Life Lessons From Mack, or, Riosan uses abuse (<3) to have it his way.

[Macawmoses]

Many NSF(CD) users here are great, they know who they are, and they know many of those quirks that make life....well, life.

On the other hand, there are a handful of users well on their way to becoming top notch fry cooks. Someone has to do it, right? Hopefully, though, I can save a few of these would be chefs, perhaps a few may become gas station attendants, or even, blood donors, but those will be few and far between.

It's a pipe dream of mine, but hey, at least I aspire to something more than being a forty year old that loses his promotion to a teenager, but that's just me. So, here are some of those life lessons for everyone, hopefully most of you know these by now.

The first lesson you need to know is simple; you're an idiot. This is a cardinal rule of life, and it's true. I'm an idiot, yes, but you're an idiot. Examine it, you have fallacies in some aspect of your life, we all do. But then again, there are those of you that will flatly deny that you are indeed an idiot, but do go on, it just goes to prove my point.

So, now that we have it decided that you are an idiot, we can move on to bigger and better things. But wait, stop, go back, and re-read up to this point. Got it? Good. Now that that particular base is covered, we can go on to the next point; there's always somebody better than you. It's true, as well. Let's take a look at famous goalie, Mr. Roy, considered by many to be the best of all time. Now, fast forward, and Mr. Brodeur is set to break his records....and in a number of years, he'll be overtaken. There's always someone better than you, always a bigger fish. Guess what happens if you don't magically become a bigger fish, though.....think hard, that's right, you get eaten.

Recap; you're an idiot, and you'll get eaten. Doesn't this give you hope for your future? Well, it looks grim, it really does. After all, if all you have to contribute to this world is cooking the 1,000,000,000,000th Big Mac, then you may as well just end yourself now. Find a blunt object, and do what seems right, you're doing the world a favor. No, wait, don't. I want you all to live long lives so I can prove my point.

Really though, consider the fact that you're a fry cook, an idiot fry cook, and that there is a better fry cook than you. Then remember you're forty, at this point. Are you still reading, friend? I forgot, being that you're destined to fail, you probably are just skimming this, if you're reading it at all. I find it hilarious, too. Oh well, I've gotten this far, why not go on?

The next lesson you need to learn is that bulls*** is how people make it through life. Stock brokers, police, fry cooks, athletes, everyone. It is one of those glorious laws, like that of gravity. The point here, though, is simple, when I talk about magically becoming a bigger fish, one must bulls***. Otherwise, in this "fish eat fish" world, you're being eaten. Truly fascinating phenomenon. The interesting part of this, though, is those that are above bulls***ting, as they are the bottom of the food chain. It's funny that those that truly believe they are above these laws, note the above, are actually those on the bottom.

Oh so many life lessons, and only limited character space, it's depressing, but not as depressing as the rest of your life. But because I haven't maxed my characters out yet, and this is still amusing me, I may as well share some more of the lessons. Here's a good one, you're never in control, it just goes back to the whole "there's always someone better" thing. Simply put, those above and below you (wait, there's someone below you?) determine how your life goes. No, not fate, but the rest of the bumbling idiots around you. If one of them thinks they can magically fly, they get eaten by a bird (which, in reality, is worse than being eaten by another fish), and as such, expose you to the same thing. Take a look at this very forum, you may have some say, but that say is dictated by those above you, and those below, as in, the idiots that caused the rules to be in place. It's ridiculously simple.

Once again, if you've made it this far, kudos to you, you've done better than even I. As another recap, you are an idiot, there's a better idiot out there, simply because you can't bulls***, and even as such, you have no control over the fact that you are what you are.

Whew, this is hard work. I'm exhausted, but I'll manage, pun intended, while you are fumbling around cooking my food.

Now, I know, this is going to have a backlash of sorts, and you'll go whine to your friends about how mean I am, and b****, but it doesn't matter, you don't control that. Interestingly enough, though, your "friends" aren't truly friends, just like how you see them, they see you. What, you may think, but I have the answer; you're an item. You're disposable. You mean nothing to me, you mean nothing to them, I mean nothing to anyone, and that's the same as you. It's weird, because at the same time you don't mean a thing, you mean a lot, you aren't an asset, but you are expendable. When the time comes, they'll dispose of you, much like a used tissue, and that'll be that. So, by all means, run along to your friends, and remind me when my point has been proven. Sure, there are people whose company you prefer, but they are expenses. The truth hurts, oddly enough, that is another lesson.

These lessons are like nuggets of gold, it almost seems if I'm wasting this on you, but alas, I too am an idiot. No one is immune, for lack of a better term, to these lessons, some are merely failures of a lesser degree.

I'll share a few more nuggets, though, I know I am captivating. The next lesson is a great one, if you miss, make the target bigger, it's so true. You'll miss...a lot, so just get a bigger target in place. Sooner or later you'll meet your goals, even if that means....becoming a fry cook. But it is something to be proud of, I guess....McHappiest Employee seems....like (?) an accomplishment....

...are you even listening? Here's another lesson, "listening is easier to do with your mouth closed", take note, as it applies directly to you. So, before you go screaming, grabbing the rusty old knife, and going kamikaze, shut the f*** up. Really.

This brings me to another point, no one cares. My proof? You likely haven't cared enough to read my gigantic wall of text, for the reasons noted above. Even as such, nobody cares that you have teenage angst, are a would be troll, or if you're a failure. It's just another tried and true point.

Now you know, I don't care about the comments you're about to post, because you're an idiot, and because you need to shut your mouth. Remember though, in the words of House, "everybody lies." It is another one of those proven things, the only time people don't lie, is when they are dictating these points, as you can't lie about laws.

Remember, above all else, you'll fail, because you're an idiot, that can't bulls***, or shut their mouth, and doesn't control their own life. So many factors shape you. In this great big sea, you're an insignificant little anchovy, in a McWorld, you're a fry cook. You don't matter, simply. So, just remember these things. Hopefully I can save those of you that are yet to realize these points, but I have my doubts.

Oh well, does it really matter? You're an idiot, after all.

Fool me once, I'm an idiot, fool me twice I'm twice as big an idiot

~MoM~

[Silverhawk79]

Nice rant.
For those too dumb to finish:
tl;dr
You're an idiot.

[Macawmoses]

Nice rant.
For those too dumb to finish:
tl;dr
You're an idiot.

Also, you're a failure, and numerous other things.

Lotos, yes.

[Jono2]

IF YOU QUOTE THIS WHOLE POST, BEARS WILL EAT YOU. >:(

tl;dr

[ThePowerOfOne]

Your posts are a lot more entertaining than Dill's :O

[Wizardorlan]

Your posts are a lot more entertaining than Dill's :O

You, sir, are obviously a bear masquerading as an idiot.

[ThePowerOfOne]

Your posts are a lot more entertaining than Dill's :O

You, sir, are obviously a bear masquerading as an idiot.

I AM an idiot, idiot.

[Macawmoses]

Didn't you read? You're both idiots, Orlan is just one to a much less extent, as he controls the abyss.

[ThePowerOfOne]

Didn't you read? You're both idiots, Orlan is just one to a much less extent, as he controls the abyss.

No fair, I thought we were all equal idiots :(

I SHALL RULE YOU ONE DAY! Or at least have a better job, I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR MONEY! (Except work for a fast food place, blah)

[Riosan]

This user is currently ignored.

Oh well.

[Kilroy]

This user is currently ignored.

Oh well.

Why the hell didn't I think of that.

[Sgt.Chilly]

Awesome post MoM.

I choose to follow Anarchy.  It's the only thing that doesn't tell me what to do or how to live my life.

[SkyMyl]

Damn. Awesome read there, Mace. Half of which I already know.


Eh, I'll just keep wasting what's left of my life.

[Zovistograt]

Ever thought of being a life coach?

[ThePowerOfOne]

Alright, who named me Bear >:(

Wait, what kind of bear am I?