Come on, we could use some humor, right?
More than the random humor in the occasional posts. Even PM each other to make a joint effort joke if you want.
I'll bookmark this and refer to it often...
HOW DO YOU GET A DEAD BABY OFF OF THE BOTTOM OF A POOL
TAKE YOUR FOOT OFF IT'S HEAD :D
...
...
:(
Did you know Helen Keller had a dog?!
you: No
Neither did she!!
If you covalently bond two hafnium ions together, what do you get?
[spoiler]Holmium![/spoiler]
Best joke I made up myself...
Quote from: Zovistograt on June 05, 2008, 07:02:31 PM
If you covalently bond two hafnium ions together, what do you get?
[spoiler]Holmium![/spoiler]
Best joke I made up myself...
I got one from my science book in like November
"OH MY GOSH! I LOST AN ION!"
"ARE YOU SURE???"
"I'M POSITIVE!"
Women's Sports.
Quote from: Byte on June 05, 2008, 06:59:58 PM
HOW DO YOU GET A DEAD BABY OFF OF THE BOTTOM OF A POOL
TAKE YOUR FOOT OFF IT'S HEAD :D
...
...
:(
Despite being politcally incorrect... I still got a chuckle out of that one.
I got one.
Who wants me to post it? It's about retards, and it might offend some. If you don't mind stuff like that, click on the spoiler box.
[spoiler]How do you kill a retard? By handing it a knife.[/spoiler] There's nothing gruesome, though.Quote from: Byte on June 05, 2008, 07:03:41 PM
Quote from: Zovistograt on June 05, 2008, 07:02:31 PM
If you covalently bond two hafnium ions together, what do you get?
[spoiler]Holmium![/spoiler]
Best joke I made up myself...
I got one from my science book in like November
"OH MY GOSH! I LOST AN ION!"
"ARE YOU SURE???"
"I'M POSITIVE!"
That's a good one!
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Mustang?
I DON'T HAVE A MUSTANG IN MY GARAGE LOL
Oh, bad pun
If a Treant falls in a forest, does it make a sound?
*ba dum bish*
If Bob has 2 video games, and Jack takes them away, what does Bob do?
He beats Jack's ass. (Jackass)
Quote from: Byte on June 05, 2008, 07:03:41 PM
Quote from: Zovistograt on June 05, 2008, 07:02:31 PM
If you covalently bond two hafnium ions together, what do you get?
[spoiler]Holmium![/spoiler]
Best joke I made up myself...
I got one from my science book in like November
"OH MY GOSH! I LOST AN ION!"
"ARE YOU SURE???"
"I'M POSITIVE!"
Nin would love that joke.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
...
ummm......
.....
....I'm terrible at this... :(
....
:( :( :(
I don't think we support racism here, so I can't say mine.
Oh well, I guess I've still got my money I'm saving up to buy Vaatix a girlfriend.
Quote from: Orgizirtee on June 05, 2008, 09:54:21 PM
I don't think we support racism here, so I can't say mine.
Oh well, I guess I've still got my money I'm saving up to buy Vaatix a girlfriend.
Actually, as we are corrupt staff members, even down to LK, racism is ok, and in fact, supported. Go ahead with it.
Also, why did the cow cross the road?
To get to your mooooooooom's house. Bitch.
A middle eastern guy walks into a bar, then it blows up.
:D .....
Person 1: Say fort.
Person : Fort.
Spell it.
F-O-R-T.
Spell it three more times.
F-O-R-T F-O-R-T F-O-R-T
Say it two more times.
Fort fort
Spell it again.
F-O-R-T
What do you eat soup with?
FOR-K! 8)
Strange, seeing as I eat mine with a spoon.
GODAMNIT! AUGH!
Person 1: Why are you redirecting lightning at your head?
Me: Well, I figure that it has a 99% chance of injuring me, but there's the 1% chance that it could actually give me a speed boost, increase my knowledge, power, and/or all that stuff. It's like...it's like...President Bush doing something right!
I know, it's sad. >_>
How many dead babies can you fit in the trunk of a car?
Depends what setting the blender is on!
How do you get them out?
With chips!
>_<
Quote from: ChaosEmeralds7 on June 06, 2008, 01:13:38 PM
How many dead babies can you fit in the trunk of a car?
Depends what setting the blender is on!
How do you get them out?
With chips!
>_<
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
That's awesome.
OK, one day ythere was a red head, standing at the side of the street, repeating "29" over and over and over. Then a blond girl comes up and says "Hey, what are you doing?"
And the Red Head said "I'm just standing here, saying '29'"
And the Blond said "Hey, that looks like fun! Let me try!"
So the Blond steps out into the middle of the street and she starts saying "29, 29, 29"
Just then, a big red truck comes up and runs the blond over. Seeing this, the Red Head just sighs and stars saying "30, 30, 30.".
Not my best, but whatever, that's the best I can think of at the moment.
How many thieves does it take to screw in a light bulb.
One King to screw it in. 39 thieves and 1 more thief to steal and run from the room .
If any does not get it" think this out from a old story with a electronic twist ."
I have 3:
One day 3 people died before there time.
So god granted them each a whish.
One guy kept saying ohh ohh pick me,so god picked the second guy he said"I wish i was a bird"He turned into a bird and flew away.
The second guy said"I wish i was a butterfly"He turned into a butterfly and flew away.
The third guy said"I whish i was-"He slips and falls."OH S***"
He turns into,well you know.
I have 2 more but one is racist and the other will affend gays.
Quote from: darkmario on June 06, 2008, 02:37:40 PM
I have 3:
One day 3 people died before there time.
So god granted them each a whish.
One guy kept saying ohh ohh pick me,so god picked the second guy he said"I wish i was a bird"He turned into a bird and flew away.
The second guy said"I wish i was a butterfly"He turned into a butterfly and flew away.
The third guy said"I whish i was-"He slips and falls."OH S***"
He turns into,well you know.
I have 2 more but one is racist and the other will affend gays.
post them anyway I love a good gay joke :P
How many DBZ characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
well, 1, but it takes him 20 episodes to do it :P
Quote from: Triforceman22 on June 06, 2008, 02:58:53 PM
How many DBZ characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
well, 1, but it takes him 20 episodes to do it :P
As a DBZ fan I can account for that :P
Here's one (It's a little long):
A guy walks into a bar and goes up to the bar tender. The guy says, "I bet I can bite my eye without taking out my fake eye." The bar tender says, "Let's see it." The guy takes out his fake teeth and uses them to bite his eye. The bar tender says, "You cheated." The guy says, "Tell you what, I bet you 500 bucks I can stand at the top of that stool and pee into that cup without getting any on the floor." The bar tender agrees, and the guy stands on top of the stool. He misses the cup completely and the pee gets all over the floor. The bar tender begins to clean it up with a smile on his face as he claims his 500 dollars. The guy begins chuckling to himself. The bar tender says, "What's so funny?" The guy says, "See those guys over there? I bet them 3000 bucks I could make you clean up my pee with a smile on your face!"
I have another, but it has... how can I explain this... the 'F word' in it :P I'm not sure how strict these forums are with cursing, but let me know if I can post it.
Quote from: shadowmarioguy on June 06, 2008, 03:33:22 PM
Quote from: Triforceman22 on June 06, 2008, 02:58:53 PM
How many DBZ characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
well, 1, but it takes him 20 episodes to do it :P
As a DBZ fan I can account for that :P
Here's one (It's a little long):
A guy walks into a bar and goes up to the bar tender. The guy says, "I bet I can bite my eye without taking out my fake eye." The bar tender says, "Let's see it." The guy takes out his fake teeth and uses them to bite his eye. The bar tender says, "You cheated." The guy says, "Tell you what, I bet you 500 bucks I can stand at the top of that stool and pee into that cup without getting any on the floor." The bar tender agrees, and the guy stands on top of the stool. He misses the cup completely and the pee gets all over the floor. The bar tender begins to clean it up with a smile on his face as he claims his 500 dollars. The guy begins chuckling to himself. The bar tender says, "What's so funny?" The guy says, "See those guys over there? I bet them 3000 bucks I could make you clean up my pee with a smile on your face!"
I have another, but it has... how can I explain this... the 'F word' in it :P I'm not sure how strict these forums are with cursing, but let me know if I can post it.
Have you ever seen Red's threads? You can post it :B
Quote from: Zovistograt on June 06, 2008, 03:41:26 PM
Quote from: shadowmarioguy on June 06, 2008, 03:33:22 PM
Quote from: Triforceman22 on June 06, 2008, 02:58:53 PM
How many DBZ characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
well, 1, but it takes him 20 episodes to do it :P
As a DBZ fan I can account for that :P
Here's one (It's a little long):
A guy walks into a bar and goes up to the bar tender. The guy says, "I bet I can bite my eye without taking out my fake eye." The bar tender says, "Let's see it." The guy takes out his fake teeth and uses them to bite his eye. The bar tender says, "You cheated." The guy says, "Tell you what, I bet you 500 bucks I can stand at the top of that stool and pee into that cup without getting any on the floor." The bar tender agrees, and the guy stands on top of the stool. He misses the cup completely and the pee gets all over the floor. The bar tender begins to clean it up with a smile on his face as he claims his 500 dollars. The guy begins chuckling to himself. The bar tender says, "What's so funny?" The guy says, "See those guys over there? I bet them 3000 bucks I could make you clean up my pee with a smile on your face!"
I have another, but it has... how can I explain this... the 'F word' in it :P I'm not sure how strict these forums are with cursing, but let me know if I can post it.
Have you ever seen Red's threads? You can post it :B
Okay :P : (It's long again)
A woman with no arms or legs is at the beach and begins to cry. A guy stops by her and says, "What's the matter?" She says, "My life is pointless without arms or legs! I just need some human compassion. Can I have a hug?" So the guy hugs her and walks away. She starts crying again, thinking
Wow, I can do way better than that!. Another guy stops by her and says, "Why are you crying?" She says, "I just wish I could have someone to talk to. Can I have a kiss?" The guy kisses her and walks away. She starts crying once again, thinking
I bet I can do MUCH better than that!. One more guy walks by her and says, "What's the matter?" The woman answers, "My life is such a drag! I just need- Eh, just f*** me!" So the guy picks her up and throws her into the ocean and shouts, "There! Now you're f***ed!"
Two men walked into a bar, one said "Ow."
Think about it. :|
An Irish man walks out of a pub.
What do you call a bunch of old n_ggers in a barn?
Antique farm equipment.
Quote from: Dawei on June 06, 2008, 04:17:06 PM
An Irish man walks out of a pub.
What do you call a bunch of old negros in a barn?
Antique farm equipment.
I find that offensive but funny all the same
Quote from: Marth Xero on June 06, 2008, 04:07:09 PM
Two men walked into a bar, one said "Ow."
Think about it. :|
That was bad.
Only good jokes I know mess around with the stereotypes so I won't post them, but...
What is a 10 letter word for gas?
[spoiler]Automobile[/spoiler]
Lame I know :s
Two people are at the top of the empire state building, person1 says that if you jump you will fall and magically fly around the building and up into a open window. Person2 doesn't believe him and tells person1 to prove it... so person1 jumps, falls, and flies around the building up into the open window. Person2 was so shocked he decides to try... he jumps, falls, and then instead of flying around the building, he hits the ground dead. One of the people that works there said,"Superman, you are a jerk when you do that."
Lame as well, I KNOW.
Three people stand at the gates of heaven, one Italian man, one Gay man, and one Jewish man. God said they each can't do one thing for a day to pass through... the Italian man can't eat pizza for a day, the gay man can't be gay for a day, the Jewish man can't pick up money off the ground for a day. So the next day the Italian man was walking and smelt pizza, he decided one slice wouldn't hurt... he vanished and went to Hell. The Jewish man found a dime on the ground and decided to bend over and pick it up, the gay man ended up vanishing and went to Hell.
:-\
Quote from: `Matt` on June 06, 2008, 05:26:57 PM
Only good jokes I know mess around with the stereotypes so I won't post them, but...
What is a 10 letter word for gas?
[spoiler]Automobile[/spoiler]
Lame I know :s
Two people are at the top of the empire state building, person1 says that if you jump you will fall and magically fly around the building and up into a open window. Person2 doesn't believe him and tells person1 to prove it... so person1 jumps, falls, and flies around the building up into the open window. Person2 was so shocked he decides to try... he jumps, falls, and then instead of flying around the building, he hits the ground dead. One of the people that works there said,"Superman, you are a jerk when you do that."
Lame as well, I KNOW.
Three people stand at the gates of heaven, one Italian man, one Gay man, and one Jewish man. God said they each can't do one thing for a day to pass through... the Italian man can't eat pizza for a day, the gay man can't be gay for a day, the Jewish man can't pick up money off the ground for a day. So the next day the Italian man was walking and smelt pizza, he decided one slice wouldn't hurt... he vanished and went to Hell. The Jewish man found a dime on the ground and decided to bend over and pick it up, the gay man ended up vanishing and went to Hell.
:-\
The last one made me chuckle a bit
Quote from: Triforceman22 on June 06, 2008, 02:58:53 PM
How many DBZ characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
well, 1, but it takes him 20 episodes to do it :P
This is my favorite joke XD. I've never seen DBZ (well, I've seen a few episodes a few years ago), but I can tell just by this joke that it is apparently a really slow show.
Okay... As for a joke... Eh, I'll post one later.
Why was the blonde's belly button bruised?
Blonde men aren't too swift either.......
Quote from: Triforceman22 on June 06, 2008, 02:58:53 PM
How many DBZ characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
well, 1, but it takes him 20 episodes to do it :P
lulz! so true. Heres mine.......
Why did the rooster go to KFC?........
............
..............
.............
to see the chicken strip. .............................(ba-dum-pish)
Quote from: Ares300 on June 06, 2008, 09:45:40 PM
Quote from: Triforceman22 on June 06, 2008, 02:58:53 PM
How many DBZ characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
well, 1, but it takes him 20 episodes to do it :P
lulz! so true. Heres mine.......
Why did the rooster go to KFC?........
............
..............
.............
to see the chicken strip. .............................(ba-dum-pish)
...............
Wow
Fly like a butterfly, Sting like a bee, slept with your mother last night, now it hurts when I pee.
Ok, a boy is bored and goes to see his parents. He finds them arguing in their kitchen. His mom calls the dad a bastard, his dad calls the mom a ninny. Later that day the kid asks his mom "what are ninnyes and bastard?" His mom says, a ninny is a lady, and a bastard is a gentleman.
The next day the kid walks by a high school on the way home from school and hears a guy say "I want to stick my penis into your vagina". He goes home and asks him mom what a penis and vagina are. She says a penis is a hat and a vagina is a coat.
The next day again, the kid is wandering his house. He finds his dad shaving in his bathroom. He cuts himself and yells SHIT! He asks what poop means, his dad says it is a brand of shaving cream. He goes to his mom in the kitchen, who is cutting turkey for their party soon. She cuts herself and yells FUCK! He asks what intercourse means, and she says its a type of cut.
So the party comes after getting ready. The kid goes to greet everyone. He stands up on his steps and says to all the guests "Hello ninnyes and bastards, may I take your penis's and vaginas? My dads in the bathroom wiping poop off his face, and my moms in the kitchen intercourse ing the turkey!" :D
And to compliment that one, heres some yo mama jokes:
Yo mamas so fat, it took her 2 trips to haul ass
Yo mamas like wood. Hard, flat, and easy to screw
Yo mamas like a TV, even a 3 year old can turn her on
Yo mamas so fat, she was diagnosed with skin eating cancer and the doctor gave her 86 years to live
Quote from: Dawei on June 06, 2008, 04:17:06 PM
An Irish man walks out of a pub.
What do you call a bunch of old n_ggers in a barn?
Antique farm equipment.
XDXDXDXD
Quote from: thunderhero4 on June 07, 2008, 12:49:05 AM
Ok, a boy is bored and goes to see his parents. He finds them arguing in their kitchen. His mom calls the dad a bastard, his dad calls the mom a ninny. Later that day the kid asks his mom "what are ninnyes and bastard?" His mom says, a ninny is a lady, and a bastard is a gentleman.
The next day the kid walks by a high school on the way home from school and hears a guy say "I want to stick my penis into your vagina". He goes home and asks him mom what a penis and vagina are. She says a penis is a hat and a vagina is a coat.
The next day again, the kid is wandering his house. He finds his dad shaving in his bathroom. He cuts himself and yells SHIT! He asks what poop means, his dad says it is a brand of shaving cream. He goes to his mom in the kitchen, who is cutting turkey for their party soon. She cuts herself and yells FUCK! He asks what intercourse means, and she says its a type of cut.
So the party comes after getting ready. The kid goes to greet everyone. He stands up on his steps and says to all the guests "Hello ninnyes and bastards, may I take your penis's and vaginas? My dads in the bathroom wiping poop off his face, and my moms in the kitchen intercourse ing the turkey!" :D
And to compliment that one, heres some yo mama jokes:
Yo mamas so fat, it took her 2 trips to haul ass
Yo mamas like wood. Hard, flat, and easy to screw
Yo mamas like a TV, even a 3 year old can turn her on
Yo mamas so fat, she was diagnosed with skin eating cancer and the doctor gave her 86 years to live
I've heard the first one before :x.
Okay, there were two muffins in an over
One said "man its hot in here'
The other said "hey look a talking muffin!'
How do you get a ded baby across a road
Tie it to a chicken
Quote from: Darklink on June 07, 2008, 08:37:06 AM
Quote from: thunderhero4 on June 07, 2008, 12:49:05 AM
Ok, a boy is bored and goes to see his parents. He finds them arguing in their kitchen. His mom calls the dad a bastard, his dad calls the mom a ninny. Later that day the kid asks his mom "what are ninnyes and bastard?" His mom says, a ninny is a lady, and a bastard is a gentleman.
The next day the kid walks by a high school on the way home from school and hears a guy say "I want to stick my penis into your vagina". He goes home and asks him mom what a penis and vagina are. She says a penis is a hat and a vagina is a coat.
The next day again, the kid is wandering his house. He finds his dad shaving in his bathroom. He cuts himself and yells SHIT! He asks what poop means, his dad says it is a brand of shaving cream. He goes to his mom in the kitchen, who is cutting turkey for their party soon. She cuts herself and yells FUCK! He asks what intercourse means, and she says its a type of cut.
So the party comes after getting ready. The kid goes to greet everyone. He stands up on his steps and says to all the guests "Hello ninnyes and bastards, may I take your penis's and vaginas? My dads in the bathroom wiping poop off his face, and my moms in the kitchen intercourse ing the turkey!" :D
And to compliment that one, heres some yo mama jokes:
Yo mamas so fat, it took her 2 trips to haul ass
Yo mamas like wood. Hard, flat, and easy to screw
Yo mamas like a TV, even a 3 year old can turn her on
Yo mamas so fat, she was diagnosed with skin eating cancer and the doctor gave her 86 years to live
I've heard the first one before :x.
Me too. In a Myspace Bulletin D:
Quote from: Dawei on June 05, 2008, 09:59:47 PM
Quote from: Orgizirtee on June 05, 2008, 09:54:21 PM
I don't think we support racism here, so I can't say mine.
Oh well, I guess I've still got my money I'm saving up to buy Vaatix a girlfriend.
Actually, as we are corrupt staff members, even down to LK, racism is ok, and in fact, supported. Go ahead with it.
Also, why did the cow cross the road?
To get to your mooooooooom's house. Bitch.
Alright, are there any Jew's on this forum that'd go on a warpath to rip my intercourse ing head off?
Quote from: Orgizirtee on June 07, 2008, 09:17:48 PM
Quote from: Dawei on June 05, 2008, 09:59:47 PM
Quote from: Orgizirtee on June 05, 2008, 09:54:21 PM
I don't think we support racism here, so I can't say mine.
Oh well, I guess I've still got my money I'm saving up to buy Vaatix a girlfriend.
Actually, as we are corrupt staff members, even down to LK, racism is ok, and in fact, supported. Go ahead with it.
Also, why did the cow cross the road?
To get to your mooooooooom's house. Bitch.
Alright, are there any Jew's on this forum that'd go on a warpath to rip my intercourse ing head off?
I'm guessing you are going to say a Holocaust joke?
Quote from: `Matt` on June 07, 2008, 09:21:23 PM
Quote from: Orgizirtee on June 07, 2008, 09:17:48 PM
Quote from: Dawei on June 05, 2008, 09:59:47 PM
Quote from: Orgizirtee on June 05, 2008, 09:54:21 PM
I don't think we support racism here, so I can't say mine.
Oh well, I guess I've still got my money I'm saving up to buy Vaatix a girlfriend.
Actually, as we are corrupt staff members, even down to LK, racism is ok, and in fact, supported. Go ahead with it.
Also, why did the cow cross the road?
To get to your mooooooooom's house. Bitch.
Alright, are there any Jew's on this forum that'd go on a warpath to rip my intercourse ing head off?
I'm guessing you are going to say a Holocaust joke?
I've got one of those, and a bunch of Jew jokes in general.
Do not read if offended by jew jokes:
[spoiler]How do you get a jew to run a marathon?
Put coupons on the finish line.
Jews and blacks play basketball in an ashtray, who wins?
Jews. Homecourt advantage.[/spoiler]
Yeah, don't read if you're offended by Jew jokes.
[spoiler]
What's faster than a speeding bullet?
A Jew diving for a penny.
Why do Jew's watch porn movies backwards?
Because in the end the prostitute gives back the money.
The reason behind the holocaust is the Jew's took all the money out of Hitler's lost wallet.
Throw a penny between two Jew's and they'll fight to the death.
Why did the Jew's kill god?
He found a nickel one had dropped. [/spoiler]
...Yeah, some are pretty weak.
What did Zelda say when Link couldn't open the door?
Tri-force.
My god, did those people who wrote those jokes and sent them in REALLY think they were funny? :|
Quote from: Tuppyluver1 on June 07, 2008, 10:53:54 PM
What did Zelda say when Link couldn't open the door?
Tri-force.
My god, did those people who wrote those jokes and sent them in REALLY think they were funny? :|
...If you mean people like me, no. Some were funny at first, I'm just an offensive corrupt bastard.