So, a man walks into a bar.

Pachuri · January 30, 2009, 11:35:24 AM

A neutron walks in to a bar and asks the bar tender how much for a beer to
which the bartender replies no charge.

Lotos · January 30, 2009, 02:42:14 PM

Quote from: phatyo on January 30, 2009, 09:24:55 AM
He turned into a very big 1 eye beast!

Stop talking about penii.

jnfs2014 · January 31, 2009, 09:54:38 PM

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

えっちーせんぱい · February 02, 2009, 12:09:00 AM

Quote from: JNeedForSpeed2014 on January 31, 2009, 09:54:38 PM
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

I thought the internet stopped these jokes.

Silverhawk79 · February 02, 2009, 09:33:00 AM

Quote from: Blaze-San on February 02, 2009, 12:09:00 AM
Quote from: JNeedForSpeed2014 on January 31, 2009, 09:54:38 PM
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
I thought the internet stopped these jokes.

Some people never got the memo.

Syncopathic · February 02, 2009, 09:37:15 AM

A man walks into a bar.

Allegretto · February 02, 2009, 11:21:27 AM

Quote from: Sync on February 02, 2009, 09:37:15 AM
A man walks into a bar.

Should have ducked.

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of ninnyes who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of ninnyes who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are mad off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the ninny in the kitchen."

Lotos · February 02, 2009, 12:06:32 PM

Holocaust survivor dies in a house fire at age 100. No joke, just irony.

HTA! · February 02, 2009, 12:11:36 PM

Quote from: Allegretto on January 30, 2009, 10:03:00 AM
I have a few

Two peanuts were crossing the road and one was a salted.

I was once dating this mentally challenged girl however I just had to end the relationship, we could not agree on anything. I mean I say tomato and she would say BOWLING SHOES.

A man walks into a bar and see's a jar filled with hundred dollar bills, he looks at the bartender and says how does one win the money? The bar tender says their are 3 challenges, the first involves punching the really muscular bouncer over their. The second involvs going into the back room and pulling out this rapid dogs tooth, the third and final challenge is having sex with the old wrinkled women in the bedroom in the back.

He says umm...one second give me a few beers. After the man gets nice and drunk he says, okay! Ill do your easyyyy challenges. He walks over to the bouncer and punches him as hard as he can, and the bouncer goes down suprisingly. Then he walks into the back room with the dog. The bar tender heres stuff breaking, the dog barking and moans.

The man walks back out and says alright so where is the old women who needed her tooth pulled?

Lol it up. :D

Larry's jokes don't translate into words very well...
At all.

yes.derek · February 02, 2009, 05:16:18 PM

I MADE THIS JOKE UP ALL BY MYSELF.

If you're american when youre not in a hurry, what are you when you ARE in a hurry?

[spoiler]Russian![/spoiler]

Silverhawk79 · February 02, 2009, 05:51:54 PM

Quote from: darkmariov2 on February 02, 2009, 05:16:18 PM
I MADE THIS JOKE UP ALL BY MYSELF.

If you're american when youre not in a hurry, what are you when you ARE in a hurry?

[spoiler]Russian![/spoiler]

Boohiss.

TheDarkChief · February 03, 2009, 04:41:41 PM

So Silver walks into a bar, and-

えっちーせんぱい · February 03, 2009, 05:17:44 PM

Quote from: Allegretto on February 02, 2009, 11:21:27 AM
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of ninnyes who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of ninnyes who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are mad off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the ninny in the kitchen."

I'll admit this made me laugh.

Allegretto · February 03, 2009, 05:43:24 PM

Quote from: Blaze-San on February 03, 2009, 05:17:44 PM
Quote from: Allegretto on February 02, 2009, 11:21:27 AM
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of ninnyes who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of ninnyes who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are mad off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the ninny in the kitchen."

I'll admit this made me laugh.

:3 yey I got blaze san to laugh.

Jono2 · February 03, 2009, 05:43:44 PM

Quote from: Blaze-San on February 03, 2009, 05:17:44 PM
Quote from: Allegretto on February 02, 2009, 11:21:27 AM
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of ninnyes who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of ninnyes who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are mad off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the ninny in the kitchen."

I'll admit this made me laugh.

lol its funnee because the woman didn't stay in the kitchen