The Consumer's Guide to Proper Shopping Etiquette

[Friendly Hostile]

After having spent so much time dealing with poop at work lately and what has seemed like a plethora of poopty customers, I feel that many consumers simply don't know proper shopping etiquette anymore.  So without further ado, I present Friendly Hostile's Guide to Being a Proper Customer.

Etiquette Rule #1: Don't Be a Jackass

This really applies to all facets of life and society, but it's one of those things that needs to be beat senselessly into people's heads constantly.  Employees are people too, and we deal with a lot of poop from customers, all while still smiling and being pleasant (if a employee is being nasty to you right off, then by all means, be a jackass back, as the employee is breaking this rule).  Is it really so much to ask that you be polite or at the very least, human, for the few minutes you must converse with an employee?  If it is, look into shopping online.

And seriously, if you're having a bad day, it's not our intercourse ing fault.  Do not take out your rage on the poor cashier because some idiot cut you off in traffic or you think your husband is cheating on your skanky ass.

Etiquette Rule #2:  We're Here to Help.

For those of you consumers that seem to think the employees are out to get you and ruin your day:  We aren't.  At all.  We're just trying to do our jobs and get by like everyone else. We didn't put your hold back to spite you:  it's the store policy.  We can't take your return back because it's past the 30 days; not because we don't like you.  Which leads to the next rule:

Etiquette Rule #3:  Know the Goddarn Return Policy

Most retail outlets follow the "30 Days" policy.  Just bring the receipt and the item back within that time frame and something can usually be worked out, so long as you haven't used the item in question (unless it broke shortly after first use). Just realize not every place does this.  Ask for christ's sake.  If the person you ask doesn't know, they'll find someone who does.  Do not throw a fit because you didn't take the time to find out the policy.  It exists and is posted on the receipt usually, if not somewhere near the registers.  And hold onto that receipt.  You're generally viewed as an idiot, a dick or a con artist if you try to return poop without the receipt.  Things not to do when returning:

-Bringing back products well after the 30 days.  We can't sell this poop.  I really don't care if you still have the receipt and tags on that dress you bought from us a decade ago.  We can't return it.  And yes, I actually had a customer try this.

-Expect cash back for those lucky occasions where you get something back without a receipt.  Be gosh darn happy you got anything.

-Expect us to take back things without tickets.  Keep the intercourse ing ticket on things.  How are we supposed to know it's not something you no longer wanted in your wardrobe.  This also means we have to send someone looking to see if we might actually carry it in the store to make a ticket.

-Return food.  Seriously.  Give it to the dog or something if you don't want it.  You should've have thought about that before buying it.

-Switch tickets.  We know you didn't pay $49.99 for those socks.  We aren't total retards, as much as you'd like us to be.

Additionally, if you're going to make a return, be patient.  We're doing you a intercourse ing favor by taking back your poop since you couldn't decide if you really needed that $500 Juicy Couture purse when all you came in for was a new bra.  It takes a few moments to process and put away, so don't get upset when you have to wait a little longer.

Etiquette Rule #4:  Patience is Key

As pointed out in the last one, expect to wait sometimes.  If there's a line of 10 people and all the cashiers are up there ringing, tough it out.  Someone will be able to take your money for the overpriced poop you want in a moment, but like everyone else, you will have to wait in line before this can happen.  You aren't more important than anyone else.   So wait your gosh darn turn and don't get upset over the fact that you have to.

Etiquette Rule #5:  Put Shit Back

Seriously.  Put the poop you don't want back where it belongs.  If you don't, you're an poop hole and I have nothing more to say to you, you lazy son of a ninny.

Etiquette Rule #6: Stores are not Garbage Cans

You'd think people would understand this.  Trash goes in trash cans.  But apparently, some of you intercourse s out there think leaving your Starbucks half filled coffee mug on the shelves or on the floor or in a rack is the proper way to throw something out.  It's not.  That's intercourse ing gross and you know it.  Find a trash can or ask an employee for one.  We are not maids.

Etiquette Rule #7:  Children

Additionally, leaving you children in the toy department or playing in the racks is not keeping an eye on your demon spawn.  You are a parent and therefore responsible for your kids.  We are not babysitters, nor is the Dora the Explorer doll in Aisle 5.  Keep those poops in line and don't let them make a mess of the toy aisles.

Etiquette Rule #8:  Breaking and Entering

If something has packaging on it, it's there for a reason.  This means don't intercourse ing open it.  If you want to see something more closely, ask for some intercourse ing help.  Don't just rip the plastic off and open it up.  And if you absolutely must do this, at least intercourse ing put it back right.  If there's a fork sticking out of the box when you set it back down, you probably didn't put everything back right.

Etiquette Rule #9:  Clearance and Sales

Unless marked as clearance or on sale, it's not intercourse ing clearanced or on sale.  Do not ask us to check.  If you find the same thing marked and one that isn't, fine.  But just because you found it in clearance does not mean it is clearance.  Check the gosh darn tag.  And  if it's something under $10 bucks, intercourse  off.  Are you seriously that intercourse ing greedy? You don't have that extra  buck to spare on that china set that's already more than half off?

Etiquette Rule #10:  Getting the Fuck Out

All stores warn you well in advance before they close.  So, when you hear that message that the store is closing in 5 minutes:  go to the check out or start moving toward the exit.  Do not keep shopping.  You're being an ungrateful, self-centered twat by remain in the store after it has closed.  You are making it take that much longer before we can clean up and lock up to go home.  So GTFO at closing time.


That should cover most of the basics for what you need to know.  However I'm sure Star and PY can provide things I've missed.

tl;dr
You're all horrible customers, so intercourse  off and stop being idiotic jackasses.  So shape up or I'm going to kick your ass.

[jnfs2014]

This thread is win.

And very, very true.

[Macawmoses]

Made my night. I've never worked retail - only tourism jobs and my writing one. But working at an amusement park and museum has tended a lot of the same results.

We don't tell you that you can't go on an attraction because we hate you. We do it for your own safety. We don't get paid minimum wage (in Alberta :B) to clean up your trash. And frankly, my number one rule, if you are in peril of any sorts, don't drag the staff down with you.

But yeah. It's all true regardless of industry. Just in different ways.

[Anarchy_Jas]

Going by common sense, my knowledge of the culinary industry I'm going into, all the poop my mom has told me about her job, and what I see in the store, this is true. I try to be nice and not come off as this evil thing, but darn! Some people are dumb as hell. Do you NOT have the balls to tell your god darn kids to stop running up and down the aisle, stop knocking stuff over, and stfu? ... There's more to rant on but meh, I'm sleepy.

[Gwen Khan]

Etiquette Rule #6: Stores are not Garbage Cans

You'd think people would understand this.  Trash goes in trash cans.  But apparently, some of you intercourse s out there think leaving your Starbucks half filled coffee mug on the shelves or on the floor or in a rack is the proper way to throw something out.  It's not.  That's intercourse ing gross and you know it.  Find a trash can or ask an employee for one.  We are not maid


I bet the people who are leaving trash around are also the ones who complain about trash being left out

Etiquette Rule #10:  Getting the Fuck Out

All stores warn you well in advance before they close.  So, when you hear that message that the store is closing in 5 minutes:  go to the check out or start moving toward the exit.  Do not keep shopping.  You're being an ungrateful, self-centered twat by remain in the store after it has closed.  You are making it take that much longer before we can clean up and lock up to go home.  So GTFO at closing time.

He is a quote from a customer I once had "I know I'm keeping you here late but you don't have to rush me, that's very rude"

[…]

Ah, but do you follow all those all the time?

But yeah, that is good advice.

[Dog Food]

Etiquette Rule #5:  Put Shit Back

Seriously.  Put the poop you don't want back where it belongs.  If you don't, you're an poop hole and I have nothing more to say to you, you lazy son of a ninny.

:(

Otherwise, I follow all the rest of those rules.

[Lotos]

Well, I actually read all of that, and I realized I do some of that.  I shall stop :(

Also, this is front page worthy, if we still had the front page.

[Friendly Hostile]

Ah, but do you follow all those all the time?

But yeah, that is good advice.

Actually yes I do.  I yell at my friends and family for breaking #5 all the time.

[Mutilator7]

Yeah the thing is the people working at the stores have to listen to the customer because they're "always right". I'm not like this I know what they go thru but the employees have to check up that item and have to check if stuff is on sale for the customer. That's just how it is.

[Custom]

I don't like the outside world or people. So I shop online. <3

[Friendly Hostile]

Yeah the thing is the people working at the stores have to listen to the customer because they're "always right". I'm not like this I know what they go thru but the employees have to check up that item and have to check if stuff is on sale for the customer. That's just how it is.

No no no.  See this is the biggest mistake the consumer makes.  Which brings us to:

Consumer Etiquette Rule #11: The Customer is NOT Always Right

Actually, most of the time the customer is incredibly in the wrong.  Because lets face it, consumers are intercourse ing retarded.  If they were smart, they wouldn't waste their money on half this poop or would just shop online, as you can usually find things cheapest there.  Often times, common sense will be able to provide you with the answer you seek.  Is this clearanced?  Well, common sense would say, if the item in question is marked clearance, then yes it is. Otherwise, no.  So wasting time asking will not change this.  Whining that you found it with the other clearance poop doesn't matter.  Unless it's marked, it isn't intercourse ing clearance.  Plain and simple.

Just because you think you're right doesn't mean you are.  If that was how the world worked, this would be an even scary, more intercourse ed up planet than it already is.  This aso leads into our next rule:

Etiquette Rule #12:  We aren't Experts and Neither are You

So many shoppers seem to think that, because we  work in retail, we are instantly experts on any and all products we sell.  Give me a intercourse ing break.  Most retail employees are high school students or recent graduates.  We know intercourse  all about most of the poop we sell.  We usually know just about as much as you do.  There are those of us who have worked in retail long enough to learn about some of what we sell.  But otherwise, don't assume we know much about the products, unless it's a location that would specifically train it's employees on the product (generally things like jewelry).

[bluaki]

Heh, my mom breaks lots of these and it annoys me when she does. She's the kind that tries to bother others to her own advantage whenever she can, though. I wouldn't do any of these myself.

Etiquette Rule #1: Don't Be a Jackass
Her rule: Keep whining, and eventually you'll win and get what you want. It surprisingly works pretty often. D:

Etiquette Rule #3:  Know the Goddarn Return Policy
I've had a used game I wanted her to return 3 days after she bought it for me, but instead she waits until 6 months later to walk into the store (Gamestop) expecting to trade it in then for another copy of the same game.

Etiquette Rule #5:  Put Shit Back
"It's fine to leave this shirt in the changing room. After all, it's their job to put these things back"

Etiquette Rule #10:  Getting the Fuck Out
Her rule: Closing times? More like the time one should make sure to get in the building by.

[L10]

About rule #10

We had just gotten out from a restaurant and my brother had to grab some frozen mice from the Petco across the street, and when we got in there they told us as we were walking in that they were closing in like 3 min. Does going in a picking up a few mice for a hungry snake and taking like one minute away from you guys from getting home breaking that rule?

[noodle976]

I don't break any of those ^_^