The Unoriginally Titled Fan-Fic

[Silverhawk79]

One day, Link woke up. Not that this was any different from any other day; however, one thing was different: his location. Link bolted upright and looked around. He realized that he had somehow become trapped inside an office water cooler. Several things flew through his mind all at once. "Glub bubble glub?" "Glub glub gurgle glug?!" "BLURBLE!". Obviously, Link was not good at thinking underwater. As he sat there, wondering how anyone could fit into a water cooler, he noticed that there was actually no water in the cooler. He felt quite wet nonetheless, but those details are better left untold.


Suddenly, Mario walked by, munching on what looked like the entire produce section of the local store. Link "hiyaaaaaaaa"'d and "Tsiryaaaaaaaah!"'d at Mario, but Mario paid no heed, having just eaten several dozen mushrooms. As Mario fell towards the floor and promptly missed, Link began wondering how he had gotten in the water cooler in the first place. While pondering these universally important things, Shadow lurched by, cursing and twitching. Shadow clearly had Tourette's Syndrome, but refused to take any medicine, claiming that he is the ultimate lifeform, and therefore does not need any &%$#ing medicine. As Shadow passed out of view, fell out the window, and exploded on the ground 6 inches below, Link sighed. How would he ever live life inside a plastic bottle? He didn't know, obviously.


Finally, Samus walked by. Samus walked very carefully, because she was very clumsy, and was terrible at holding onto anything of importance. This was why she was a secretary. As she shuffled past the water cooler, she noticed Link. Making an indistinct electronic bloop, she raised her arm cannon to blast open the water cooler. Suddenly, she tripped! This was an impressive feat, because it is very difficult to trip while standing still. As she fell, she fired off a single shot. This shot conveniently hit the water cooler, but bounced off and hit the fire alarm. "BREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!" squealed the hyped-up alarm. The firefighters burst in, led by a Mudkip. In unison, all the people in the building screamed "SO I HERD U LIEK MUDKIPS?!!?!11~1!". Clearly, they had spent too much time on the internet.


As the firefighters fought the fight of fighting fire, one split open the water cooler with his ax. As Link finally emerged, he was hit with a high-pressure blast of water, and killed. These firefighters felt awful, and used a fairy on him. As he was revived, Megaman ran past, doing what he does best: creating sequels. After this unusual and very blue distraction, Link was revived completely. Relieved to be out of his gurgly plastic prison, he walked out the door and walked down the hall.
Unfortunately, the hall was no longer there, nor was the building. As he fell several stories to his rather splattery death, he wondered what was going on. Seconds before his very messy death, he realized why his day was going so badly: He was in a poorly written fan-fic sto-*splat*

[Silverhawk79]

Samus was a pretty girl. She also wanted a cracker, awwwk! Y'see, Samus was the name of Wario's pet parrot. Noone knows why he chose this name, but rumor has it that he has a hard time thinking of names. Hence the name for his dog, That Barking Furry Thing. Anyways, Wario was hungry; and when Wario was hungry, he ate almost anything, whether it be Pokemon, a tub of lard, or the Canadian Army. "I'm so hungry I could eat a Pokemon, a tub of lard, or the Canadian Army!", exclaimed Wario, even though noone heard him. "I really enjoy pointless monologues", blabbered Wario. "I think I'm going to go batter and fry myself now.", said Samus.
"Great idea!", said Wario. Wario then ate Samus for no real reason. Adds to the story, you know?


But Wario was still hungry, so he had to go outside. As he stepped outside, small children and grown men alike cried and soiled themselves. Wario just has that mysterious effect on people. As he walked his way down the street, he ignored the strange small people screaming "GODZIRRA!", with their mouths not matching their words. Wario apparently lived in a stereotypical part of Asia. Finally, he arrived at his destination: CostCo! With their bulk quantities and low prices, it's the perfect store! Remember, shop at Costco! ;) (Darn in-fic ads...-__-)


Once in Costco, Wario was overwhelmed by the vast quantities of food and useless crap in front of him. 3000 Tootsie Rolls for $0.50!? 3 gallons of mustard for $1.50?!?! A combination backscratcher/deep fat fryer/lava lamp for 3 low payments of $19.99?! Wario was in heaven. Unfortunately, he didn't have any money because he had no wallet. Wallets were for sissies and lumberjacks, Wario thought. Nonetheless, he began to eat everything he could get his hands on. 3 shopping carts, 11 jars of pickles, 47 bags of black licorice, 79 small silver hawk figurines, and a Volkswagen Beetle all disappeared into Wario's mouth. He also ate a Nintendog named Blacky with black fur. The Nintendog was a black lab because it had black fur and so it was named Blacky because it was a black lab with black fur. Wario ate Blacky to avoid any potential Nintendog fan-fics that he could have starred in.


Not hungry anymore, Wario began returning home. Along the way, his questionable meal began reacting violently in Wario's stomach. So he farted; but not just once. He farted again along the way, in a different city. Nagasaki and Hiroshima have never quite been the same. :(

[Silverhawk79]

It was a bright sunny day, and the sun was out, obviously. But something was different about this sun. It seemed...angry.
But enough about that. As Mario walked down the street, stepping on innocent creatures below, he noticed something strange. Random boxes kept appearing and disappearing, and all of them said the same thing: "YU0 G0T A VIRUZ!!1~!". Pondering this strange and cryptic message, Mario suddenly noticed that the ground was no longer serving any purpose, as he was inexplicably knee-deep in solid ground. "M4M4 M1A!!1" exclaimed Mario. As his left hand slowly turned into a red X, Mario wondered what was going on, and why numbers were interjecting themselves rather rudely into his sp33ch.



Bowser walked by, cackling rather evilly, which actually sounded like several goats being thrown into an aging woodchipper. Bowser clearly didn't care, or was profoundly deaf. Either way, Mario found it suspicious for anyone to be cackling evilly or shoving goats into woodchippers, especially without a permit. "H3Y B0\/\/S3R!", Mario b1337ed, "WH4T'S G01NG 0/\/?!" Bowser called back, "I'd tell you, but it'd ruin the plot! Not like there was one to begin with...".

A voice from nowhere and everywhere all at once boomed, "Hey, I heard that! >:(", with the >:( landing squarely on top of a conveniently placed hippie. Mario and Bowser both looked around wildly, and then said in unison, "What was that?!". "It's me, the fanfic writer", blared the logic-defying voice. At this point, Mario and Bowser were terribly confused, and wished they had just stayed in bed today. "W3'r3 1n 4 f4nf1c?", asked Mario. "Yes, and I've been infected with a virus", explained the voice.
"Ah, so that explains why my legs are now located 6 feet to the left of where the rest of me is.", said Mario. "And that's why whenever I walk, my feet make screaming noises!", said Bowser. "Um, actually...you've stepped on several small children, and they're now stuck to your feet...", said the voice. Bowser looked down, and wished he'd hadn't. He carefully scraped off what remained of the children, and tried to look nonchalant. He did not look nonchalant or chalant.


Suddenly, everything went black and dark, completely without light. Did I mention it got really dark?
"Oh great", said the voice, "my computer just cras-"

[Silverhawk79]

Samus was extremely clumsy. So much so that she has been banned from being a waitress ever again at over 34,000 restaurants, and burned down a city after tripping during the Olympic games. Carrying a torch and running at the same time never really works out for Samus. Anyways, our story follows Samus as she is flying in her gunship. As she walked towards the controls, she tripped. Big surprise there...but what came next was a surprise. She slammed into the controls, causing the ship to fly swiftly downwards. "BLOOP?!" beeped Samus, still in her Power Suit. "Nice going, stupid :|", said the rude ship. As the ship plummeted towards the ground, Samus decided now would be a great time to jump ship. So, she jumped. Unfortunately, she landed right on top of a tree, which was very hard and unforgiving. Samus fell to the ground 30 feet below and blacked out, whited out, and browned out, the last of which sounded very messy and unpleasant.

As Samus awoke, she thought several things at once. First, why did it feel like she'd just been hit by a truck? Second, where was she? And finally, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! She shortly figured out the answer to the first two questions as a large truck came barreling towards her. Coincidentally, it was full of barrels. Samus quickly rolled out of the way, only to be hit by a car. As she sailed through the air, she passed a sign that said "Welcome to Hawaii", and "Highway 212". Wondering what kind of strange planet this "Hawaii" was, she hit another tree. Trees were quickly becoming a nuisance.


After browning, blacking, and whiting out, she woke up. Suddenly, she realized that she'd lost all of her suit powerups after being hit by that car. Cursing herself for not buying that powerup case from that street merchant, she set off on a journey to find them. Several game developers were in the area, and caught wind of this. They then made a game for her, which was so awful that their studio burned down once it was completed. Anyways, to make a long story short, Samus found all of her powerups again, but tripped on the way back to her crashed ship. She dropped them yet again, but she didn't go after them. Tired of searching for them, she simply went back to her ship. Surprisingly, it still worked, so she returned to Zebes. Once back there, she bought new powerups, and wondered why she hadn't done this about 10 games ago.

[Silverhawk79]

Link was not having a good day. For that matter, he was having a bad week. First, his speech therapy class had ended in tears after he was told that he couldn't talk. Then he fell asleep in the Temple of Time and was transformed into a kid again. This wouldn't have been so bad, except he was transformed into a 2-year old. After crawling about and babbling for a bit, he found someone to help him return to normal. He still drooled, though.

Anyways, Link, tired of life in general, decided he'd return home and sleep for a bit. He got to his house and found a note attached to his door. The note read: 'Deer Link, plz go 2 teh stoar 4 sum lonlon mikl. thx :) sincerly, Malo. :):):):) ." Sighing, Link ventured into town and into the general store. Unfortunately, the person behind the counter was depressed about losing her cat for the 12th time. Not caring, Link grabbed some Lon Lon Milk and went home.


He finally got inside his house, and Malo was in there. Wondering why Malo couldn't have just gotten the milk himself, he asked.
Link: *staring silently*
Malo: What?
Link: *blinks*
Malo: Oh, I didn't feel like going to the store myself, so I had you do it.
Link: *shifts weight*
Malo: I'm sorry you're having a bad day, Link. Here, try some of this.
Link: *takes drink from bottle*


Suddenly, Link felt extremely energetic and hyper. In fact, Link became a HyperLink!
Link: *spastically waving arms*
Malo: No problem.
Link: *runs through door*
Malo: ...So you can run on air now. Cool, cool.
Link was having a great time, because he felt like he had infinite energy. In fact, his energy level was over nine thousaaaaaaaaaaaaand! Suddenly, Ganon appeared! Grabbing Link in one hand and an arrow in the other, Ganon clicked on Link. Link, still dismayed over Ganon's appearance, opened in a new window.


Ganon: Hahaha!
Link: !!!
Ganon: Hahahaaa!
Link: >:(
Ganon: :)
Link realized that the only way out of this was to freeze. So, he froze. Frustrated, Ganon broke the window and freed Link. Ganon realized that this was a fatal error, and suddenly he stopped responding. Link quickly unsheathed his Master Sword and slayed Ganon, showing him the blue screen of death. Despite what everyone thinks, when you die, you do not see black. You see blue, and lots of it.


Link, exhausted from this work, returned home and went to sleep.


As he slept, another Ganon appeared in place of the old one. Noone knew where he came from, he just happened to show up. With Link asleep, he conquered all of Hyrule and defeated Link. Link was still having a very, very bad week. And the fan-fic writer was having a hard time ending the story. So, he ended the chapter.

[Zovistograt]

This is good stuff ;D

[Silverhawk79]

This is good stuff ;D

Finally, someone reads it. :D

[Silverhawk79]

>_>
What is it about my fanfic that drives everyone away? :(

[Silverhawk79]

jiodfjfuisgfif >:(

[NOA_ANDY]

jiodfjfuisgfif >:(

Reported.  :|








jk =D

[Silverhawk79]

jiodfjfuisgfif >:(

Reported.  :|








jk =D

:(

[NOA_ANDY]

jiodfjfuisgfif >:(

Reported.  :|









jk =D

:(

...I mean...uh...StarwindWizard did it! *runs*

[Triforce_Luigi]

I liked it.

[Silverhawk79]

Final desperate cry for attention. :(

[jnfs2014]

It was really good(sorry for my bad grammer).(Wario feels the same way about food as i do about Taco Bell.)