forgot about that.
<_<
Quote from: BOREDFANBOY on May 29, 2010, 05:45:14 PM
The only reason I could imagine you would do this is that you want to make something like an arrow, showing a girl exactly where the party is. In that case, by a beard trimmer and good razor specifically for that purpose.
The answer I was looking for.
How do I stop failing at life?
QuoteYou look around and find the place that you;ld like to work. Go in their and find out who the top man is. Come back later with a bottle of good scotch and a whore. Walk into the office, set the whore in his lap, and pour two glasses of scotch. Ask him when you start. If the guy says that he doesn't like scotch or prefers wine, get up and walk out. You don't want to work for a ninny.
^^^^^
This actually works on my manager.
Here is my question: How do you find out if a girl character on World Of Warcraft is actually a women in real life?
Quote from: JrDude ჱܓ on May 28, 2010, 11:13:30 PM
how does i get laid¿
Find the girl you want to jackhammer. Walk up to her, and tell her "yes." When she looks at you with confusion, tell her your friend said a really pretty girl wanted to spend some time with you, and you assumed it was her.
OR
Alpha Male
Find the girl, stand directly in front of her, and stare her straight in the eyes. Keep staring, even if she tries to ask you what your doing. If she tries to move away, pull her back into the original position and reiterate your stare. Eventually, depending on the strength of your stare, her focus should drop to the floor and her head should droop. Place a firm hand on the back of her neck, and guide her where you want her to go.
OR, a couple of ideas from the original
A) Hit & Hug:
Find that girl you really like, and wait until she is alone (away from friends, family, and witnesses). Then run up to her with purpose. As soon as she turns to face her, give her a big, open hand smack across the face. Make it hard, you need the sound to shock her and the force to knock her down. When she looks up at you, crying, pick her up and hug her. She'll struggle in anger at first, but then she'll relax and let herself go into full embrace. Pat yourself on the back for a successful catch.
B) Sympathy for the Devil
FInd that girl you like and establish a line of communication. After you've spoken once or twice, tell her you have cancer and are getting Chemo. Then shave your head. Important Tidbit: Tell everyone else your just doing it for kicks or for a style change. Then tell the lady you haven't got much time left, but that you have admired her from afar and you would give anything to be with her. When the lucky day hits, take pictures/ video of whatever happens. This was you can reveal the plan, blackmail her into keeping the situation a secret, and you can move on to the next girl.
Quote from: Magnum on May 29, 2010, 12:14:36 AM
I just got a job at a Mexican food restaurant. Lets make this interesting.
How is a good way to get fired from said job?
Call the INS. The owner won't be happy, and will fire you for costing him half his crew, or if everyone is legal there, half a day's work.
OR
Most mexican restaurants have a nice shelf of liquor. If you want to get fired, this should become yours. Find a way to get scheduled to close. Invite all your friends, and tell them to invite their friends too. Put a sign on the door denoting that it's "Fiesta Time Employee Party," that way if the cops come to see what's happening they'll assume it's legit.
OR
I can't take credit for this, because it actually took place at a Taco Bell. Eat all mexican food for a few days and drink no water, only highly caffeinated drinks. This should give you the poops. Deposit your load into the taco meat. Serve promptly.
Quote from: Murrow on May 29, 2010, 09:26:56 AM
God I loved the original.
How do I be a good administrator?
Good for whom? No one with any power who wants to gain more should care about the people the have power over. That's a good way to lose it. A successful administrator amasses more power.
How do you do this without driving everyone off?
Lemme tell you a story. These scientists were doing an experiment with ferrets. They put all these ferrets in a pool with high walls so that they could not escape. They put in the first batch of ferrets, and time how long they would swim before drowning. That was the control. They then grabbed a new batch of ferrets, and tossed them in the pool. A few minutes before the drowning mark of the control group, the scientists stuck some poles in to give the ferrets a quick break. Then they shook the ferrets loose and made them swim again. The group of ferrets swam for twice as long before giving up and drowning.
This is how power works. You give a little, just so people don't give up, and they go twice as long.
And you also want to consider a dummy account set up as a moderator. Use this account for harsh punishments like banning anyone who questions you. Once in a while, take your admin account and reverse one of the bans. Give them a stick, and watch them swim, thinking you're benevolent and will give them the stick again.
Quote from: The Beatles on May 29, 2010, 09:32:12 AM
If the "original" one is the one on hadaway, I loved it. <3
How can I become President of the US?
I'd give you the hook up, but I already promised someone else. Here's a checklist:
Have you been to an ivy league school?
Are you a part of the skull and bones, masons, shriners, illuminati, jets, sharks, or Hubrariand?
Are you a lawyer or a major player in big oil, tobacco, infrasctructure, defense, or pharmacuticals?
If so, then you need to start calling in favors. Then you need to start your career in either congress or as a Governor.
Then you need to start lying your ass off. Start promising things you know people want but will never get. Just do not, under any circumstances, talk about social security.
Then find your hook. Clinton was a smooth criminal. George W. Bush was a lovable idiot (the first time) and a cowboy (the seond time). Barack Obama was a young Morgan Freeman. You just gotta find your hook.
More later.
Quote from: Murrow on May 29, 2010, 10:11:29 AM
How do I get Boredfanboy to answer my queries and not TK?
If I knew how to get TK to shut the intercourse up, we'd all be happy.
Quote from: Zorua on May 29, 2010, 11:39:30 AM
Why did you spell your name wrong? .-.
Listen: It's possible I was drunk. It's possible I was tired from showing some chick the hour of power. It's possible you should be asking things like "How do I make friends in real life," or "How can I get girls to talk to me," or "How can I find some purpose to my life instead of smugly questioning typos on an internet forum?"
Quote from: SkyMyl on May 29, 2010, 06:58:09 PM
How do I stop failing at life?
See? This guy is at least trying to get out of the basement. It's ok, K. Your mom will always be your Valentine.
Anyway, back to Sky. Nobody just fails at life, no matter how many hours they've put into "catching 'em all." What you've gotta do is find one thing you fail at, and try to change that first. They say the only way to improvement is elbow grease. Well, I know of a better lubricant: Alcohol. You take yourself a nice big gulp of grain alcohol, 195 proof, and your outlook is gonna change. That is, if you're still conscious afterward. Now, find yourself a goal. Say "I won't look at another drawing or movie of two girls kissing until I can kiss at least one." Then, magic syrum in hand, go find yourself a college party. You're young, so somebodies got to think that's cute. If not, share your grain alcohol until they do. Toss a Jolly Rancher in there or go half and half with some Boone's Farm and you've got yourself a good drink for college girls. If you can find one who'll drink it straight and doesn't have a face like a schoolbus, then you've won the game. Get a tattoo of a skull spewing smoke out it's eyes that spells her name and enjoy the ride.
Or, if you can't stomach liquid gold, start taking martial arts lessons. When you've got a belt of somekind, like red, go out and start beating up hobos. Fight no one else, only hobos. Then you can proclaim yourself undefeated. And maybe they'll make you their king. Who cares? You'll feel like a bad-ass. For added fun, get drunk and beat them up. Make up a backstory, like you finally found the man who killed your first love or something like that. Then question whether or not your victory was hollow, and ponder the weight of vengence.
Quote from: Tahrann on May 30, 2010, 01:15:06 AM
Here is my question: How do you find out if a girl character on World Of Warcraft is actually a women in real life?
Why? Here's you answer: No. Even if she is, she's probably ugly. If she's not ugly, then she's too busy playing WoW to want to blow you. Why would you want to be with someone who plays videogames anyway? How are you gonna get her to do the dishes if she goes right to the PC after sex? Let me paint you a picture: YOU NOW HAVE TO SHARE NOT ONLY EVERYTHING ELSE IN YOUR LIFE, NOW YOU HAVE TO SHARE YOUR HOBBY. THAT SOUNDS FUN, RIGHT? RIGHT?! Do yourself a favor: Find a flesh and blood girl to stick it in who has not interest in gaming. When you've done the deed, tell that ninny to hit the bricks and go back to playing video games. This is a solid plan. Get drunk afterward, and find yourself a new piece.
I actually know some hot girls that played WoW and got pretty fugly after a few months of playing it.
BFB, how does one go about curing cancer?
How does one be as articulate as the great 43rd President of the United States?
This is humorous.
How do I kill people and get away with it?
How can I get good at sports?
Why is your advice so good?
Why do you kick ass, Bored?
Quote from: BOREDFANBOY on June 02, 2010, 06:20:23 PM
Listen: It's possible I was drunk. It's possible I was tired from showing some chick the hour of power. It's possible you should be asking things like "How do I make friends in real life," or "How can I get girls to talk to me," or "How can I find some purpose to my life instead of smugly questioning typos on an internet forum?"
See? This guy is at least trying to get out of the basement. It's ok, K. Your mom will always be your Valentine.
I can see what you meant by "bad advice." That was the most horrible piece of poop suggestion I've ever seen. *time for new serious question*
Was that intentional?
If I'm trying to prove my insanity online, how should I go about it?
Quote from: Zero on June 02, 2010, 06:47:55 PM
I actually know some hot girls that played WoW and got pretty fugly after a few months of playing it.
BFB, how does one go about curing cancer?
Sex. It's true. You don't see a lot of whores with cancer, do you? And there have only been a few documented cases of porn stars getting cancer, but we can also assume that's because they were faking it too much (The sex, not the cancer.)
And what If you're wrong, Boredfanboy? What If I have tons of sex and still get cancer? You still had a lot of sex. Kick back, put on Billy Joel's "Only the Good Die Young," and have yourself a chemo party. Or, if you find out that it's terminal, do whatever the intercourse you want. Try heroin. Smoke ten packs of smokes a day. Drink like a sailor.
Quote from: Murrow on June 02, 2010, 07:54:43 PM
How does one be as articulate as the great 43rd President of the United States?
Well, the main problem is that you're Canadian. You're gonna have to move to Texas and immerse yourself in their diverse and lilting tones. Second, you're ganna have to change your outlook on language. Something tells me that you've studied English for some amount of time. This was stupid. You need to make English your ninny. Don't search for the right word to convey your meaning. Don't try to figure out what prefix or suffix you should apply. You don't cowtow to English anymore. It cowtows to you. You just find a word that's close enough to what you want to say and you shove it in their. Add whatever suffix or prefix you want.
Finally, after you have taught English who's boss, you need to think about your audience. Your the one speaking. Your the one in power. It doesn't matter if what you say makes since or not, they should be able to read your meaning and automatically agree with you. That's prefunctoris.
Quote from: JrDude φ on June 02, 2010, 10:06:15 PM
This is humorous.
How do I kill people and get away with it?
Money. If you've got it, they won't get you. If they do, give 'em some money and they should leave you alone.
Aside from that, I can't tell you my secrets. The man will see it and be all up on me and I'll have to invent new methods. And I want to get drunk instead.
I will give you some hints, though.
The less Blood, the better.
The problem with Serial Killers is that they want to make a big bloody mess and jack-off into it or put kirror shards in peoples eyes and crap like that. It's inconvienient and messy. Blunt objects with padding so they don't break the skin but still deliver the blow. Thick cords for strangulation. You get the idea.
Location, Location, Location
Don't do it at your house. All the evidence is right there. Try to do it on a boat.
Quote from: Tahrann on June 02, 2010, 10:08:22 PM
How can I get good at sports?
You can't. I'm sorry. If you're asking this question now, it's already to late. You might as well buy that Darth Vader Cosplay outfit you've been buying.
If you really must improv yourself, though, the only clear answer is a mix of steriods and meth. The steriods will help you bulk up, and the meth will give you near boundless energy and focus. At night, though, you're gonna have to drink about a fifth of whiskey as a downer. That is, if you're some vagina-y who needs to sleep. Tiger Woods doesn't sleep. He plays golf and intercourse s. Then he makes Nike commercials. Or, at least he did.
I would also point out that "good" is a relative term. You wanna be good? Box fifth graders. Challenge toddlers to races. Offer you peers a drink before stepping out onto the court with them. Taint the drinks with lard and nyquil. You'll be the best without all that running and training yourself. Or just cheat in the game itself. I could beat Yao Ming in a game of basketball. I'd smash that motherintercourse er's left foot at the top of the game, and dance around him for the rest.
WINNER
How should I get you to respond to one of my questions?
Quote from: Thirdkoopa on June 03, 2010, 06:35:26 AM
Why is your advice so good?
It's fueled by liquor and awesome.
Quote from: SkyMyl on June 03, 2010, 08:06:49 AM
Why do you kick ass, Bored?
I'm fueled by liquor and awesome.
Quote from: Zorua on June 03, 2010, 12:31:23 PM
I can see what you meant by "bad advice." That was the most horrible piece of poop suggestion I've ever seen. *time for new serious question*
Was that intentional?
You need a good dose of liquor and awesome. Also to go to a thread that's easier to understand. I found one for you, but at another forum:
TWEEN FORUM JOKE THREAD (http://www.betweentalk.com/jokes/9137-sun-joke.html)
Have fun.
Quote from: Night the Lucario on June 03, 2010, 02:47:09 PM
If I'm trying to prove my insanity online, how should I go about it?
Quote from: Night the Lucario on June 03, 2010, 03:25:45 PM
How should I get you to respond to one of my questions?
I answer questions in order of receipt, and I answer all questions. Except for this one, which I'm answering out of order.
Now, to your question-
People think insanity online is about being random. They think "Oh, I'll post something about eating purple and flying on waffles that makes no sense, and people will crack up and think I'm crazy." Please, for intercourse s sake, stop it. And if one of you dumb motherintercourse ers calls this absurdism one more time I'm gonna shove a Beckett play so far down your throat you'll poop French translated into English for the rest of your life.
Anywho, internet insanity is tough, because it's easy to fake things. What you've got to do is 1)Establish yourself on the forum with a vidoe where you directly adress members. Then, find a local newstation were they don't use a tape delay. If you can, find one with a male anchor and a female anchor. Set a VCR or DVR to record the news. Break into the studio during the newscast, and run up between the anchors. Take your javelin and shotputs out and set them on the MALE anchors shoulder. Ask him "I just polished these up, do you think she'll like them?" and gesture to the female anchor.
If your not looking to do time for sexual assault, your just not crazy enough. If you can't find a tv station without time delay, consider doing this. Find the name and adress of some people on the forum. Go to their homes around the time they usually post. Take a device with you that you can post on the forum with. Post something, and wait for their response. When they do, write a response on a small sheet of paper. Wrap the paper around a rock and throw it through their window. Run like hell.
Should I drop out of school?
Quote from: BOREDFANBOY on June 03, 2010, 07:27:21 PM
Find the name and adress of some people on the forum. Go to their homes around the time they usually post. Take a device with you that you can post on the forum with. Post something, and wait for their response. When they do, write a response on a small sheet of paper. Wrap the paper around a rock and throw it through their window. Run like hell.
HMMM I WONDER WHO I LIVE CLOSE ENOUGH TO DO THIS TO
GEE, I DUNNO
Quote from: BOREDFANBOY on June 03, 2010, 07:27:21 PM
You need a good dose of liquor and awesome. Also to go to a thread that's easier to understand. I found one for you, but at another forum:
TWEEN FORUM JOKE THREAD (http://www.betweentalk.com/jokes/9137-sun-joke.html)
Have fun.
That is seriously, the worst intercourse ing forum I've ever seen.
Question. How did you find this poop? D:
Ok. Serious question. I hit a guy with my car. He died. I put him in my trunk and I don't know what to do with him.
WHAT DO I DO?!
What starter pokemon should I pick in Pokemon Yellow?
Quote from: Barbaloot on June 03, 2010, 07:39:07 PM
Should I drop out of school?
Fuck no. Highschool is the best place to get hunting practice. And besides, you have to finish highschool to get to college. College is where the vagina-y springs like wildflowers. The girls are there to give it up to other students. Why would you want to miss out on that? And don't think that you can just go to college parties as a highschool dropout. That guy gets none. There's an aura that surronds him like Pigpen from penuts that girls won't even go near.
UNLESS you are a drug dealer or in a successful band. Both of these vocations will gain you as much access to female flesh as college.
Quote from: Zorua on June 04, 2010, 12:45:39 PM
That is seriously, the worst intercourse ing forum I've ever seen.
Question. How did you find this poop? D:
Well, first I went to my local library. I didn't want to start on the computer: too obvious. I went to the reference section and found an oddly placed cookbook. I opened it, and a small peice of paper fell out. It had a series of numbers and the phrase "Jack knew not what the men would do." The phrase is from a rare book self-published by a man called Juice. Juice was dead, and only a handful of copies of his book, "The Juice is Loose" exist. I went down to the city bottoms, to an old repair shop. I went to the back door and knocked three times. A cross eyed man let me in. I asked him which I was the good eye. He told me the one that comes after a toast. I went down a dark hall to the last door. Inside was a man behind a desk with one short leg being shimmed up with the copy of the book I was looking for. I told him I needed the book. He refused. I choked him to death. I opened the book and looked for the third word on each page denoted in the numerical sequence on the piece of paper. The words made no sense. I thought I had hit a dead end until I noticed an appendix. The numbers corresponded to an entry denoting a small village in South Africa. I got on a plane. The dame next to me had legs so long I could write a novel up her shins. She declined my offer to do so. I got off and took a rickety cab to the village. The driver dropped me off two miles out, and I had to walk the rest of the way in. I found the biggest abode in the village and showed the man inside the peice of paper. He took a long swig out of an old bottle. I waited. He fell foward onto the desk. Poison, suicide where the truth dies with the vessel. Two men with automatics came in the door behind me. The told me that no one ever finished the journey I was on. I told them to honor me with a drink before filling me full of holes. They obliged, and I served them straight from the bottle. I took one of their guns as they fell to the floor, and squezzed off a few rounds. I then began going through the house, looking for a clue. I bent over to look in a drawer. When I tried to rise, I cold feel cold steel pressing into the back of my neck. The driver hadn't fallen for my ruse. He turned me around and punched me in the mouth. I fell. He rested the muzzle of the gun on the bridge of my nose and asked me what I wanted to do before I died. I said that there was nothing I was going to do from my current position. He laughed. Then I -
OH WAIT. I JUST WENT ONTO GOOGLE, TYPED KIDS FORUM, AND CLICKED ON ONE OF THE FIRST I SAW.
Quote from: Riddler on June 04, 2010, 01:27:59 PM
Ok. Serious question. I hit a guy with my car. He died. I put him in my trunk and I don't know what to do with him.
WHAT DO I DO?!
Fuck. This is a couple of days old now. God knows that car is gotta be intercourse ing stinking by now. Listen, you gotta put that poop in a river. Or, take advantage of the situation. Pick someone you hate. Drive the car to thier house and park it on the street or around back. Call the cops and report it missing. When they ask you for details, say you haven't seen it in a few days, but you did see some person taking a long hard look at it and bragging about their most recent score. Make sure you give the date it went missing as a day before you hit the guy. They'll get charged with the theft and the murder.
Quote from: Tito on June 04, 2010, 05:24:28 PM
What starter pokemon should I pick in Pokemon Yellow?
I don't know. I did some research (drink heavily) and this is all I came up with:
(http://unrealitymag.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/pika9.jpg)
What the intercourse is she doing? This is the best pic I've seen all day. She looks like some emo kid who got the shaft at the costume shop and decided it was the best intercourse ing thing she's ever seen. Look, I found even more depressing ones:
(http://unrealitymag.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/pika15.jpg)
How do you increase the lonely desparation that goes along with pokemon cosplay? Make it fit in with the intercourse ing Ren Fest. Maybe Sir Eatsalot with come save the maiden Pikachu. Also, what the intercourse is up with her giant face?
(http://unrealitymag.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/pika5.jpg)
Oh poop! Rain from the art club decided to to a performance peice on her love of Pokemon! She's going to do an interpretive dance to the Pokemon Yellow theme music! Good news, boys, she's not taken,. and she claims she might be bi! All you gotta do to get a peice is listen to her talk about her Nuzlock run for five hours while she holds that chubby doll in front of her. I think the leg warmers are a nice touch. It's like a subtle reminder that she's intercourse ing stupid.
I'm bored nigh unto death, BFB, what should I do?
What should I do now that Summer vacation is here and I'm out of school?
How I become friends with high school girls? (not serious)
How do I kill someone's love interest without them knowing it's me?
If I catch a female masturbating, what do I do?
Where's the exit?
Quote from: Tito on June 07, 2010, 03:04:15 PM
If I catch a female masturbating, what do I do?
Isn't the answer to this question incredibly obvious?
Quote from: Night the Lucario on June 07, 2010, 03:15:37 AM
I'm bored nigh unto death, BFB, what should I do?
Drink. I mean, come on. No one is bored while drinking. And if they are, it's only for a second. Then the decide to build a rocket out of beer cans and lighter fluid.
Quote from: Java on June 07, 2010, 08:12:28 AM
What should I do now that Summer vacation is here and I'm out of school?
You need to make money and get laid. Getting girls away from the school atmosphere often gets them to lower their standards. During the school year, you gotta take a ninny to the dance and buy her dinner at a nice restaurant and a corsage. In the summer time, a bomb pop and a DVD will get you the same amount of credit. So go out there and pick them off while their away from the herd.
Quote from: Jason Rose on June 07, 2010, 08:28:56 AM
How I become friends with high school girls? (not serious)
I'm assuming you're not in Highschool. Well, you need to get a job that involves high school girls, like a theme park. Find out where most of them go to work for the summer. The mall is a good choice, too. Or the movie theater. Whatever they flock to. Location, location, location.
Quote from: SkyMyl on June 07, 2010, 09:19:11 AM
How do I kill someone's love interest without them knowing it's me?
Make sure they're not around when you kill the dude. I mean, what the intercourse ? You really don't want anyone to find out if you're going to kill someone. This is all going to get confusing if I don't use names of some kind, so will call the girl "Bitch" and the dude "Cocktard." Send a secret love note to Cocktard and pretend it's from Bitch. If he's not into Bitch, use some other girl he is into. In the note, set up a secret meeting. Swear him to secrecy. Have the meeting somewhere dark and isolated. When he shows up, hit him with a brick from behind. Plant some meth on his body to make it look like a deal gone bad. Be sure he doesn't have that secret love note on his person. Then you're home free.
Quote from: Tito on June 07, 2010, 03:04:15 PM
If I catch a female masturbating, what do I do?
Jesus, what don't you do? Pretty much the only thing you shouldn't do is walk away. Here's a list of acceptable actions:
1) Offer to finish the job.
2)Offer to lend a hand
3) Offer to lend a cock.
4) Applaud
5) Take pictures
6) Make a video
7) Quietly Observe
8) Tell her you have to paint her
9) Tell her you have to paint her . . . with your cock.
10) Scream "YES"
11) Sing Frankie Goes to Hollywood's "Relax"
12) Toss her a banana
13) Toss her a dildo
14) Tell her you have just the tool she needs to finish the job.
15) Pull yours out, start going at it, and then ask her why you don't try teamwork.
16) Offer vaginaalingus
17) Ask her to marry you
18) Say "Me next!"
19) Narrate the scene
20) Pretend she's not there, go into the room, and read a book.
21) Tell her you're in a position to help her out, and that you have a position to help her out.
22) Leap.
23) Profess your love.
24) Tell her it's hard to stand by and watch. Then show her it's hard.
25) Smile.
26) Compose a sonnet.
27) Act confused to watch she's doing. Ask her to explain it. Take notes. Ask to try.
28) Smack her around a little.
29) Set a good tempo for her.
30) Blackmail her
31) Pretend you think you're having a dream. Jump her.
32) Offer to assist in the cleanup. Tell her you're all out of towels, but you do have a tongue.
Pretty much anything besides leaving. Unless she's fat and ugly. Then you just tell her to have fun, 'cause that's as good as it's ever gonna get for her.
That's why I love this thread.
Should I play video games or go to my graduation? lol
How can I make myself cum without anyone or anything touching me?
When is a good night to have a curse?
Why is it dangerous to go alone?
Quote from: Zero on June 07, 2010, 10:37:14 PM
Should I play video games or go to my graduation? lol
lolidkjklawlhurdur
Honestly, I don't give a poop. The only reason to go to graduation is to find out where the party will be afterward. If you already know, then intercourse it, stay home.
HOWEVER, graduation is marked as an "emotional event." When one of these events occur, females' emotions run at a higher level than usual. This often makes them more vulnerable to attack. For graduations, you want to consider the "loss" factor. They may feel as if they are coming to the end of an era, and some great part of their life will be lost. Their looking for something to hold onto, or to savor a lasting memory. Give them a lasting memory in the parkinglot. In the time before graduation, begin listening to the girls around you. I know, it will be tough. Steel yourself. You need to find a good mark, a girl who is exhibiting signs that she may be experiencing some emotional turmoil.
That said, an Alpha Male will not need to take this approach. Alpha's will get drunk during graduation, then show up to the party later and take advantage of the emotional event without actually having to attend it. This is the trait of an alpha, just like skipping a wedding and going to the reception instead in order to score there.
Quote from: JrDude φ on June 07, 2010, 11:04:50 PM
How can I make myself cum without anyone or anything touching me?
Damn, you are one lonely, desperate person. If you don't drink, I would suggest you start. I mean, why would I want to cum without anyone touching me? That's my prefered method. In fact, I enjoy more than one ninny touching me. The more the merrier.
But, if you insist on trying, I would try meditation first. Surely some other loser out there has mapped out a way and shared it with the world. I would research it for you, but if I'm going to look up porn, I prefer to see chicks, not some guy sitting in the lotus position humming till he jizzes.
Quote from: BOREDFANBOY on June 08, 2010, 03:50:06 PM
Damn, you are one lonely, desperate person.
Whether that is true or not (I like to think it's not), it is not the reason I asked it.
How do I write a book that is longer than Atlas Shrugged that will actually get published.
How do I punch boulders without breaking any of my bones?
How do I be popular and liked by everybody?
how do i become more of a depressed little vagina-y?
Quote from: Tito on June 08, 2010, 03:26:37 PM
When is a good night to have a curse?
When hanging out with busty goth chicks or one of the three attractive girls that watch "Twilight."
Quote from: Spud on June 08, 2010, 03:33:41 PM
Why is it dangerous to go alone?
Going alone is okay once in a while, but you don't want to become some fat, locked up loser who subsides off of cheetos and internet porn. We all need to go alone sometimes, when we're too drunk to go out and get a date and/ or a hooker.
Of course, sometimes you're going to go alone even with a partner there. This is perfectly acceptable. There is an old addage that goes a little like this: Why do women fake orgasms? Because they think we care.
Go alone too much though, and your lady friend will get fed up with you. This just keeps you from having to kick the ninny out when she gets too attached.
Anyway: Going alone- okay sometimes, but not when you are sober enough to go out and get some real action. That's when it becomes dangerous.
Quote from: JrDude φ on June 09, 2010, 02:31:44 PM
Whether that is true or not (I like to think it's not), it is not the reason I asked it.
Oh, sure. You were asking for a friend of yours, right? Oh, no, I get it. You're being ambiguos to try to lure me into conversation, asking you what the reasons is so that you can play coy and get some attention. Well, I have something that really helps in situations like this: I don't really give a intercourse .
Quote from: Tito on June 10, 2010, 05:37:57 PM
How do I write a book that is longer than Atlas Shrugged that will actually get published.
Go ahead and write you're super long book, and then every five pages insert some really graphic pornography.
Or, copy Ayn Rand. Write a book that champions reasons but follows none, champions logic while wholly abandoning it for some sort of masturbatory self-indulgence for people to feel like they're worth more than they really are and society would collapse without them. After you've constructed your convoluted crap into some semblance of a plot, ju have one of the characters spend seventy intercourse ing pages re-iterating everything you've not so subtly shoe-horned into the storyline. God Damn, that's a terrible intercourse ing book. Lemme tell you something: 90% of the people that champion that book wouldn't get to go to the paradise with John Galt. They'd be stuck with everybody else. And Ayn Rand certainly wouldn't get to go. She's a bad writer, not a leader of industry. You know who is championing Atlus Shrugged right now? Huh?
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/4/43/TDTP08.JPG/800px-TDTP08.JPG)
That's right. The intercourse ing Tea Party. The same people that see Sarah Palin as some sort of savior. The same people that think George W. Bush was a genius. The same people that embarrassed John McCain at a rally by calling Obama a terrorist because he has a funny name and aint white.
Quote from: SkyMyl on June 10, 2010, 05:43:09 PM
How do I punch boulders without breaking any of my bones?
Punch talc boulders, and punch softly.
Alternatively, your going to need an exoskeleton. I would suggest re-enforcing bones directly, but few people can withstand that kind of pain.
You need the exoskeleton to stretch from knuckles to shoulder blade to absorb the shock of the blows. Run tension shocks across the back of your arm; you want to direct the energy all the way back and NOT toward your chest unless your going to build both arms tied into a chestpiece with shocks in between the pecs.
Quote from: Barbaloot on June 10, 2010, 06:07:04 PM
How do I be popular and liked by everybody?
Money and Liquor.
Should I break up with my girlfriend?
Should I break up with Totla's girlfriend?
Should I break up with Totla's girlfriend?
yes. lately at school in class, a certain teacher has been making gestures toward me that are quite suggestive. this includes passing me notes, bending over inn front of me, and what not. I don't know what to do cause i told my friends but they don't believe me. There's a twist. The teacher is a dude, and i'm also a dude, and i don't roll that way. What should I do?
Quote from: الذئب لص on June 11, 2010, 07:57:33 PM
Should I break up with Totla's girlfriend?
Can I join? Lol jk, but seriously can I?
Quote from: BOREDFANBOY on June 11, 2010, 05:49:01 PM
Oh, sure. You were asking for a friend of yours, right? Oh, no, I get it. You're being ambiguos to try to lure me into conversation, asking you what the reasons is so that you can play coy and get some attention. Well, I have something that really helps in situations like this: I don't really give a intercourse .
Sure, I asked for a friend. And I just wanted to see a funny response to a dumb question. I don't care about attention, though since you probably won't believe that, I'll leave it at that.
Should I break up with KJ, Totla, and Totla's girlfriend and get Reli to stop asking to join in?
Quote from: Thirdkoopa on June 12, 2010, 12:48:45 AM
Should I break up with KJ, Totla, and Totla's girlfriend and get Reli to stop asking to join in?
But TK, you don't want that.
Should I break up with KJ, Totla, his girlfriend, TK, and force Reli to stop trying to join in?
How do I stop the clouds from raining over my town?
Quote from: Zorua on June 12, 2010, 07:19:14 AM
Should I break up with KJ, Totla, his girlfriend, TK, and force Reli to stop trying to join in?
What's with everyone trying to cockblock me? =(
Quote from: Relichris on June 12, 2010, 10:27:29 AM
What's with everyone trying to cockblock me? =(
There's too many guys in it as is.
And you'd downgrade the quality of it to zero.
I'm staying with my girlfriend. KJ can also stay with my girlfriend making the best kind of three-way. Everyone else get the intercourse out.
Quote from: Thirdkoopa on June 12, 2010, 10:34:05 AM
There's too many guys in it as is.
And you'd downgrade the quality of it to zero.
RAGE! You make everything the quality of zero. >:U
Quote from: Totla on June 12, 2010, 11:04:24 AM
I'm staying with my girlfriend. KJ can also stay with my girlfriend making the best kind of three-way. Everyone else get the intercourse out.
:(
Quote from: THEBIRD on June 11, 2010, 12:09:07 PM
how do i become more of a depressed little vagina-y?
This is a tough one. I can only assume you have some plan in mind, like getting some kind of emo chick. Well, let me see if I can do some research somewhere were depressed pussies hang out. Oh, look at that. We're already here. Here's a list of things to do:
1) Start reading manga. Imagine you are a part of the story.
2) Torrent Anime no one else has ever heard of. The story line should be about something like unresolved incestioul love, or a boy inhabited by a spirit.
3) Tell people you don't need alcohol to have fun, so you'll never drink.
4) Write really specific fan fiction. Try something like a story about Frodo's father in The Lord of the Rings, or feed it back into anime and manga.
5) Compose music using household items. It should have no real rythym or tempo. You should sinc it up to 80s workout tapes and post the result on youtube.
6) Convince yourself you're asexual, as in not interested in in either sex.
7) Post poems on online forums. Get pissy when people don't comment. If the do comment, argue with whatever they say. No one will ever get what you put into your work.
Now, I'm going to write some things in a spoiler box to depress you. For those reading along, you may not want to open this if you have hope.
[spoiler]
1) No one will love you as much as your mother did. Others will just put up with you.
2) You will never know what real love feels like. You are incapable.
3) You will never be attractive enough for love at first sight.
4) That college degree you were thinking about will do you absolutely no good. The market is saturated with graduates. However, you will spend the rest of your life paying off the loans.
5) Your dick is small. Anyone who has seen it has a nickname for you. "Lil Smokie."
6) Whenever you leave a room, people breath a sigh of relief. They do the same thing in internet chat.
7) Anytime anyone has ever given you a compliment, they were being sarcastic.
8) No dating service would ever accept you.
9) People don't think you're funny. They just laugh so you'll shut up.
10) People don't think you're smart. They just agree so you'll shut up.
11) If by some miracle you actually find some woman to sleep with you and bear a child for you, that child will love you unconditionally. That is, until it's in its early teens. It will then realise that you are a sham, nothing more than a worthless lie with skin, and hate you for it.
12) You will never accomplish anything of note. You will die alone in a rented apartment.
[/spoiler]
Quote from: Totla on June 11, 2010, 06:55:15 PM
Should I break up with my girlfriend?
Quote from: Barbaloot on June 11, 2010, 07:18:48 PM
Should I break up with Totla's girlfriend?
Quote from: الذئب لص on June 11, 2010, 07:57:33 PM
Should I break up with Totla's girlfriend?
Quote from: Thirdkoopa on June 12, 2010, 12:48:45 AM
Should I break up with KJ, Totla, and Totla's girlfriend and get Reli to stop asking to join in?
Listen, Totla. Your girlfriends a whore. However, if she puts out, there is a solid plan out there for you. If she got with KJ, she's obviously into girls two. You get her to bring a girl along. Grab a condom. When things are going hot and heavy, pop the rubber off and start hitting it raw. Bust one off in her and hit the bricks. Forget her number. Even if she does track you down, she's gonna have a hard time pinning it on you after being with so many others. I would blame it on TK.
Quote from: Nik on June 11, 2010, 08:14:14 PM
yes. lately at school in class, a certain teacher has been making gestures toward me that are quite suggestive. this includes passing me notes, bending over inn front of me, and what not. I don't know what to do cause i told my friends but they don't believe me. There's a twist. The teacher is a dude, and i'm also a dude, and i don't roll that way. What should I do?
Oh, boo hoo. You're never gonna make it in this world if a little swordplay turns your stomach. Here's what you need to do. Start to play the fopp. Blush. Act like you're unsure, struggling with your roiling emotions. Giggle. Get him to buy you alcohol. Sit in his lap. And then, just when he thinks he's about to hit the jackpot, you blackmail the living poop out of him. Say that you'll tell people he forced you to drink and sit in his lap or else he would make sure you'ld never graduate. And don't be some vagina-y who settles for an A or something like that. You get cold, hard cash.
Quote from: BOREDFANBOY on June 12, 2010, 06:54:41 PM
You get cold, hard cash.
Or hard something else.... *Cough*
Anyway, here is a rather serious question: how do I get the ugly girl from work to stop stalking me? She knows where I live, has my phone number, and now goes to the same college as I do. Help!
Tonight, like litterally 45 or so minutes ago. I got called twice by a blocked number. First time it was a long pause after I said "hello?" (twice), then they said something unclear, it sounded like they said "uzumaki ninny" but that doesn't seem to make sense, immediately after the person said that I said "OK" then they hung up.
Second time they called I said "Heeeello?" *pause* "Heeeeeey buddy, whaaaaat's uuuuuuuuup?" *pause* then they said "It's time" *hang up*
I'm actually not scared, and this is a true story, but I wanna know, what should I do?
Also, if I die or something, you guys possibly know what happened.
Quote from: SkyMyl on June 12, 2010, 09:08:46 AM
How do I stop the clouds from raining over my town?
Well, you're gonna have to sell your soul. I mean, the only thing you can do by yourself is make it rain. You're going to have to do some research. Did any American Indian tribes live in your area? If so, find out who their rain god was, and what kind of sacrifices they made to please him. Mix this with a little bit of pagan summoning, and you should be able to bring this god forth. Trade your soul for some control over the skies.
Other than that, you'ld need a very large glass dome.
Quote from: Tahrann on June 14, 2010, 01:43:54 AM
Or hard something else.... *Cough*
Anyway, here is a rather serious question: how do I get the ugly girl from work to stop stalking me? She knows where I live, has my phone number, and now goes to the same college as I do. Help!
Fuck her badly. OR ask her on a date. After the date, go somewhere intimate. Share a few glasses of wine. When she isn't watching you, chug water. It'll keep you sober and help out with the final plan. When she's warmed up, tell her to sit on the floor with her eyes closed. Start sweet talking her; talk about how you've always really liked her but where unsure how you might approach her. Tell her to keep her eyes closed while you go and get her a present. Walk behind her, and give your friends the pre-assigned signal to enter the room. THEY MUST ENTER QUIETLY. When everyone is in place, whip it out and piss on her. When she opens her eyes in shock and begins to panic, have your friends start applauding and calling her "Piss Face." That ought to teach her.
Quote from: JrDude φ on June 14, 2010, 03:31:28 AM
Tonight, like litterally 45 or so minutes ago. I got called twice by a blocked number. First time it was a long pause after I said "hello?" (twice), then they said something unclear, it sounded like they said "uzumaki ninny" but that doesn't seem to make sense, immediately after the person said that I said "OK" then they hung up.
Second time they called I said "Heeeello?" *pause* "Heeeeeey buddy, whaaaaat's uuuuuuuuup?" *pause* then they said "It's time" *hang up*
I'm actually not scared, and this is a true story, but I wanna know, what should I do?
Also, if I die or something, you guys possibly know what happened.
I google it, and here's the wiki page http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uzumaki (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uzumaki). It looks like some kind of nerd poop. I was going to read the page and see if it applied to your situation, but then I got a drink instead.
Listen, whoever it might be is obviously some kind of nerd. Just say "Tech Nine" back, or "I'm gonna shove a cheese grater up your ass." You have nothing to worry about. And, if something does happen, let it be known here and now that I called dibs on your stuff. Dibs has been called, ladies and gentlemen.
How do I get aroused?
What's a good way to surprise a girl with a kiss?
Okay, I recently met this girl on facebook (not a complete stranger, she goes to a nearby school and my brother knows her). After some texting (A LOT), I realize that I should meet her somehow. Since I don't have a license, how should I go about doing this. She's 14 by the way.
Quote from: Jason Rose on June 18, 2010, 11:32:19 AM
Okay, I recently met this girl on facebook (not a complete stranger, she goes to a nearby school and my brother knows her). After some texting (A LOT), I realize that I should meet her somehow. Since I don't have a license, how should I go about doing this. She's 14 by the way.
... ...
I wonder how BFB is going to answer this if alcohol is out of the question.
Alcohol is never out of the question.
Quote from: Mace on June 18, 2010, 03:49:38 PM
Alcohol is never out of the question.
We don't want a drunk 14 year old boy here though. D:
..How do I be less shy..?
I love this thread so, so much.
Quote from: Mace on June 17, 2010, 10:02:12 PM
How do I get aroused?
Go get yourself an needle and a small solution of potassium chloride. Go into your bedroom and lock the door. Insert the needle into the solution and fill it. Point the needle in the air and press gently to clear air from the shaft. Set it beside you. Now, close your eyes and think. If you were going to intercourse one person, imaginary or real, who would it be? Imagine that person is in the room with you. Imagine them slowly coming onto you. Anything? If so, congrats. If not, grab a belt or strip of cloth. Tie it around your bicep and gently squeeze and release your fist. Pick up the needle and stick it into the now lifted vain. You're going to go into cardiac arrest, but that's alright. A life without being able to get aroused aint worth living.
Quote from: SkyMyl on June 18, 2010, 09:19:52 AM
What's a good way to surprise a girl with a kiss?
Alright, go onto youtube and find yourself a video of arabic people talking. Make sure that they are angry, and that the sound quality is good with minimal interference. Now, find out where the girl lives. Wait until she is asleep or her parents aren't home. Then, blindfold and nab her and toss her in the back of a car. Drive her to an abandoned house with a basement. Carry her down to the basement and put her in a wooden chair. Play the video of arabic people talking. Take off her shoes and pour water on the floor. Begin shouting some of the arabic you've just heard in a demanding tone. Then rip off the blindfold and lay one on her. Step back, give a good "Taa Daa!" and take your bow.
Quote from: Jason Rose on June 18, 2010, 11:32:19 AM
Okay, I recently met this girl on facebook (not a complete stranger, she goes to a nearby school and my brother knows her). After some texting (A LOT), I realize that I should meet her somehow. Since I don't have a license, how should I go about doing this. She's 14 by the way.
I'm assuming you live at home if you don't have a license. Well, that means that you do have a car. Are your parents heavy sleepers? They will be when you spike their drinks with a bottle of crushed up Tylenol PMs. Tie it into the holiday! Happy Father's Day, parents! I made you special smoothies.
Then take a ride over their and meet her.
Quote from: Zorua on June 18, 2010, 11:52:55 AM
... ...
I wonder how BFB is going to answer this if alcohol is out of the question.
I wonder how you'll ever gain the ability to function in normal society. Alcohol could certainly be good to bring along, but it's not going to transport him over to the girl. Running while drunk is really fun, but your not going to get anywhere doing it.
However, after reading your mind numbingly dumb comment, I felt slightly challenged to come up with a scenario where alcohol could solve his problem.
He's got a brother.
If that brother has a ride, then alcohol becomes an effective tool. Get the brother drunk, and convince him that the girl has a busty friend that has a huge crush on him. All he'd need to do is pretend do get a text from that girl that she is at the original girls house. Then he'd tell the brother that he was far too drunk to drive, and that he would do all the driving. But this still doesn't solve the license problem? OR DOES IT. If he gets pulled over, tell the cops that unfortunatley Brother got very drunk, and he assumed it was better to drive him home that let him loose on the road.
OR
If bro has no ride, you simply need to substitute someone who does. And if they are older or already involved with someone, you simply need to substitute a really good place to eat in place of the busty friend. Simply say you need to grab a friend along the way, but she lives right next to the place.
Quote from: Chrona on June 18, 2010, 05:30:50 PM
..How do I be less shy..?
WTF is this poop with the ellipses? Get rid of that poop first. It seems like it's supposed to be representative of your speaking style, which would be full of pauses. Shy people pause. You don't anymore.
Really, shyness is only a kind of shield from embarrasment. You need to things: a fifth of whiskey and some loose clothing. Start slugging that fifth, and go on into the mall or school or wherever there are people you know. Then give them a show. You shouldn't walk out with either the whiskey or the clothes; both should be gone.
I would stay away from drugs like Meth on this one. All though you may get more energetic, you're gonna end up focusing on a crack in the wall and talk to no one. Alcohol is social lubricant.
After the initial one or two incidents, you should feel a bit more comfortable with people. I mean, if they've seen you naked, are you really gonna get embarrassed by talking with them?
What's more important? Alcohol or women.
I want to buy a lot of liquor but I am 18 and cannot buy a lot of liquor.
(actually some friends and I are going to montreal in a month or so where we will go to bars and strip clubs and casinos and get poopfaced because the drinking age is 18, but until then, where can I buy a lot of liquor.)
Quote from: Relichris on June 18, 2010, 08:06:13 PM
What's more important? Alcohol or women.
Well, let's break it down.
Are you a straight male or lesbian woman? If not, then liquor is more important.
If yes, than women. Why?
Is there a suitable replacement for alcohol? Yes. Drugs are not as cheap or legal, but they work in a pinch.
Is there a suitable replacement for women? No. No matter how many fleshlights, sex dolls, porn compilations, or watermelons you amass, it's never going to be the same as a real woman. I mean, the thrill of the hunt, the glory of the kill.
Besides, do you know how I feel after a night of conquest and serious intercourse ing? Like a champ. How do I feel after a night of binge drinking? Like death.
I often sing the praises of liquor here, and those praises are well deserved. But, I mean, come on. Give up boobs? No thanks.
Quote from: jatoskep on June 19, 2010, 05:23:19 PM
I want to buy a lot of liquor but I am 18 and cannot buy a lot of liquor.
(actually some friends and I are going to montreal in a month or so where we will go to bars and strip clubs and casinos and get poopfaced because the drinking age is 18, but until then, where can I buy a lot of liquor.)
Listen, I dunno where you need to go. Do I look like a intercourse ing GPS unit? A city guide book?
It's not where you go, it's who you go to.
You're best bet is to find a convenience store clerk who's willing to sell it to you for some extra cash in his pocket. A friend of a friend. Or, find a friend who's over twenty-one and ask them to buy it for you. Or a wino. Just make sure they don't run off with your poop.
Listen, if you where a chick, I'd tell you to sweet talk some old codger by a liquor store. Since you're a guy, you wouldn't be able to do the same thing. I mean, maybe if you find an old gay dude and blew him, he might hook you up. But unless you're gay, you're giong to use oilf of the liquor you buy getting that taste out of your mouth.
What's an effective way to get $600 in the frame of one month without breaking the law?
QuoteThe advice in this thread should never be followed by anyone, ever.
What happened to that? The liquor-getting advice you gave me is pretty much what I should do. :v
Anyways, I drank absinthe last night and now I don't remember any of last night. Wooo.
Where can I find a job that doesn't suck? :(
Quote from: Silverhawk79 on June 25, 2010, 03:01:12 PM
Where can I find a job that doesn't suck? :(
How do I usurp Silver without him knowing?
I saw my father's anus.
Quote from: SkyMyl on June 24, 2010, 10:54:05 AM
What's an effective way to get $600 in the frame of one month without breaking the law?
What? Nothing illegal? That's dumb. If you want to make money without doing something illegal you have to get a job. You're too young to gamble, and even many small plans are techinically illegal, like running rackets at school. I mean, I think you're even to young to get out to Nevada and whore out a little.
So that's it. Get a job. Make your money and get the intercourse out.
I mean, even finding a reason to sue somebody is going to take more than a month.
In case you didn't notice, this aint the thread to be skittish about the law in. You wanna make money fast, you gotta do some dirt.
Quote from: Silverhawk79 on June 25, 2010, 03:01:12 PM
Where can I find a job that doesn't suck? :(
In the mob. Those guys don't pay taxes, eat really rich foods, and get to have over the top body language. I mean, there's a pretty good chance that you'll get killed or go to jail, but other than that it's a good field to look into.
Same with drug dealer. You'll intercourse crazy, drugged out chicks, you'll drive cars that you put crazy effects on, and deal with foreigners with impressive moustaches.
Quote from: Mace on June 25, 2010, 03:46:29 PM
How do I usurp Silver without him knowing?
I think you lost already. I could PM you something, but I'd rather drink instead.
Anywho, a good plan would be to murder him in his sleep. He'd never know it was you, because he'd be sleeping, then he'd be dead. Wear his skin and take his stuff.
Other than that I would consider bribing Mack. Or get Silver a good job, and offer to watch the forums for him while he's working. Get him to grant you his full powers, then turn the staff against him.
Quote from: Pyotr on June 25, 2010, 03:55:32 PM
I saw my father's anus.
Are you proud of this? Or do you need advice? My advice? Man the intercourse up. We all have poop holes (what's the plural of anus? anii?), and your dad is no different. The bigger question is, why did you see your dad's anus? If he showed it to you on purpose, you punch him straight in the face.
But really, you used to live just a few inches from there until he shot you into your mom's vagina.
How do I get a better laptop charger?
Quote from: Thirdkoopa on June 27, 2010, 05:52:10 PM
How do I get a better laptop charger?
Steal one. What you do is get a bunch of your friends together. They're going to initiate a flash mob inside best buy. Make it Wrold Cup themed, why the hell not. Have them all enter the store at seperate intervals. They need to have synced watches or clocks or timepieces. The very moment they all begin making noise or acting like jackasses, you stuff the charger in your pants. They mob should only last 1:30. Everyone should leave en masse, and you should fold yourself into that crowd. Theft success.
What's the "Wrold Cup"?
I have the worst allergies. I can't stop sneezing and my eyes keep watering and gunking up. HEAL ME, BOREDFANBOY, WITH YOUR KNOWLEDGE.
How does one "catch 'em all"?
Quote from: SkyMyl on June 29, 2010, 05:19:26 AM
What's the "Wrold Cup"?
It's an international tournament where countries face off in the world's most popular sport: vuvuzela blowing.
Quote from: Detective Conan on June 29, 2010, 06:27:41 AM
I have the worst allergies. I can't stop sneezing and my eyes keep watering and gunking up. HEAL ME, BOREDFANBOY, WITH YOUR KNOWLEDGE.
Drink hot whiskey with honey in it. Or do some cocaine. That poop will clear you right up. Or do both. Then you won't give a intercourse what allergies are.
Quote from: J on June 29, 2010, 08:13:46 AM
How does one "catch 'em all"?
What a noble calling. Well, you're going to need a wad of cash and easy travel. I would recommend getting a job at an airline or something like that where you get free travel. In each city, to save cash, always try to pick up skanky girls before resorting to prostitutes. And if you really want to catch 'em all, your gonna have to swing both ways and do some catching. I mean, there's really only one good way to get anal warts. But if you make it out alive, you will have spanned the globe and, indeed, caught them all.
Quote from: SkyMyl on June 29, 2010, 05:19:26 AM
What's the "Wrold Cup"?
Instead of asking questions you know the answer to, shouldn't you be asking yourself "What's it like to kiss a girl that's not my mom?"
Hey, BFB, you exist, don't you?
So why isn't there porn made of you?
Quote from: Fassive Maggot on June 30, 2010, 04:17:33 AM
Hey, BFB, you exist, don't you?
So why isn't there porn made of you?
Listen: There is. In 2003, three people where so in awe of me that they brought a proposition to me: They wanted to film me doing life's most enjoyable performance.
The equipment was low budget. There was two cameras, a handful of lights, and a girl more beautiful that any other you will ever meet in your life. Her name was Veronica, and men cried at the sight of her, for they knew they could never have her. The director operated one camera, and had a friend operated the second.
I did that which must needs be done. That's when the chaos began.
Brian, the director, soon committed suicide. His note was simple:
"I have seen truth, I will never be able to achieve it."
Steve, the camera man, now resides in a metal institution. He has a rare condition that plagues him. Although he is not gay, only the site of me performing the dance of power could bring him to climax. This haunts him, and he is trusting modern science to find a way to help him. I met his primary doctor, who gave me only one word: "Incurable." The doctor looked at me with a mixture of awe and trepidation, and walked away.
Veronica is now a whore in Vegas. She is like a cocaine addict: always chasing the greatest high. Men are used and wasted in her insatiable search for something to match my magesty.
The video has never been shown, for fear that an audience would be permanently ruined by it. It resides in my own home, walled away in a secret area of my basement.
I exist, and so does pronography featuring me, so the requirement of rule 34 has been satiated. But if anything should ever happen to that video, whoa to those who attempt to create something new to fill that void. Abandon all hope ye who enter there.
This isn't a question, but I just want you to be aware, Bored. That was easily the best answer to any question in the history of existence.